As Easy As Falling
by 411charlee
Summary: Felicity Smoak had everything figured out until tragic news causes her to rethink her life. As part of dealing with tragedy she embraces her adventurous side in the form of skydiving. Will love be waiting for her between the clouds or will she let tragedy keep her away from falling?
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

They say that death causes you to reevaluate your life – rethink your life choices; paths you've taken…..

From the moment she built her first super computer at the age of 7 she knew she was different for a reason. She was destined for something more than a small apartment in Vegas and serving cocktails to raunchy rich men in a tight little skirt.

The plan was clear – she would become successful and _so_ rich that her mom never would have to work another day in her life. She knew the sacrifices her mom was making to keep a roof over their head and food on the table, but she deserved better….her mom deserved better than the life her father subjected them to after he abandoned them.

The execution to the end of that plan was a whole other ball game though, but she knew if she wanted to make something of herself and finally get them out of Vegas, she had to work extra hard to make it happen.

And she did - her goals were set out and even though her mom couldn't afford to send her to the schools she wanted to go to, Felicity made it happen on her own.

Her grades were so immaculate that MIT offered her a full scholarship. She repaid them by being the youngest woman to ever graduate _cum laude_ in her Security and Computer Sciences field.

She was well on her way to greatness, to the success she always wanted.

She took a step of faith and applied for an entry level IT job at the company which was home to one of the world's best Applied Sciences Divisions – Queen Consolidated.

She moved to Starling City after graduation without thinking twice. This was another goal and just like everything else she would prove her worth and hopefully climb the ladder in the company until she was where the finally wanted to be – Head of Applied Sciences.

She worked hard and even through all the frustration she started to climb the ladder. It was slower than she expected, but she kept her eyes on the prize and now….now she is where she always wanted to be "Miss Felicity Meghan Head of Applied Sciences Smoak".

She gently leans her body against the window pane looking down at the hustle and bustle of people and traffic. People running around – another meeting to attend, another goal to reach – they are all her, but right now they are completely unaware of the war raging inside of her.

Her mother always used to say that Felicity needed to get a hobby, to have fun with all the work, but she only really experienced and realised the weight of the words ' _life is lonely at the top_ ' when she finally reached the goal and had no one except her mother to share in the joy.

Her colleagues are great and her assistant Jerry has always been very protective of her, but she can honestly say that no one in her life really knows Felicity Smoak.

No one knows when she's happy or sad or even….scared.

 _"_ _Miss Smoak, thank you for coming in on such short notice." Dr. McPherson shakes her hand opening the door for her to enter._

 _"_ _No problem at all Doctor. I would much rather get this over with as soon as possible so I can get back to work." she smiles at the good looking doctor and takes a seat on the opposite side of Dr. McPherson's desk. He was definitely some eye candy, but that's all he is, something good to look at. She couldn't afford any distractions with this multi-billion dollar project in collaboration with Kord Industries._

 _"_ _I can imagine that it must be a bit of a frustration to wait for a medical '_ _ **all clear**_ _' when you're the head of that specific department, but I can assure you that we didn't drag this out unnecessarily."_

 _Felicity nods and tries to keep her smile in place._

 _Having not been allowed to work on this project which could possibly be the biggest one of her life, because she had been sick turned out to be very frustrating to say the least. According to company regulations she would not be allowed to work in the Lab or on the new project before she wasn't awarded a clean bill of health from a medical practitioner._

 _"_ _Miss Smoak, as you know we did some extensive testing after the routine checkup couldn't determine what the cause of your discomfort was. We received the results of those tests yesterday and that is why I wanted to see you so quickly."_

 _Felicity tries to keep a straight face. She did some research and most of the symptoms pointed to a bleeding ulcer, which wouldn't be surprising with the amount of stress she has. But she really hoped that the treatment wouldn't interfere with her work. She trusts Curtis Holt completely but she's a control freak and even though he has the skills to manage the project on his own, she_ _ **wants**_ _to be there._

 _"_ _Okay doc, let's have it. Give it to me."_

 _As soon as the words leave her mouth she hears it and immediately ensues a babble._

 _"_ _I mean not give it to me in any sexual way, not that I am thinking about sex right now, because I'm not, not right now though about you, not that you are not good looking, which you are, but this is not really that kind of conversation and….I'm just going to stop talking now."_

 _She cringes when she sees that the young doctor is still quite serious and she might want to ask him to rather just euthenise her then and there – it will make the total humiliation bearable. What was the thinking?! It is a shame they haven't developed a cure for no brain to mouth filter._

 _"_ _Right, Miss Smoak, the test results came back and I'm so sorry to tell you….you have Stage 4 Colon Cancer."_

 _She can feel the blood flowing out of her head as her ears begin to ring and her body becomes numb. Total confusion scrambles the thoughts in her head and it feels like she's watching a scene out of the worst horror movie ever._

 _"_ _I'm sorry Miss Smoak." Dr. McPherson says softly. "I realise this must be a huge shock for you and I want you to know that we are here to give you support."_

 _Felicity finally looks at him and tries to put a sentence together._

 _"_ _Stage 4? Are there any treatments? Can I be cured?"_

 _"_ _There are treatments available, but I'm afraid that it might not be successful since the cancer has already spread to other parts of your body. There is only a very small percentage of patients who survive this stage of the cancer."_

 _She swallows the lump in her throat._

 _"_ _How….how long?"_

 _"_ _Now, Miss Smoak, we cannot specu…."_

 _She interrupts him mid-sentence. "How long Doctor?" she nearly shouts it out._

 _"_ _In my experience, I would say you have 6 months to a year at the most."_


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

Patience is a virtue, but what do you call it when you wait and nothing happens?

' _Let go of your guilt_ ' they say; ' _resentment is not the answer_ ' they say.

So what if nothing changes? He's been sitting in his car in the garage for more than an hour and he's no closer to an answer today than he was 7 months ago when he first started asking this question. He knows he cannot change what happened, but living with this is slowly killing him and hurting the people closest to him. He cannot bear to look at the damage he's caused.

He has no alternative. The only possible solution for right now is avoidance. He just hopes he'll be able to get in and out unseen and leave the letter on the table in the foyer without having to see the disappointment reflected in their eyes.

He takes a hold of his steering wheel going through the plan in his head one more time. He checks his watch and takes a deep breath. It's now or never…..

He gets out of his car and makes it up the stairs to his bedroom without bumping into anyone. He quickly packs a few extra things he reminded himself of on the way over to the mansion, takes his pre-packed bags and makes his way down the stairs as quickly as he possibly can.

Once he reaches the table in the middle of the foyer he takes out the marked envelope from his jacket pocket and carefully balances it against one of the photo frames.

He freezes at the perfect picture captured in the frame and cringes at the sudden surge of pain that pierces his heart causing a fresh set of tears to fall down his unshaven face.

Life used to be so simple. No care in the world….

Maybe that was the problem. No cares meant no responsibility and that was the cause of their fight that day. His father wanted him to start taking responsibility. He wanted him to plan for his future, but Oliver was too thick skinned, too stubborn and too comfortable with his life. He was a spoiled brat and the moment things didn't go his way he acted like a two year old and threw a tantrum. It always took new ' _toy_ ' for him to lighten up and stop his childish ' _silent treatment_ '.

But this time….this time it ended in tragedy. This time no amount of money would ever make the situation ' _right_ ' again. This time his dad was gone and he was the reason.

Oliver stands frozen, his eyes still locked on the image in front of him when he feels a small familiar hand on his shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault you know." he hears the uncertainty in her voice as loudly as he can feel it in her touch.

He hasn't really been forthcoming these last 7 months and he can understand why his baby sister has no idea how to approach him.

He closes his eyes, readying himself for the coming conversation and turns to see utter devastation in his sister's eyes when she spots the luggage.

"I need some space." he says knowing all she's given him is space while she was also grieving the loss of their father. The loss he caused, the loss that could have been prevented if he wasn't such an enormous disappointment.

He feels so selfish, but he knows if he doesn't stick with his decision he's going to hurt them even more than he already has. His mind is made up and after countless deliberation the pro's of him leaving far outweighed the cons.

Thea just silently stares at him and he can see the tears filling her eyes but she doesn't blink once to set them free.

Before he can change his mind, he picks up the bags, softly kisses her on the forehead and leaves his home, life as he knew it, his family.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

He feels like death warmed up when he reaches home. He places his keys in the wooden container on the small table next to the door. He drops his baggage on the floor and for a moment he doesn't move. His legs feel like lead after leaving the mansion. He feels as if every inch of energy he had, has been drained from his body.

He takes a minute to gather his thoughts as he silently looks over his apartment. He could have chosen any place to stay, since he still had full access to his trust fund, but to him it was like he didn't deserve that money. The money was now tainted in his eyes and there was no amount of words that would make him think differently.

Staring out into the void, he's thankful he has his job as a skydiving instructor, otherwise he wouldn't be able to afford this ' _little_ ' two bedroom loft.

He started working at Verdant Skydiving Club, mainly helping out to keep his head busy, but the more he got involved with the actual day-to-day running of the club the more he realised it was something that he actually was interested in.

He has always been an adrenaline junkie and what was this if not an adrenaline rush, so he spoke to the owner of the club, John Diggle and the man was kind enough to take Oliver under his wing and show him the ropes.

Now, 5 months later Oliver was skydiving on his own, working as an instructor and assisting with tandem jumps for the once off customers.

The silence in the loft is deafening and his heart aches when he remembers the utter disappointment reflected in Thea's eyes. He failed her – he broke the promise he made to his little sister, the little girl he promised to always protect and never leave no matter what, but he had to move passed that now. He couldn't dwell on the look on her face anymore, he had to move on and deal with his guilt….without them….


	3. Chapter 3

"Miss Smoak?"

Numbness fills her body as utter disbelief of her situation floods her mind once more.

"Miss Smoak, can you hear me?"

She is 24 years old. She's only heard stories of this tragedy, but you never expect it to happen to you.

"Miss Smoak, are you okay?"

In the distance she hears her name, but it's like her mind just doesn't want to register anything except the list of questions running around in her brain.

"Felicity!"

She feels unfamiliar hands on both her shoulders and when she looks up she sees two worried brown eyes staring straight at her.

"Felicity, are you okay?" Curtis asks softly shaking her by the shoulders again, now satisfied that she's in the ' _present_ '.

"Ye…yeah." she barely gets out, immediately causing alarm from the crowd now gathering at her office door.

Curtis gently leads her to her chair and helps her to sit down. When he's sure she is stable, he makes his way over to Jerry, Felicity's assistant, who's looking as pale as Felicity right now.

It takes a while for Jerry to register, but once he does, Curtis gives him instructions to get everyone back to work and far away from Felicity's office as possible. If something terrible had happened the last thing their boss needed was to be disturbed by nosy onlookers or even deal with untrue rumours.

As soon as the room is cleared Curtis closes the doors and the blinds so no one can see what is happening on the inside and cautiously makes his way over to Felicity, still in the same place he left her a few moments ago, staring blankly into nothingness.

When he reaches her, he gently places his hand on her shoulder, careful not to push her too far too fast and give her enough breathing space.

"Felicity?" he says softly.

She looks up at him and all she can think is she wants to be alone, but by the worried look he gives her, she knows that's not going to happen any time soon.

"Felicity….I know something happened, but I can't help you if you don't tell me what it is."

Silent tears fall over her cheeks as her lip begins to tremble. She tries to take a deep breath, because she cannot allow herself to fall apart in front of an employee. This cannot happen.

"You cannot help me Curtis." she says, but she can see that her tone was not convincing enough.

He crouches down in front of the chair and takes her hands into his. Her hands are ice cold and subconsciously he starts rubbing them to warm them up as he now tries to look directly into her eyes.

"Look, I get that you're a private person and I respect that, really I do. I've just always seen you as a friend more than a boss and I would really like to return the favour here. Please….let me help you." his eyes are pleading and she knows she cannot hide from him anymore.

"I…" her voice is barely above a whisper, "I have cancer."

His grip on her hands goes limp and she can see the confusion now swimming around in his reaction as he gets back up again, processing the information.

"You….wha….you have….what?" he tries to formulate a sentence – she knows exactly how that feels.

"Yeah." is all she can bring herself to say.

He crouches in front of her again and this time he squeezes her hands with much more meaning, it's like he has now come to a full realisation of the situation, an understanding and he's making sure she knows she's not alone in this.

"Felicity, I'm so sorry."

"Thanks."

"Do you know what type of canc…"

"Colon…." she interrupts him. "….stage 4."

"How, how long?"

"Six mon…."

Her breath hitches when she starts to say it out loud. It hits her for the first time since she heard the news just a mere 3 hours ago….she is going to die….she is going to leave her mother….her job….she is dying!

She gives a heart wrenching sob and all the emotions she tried to keep at bay come to the fore and they spill over the brink making the dam wall break.

"It's okay Felicity, shhh, it's going to be okay."

Curtis pulls her from her chair with force and in the process envelops her with his arms. The sobbing continues and she doesn't know how to stop.

After what seems like forever she finally calms down. Curtis reaches for the tissue box on her desk and hands it to her so she can wipe her face.

"I'm sorry…" she says slightly embarrassed.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Felicity….well except for the ' _raccoon eyes_ ' you're sporting there, but other than that….that's what friends are for right?"

She gives him a shy smile and then immediately attempts to wipe away any eye make-up causing the new fashion statement.

"Friends huh?" she says still wiping at her eyes.

He looks at her questioningly.

"Well….I never thought you saw me that way. I knew we got along well, but I never really thought that you saw me as a friend."

He gives her a gentle smile. "Felicity, you **_are_** my friend and just like you helped me through some really tough times these last few years, I'm going to be here for you every single step of the way, helping you through this difficult time."

She breathes deeply, trying not to cry at the sweet gesture of the man in front of her.

"So," he says, "who else knows."

"No one. It's just you, me and my Doctor."

"Oh wow!"

"Yeah."

"Do you have a plan? I mean, are you going to say anything because you know the Kord Project and you can't go into the lab without a clean bill of health, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do but you will have to think of a plan you know, because I can't think that you would want to sit around and just stare at paperwork the whole day and…."

"Curtis!" she cuts him off with a chuckle. "That must be what it sounds like when people talk to me." she playfully rolls her eyes.

"At least it got you to smile." he says trying to find his bearings again.

"I don't really have a plan yet. The news is still very new and I haven't really come to terms with this yet, but I know you're right. Actually Dr. McPherson said that he would write a letter to the board, clearing me for work in the lab since I'm not contagious….it's just that the pain will become more and…."

He took her hands into his again and squeezed them.

"One day at a time Felicity. We'll handle this together okay."

She just gives him a nod and proceeds to the other side of the room to get her compact out of her handbag to make sure the ' _raccoon eyes_ ' are gone before she has to face anyone else.

"First thing's first….let's get you home." picking up the phone to make a call.

She looks up at him and he already knows the question even before the words leave her mouth.

"Don't worry. Jerry will take care of everything. I'll drive you home."

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

They leave the building unseen by anyone who could possibly fabricate an interesting story.

She looks over to Curtis in the driver's seat and her heart is so thankful towards her friend.

Friend….it is strange calling him that, but she smiles at the thought. He is as close to a friend she ever had….and realizing now, will ever have.

They drive in comfortable silence, just listening to the music playing over _Star Radio_.

" _I am freeeeeeeeeeee, free fallin'_ " the familiar song plays followed by the soothing voice of a man.

 _"_ _There's no greater joy in life than experiencing true freedom. Here at Verdant Skydiving Club we offer a wide range of exciting activities for everyone who wants to experience the feeling of being in nature and the exhilaration of being free. Visit our website for more information and become free today."_

Freedom….she's never really done anything dangerous in her life because she was always scared of getting hurt and dying before reaching her goals. She's already dying, so since she is going to die, she sure as hell is going to do it while enjoying herself.

It's time to start ticking off the bucket list.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

Apparently sleep is a luxury when your mind is trying to process having a terminal illness. At least it is weekend, because she can't face the people at the office without preparing for it mentally and emotionally and to add to that she needs to get her plan in order.

She makes herself a strong cup of coffee. She needs the strength and at least the brown liquid will help get her thoughts organised.

She starts the organising process by setting up diagram headlines on her tablet. The first and most important headline is her treatments. She will have to weigh up all the pro's and cons of the treatments and then make a decision concerning that. This decision will also affect her work and determine for how long she'll be able to participate in the research inside the lab. When it starts to get too much she'll have no choice but to give full control to Curtis.

She types away, her mind flooded with everything and then it dawns on her….her mom….she hasn't phoned her mom yet.

Sadness washes over her as she thinks about the woman who worked her fingers to the bone to keep a roof over their heads and food on their table. Felicity always wanted to repay her mom for everything by giving her a life she deserved, since her low life father was such an enormous coward and left her to fend for herself and her young daughter. At least Felicity had the opportunity of doing that, even if it was only for a few years.

She makes a note to contact her lawyer so they can update her will, to ensure her mother is looked after when she's not there anymore.

She sighs and picks up the phone to make the dreaded call. The phone rings….

" _Hi hon!_ " her mom answers on the other end.

Felicity's whole body starts to shake at the sound of her mother's voice. Her voice is stuck in her throat and it feels like she's choking trying to get words out.

" _Felicity? Honey are you there?_ " Donna asks.

"Ye…yeah I'm here mom." she clears her throat. "Sorry, the signal must be bad." she lies.

" _This is an unexpected surprise so early on a Saturday morning. Normally you're still running around with Robin Hood in Never land this time of the morning._ " Donna teases. " _Is everything alright?_ "

"Yes mom everything's fine. I was just thinking about you and I wondered if you would like to come over for some coffee and chocolate brownies."

" _That sounds awesome hon, but uhm, why don't we rather go out to that new little bakery on Sixth Street?_ "

Felicity laughs hearing the hidden message of that suggestion.

"Don't worry mom, the brownies are bought from _Petit Fours_ so you don't have to worry that you'll get food poisoning and also I'm not feeling so great - not really up for a lot of people today."

" _Sure thing hon, I'll be there around say 11:00?_ "

"Great! Can't wait!"

" _Felicity?_ "

"Yeah mom?"

" _Are you sure everything's okay?_ "

"Except for me feeling a bit under the weather, everything's fine." she tries to keep her voice as natural as possible. She can't tell her mom something like this over the phone.

" _Okay hon, see you in a bit._ "

"Bye mom."

She feels drained and that just after a telephone call. She has no idea how she's going to break the news to her mom in person.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

She falls asleep while watching the latest episode of Big Bang Theory. She needed to get her mind off her situation for a bit and laughing turned out to be the best medicine for falling asleep.

She wakes with a startle when she hears the knock on the door and contemplates if she should get up and answer. She knows all too well who is on the other side and her insides turn realising what's awaiting her when she opens that door.

She sighs and forces herself to get up and face her reality.

"Hi baby girl!" her mother yells and immediately wraps her in a hug while jumping up and down.

Felicity shakes her head at the loud sound echoing between her ear drums. She loves this woman, but oh my soul she's **_so_** incredibly loud!

"Hi mom." she tries to get out, but the jumping makes her voice sound robotic.

She lets her mom in and the instant they sit down on her couch, her mother is already examining her. This blonde might be loud, outgoing and sometimes make people wonder about her IQ, but there's no fooling Donna Smoak. If there's anyone who knows Felicity is hiding something it's her mother.

"Out with it Felicity!"

Felicity still tries to play dumb, but the look on her mother's face makes her realise there's no delaying the inevitable. The sooner she tells her, the sooner they can move on with their lives.

"Felicity Megan Smoak, I gave birth to you and I know when something is wrong. Don't you dare lie to me." she says sternly.

"Mom, I don't want to lie to you….it's just….this is really hard for me, so please just don't say anything before I'm done, okay?

"Felicity?" her mom goes pale and she takes both her mother's hands in her own to give comfort to her mother, but draws comfort from her mother at the same time.

"Mom, please just promise me."

"O...okay honey, I promise."

By this time her mother's eyes are filled with worry and the sudden acceleration of her own heartbeat doesn't make this any easier.

"Mom, you know how I haven't been feeling well the last couple of weeks." Her mother just nods, trying her best not to interrupt. "Well, I went to the doctor because at QC they wouldn't allow me back in the research lab until I got a clean bill of health from the Doctor. So they ran some tests because they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me."

It is like she was staring at a wall now. Her mother's whole demeanor changes at the mention of tests.

Felicity tightens the grip on her mother's hands and squeezes.

"Mom….I have cancer."

There's absolute silence. Donna doesn't make a sound, but her eyes well up with tears almost immediately as the words reach her ears.

"I have colon cancer. It's stage 4, which means that the cancer has already spread to other parts of my body." she takes a breath, gathering strength for the last blow. "They gave me six months to a year."

Surprisingly, this time Felicity is calm. She can still feel the pang in her chest, but it's as if she's made peace with the news and she knows she'll have to be there for her mother to come to terms with it as well.

Donna shakes her head no, as unbelief takes over and the tears run freely over her face now.

"No, no, no! This cannot be happening Felicity! My baby girl, you're still so young, you can't be dying Felicity, I cannot allow this!" she yells pulling Felicity closer holding on to her as she cries.

"It's going to be okay mom. It's going to be okay." she tries to soothe her mother.

Suddenly it's as if Donna gets a second wind and lets Felicity go.

"Okay, but there are treatments right? They find cures for these illnesses regularly, so you can go for treatment and they can help you right?"

Felicity knows the answer to this question is even worse than any information provided before.

"Yes, they do have treatments mom….but I….I've decided against it."

The sheer shock and confusion in her mother's eyes makes Felicity's breath hitch.

"Wha?...what do you mean you've decided against it? If it'll help you and possibly cure you, why would you not want to take the treatment Felicity?" Donna asks angrily.

"Because it won't mom! It won't cure me." this is exactly what she was afraid of, everyone questioning her decision.

"Mom, look at me." Donna looks up and the devastation is clearly visible.

"The treatments are there to help slow down the growth of the cancer…. ** _because_** the cancer has already spread so far there's no way….no treatment, no surgery, nothing that will take it away. All the treatments will do is help so it doesn't grow so fast, but that's also a very slim chance mom….it's a huge gamble."

Donna just stares at her in complete silence.

"The Doctor says that I'm going to feel very sick and weak after the treatments and I don't want to feel that way. I have six months to live mom, and as long as I possibly can, I want to enjoy what's left of my life. I want to spend time with you, do my work, do the things I've always been afraid of to do without feeling or even looking like I'm dying. I already know I'm dying, but I need to feel like me for as long as I possibly can."

"Please mom, I realise this is a huge shock and I realise that I'm most probably making this harder on you by deciding this, but please mom, please don't fight me on this."

She can see the exact moment Donna relents and understands her daughter's decision.

"Okay baby. I still ca…." tears stream down her face again as she tries to compose herself. "I can't believe this is happening and I can't believe that I'm going to lose you." her sobs grow louder as she pulls Felicity in to another hug.

"But, I understand. You've always been the smart one you know. My little genius." she rubs Felicity's back still crying. "I understand, just know I'm going to be here every single step of the way, baby. You're not going to do this on your own. Momma's here."

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Felicity takes out her old MIT notebook and looks at the list of things she scribbled down in the front.

Her senior year at MIT turned out to be as tragic as the day her father left them. Cooper, her boyfriend at the time took the fall for a project they were both working on, but Felicity created. They got busted and he took the fall for her. While he was in jail he committed suicide just before sentencing.

Since that day she swore to herself that she would make sure that she lived her life without any regrets. Needless to say after working herself up the corporate ladder, the list scribbled in her notebook was never attempted.

She stares down at the page and decides to start from the top.

 _1._ _Do something adventurous_

She always wanted to go skiing, but after what happened to an experienced skier like her big boss Mr Robert Queen, that is out of the question.

She turns to her tablet and types in ' _Verdant Skydiving Club_ '. Jumping out of a plane is the next best thing, and however terrifying, she is going to enjoy this….


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

He meticulously folds the parachute and follows the instructions of putting it back into the back pack. The beautiful colours of the sunset catches his eye and he cannot help but stare at the overwhelming beauty of the pinks, oranges and yellow lights reflecting on the horizon. This is definitely one of his favourite times of the day. He had no customer for his last session, but he jumped anyway, because there was just something about those colours that calmed him. It makes him forget about the guilt and pain he carries deep inside that no one is aware of.

He senses a presence and when he turns he locks eyes with the slender red head leaning against the wall observing him carefully.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." she says in her thick English accent.

He gently smiles at her, turning back to his parachute, finishing up the task at hand.

"So…." she says moving closer to him. "It's a beautiful sunset tonight isn't it?"

"Yes it is." he replies, picks up the backpack and puts the strap over his shoulder, now looking at her.

"Did you get the e-mail I sent you with the information of your tandem customers tomorrow?" she quickly adds trying to fill the silence.

"Yes I did thank you Abby."

He has never had a problem dealing with women, especially women that make advances at him, but right now, all he can think of is getting out of there as quickly as possible, without hurting her feelings.

"I...uhm saw that you didn't include the details of the customer of my sunset jump."

"Oh yes, I was meaning to tell you about that. The person didn't sign the indemnity form, so I wasn't sure if they would still be jumping." she explains.

"Oh alright." he nods. "Maybe you should give them a call first thing tomorrow to confirm?"

"Yes, I will do that."

"And Abby, maybe you can send me the unsigned document in any case. If they do decide to do the jump tomorrow I won't have enough time to go through the information between sessions."

She nods at the request and he takes it as his queue to walk in the direction of his locker, but apparently she's not done yet.

"Oliver!" she calls after him making him cringe before he turns to face her again.

"I was wondering if you would like some help with going through the customer profiles tonight? Maybe get something to eat?"

He smiles at her, clearly seeing the nervousness in her big blue eyes.

"Thank you Abby, but I was hoping to make it an early night. It's been a long day."

She looks disappointed, but he is not looking for any kind of distraction right now. He is the last person any woman should be with – he's broken, damaged and the baggage he's carrying around will cause more pain and he couldn't bear hurting anyone else.

"Good night Abby, see you tomorrow." he nods and walks off.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

 _"_ _Oliver! Oliver!"_

 _Darkness_

 _White light flashing_

 _His mother's face_

 _Darkness_

 _"_ _Oliver!"_

 ** _…_** _._

 _"_ _Where have you been?" she asks, her voice hoarse and red rimmed eyes look up at him as he enters the dark room, only slightly lit by the roaring fire._

 _"_ _Mom, I am almost 30 years old, I don't think I need to explain to you where I was now, do I?" he replies, slumping down on the first available couch._

 _His mom doesn't answer him. She stares at her quivering hands, tears running over her face._

 _This causes alarm and within a heartbeat he is kneeling in front of his mother, taking her small hands in his._

 _"_ _Mom, what wrong?" worry clearly visible in his eyes._

 _"_ _It's your father." she says, her voice ridden with sorrow as she looks into his eyes._

 _"_ _He's missing."_

 _…_ _.._

 _"_ _Oliver! Oliver!"_

 _"_ _Oliver! Help me!"_

 _…_ _.._

He jolts awake, covered in sweat as he tries to calm himself and breathe, still hearing the echoes of his father's voice calling out to him in his head.

Since the accident sleeping has been a luxury. He's lucky if he gets more than 3 hours sleep a night, but he's so used to it by now. He's had this dream and countless others so many times and it's like he relives what happened every time.

He puts on the lamp next to his bed and sighs – he knows the drill. He won't be sleeping again.

He makes himself a cup of coffee while he waits for his laptop to start up. He might as well get some work done.

He opens the customer profiles Abby sent him. Since he first started doing tandem jumps he learnt that speaking to the customer about their interests made them feel more at ease and it also created some sort of trust, since their ' _life_ ' was in Oliver's hands. Also he has to check for any medical issues, sometimes they wouldn't allow a customer to jump if they had an illness or medical condition and weren't cleared by a medical practitioner.

 _Mervin Wright_ , was his first customer for the day. Mervin is a 70 year old male, who has been part of the United States Special Forces for most of his life. He's celebrating his birthday with his family and ' _retiring_ ' with one last jump.

Oliver smiles at what he reads and makes a note to find out if Mervin has any problems with his knees for when they land.

Next up is _Sandra Siebert_ , a 54 year old recently divorced teacher. It seems she just wants to do the jump to prove to herself that she's not as outdated as her ex-husband complained she was.

Oliver feels sad for the woman but on the other hand, happy that she's trying to get her life back. A little voice in the back of his head tells him that he should do the same, but he ignores it and continues with the next client.

 _Diana Roland_ and _Jason Prout_ are the next customers and both of them are under 30. They are just jumping because they were either dared or wanting to have some fun.

The last customer for the day is _Felicity Smoak_. She's a 24 year old Dr. Who enthusiast and IT expert. Executive at _Queen Consolidated_ ….

He suddenly feels like he's suffocating when he reads the words on the form. He's been so careful to not mingle or come close to anyone that connects him to his family and here he has a customer directly from his family's company. She must know exactly what happened and if she finds out who he is…..he just doesn't want to deal with the all the questions and the pitied looks.

He decides to tell Dig to do the last session – there is no way that he's doing it – he simply can't.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

He makes sure he's the first one to arrive at the base. He has to catch Dig before everyone starts running around so he can state his case. He helps himself to his second cup of coffee for the day and tries to take deep breaths as often as possible.

Since he found out that his last customer was an employee from Queen Consolidated, and not just an employee, an executive, he's had trouble breathing normally, feeling a panic attack looming.

"Morning Oliver!" he jumps at the sound of Abby's very English chirpy morning voice greeting him from behind and tries to compose himself so she can't see the panic on his face.

"Morning Abby." he greets back. "Do you know what time John will be here this morning?"

"He didn't let you know?"

The confusion on his face causes her to chuckle.

"I guess not….he's not coming in today, something about an investor meeting and then he's taking Lyla and Sara out for some quality family time."

He feels his heart sink and suddenly he's very aware of the nausea that has now reared its evil head. He sits down on the nearest chair and talks himself through his ' _panic attack regiment_ '.

"Oliver, are you alright?" Abby is next to him in a second holding out a glass of water and softly stroking his back.

It takes him a moment, but he finally gets his heart rate down and breathing normally.

"Yeah….I'm….uhm….not feeling well today." he says softly trying not to disturb his newly found equilibrium.

"Should I cancel? Are you going to be able to jump if you feel like this?" she asks with so much concern in her voice.

For a moment he actually considers it, but then he thinks about Mervin and his whole family coming to watch him jump….he can't be this selfish. He has to bite the bullet, Dig took a big risk on him by giving him this job and he expects of him to do what he is paid for….after everything his friend has done to help him he cannot let Dig or any of the paying customers down.

"No, thank you Abby….I'll be okay."

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

"Good afternoon ma'am, can I help you?"

Felicity lost in her little world comes back to reality meeting the very pretty red headed English girl standing in front of her.

She smiles, slightly embarrassed, "afternoon, sorry, I was just admiring the photos against the wall."

"No problem ma'am. Would you like to make an appointment?"

"Oh no, I actually already have one and my office got a message this morning that I should come in a bit earlier, something about a form I didn't sign?" Felicity explains.

"Yes, you must be Felicity." Abby turns to head back to her desk ruffling through some papers until she finds the file she's looking for.

Felicity comes closer to the desk and takes the pen Abby holds out to her. Her stomach turns and it feels like she's going to be sick. It has nothing to do with her condition and everything to do with the huge leap she's taking today, ticking off her bucket list by jumping out of a plane.

"Thank you...? Sorry I don't know your name." she says taking the pen.

"Abigail Williams ma'am, but you can call me Abby."

"So Abby, what exactly am I signing here?" Felicity asks, looking over the page searching for the dotted line.

"It's an indemnity form ma'am, basically you're just declaring that you didn't lie that you have a medical condition and if anything should happen to you during the jump that you won't hold Verdant Skydiving Club accountable for any injuries or damages."

"Okay, that sounds fair." she says, knowing that she'll be signing this legal document very well aware that she's lying about her medical condition. She's about to spill the beans when her strong will takes over and she signs.

"There you go, I guess I'm all set then?" Felicity hands Abby the signed form.

"Felicity Smoak?"

She hears her name behind her and turns to meet sky blue eyes and a smile big enough to make her go weak at the knees. She can't even bring herself to say anything, frozen still as she takes in the appearance of the man in front of her.

"Hi! I'm Oliver."


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

Blue meets blue and she struggles to find her voice. It's like her brain malfunctions at the sound of his voice and she cannot reboot, she cannot think. It's only when she hears her name again and the electrical current of an unfamiliar touch that she registers where she is.

"Miss Smoak? Are you okay?" the deep blue eyes never looking away from her for a second. His strong hands are still on her shoulder and a cold shiver runs through her body even though his warm hands are burning her skin.

She shakes her head and gives him a very embarrassed smile, the blush on her cheeks making its way down to her neck. She probably looks like a lobster right now….well now that's attractive….

"Yes….I think it's just the excitement of all this." she says quickly pointing to the pictures on the wall.

She stretches out her hand to him to shake it and when their hands connect the same volt of electricity runs through her again.

"Please call me Felicity." she says quickly trying not to show the effect of his touch.

His smile is unwavering, but there's still a hint of worry reflected in his eyes as he looks her up and down, almost as if he's trying to appease himself with her explanation of her earlier reaction.

"Well then Felicity, if you're sure you're fine, you can follow me and we'll get you ready for your jump."

"Lead the way Oliver." she smiles with the butterflies in her stomach still very much flying in a million different directions and follows him into the next room.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

He's not sure what just happened. Did she recognize him? Does she know who he is? And what was with the little flinch when she shook his hand? She tried so hard to pretend that it didn't happen, but he noticed it. Maybe she knows who he is and shaking his hand was revolting to her, knowing about the accident and….him, his past….the man he used to be.

He tries to concentrate as he helps Felicity put on the harness, making sure it's strapped on securely.

It doesn't work though. He's used to working with women in such close proximity and it's never bothered him before, but there is just something about this blonde that makes his stomach turn and not in the sick way it did earlier. He feels nervous around her and he doesn't know if it's because of her working for Queen Consolidated or if it's something else. He takes a deep breath to get his head back to the task at hand; he still has a job to do.

"Aren't I the one that's supposed to feel nervous?"

Her voice jerks him out of his concentration and when he looks up at her there's something different in her eyes that he didn't notice the first time. It's like her eyes immediately calm him and even though his stomach does a double back flip, she grounds him.

"I'm not nervous." he says trying very hard to convince her. "I'm just making sure everything is strapped on correctly, so we don't have any unexpected surprises up there." and before he can stop himself he winks at her, bringing the blush on her cheeks back in seconds.

What is wrong with him? Just yesterday he told himself he couldn't afford any distractions and here he is flirting with a girl he just met that probably knows exactly who he is. This isn't the way he operated anymore.

"You don't need to worry Miss Smoak, you're in the best hands here." Abby says from the door.

Did she just witness this whole exchange between them? Can this day get any better?

"Okay, all set." he says strapping Felicity's helmet on. "Let's get this show on the road."

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

"So Felicity, what made you decide to do skydiving?" he asks when he sees Felicity chewing her bottom lip and purposefully playing with her fingers to distract her from her nervousness, as the plane takes off.

She's not prepared for this question. Normally she has everything figured out way in advance, but since she lied on her indemnity form quite a few things happened and she didn't have chance to think her cover story through.

"Bucket list." is all she manages to get out of her mouth. Technically she's not lying.

"Ahh, yeah I've heard about that. Never had one myself, but I think it's a good idea to have one of those. Makes you think what you really want to achieve in life before you die."

Felicity just nods her head in agreement. She doesn't want to add anything that could risk her chances of jumping today. She's terrified of what's coming; since she has a fear of heights and all, but she has to do this….she needs to prove to herself that she can...while she still can.

Oliver instructs her to sit between his legs. She wants to make a joke about it, but decides to keep her mouth shut. She's feeling so nervous and that normally brings on a babble equivalent to a nuclear bomb explosion and she can't run the risk of saying anything about her situation in a moment of weakness.

He straps himself to her harness and adds extra straps around her waist.

"That okay?" he asks and she nods.

"Okay, we'll be at about 12 500 feet within the next few minutes, and then we can jump. Are you ready?"

"Well as ready as I'll ever be." she yells above the extreme noise of the plane.

He walks them over to the door of the plane, holding onto the railings installed.

Felicity swallows as she concentrates on Oliver's hard chest pressed against her back instead of the ' _ant like_ ' view displayed below her.

"You're hard." she blurts out without stopping herself, "I mean your chest is hard against my ba…."

Before she can finish her babble Oliver launches them out of the plane.

She wants to scream but nothing comes out. The wind is cold and strong against her face. She can feel her face wobbling and she's sure she looks like a dog putting his head out of the window of a moving vehicle right now.

She's in awe of everything happening at the same time and only now becomes aware that Oliver linked their fingers together as their arms stretch out next to their bodies. She immediately relaxes against him, enjoying the feeling while they soar freely in the sky. For some unexplained reason she feels safe in the arms of this stranger and briefly forgets about her illness. She's just a girl enjoying the beauty surrounding her, in the arms of a very strong, handsome man.

"Are you okay?" she hears him call out in her ear. The warmth of his breath against her cool skin makes her stomach turn for a whole other reason.

She only shows him thumbs up, knowing he won't be able to hear her.

"You're lucky – the sunset is extra beautiful for you tonight." he says in her ear again. "Brace yourself Felicity, I'm going to pull the parachute now."

She nods at his words as he pulls the chute and it jerks them both, slamming her into his chest again. This time she just secretly enjoys the contact. He takes her hands in his again as he holds onto the ropes maneuvering the chute.

The feeling of his hands, the beauty of the bright colours playing on the horizon with the sun forming a golden halo over the bits of clouds still visible gives her a huge sense of peace and tranquility as they drift through the air for a few more moments.

The peaceful drift comes to an end faster than she hopes as they land back at the club.

His strong arms envelopes her waist and she just wants to stay there. She doesn't want him to let her go.

As if he reads her mind they stay on the ground for a few moments longer when his voice breaks the silence.

"Are you okay?" but this time his voice is soft, as if he also feels the weight of this moment.

Before she can answer Abby appears, and Oliver pulls them up so he can unstrap them.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

- ** _Felicity Smoak_** -

The name terrifies him. At first it was because he felt that she knew who he was and would expose him because of his past, but now after spending such a short time with this woman….the way he is drawn to her, how she makes him feel….that terrifies him even more. He doesn't know how or where it happened but the feelings are there and it scares him.

He steadies them when they reach the ground and as they catch their breath, just the two of them sitting there he doesn't want to let her go. A sense of protectiveness floods him, but it's not just physical. He can't explain the feeling, but there's something about Felicity Smoak that urges him to protect her at any cost and he doesn't understand why.

Abby's sudden appearance pulls him away from the exploration of his new found feelings and he's suddenly very aware that his arms are still around Felicity's waist. He slowly loosens his grip and just as he's about to stand up he feels her squeezing his hand. It increases his heart beat rapidly, but he keeps a straight face trying to not give away anything while sensing Abby's eyes on them both.

"So Miss Smoak, how did you experience your first jump?" the redhead asks while he extends his hand to help her off the ground and begins to unzip and unbuckle the gear still fastened around Felicity's body.

"I have no words, it was just so incredible! I have never experienced anything quite like it in my entire life." she answers, not moving a muscle as he continues his work around her.

"Well I'm happy to hear it." Abby replies, "When Oliver is done unstrapping you, you can help yourself to some refreshments inside….that is if you have some time. We can have the photos and DVD of your jump ready in about 20 minutes."

In the corner of his eye he can see Felicity smile and nod, but he tries his best not to look at her. If he starts looking into those beautiful eyes he might find himself staring and that would be completely inappropriate, seeing that she's a customer and it would just….well he just cannot afford to go there.

Abby clears her throat and he realises his mind fluttered off again like a love sick teenager. He had to get his focus back and transferring the footage of the ' _Go-Pro'_ onto his laptop to create the DVD and the photos is just the distraction he needs to pull himself together.

"All done, if you'll excuse me, I need to get the footage of the jump on your DVD so you don't need to wait here too long." he gives them both a quick smile, still avoiding Felicity's eyes and makes his way to the club's computer room.

He's out of breath by the time he sits down behind his desk. He grabs the sides of his chair squeezing it so hard his hands hurt, trying to calm himself so he can clear his mind and focus on what he's supposed to be doing.

He connects the ' _Go-Pro'_ with the laptop and smiles when he sees the nervous lip chewing on the screen again. Felicity is no adrenaline junkie that's for sure. He wonders if she's pursuing her _'bucket list'_ because of a tragedy she experienced or if she was part of the ' _Live your life to the fullest_ ' type of seminars that Queen Consolidated loves to bore their employees with.

He doesn't know her, but the drive to want to know her, the real her, the person behind the nervous babbling, the person that took a risk to jump out of a plane all because of a _'bucket list'_ , is so intense that it outweighs every possible reason for him to have her walk out the door and never see her again.

He finalizes the DVD and the photos, neatly wrapping them in their signature packaging, takes a deep breath and in new found confidence walks to where Felicity is waiting.

He finds her nursing a cup of coffee, intently watching footage of the previous year's _Formation Skydiving_ competition.

"Interested in making that a hobby?" he says before he can help himself.

She turns in his direction and for the first time since they landed their eyes meet. It's exactly as he expected, it's intense and he can feel his body react to her gaze immediately.

She looks down at her feet shyly, breaking the gaze as the blush from a few hours earlier returns. A feeling of relief and also accomplishment overtakes him, knowing that what he's feeling and experiencing with her isn't just a one sided thing.

The confidence however disappears the minute Abby appears in the room again and he starts questioning his choice to explore getting to know Felicity Smoak.

"Well I **_am_** looking for a hobby, I'm just not sure if I'll be able to do something like that you know? I was really nervous today."

He smiles remembering how nervous she was. The moment she started babbling about how hard he was up in the air was the first time in forever that he smiled – really smiled. If he was brutally honest she made him chuckle and the new Oliver Queen doesn't chuckle.

He can feel Abby watching him, but as he looks back to Felicity all he can see is her.

"You were great out there today." he says softly and places his hand on her shoulder, gently squeezing it, so she knows that he means every word.

"So, why don't you tell me a bit more about my new possible hobby?" she says looking down on the hand still firmly on her shoulder.

He gestures for her to sit on the couch and a few seconds later he joins her with a photo album filled with bright coloured costumes and crazy people floating around in the air without a parachute drawn.

"It's called ' _formation skydiving'_. There are two different categories that you can take part in at our club, _couples_ and _groups -_ which has to be a minimum of four people and maximum of ten to qualify as a group. The club forms part of the _Straight Arrow Skydiving Association League_ or _SASAL_ in short. You train here at the club and then you compete in Regional competitions and if you do well you can qualify for the National competition once a year and so on." he explains as Felicity browses through the colourful photo album.

"Do you think it's something that you would like to do?"

She doesn't answer immediately. He can see her brain working at a hundred miles an hour, but he doesn't push.

"I….I don't know." she finally says and she places the closed photo album on the coffee table in the middle of the floor.

The same nervousness he experienced in the plane radiates off her again and he's a bit baffled by what caused this sudden change in her body language.

He follows her as she gathers her belongings and hands her the DVD and photo package he assembled a few moments ago. She merely nods and gives him a smile, but it doesn't go all the way to her eyes and he knows there's something wrong, but he cannot pin point what it could be.

"Thank you Abby, I appreciate everything you've done today to make me feel at ease." Felicity greets the redhead still present in the room.

"No problem Miss Smoak, I'm happy you enjoyed the experience. Have a good evening and travel safely." she answers back and leaves without looking at Oliver once.

Oliver sighs, feeling a bit guilty for breaking the girl's heart, but he refuses to give in to a feeling for something he made clear he wasn't interested in.

"Thank you Oliver, today was great." she gives him a quick smile and almost runs for the door.

"Felicity!" he calls after her and when she stops and turns their eyes lock and he knows he needs those eyes. They make him feel safe, calm….why he doesn't know, but he knows he has to do something. He cannot just let her walk away.

"Sunday….the league groups have practice this Sunday. If you're interested, I can take you up….for observation purposes only. That might help you make a more informed choice as to if you would like to give it a shot….as a hobby."

She looks at him, with the same intensity as he is looking at her and she says: "I'll think about it."

She gives him a real smile, this time it reaches her eyes as she turns to walk out the door, leaving his heart hoping that he'll see her again.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

Lack of concentration is the understatement of the year. It's been three days since her jump and yet she is struggling to get anything done. Her mind is everywhere except at her work and even though she knows she's going to have a problem getting everything done to reach her next deadline, she can't help it.

Her face is stuck in a smile, which is strange since she has a terminal illness and all, but she can't help it. The moment she met her skydiving instructor something inside her changed.

Her thoughts are interrupted by Curtis clearing his throat, leaning against the door frame.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asks, slightly embarrassed by what he might have seen.

"Long enough to know something is up with you," she tries to speak but he beats her to it, "and don't even try to deny it Miss Smoak."

Curtis enters her office and takes a seat on the opposite site of Felicity's desk.

"Come on, out with it. Who do we have to thank for the return of that beautiful smile?"

"What makes you think it's a _'who_ ' Curtis?" she looks down and starts to read the same sentence she's been trying to read for the last 15 minutes.

"For starters, it's Saturday afternoon and you're in the office working and secondly, Felicity, I know you have a much higher IQ than me, but I'm not an idiot. So spill the beans."

Felicity gives him an amused huff and folds her arms leaning on her desk. Just thinking about it makes her blush, but the cat's out of the bag so to speak and seeing that Curtis knows more about her than most people, she feels comfortable enough to share her experience.

"I went skydiving on Wednesday."

He's quiet, but the expression on his face is worth a thousand words.

"Yeah right! You? Skydiving?" he laughs at her, but when her face doesn't change it dawns on him that she might actually be dead serious. "Really? Skydiving?"

"What? Why is that so hard to believe?" she asks curiously, trying very hard to hide the outburst of laughter at his reaction.

"Well for one, it's you. You hate heights and skydiving? Really?" his voice is pitched in a higher than usual tone, making it his reaction even more hilarious.

She can't hide it anymore and bursts out laughing.

"I knew it! I knew you were lying!" he says pointing at her laughing hysterically from the other side of her desk.

"No, I actually **_went_** skydiving Curtis." she tries to convince him in between her laughing fit and hands him the DVD package Oliver made for her after her jump.

Curtis goes quiet. He stares in disbelief at the photo on the cover of her and Oliver hanging in mid-air with the parachute towering above them.

"Wow!"

"Yeah, I know. I've always wanted to do something adventurous, but never had the guts to and after what happened to Mr Queen, I thought of not doing the skiing thing and that's when I heard their advert on the radio the day you took me home and I…."

"No no I didn't mean the skydiving, although it is impressive, but I'm talking about this hunk of a man on the cover with you. He looks very familiar though." he cuts her off mid babble and winks at her.

"Thank you for the support Curtis, seeing that it took a lot for me to actually go ahead with jumping out of a freaking plane." she rolls her eyes at him and all he can do is shrug his shoulders and laugh.

"So let me guess. This hunk is the ' _who_ ' that we need to thank for the smile?"

Felicity smiles at the thought, but in a second the smile turns upside down and sadness takes over.

"No no no! Bring back the smile!" he urges.

"It's complicated." she says, her voice very soft now.

"Felicity, you can be happy, you know that right?"

"I can't allow myself that kind of relationship knowing that I'm lying to him Curtis, which by the way, I lied on my indemnity form, and no you're not allowed to judge me."

He raises his hands in surrender, not making a big deal out of it. He wants her to open up to him.

"He doesn't know I'm dying Curtis. How can I even try to pursue a relationship with someone, knowing that I have 6 months to live? It's not fair to him. I'd be selfish."

Curtis nods, showing his support, but he senses she's not done yet.

"The strangest part of it all is the fact that I've always been so scared to venture into something other than my work. Now that I have, it was terrifying and so satisfying at the same time. I loved being up there, I loved how it made me feel….I loved how **_he_** made me feel."

Her lip curls over slightly at the thought of his fingers linked with hers. The safety his body provided when he held her as they landed. It wasn't something she was used to or something that she went looking for….it makes her sad that it took her dying to only realise there is more to life than work and reaching financial independence.

"It's not just the guy is it?" Curtis finally breaks his silence.

She shakes her head, knowing that in this short period of time, her colleague has really turned out to be her friend and he seems to know her better than she realised.

"No, I have a ' _bucket list'_."

When he doesn't answer she starts explaining in detail: "A ' _bucket list_ ' is a list of things people want to do before they…."

"Felicity! Again, not an idiot!" he cuts her off again and gestures for her to continue.

"Yeah, right, sorry….anyways, the first point on my list was to do something adventurous, hence the skydiving. My second point is finding a hobby that doesn't involve computers or electronics."

"And by the look on your face you found it?"

"Yes, well sort of. You see while I was waiting for them to finish up my DVD they had footage of groups of people skydiving together. They call it ' _formation skydiving_ ' and it looked like so much fun."

"Okay, I don't really see the problem here Felicity?"

"Well, the thing is that you need to become part of the league at the club. You train there and then you compete in regional competitions throughout the year and if you do well in those you get to take part in the annual national competition."

Realisation of the disappointment on her face hits him and he tries to think of a million different responses to make this okay for her, but he has nothing. She's dying and that was a reality.

"Look, Felicity there's nothing that I can say that's going to make this go away. Yes you have cancer. Yes the doctor gave you an estimated 6 months to live, but you decided not to take the treatment so you can be you and experience new things as long as you can. You did that for a reason Felicity, and I'm sorry if this is going to sound blunt, but it's almost like you making this excuse, is contradicting your decision to live."

Her eyes go big at his words. It stings, but deep down she knows he's right.

"What if you can beat this Felicity? What if the doctor is wrong and you can live for another 2 years or even longer….they make those mistakes more often than you realise."

She remains silent as tears begin to well up in her eyes. She wants so much for his words to be true, but she can't put her hope in ' _what if_ '. She has to face reality, but while she's still able to, she's going to try and do everything on her ' _bucket list_ '.

"All I'm saying is don't give up on this because you're scared. I have known you to be a person who takes fearless risks and is capable of doing anything you put your mind to in the work place….now that you've found something that you love; don't back down because of a disease."

She nods showing Curtis she understands what he's saying.

"You know I'm here for you right? I love you Felicity and I'm here to support you 100%"

She gives him a gentle smile, takes a tissue from her desk and pats down the tears running over her cheeks.

"I love you too Curtis. Thank you." she replies softly, scared to unleash the sadness still very close to the surface.

"Take it one step at a time, and I'm more than willing to tag along you know, if you need a partner or a wingman." he winks at her coaxing a small chuckle from her.

"Thank you, but I'm okay. He offered to take me up again on Sunday while the league is practicing so I can decide if it's something I would like to do."

"You realise Sunday is tomorrow right?"

"Oh frack! You're right! I don't have his number and the club is already closed, he probably thinks I'm not coming and if I just show up he'll…."

"Probably be okay with it." he interrupts again. "I can promise you this guy doesn't take all his customers for a free skydiving experience just so they can figure out if they want to do something as a hobby Felicity. I think you'll be okay."

A clear smile appears on her face and her heart starts thumping at the thought of the adventure lying ahead the next day.

"Now please go home. You're not being productive anyway." he laughs as she takes his advice and switches off her computer.

Although she's excited about what's lying ahead, she also knows there's the whole situation with Oliver. She likes him and the attraction between them is evident, but for his own sake she cannot allow whatever this is between them to become anything more than friendship


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

Tension is high at the office and Oliver tries to avoid Abby as far as possible.

He realised once he saw her reaction to his interaction with Felicity, that she must have felt hurt….he basically rejected her the one day and the very next day made an advance at Felicity, but he didn't realise it was that bad until she snapped at him in front of a customer, resulting in a ' _this is not professional behaviour_ ' speech from boss man Dig.

' _Deal with it_ ' was all Dig told him and even though he feels like he didn't do anything wrong, he had no other choice but to talk to Abby. Needless to say, even though he apologized for possibly leading her on, which in fact he never did, and they agreed to be civil, she is still acting like an ' _Ice Queen_ ' towards him and he hates the feeling of tip toeing around her.

This is his work space. A space he always feels comfortable in, and now he can't. If he wanted drama he would never have moved out of the Queen Mansion.

He takes a sip of his morning coffee in his favourite spot, on one of the benches overlooking the air field watching the sun rise. It is still early on a Sunday morning and he takes in the peace and quiet before the SASAL groups arrive for their competition training.

He hasn't heard anything from Felicity since Wednesday when he offered to take her up again so she can decide if she wanted to take up ' _formation skydiving_ ' as a hobby. He already has everything ready should she decide to come, but after her reaction on Wednesday, he knows something wasn't quite right with her. He suspects there's more to her ' _bucket list_ ' than what she's willing to admit, but although she might be a complex gal everything inside him is screaming to know the woman behind that secret. He still secretly hopes she will change her mind and show up.

The thought of Felicity's secret makes him feel a sudden burst of discomfort. If they continue to spend time together it won't be long before she puts two and two together and figure out he's her late CEO's estranged son and then obviously know the past he's been trying so hard to distance himself from.

He's ashamed of the person he was, but trying to change the image that is burned in everyone else's mind is easier said than done.

His deep thoughts are interrupted when a small chubby hand grabs a hold of his leg. He looks down into the big brown eyes of his favourite toddler and she giggles at the ' _mock surprised_ ' reaction he gives her. He places his empty cup next to him and scoops her up in his arms as he blows raspberries in her neck making the little girl squeal with delight.

It's not long before they are joined by her parents, now laughing at Sara's hysterics in her uncle 'Liver's arms.

Oliver puts her down on the lawn in front of him, giving him and the toddler a chance to breathe from the excited greeting, when he sees Abby peeking out of her office window and disappear just as quickly again, hoping that Oliver didn't see her. He still feels bad for what happened, but he doesn't have time for childish games and decides to ignore it.

"Have you not sorted that out like I told you?" Diggle asks almost in a whisper as he subtly points his thumb in the direction of Abby's office.

Oliver sighs, not wanting to have this conversation this early on a Sunday morning, but he can't well not answer Dig.

"Yes I did sort it out, but she seems to need time. We have agreed to be civil so no more public snapping in front of the customers."

"Good." Dig says and checks his watch for the time.

"So when do we meet this mystery lady?" Lyla asks, probably to break the unnerving silence caused by Diggle's short answer.

"That's the million dollar question. I invited her back today because she genuinely seemed interested in joining the SASAL, but I haven't heard back from her. I'm not sure if she's coming."

Lyla places her hand on Oliver's shoulder and gives him a sympathetic smile, but no words are added. Lyla knows all about his past, but she's never judged him. Ever since he joined the club they have taken him into their home, made him part of the family. He will always be grateful towards them for that.

Their moment is interrupted by the little girl jumping up and down waiting for Oliver to sweep her up again. Once she's satisfied being in her little safe ' _tower_ ' ogling everyone around her from an impressive height she starts playing with the scruff on his face; gently swiping her little fingers to and fro against the hairs on his face and giggling at the sensation.

"Would you mind keeping an eye on her, while I go set up for the jump? Her play-date will be here in about an hour to pick her up." Lyla asks rubbing little circles on Sara's back.

"Sure, I'm just hanging around here anyways, so she's no trouble." he answers back giving the toddler a kiss on the cheek, igniting another giggle because of the tickling of his scruff.

Lyla laughs out loud, places a kiss against her daughter's head and starts walking away.

"What?" Oliver asks.

"I'm walking away before you change your mind."

Oliver shakes his head, not really knowing what's awaiting him.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Maybe ' _trouble_ ' wasn't the right word choice. The two year old turned out to be filled with a lot more energy than he anticipated for such a small person so early on a Sunday morning.

"Uncle 'Liver!" she calls running as fast as her little legs can carry her. "Catch me!"

Oliver already feels drained and it hasn't even been a full hour. How does Lyla and John do this every single day?

Sara comes to a complete stop to search for her missing ' _tag_ ' partner and suddenly forms a deep frown on her forehead. She walks over to him and gently pats his leg.

"You tired?" she asks, the frown still sitting in place on her little face.

Oliver cannot hide the grin on his face. That question was filled with disapproval and for a moment she looks and sounds just like her father.

She puts her hands on her hips turning her head a little to the side as if she's inspecting him, trying to figure out if he's lying to her.

He kneels down to her level and gives her a bright smile.

"Sara honey, why don't we take a bit of a break and drink some water." he suggests, hoping she'll go for it so he can just get his breath back.

She nods excitedly as if he just pitched the best idea since vanilla ice-cream to her. "Yes! Sara thirsty too!"

Without another word she runs directly to the water cooler trying to reach the paper cups. He rushes over before she pulls the cooler over, sighing to himself how he thought this was going to give him a break.

He pours them both a cup of water when the doorbell rings.

"That must be your play date Sara!" Oliver says much too delighted at the prospect of someone relieving him of his duties.

Sara hands him her cup, which he has to take because it wasn't a question of ' _will you please hold my cup_ ', it was more like ' _take it or clean the mess'_ , and she runs for the door.

Oliver barely has enough time to put down the cups and runs after her. She's in his care and even though it might be her play date, it can also be a complete stranger.

"Sara! Come back here!"

He yells after her, almost running over, the person who is a complete stranger to Sara, but to him, it is the blonde who has since Wednesday occupied his dreams instead of the usual nightmares.

"Felicity!?" he cannot believe his eyes. "You came?"

"Hi Oliver." she says blushing, holding the two year old in her arms who is completely mesmerized by the blond curls softly flowing over Felicity's shoulder.

"I'm sorry for barging in like this." she starts, fully focused on his eyes, man he loves her eyes. "I realised I didn't have your personal number and the club was already closed by the time I tried to phone yesterday, and I didn't know what to do, so I talked to my friend Curtis and he…."

"Felicity," he places his hand on her shoulder like he did with their previous meeting, and softens his gaze, "you're here, and that's all that matters."


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

Her stomach is in knots. She had so many reservations about coming, but after her talk with Curtis she realised that not doing something because she is scared, is the actions of a coward. She is dying, she can't do anything about that fact, but she sure as hell isn't going to live the last moments of her life hiding away anymore.

After her arrival Oliver left to do final checks and set-up for the jump with the groups, finding her on one of the couches in the waiting room with her new found friend, still very much captivated by her blonde curls.

She was very surprised when the toddler launched herself into her arms when she first arrived at the club. She's never been good with kids, although she's never really been exposed to kids much in her life before. The toddler hasn't left her side for even a second, not by lack of trying from her uncle 'Liver's side, but strangely enough she doesn't mind having the small body in her arms.

In an odd way Sara is proving to be an anchor as the knots in her stomach tighten. She gently strokes the dark curls on the toddlers head and for a split second she lets herself imagine that this right here is hers….the warmth of the little girl on her lap is a reality and the experience of sheer happiness of having a perfect little mixture of herself and the love of her life is genuine, but it all comes to an abrupt end when a sharp pain in her stomach makes itself known.

She tries her best to breathe through the pain, like she's been doing since the cramping and pain became more frequent, and not scare the little girl, but it becomes worse with every second and she can feel the blood starting to drain from her head and nausea rearing its ugly head. She leans back against the couch and in the process takes Sara with her, but the toddler is oblivious of the real reason and giggles when she slips off Felicity's lap.

Luckily Oliver appears in the door at that moment and at the sight of Felicity's pale face runs toward them with concern spread all over his handsome features.

He kneels in front of Felicity and takes her clinched fists in his hands, gently stroking her knuckles, gradually making her relax.

"Felicity? Are you okay?"

She breathes deep breaths trying to work through the pain. The last thing she wants is for him to find out like this.

"Yes, just a little dizzy." she confesses - her voice barely a whisper. If she talks any louder she's terrified that he will figure out that she's not being 100% honest.

Oliver picks up a very reluctant Sara from the couch and asks her to accompany him to get Felicity a glass of water. She's so thankful at his thoughtfulness it almost makes her cry. She doesn't know this man, but she's sure by the little she's seen that he will make any woman a great husband one day….unfortunately that woman will never be her.

It isn't long before the toddler arrives around the corner with a paper cup and a trail of water dripping behind her as far as she runs, with Oliver yelling behind her to **_walk_** and not **_run_**.

She can't help but laugh at the scene playing out in front of her, which ignites the beautiful smile on the handsome man's face, also carrying a paper cup filled with water – probably plan B.

By the time Sara reaches Felicity there's about a quarter of the water left in the cup, but the little girl is so proud for handing it over to her new favourite person, Felicity cannot help but make a big fuss about Sara being a true life saver and gives her a soft kiss against her forehead.

She gulps down the little water left in the cup sensing his eyes on her the whole time. She has to keep her emotions at bay, because she wants to look at him, but she's scared that once she does she'll change her mind about their relationship not reaching anything beyond friendship.

She's saved by the bell, literally. The doorbell rings and a few minutes later a dark haired woman appears in the room.

"Come on Sara, Margery is here to pick you up for your play date." Lyla, calls Sara and halts at the sight of Felicity. "Oh, I'm sorry, did I interrupt anything?" she asks apologetically, bringing Oliver out of his trance.

"No, no not at all." Oliver quickly answers. "Lyla, this is Felicity."

It just about takes all of her strength to get up from the couch, but she manages without giving anything away.

"Hi!" Felicity says reaching her hand towards Lyla.

"Felicity! It's wonderful to finally meet you." Lyla answers giddily and shakes Felicity's hand.

The blush on Felicity's face returns when she realises that Oliver must have told Lyla about her, but she still doesn't dare to look at Oliver.

The awkward silence is interrupted when Sara says: "Momma, can Sara stay with aunty 'Listity?"

Lyla kneels down to Sara's level, giving a chuckle at the toddler's obvious struggle to pronounce Felicity's name.

"No honey, we're all going up in the plane now, and we can't leave you here in the office. So you're going to have a good time with Margery for a while and maybe when you're done Felicity will still be here okay?"

"Oookaaay." Sara stretches out in a whiny voice, which makes everyone in the room laugh and then without a second thought Sara rushes past her mother straight to the door where her friend is waiting.

"I better go sort that out." Lyla says still laughing. "I'll see you up there then Felicity?"

"Yes for sure." Felicity answers and Lyla disappears around the corner.

They are alone in the room now, and suddenly Felicity becomes aware of Oliver's gaze on her again. Still feeling the after effects of the pain, Felicity sits back down on the couch and without an invitation Oliver takes a seat right next to her.

She can feel the heat radiating off him and she tries her best to hide her body's reaction to his closeness.

"Are you okay?" he asks, taking her hand in his again.

She smiles at him, but her mind is reeling. She knows she has to set boundaries but oh how she craved his touch.

"Yes, I'm fine thank you. I think it's just the nerves you know, doing this again, but I'm fine. Really…." she tries to convince him when she sees him lifting an eyebrow inspecting her body language.

He relents and nods, and instant relief floods her.

"Look, Oliver, I uhm….I appreciate you giving me this chance to take me up again, and even though I'm very nervous, I really think this is something that I would like to do, you know as a hobby."

He smiles, and it's almost blinding. Her butterflies return and causes havoc again, but it's a nice change to the pain she felt earlier.

"Do you think there's a group that would be willing to accept a newbie?" she asks hesitant of the answers awaiting her.

He stares at her for a moment, not saying anything.

"All the groups are currently at maximum capacity and they are all professional jumpers." he begins. "But, I know of someone, if you're willing to give it a shot, that you can form a couple with?"

"Oh yes! That would be awesome! But isn't this person also a professional jumper?"

"A professional jumper yes, but not a professional formation jumper."

"Oh okay, well that sounds like a good deal. At least we'll learn together then."

He nods his head, his eyes still fixed on her.

"So, when do I meet my new partner?"

"Well you kind of already know your new partner."

When the confused look on her face shows him that his words are not making sense he chuckles.

"Felicity, it's me. I'm your new partner."

Her mouth forms her common _'o'_ at the revelation and her heartbeat increases. This isn't exactly what she had in mind when ' _friendship_ ' is all she has to offer this man. By coupling with him, it means that they are going to spend a lot of time together.

"You don't look very happy about that though." he breaks her out of her thoughts.

"No, no it's not that at all!" she tries to reassure him.

"Then what is it?"

"I'm sure we'll make the perfect couple, you know as jumping partners, but not jumping in **_that_** sense, jumping like skydive jumping and couple like partner couple not….okay, getting my brain to function right now is a little bit difficult when you're looking at me like that."

He doesn't look away though or say anything to help her out of her babble, but the corners of his mouth twist upward.

"Oliver, I'm very flattered and so grateful that you want to be my partner, but there's something you should know."

Complete silence.

"I am happy to accept your partnership, you know professionally, but you have to promise me something."

She can see his Adam's apple bob as his gaze on her intensifies nodding at her request, which makes it extremely difficult for her to form her next sentence.

"You have to promise me that this," she gestures between the two of them, "this will not become anything more than partners and friends."

His eyes widen at her words, and she can see the disappointment in his eyes. She feels it too, but she knows that if she wants this partnership to work, she'll have to stick with the choices she's made.

It takes him a while, but he nods yes.

"Okay, if that's what you want." he eventually gets out.

He gets up from the couch and reaches out his hand to her.

"So, partner, are you ready for your first lesson?"

She takes his outstretched hand and smiles at him.

"Let the adventure begin."


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

He feels like he's having an out of body experience, like he's having one of his nightmares, but this time he can't wake up, this time there's nothing that can fully take away the numbness he's feeling.

He slowly opens the door to his apartment, his feet feels like lead, but he forces himself to move forward. His hand automatically lifts to place his keys in the same wooden container on the table at the door as always, but when his mind registers the motion he realises his hands are shaking. His body is in shock.

He's normally cool and collected in a crisis but this floored him. This experience opened up old wounds again and it's like the pain he has buried comes rushing to the fore and he can't breathe.

He pulls his body to the kitchen, to the forbidden cupboard where the alcohol is stored. He hasn't had a drink since the day his father died, but now, he needs something to help him breathe because the breathing exercises for his panic attacks are just not helping.

He pours himself some whiskey in the nearest container he finds and downs it completely, holding on to the kitchen counter for extra balance. The brown liquid burns all the way through, but it doesn't burn away the intense pain still hammering in his chest.

The alcohol helps at least to get just enough breath for him to make it to his couch and he plummets down on the leather seat, not caring one bit if the sharp edges of his shoes might rip the leather.

The panic attacks have been less frequent these last three weeks. It's all thanks to one very beautiful blonde who agreed to be his partner, even though she put a huge block on anything further than friendship, he got to spend almost every day with her for the last three weeks. It had been three weeks of subtle touches and glances. Three weeks of getting to know the mysterious woman who managed to take his pain and have him focus on healing. Three weeks of feeling like a whole person again. Three weeks of pure bliss….because of her, it's all been because of Felicity Smoak.

After his father's death he didn't want to be the same person _Ollie Queen_ represented. He started pushing people away because he thought that would help him stay out of trouble. He didn't believe in fun anymore, but with her, it was different. _Ollie Queen_ was all about promiscuity, alcohol, drugs, money and whatever other form would find him a good time, but with her, he had friendship and never in a million years would he have thought that just **_that_** would bring him so much contentment, so much peace.

Of course he wanted more with her. Spending so much time with her, enhanced the growing feelings he became aware of very early in their relationship, but the thought of losing her because he wanted something more, not being able to spend time with her, far outweighed the need to push her into waiving her _'friendship ultimatum'_.

He pulls the blanket from its usual space over the edge of the couch and covers himself. He's shivering. The warmth of the whiskey didn't last long and he only now realises how the events of the day really took a knock on his body. He's in total shock and his body is now reflecting only mildly how his heart feels.

Felicity Smoak was no athlete but she sure as hell was not someone to be underestimated. She was a fast learner and very early on Oliver learned that she could be just as stubborn as him, if not worse in some cases. This caused quite a few heated arguments, but there were times that he just couldn't stay mad at her, and he guessed that was the case for her as well, because they never went home without clearing the air first.

Communication was a new thing for him. He was used to getting his way, but she never took his crap, not even for a second, but he loved who he was with her. She challenged him, but despite that, he learned how amazingly kind she was and all of those qualities put together made Felicity Smoak even more appealing than the first day he met her.

Despite her obvious fear of heights, she took to skydiving quickly and just after a week, was comfortable enough to do a solo jump. She amazed everyone in the club, especially the _'A-Team'_ as they were called, which was led by Rory Regan, four times National Champion. Rory's wife Patricia was one of the best choreographers, always gaining extra points for their team's creativity at competitions, which made them unbeatable. John and Lyla were also part of the team and being formation jumpers for so long, they were thrilled at the prospect of new young talented blood to join the club.

After the second week, Rory suggested Oliver and Felicity enter the first Regional competition, which was in two weeks. He wasn't sure if Felicity would go for it, but her face lit up the instant the suggestion was made and then **_she_** was the one that had to convince **_him_**.

The need to win filled her every breath and soon Felicity and Patricia started spending more time together choreographing the couple's routine while Oliver did his day to day duties with tandem jumps. Being taught choreography by the babbling blonde turned out to be hilarious, since dancing has never been Oliver's strong suit. They quickly got into a comfortable rhythm with their routines and once they were in the sky they were in perfect sync.

It was rare that they had to communicate through their coms, which they later forfeited completely. They had managed to find a way to communicate with their eyes….those beautiful eyes that pulled him in, pulled him deeper no matter how hard he tried to keep his distance, they pulled at his heart and it wasn't long until he knew he wouldn't be able to keep up this appearance, he needed her and not just as a friend or a partner.

The thought of her eyes tugs at his heart and he can feel the silent tears making their way down his face. His hands clinch the blanket to pull it closer to his face, the softness attempting to bring him comfort but nothing is soothing the pain, the horror….

The last time he saw her was Wednesday evening. They had spent every free moment since their enrollment of Regionals trying to perfect their routine. She looked so tired and he told her to take a break, even though not seeing her pained him, until Sunday morning. They would practice with the normal crowd and get some pointers for finer details on their routine from the ' _A-Team_ ' which they would work on a week before the competition.

His excitement level to see her again, was like a child before Christmas waiting to open his gift under the tree. When she walked through the door Sunday morning, his face lit up but he immediately knew there was something off about her.

She tried very hard to hide it, but after spending every possible minute with her, he had learned how to read her, and this woman in front of him was not the usual bubbly Felicity Smoak he had gotten to know.

They strapped up and headed for the plane. On take-off she became very pale and nauseated, so he suggested just a normal free fall with no tricks. Just to help her ease into the day and not add to any discomfort she might be feeling. Knowing Felicity she would put up a fight, but she immediately agreed, teasingly blaming him for working her so hard.

Thinking back to the events he should have asked more questions, pressed her for answers but he ignored his instincts. The fatigue, the nausea….he didn't know if the circles under her eyes became darker or if she just got paler….she never accepted any invitation to grab something to eat, in fact since he met her he never once saw her eat….

They reached their free fall altitude of 14 000 feet and as per usual Felicity jumped first. She was a few feet below him already, but after having done this a lot recently he knew Felicity knew what to do. After a minute, he was ready to pull his chute and noticed she hadn't.

After jumping out of a plane, you only have 65 seconds to pull your parachute. He wondered if she remembered to start her stop watch when she jumped, and started to get worried when the first minute became two.

Her body was still in free fall position but her form was completely off. She was falling rapidly the longer she fell the more her falling speed increased, he knew she was in danger. She was about five minutes from the ground and if he didn't do something quickly she would fall to her death.

He maneuvered his shoot to descend faster. He had no idea if it would work, because the chute slows you down. They were at two different heights and speeds, but he had no other choice, he had to catch up to her.

By some miracle a wind current swept in, caught his chute and pushed him towards her. She was merely a few inches out of his reach.

He tried reaching her parachute bag with his foot, and after a few unsuccessful attempts managed to reel her in, but she was facing him. They had 2 minutes left before they would meet the ground and with her extra weight at their current speed he knew this would be anything but a soft landing.

There was no time to turn her around, so he fastened the front part of her harness to him. She was out cold, unconscious. He draped her limp arms around his neck, pressing her head tightly against his chest with his one hand and tried to steer his parachute with the other.

They reached the ground with major impact. He tried to hold on to her as tightly as possible, but her dead weight had them toppling over the instant they reached the ground.

He landed on top of her, but he managed to brace her head from hitting the ground with his hands just in time.

He loosened the harness, shifted her body so her head lied cradled in the crook of his arm. She wasn't breathing, there was no pulse. He cried out for help as his light, his Felicity, the woman he realised he loved was lying lifeless in his arms.


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

"Help!" he cried out as he slowly placed Felicity on the ground.

Dig insisted on him taking First Aid training when he first started out at the club, to Oliver it was quite positively boring and a total waste of time. All he was looking forward to was the mouth to mouth, but seeing her lying in front him, lifeless, every single word of the training instructor came to life as he tried to perform CPR on Felicity.

Abby was the first to arrive at the scene. She had already called 911 and was ready to assist Oliver in whatever he needed her to do.

Dig and Lyla came rushing out, and Dig took over the CPR yelling at Lyla to get the first aid kit. Dig had spent several years in the US Special Forces and had medical training. Oliver had never been as thankful for anyone as he was at that moment.

He didn't know how, he didn't know when, but Dig got her pulse going again and for the first time since the crash land Oliver realised he was holding his breath, awaiting the worst.

He looked down at Felicity lying on the ground, her chest slowly moving up and down. He softly brushed the loose hair away from her face and placed a gentle kiss to her forehead. The moment his lips touched her skin, tears started to flow freely. He was so relieved, but at the same time so scared because he didn't know what had happened or why and there was no way she was out of the woods yet.

He didn't even know Abby had left when she started speaking about reaching Felicity's emergency contact on her indemnity form, a Curtis Holt. He recognised the name as Felicity's co-worker, the same person who inspired her to do the skydiving in the first place. A quick thought that this wasn't how they were supposed to meet crossed his mind, but was swiftly interrupted by Paramedics showing up and pushing him away from Felicity so they could work on her.

After what felt like hours they loaded Felicity in the ambulance. The one Paramedic was ready to argue when Oliver so much as told him that he wasn't leaving her, but gave in when he saw Oliver wasn't ready to back down.

He sat beside her. Holding on to her hand, gently kissing her fingers every opportunity he had. The steady beeping of the heart monitor a constant reminder of how rapidly things could have been different.

They finally arrived at the hospital. He kept their fingers entwined as he ran next to the stretcher as they pushed her into the ER. He was once again pushed aside and he could only stand on the wrong side of the doors, seeing her being pushed further away from him. There was nothing he could do now but wait and pray that they could save her.

He becomes aware of a cramp in his leg and then realises he fell asleep and remained in the same position for several hours since he came home. There is now two people haunting his dreams and that thought alone calls his guilt back with a vengeance.

He couldn't save either of them. In both cases he was thinking about himself and it ended up hurting people he cared about the most.

A heart wrenching sob escapes through his mouth and for the first time he allows himself to cry, to grieve. He has been bottling up his emotions so long, but it all comes exploding out of him as he cries.

He cries for his father and the relationship that he destroyed. His father died thinking that he was the worst son on the face of the earth. His father died never knowing how much he loved him and that all his antics were just a way to get attention. He cries for Felicity. For the future they could have had if only he had paid more attention, attention to her needs and not his own. He could have stopped this all from happening….

Oliver sat in the hospital waiting room. His body stiff from the chair. He kept staring out in front of him, alone with his thoughts.

He didn't know how much time went by when he heard someone say "Felicity Smoak". He immediately came out of his little world and looked up at a young man standing at the information desk, worriedly asking the receptionist the same questions over and over again.

He didn't know this person, but if he knew Felicity, then he needed to say something. It was hospital policy for them not to reveal any information to non-family members and seeing the look in this man's eyes, the worry was real, but so was the stubbornness.

He stood up and made his way over to the counter. He could see the Receptionist close to breaking point because this man didn't want to take ' _no_ ' for an answer.

"Excuse me? I couldn't help but over hear you asking about Felicity Smoak?" Oliver said, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible.

"Yes, do you know her? I'm Curtis Holt, I received a call to say she was rushed to hospital and I can't get any information out of these people." Curtis replied clearly frustrated with the situation.

"You're Curtis?"

"Yes. I'm sorry how do you know Felicity?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Oliver, Felicity's skydi…."

"….skydiving partner, yes!" Oliver extended his hand to Curtis but he cut him off with a sudden embrace.

Oliver couldn't help but grin at the man. He could see why Felicity spoke so fondly of him. They were very much alike.

Once they broke apart, Curtis wasted no time in bombarding Oliver with questions about the events that brought Felicity to the hospital.

They sat down in the waiting area as Oliver started telling him every single bit of the story. Not leaving out even a fraction of a detail.

What was strange though was that even though Curtis looked sad and worried, he didn't at all look surprised at what Oliver was telling him.

They were soon interrupted by the whole of the club entering the hospital. He took some time hugging Lyla, taking the comfort she was willing to give him and then introduced everyone to Curtis.

They all sat down in a little circle. People trying to make small talk, but his thoughts were playing through the events of the day and he once again wondered what Curtis knew that he didn't.

He was just about to ask Curtis, when a Doctor came into the waiting room.

"Mr. Holt?" the Doctor asked and Curtis jumped up followed by Oliver.

"Dr. McPherson, good to see you again. Do you have any news on Felicity?" Curtis shook the hand of the Doctor, causing Oliver's brow to furrow.

"Mr. Holt, can we speak in private?" looking over to Oliver standing behind him.

"Yes, sure. Please excuse us Oliver." Curtis agreed and walked with the Doctor to the other side of the room.

Oliver didn't move from his spot. He looked on as they walked away from him, once again left in the dark. He was incredibly frustrated by this situation. He loved Felicity for crying out loud, but no one was willing to tell him if the woman he loved was going to make it. Was she even still alive? What the hell was going on?

He stood there while they finished their conversation, waiting for Curtis to clear up the riddle that was running amok in his head.

He looked at the tall man as he returned to his side of the room. He was ready to give him the ' _I told you everything I know, so why can't you do the same with me_ ' speech, when the words "Oliver we need to talk" came out of Curtis's mouth and he could feel his heart tighten in his chest once again.

They sat down and he could see the war raging inside Curtis. He was searching for words. This was odd for someone who had no trouble talking at a hundred miles a minute.

"Curtis just say it." he caught himself saying without another thought. He couldn't try and guess anymore. Not knowing what was going on with Felicity was slowly killing him.

Curtis took a deep breath and then the words started flowing like water.

While Oliver was alone he started working out contingency plans for every possible scenario in his head, but there was nothing he could think about that could possibly prepare him for what Curtis said next.

"Oliver, Felicity has cancer."


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13**

Cancer? Felicity had cancer?

He was sure that the crash landing had impaired his hearing because he was certain Curtis had just told him Felicity had cancer.

"Oliver, are you okay?" he heard Curtis ask.

He wasn't aware of how much time had gone by, but he was blankly staring at Curtis only hearing white noise for quite some time.

"How? Why….when?" was all he could get out. He didn't know how to respond to the news. What did this mean? Did she have options; was there a way to save her? The same questions kept on circling over and over in his mind and he wasn't getting closer to any answers.

He could feel the panic attack surfacing, but he didn't have time for his body to react to the news until he had all the facts. He tried taking slow, deep breaths and after a few minutes, he could feel himself calm down.

Even though he felt like fainting he forced himself to sit up straight, looked Curtis in the eye, collected his thoughts and tried to focus on the situation at hand.

"Curtis," he said, but his voice was barely a whisper. He cleared his throat to get his voice back and started again. "I need you to tell me everything….from the beginning."

He could see the man sitting opposite him was conflicted with his request, but he started speaking nonetheless.

"Felicity was diagnosed with stage 4 Colon Cancer a little more than a month ago."

"Can't be," Oliver interrupted, "she completed an indemnity form on her first jump and she said she was fi…"

"Oliver, Felicity lied."

It was like a bucket of ice cold water was just thrown over his head. So she knew from the first day she met him? She had been lying to him all this time?

"Look, Oliver I realise this is a lot to take in and I'm sure you feel betrayed, but I really think you need to talk to Felicity."

Oliver shook his head in unbelief.

"Can they help her get better?" he asked after a while.

"She's terminal Oliver. The doctor gave her 6 months to a year to live. She's denied all treatment because the odds are not good for someone with her advanced stage of cancer. She wante…."

Oliver jumped out of his seat and started walking away from him.

"Oliver, you need to talk to Felicity." Curtis tried to call him back.

He turned around, his face as white as a ghost but anger clearly visible in his eyes.

"You know what Curtis, I think I've heard enough. Everything she's ever told me was a lie and I cannot deal with this right now." he shouted back, immediately catching the attention of John and the rest of the team sitting in the waiting room.

He was met by John on this way out of the door.

"Oliver, what's going on?" John asked fearfully trying to stop Oliver from leaving.

"Get out of my way John, I don't want to hurt you." Oliver replied standing still at the door, closing his eyes and trying to get some sort of control over his body.

Knowing Oliver, John stepped back letting the man leave, but leaving the rest of them with more questions than answers.

Oliver made it to his car and when he registered his surroundings again he was home. He had no idea how he got there, all he knew was his heart was in a million pieces. The woman he loved had betrayed him, she lied to him about everything. How was he supposed to move on from this, it wasn't as if time was on his side….she was dying.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Somewhere between the emotional sobbing because of the anger and devastation he had fallen asleep, but it was short lived because he wakes up with a gasp again after another round of nightmares.

He brings himself to sit up on the couch, still clinching the blanket. He's not shivering anymore, but the emotional pain is still very much present.

His thoughts are still loaded with ' _what if's_ ' and regrets. He cannot believe that his whole world has imploded like this in a matter of moments. Everything was fine and in an instant it all went to hell and that's exactly where he is now…. _hell_.

He knows all too well how quickly things can change. He experienced that first hand with his father's death and now another person….he doesn't even know if he can actually use the word ' _love_ ' to describe Felicity anymore, because the person he thought he knew….she's not that, not anymore.

It doesn't matter anyway. She is dying and she refused treatment, which means that every passing day the cancer is getting worse and her time is getting shorter.

He might be angry with her right now, but he doesn't want her to die. He couldn't save his dad, but he sure as hell is not going to sit back and watch her die if he has the resources to help save her. He has to try.

His determination pulls him from the couch and out the door.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

He drives through the steel gates and nostalgia gives him a feel of bitter sweet memories. These gates used to be part of his everyday life….a life he said goodbye to, but to which he's desperate enough to come back to, at least for a moment.

He pulls up to the front door and tries very hard to compose himself. His heart is pounding in his chest and his stomach is making flips from the nerves. He gets out of the car and as he stands in front of the front door he counts to ten in his head and knocks.

A familiar face opens the door and within seconds his sister wraps her arms around his neck pulling him into a tight embrace.

"Ollie! I knew you would come back."

The words hit him so hard and it breaks his heart that he is going to disappoint her yet again.

He kisses her temple and slowly detaches her arms around her neck. He looks into her big brown eyes and gets ready for the hope to disappear and fill with devastation.

"I'm not back Speedy. I need to speak to mom."

"But why?" she starts to protest.

"Thea? Who's at the door?" Moira enters the foyer and her eyes fall on the siblings deep in conversation. "Oliver?"

"Hi mom." his words barely audible.

He hasn't seen or spoken to his mom since he left her the letter.

Moira Queen has always been someone who appears to be a strong, independent woman, but knowing her for as long as he has, he's learned to see the cracks in her visage. Today was one of those times. She tries not to show it, but he can see she's rattled by his sudden reappearance.

She looks at Thea and when she recognises the same disappointment as the day Thea gave her Oliver's letter she knows his visit isn't the reunion of her prodigal son's return.

"Mom, I need to talk to you." he breaks the silent conversation stepping into the living room leaving Thea behind and Moira following.

He doesn't sit down, not wanting to give his mother any misguided hope of a lengthy conversation.

"Is something wrong Oliver?" his mother asks softly, attempting to keep her mask on securely.

"Yes mom, something terrible has happened and I need your help."

When she doesn't answer he continues.

"A friend of mine has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer and the doctors say there's no treatment available for her that will help increase her chances of survival. I was wondering if you could talk to Dr. Isaacs about maybe getting her in on one of those Medical Trials he always does at his clinic. I know it might be a long shot mom, but I need to help her, I have to at least try to help her."

"Oliver…."

"Mom, please? I realise we haven't had the best of relationships since dad….died…." he nearly chokes on the word, "but please, you need to do this for me, please mom, I'll beg if I have to."

"I can't just mention a random person's name to him, medical records are very sensitive information and…."

"She's not random if she's a QC employee."

His mother's eyes fill with confusion by the information he discloses.

"Actually she's not just an employee mom; she's the Head of your Applied Sciences Department."

"Felicity? Felicity Smoak?" she asks astounded by the news. "Felicity Smoak has a terminal illness?"

He doesn't have time to explain the when's or how's or anything more she wants to know. He needs to get her into that trial and he needs to do it now.

"Yes mom. Please I need you to help me." he pleads.

"Oliver I can't. If this information about Felicity hasn't been made known to the board yet then I have no way of…."

"You know what mom, don't bother." he snaps, not giving her a chance to finish. "This has always been the way you operate. You lecture me about being the selfish one, but if you're not even willing to see how much she means to me….to your company then you feel absolutely nothing about my feelings."

"I didn't even want to come back here you know, but I was so incredibly desperate because I cannot think of her dying….you just showed me how big of a mistake it was to come back here."

Without another word he turns and heads for the door and runs past Thea with a quick "I'm sorry Thea." but doesn't spare her a second glance.

His pain is too much and the last thread of hope has now been shattered. He's failed to save her too.


	14. Chapter 14

The weeks go by in a haze. He feels broken. He goes through the motions of his day to day life, but it's like he's not present, he's watching someone else live his life and he's detached from everything except the pain.

Since the visit to his mom and leaving his little sister the way he did, the guilt has increased by a hundred fold. He knew he was wrong the moment he walked back into his house, but he has no idea how to fix it now.

The excruciating pain constantly throbbing in his heart makes it hard to think clearly and it's worse when he's alone. So, he started drowning himself in his work. Taking on new responsibilities, more clients, everything to just not think and feel, but it is almost impossible. Everything at the club reminds him of her and the time they spent together and how that has been torn away from them.

Dig and Lyla tried to talk to him, to help him deal with the situation, just like they did with his dad, but just like what happened to his dad, they knew when to stop and just let Oliver be.

Everyone else at the club tip toes around him, and he prefers it that way, the more he doesn't need to talk about what happened, the better.

He hasn't texted, seen or talked to Felicity in over four weeks, except for in his dreams when she's right there haunting him, just like his father. He knows he's a coward, but he's dealing with this the only way he knows how...by running.

He sits on his knees in front of the seventh parachute he's inspecting for holes or cuts today. It's the third time this week that he has taken up this new responsibility. There's no need for him to do this inspection, but it keeps his mind occupied and his feelings dead.

"Oliver?" the English accent carefully asks from behind him.

He doesn't answer. If things between him and Abby were strained before the incident there is absolutely no sign of it now. She's been very considerate and over careful when talking to him after the incident, but it adds to his guilt since he knows that he's been grouchy and snappy and the more he treats her like trash the more he tramples on the heart of this woman he once considered a friend.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm having trouble with my e-mails, so I won't be able to send you all the profiles of your tandem customers for tomorrow. Will it be okay if I print them for you so you can go through them manually?" her voice is strained, but she keeps her pose.

He closes his eyes and softly sighs before he turns around to face her.

"Yes thank you Abby, you can just put it on my desk." he gives her a hint of a smile. It's forced but he's been a professional smile faker for most of his life, so if this makes Abby feel a bit reassured that his anger and frustration these last couple of weeks is not directed at her, then so be it.

She smiles in return and heads back to the office leaving him alone to tend to the parachute again.

He barely reaches the ground again when the footsteps return. He needs to take a deep breath before barking out what does she want now when his whole body freezes, making the hairs on his neck stand up.

"Hello Oliver."

A voice he only hears in his dreams, as clear as a bell sounds right behind him.

He feels numb and he instantly doesn't know what to do. He's been running for four weeks and now the thing he's been running from has caught up to him….she's here.

She doesn't say anything else as she waits for him to face her. It takes a while but eventually Oliver gets up from the ground. For the first time in four weeks blue meets blue and it's like there was never a separation, the electricity is still there and both of them can feel it.

He has no words. He stares at her. She looks healthy, not anything like the last time he saw her, pale and fragile in his arms, barely hanging on to life.

His heart clinches at the thought of how scared he was in that moment; scared he would never be able to tell her how he feels about her, scared that she would die….

"Oliver." she softly says again, breaking the silence between the stares.

"Hi." is all he manages to say.

"I uhm….I'm sorry." she says trying to reach for his hand but he moves back out of her reach.

He can see the hurt in her eyes by his actions, but he cannot bear the thought of her touching him right now. It's all still so raw and if he's going to pace himself through this conversation he needs some degree of distance.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Oliver. I….there was so many times I wanted to, but I was scared, I was scared that if I did, you wouldn't let me continue our partnership and then…."

"You lied Felicity, you lied to me!" he says much sharper than he intends to, seeing her flinch at the tone of his voice.

"Felicity," he softens his voice, "you lied on a legal form. Do you have any idea what the repercussions on the club could be?"

She merely nods her head in understanding.

"You lied to **_me_**." his voice breaks with emotion and he has to try everything in his power to keep the stinging tears from falling. "I thought we were friends Felicity. I thought you trusted me and then you lied to me, you betrayed that trust. How am I supposed to just accept a sorry? It's not like you stole my sandwich, this is a terminal illness Felicity, you're dying!"

Soft tears stream down her face as she takes a deep breath wanting to answer him.

"I know. I realise I was wrong Oliver. I never meant to hurt you, that's the last thing I ever wanted to do, but you need to understand that this whole thing, this illness it's been incredibly hard for me to deal with. I'm 24 years old Oliver. People my age worry about a career, getting married, should they wait to have children and focus on a career, having fun and here I am wondering if the six months to a year will be shortened and if today might be my last."

His eyes widen as he starts to understand for the first time what is going on in her mind. So many times when they had spent time together she would get lost in her thoughts and when he asked her about it she normally gave some kind of non-interesting explanation, but now he knows….he knows her struggle.

"I didn't plan on you Oliver. I didn't plan on coming back to this club again after my first jump. It was an item on my bucket list, something that I wanted to pursue before I die and then **_you_** happened."

"But….but you said….you made me promise you that I wouldn't try and get more from you than friendship."

She blushes a bright shade of red and then her face returns serious again. "I couldn't risk you getting hurt Oliver. I couldn't risk us exploring something that had no chance of surviving, and in the end I hurt you more than what I was trying to protect you from, and for that I'm so sorry."

He knows she's right and sincere, but he doesn't know how long it will take him to get over this. How is he supposed to trust her again after this?

"Felicity." her name leaves his lips like a silent prayer and her heart skips a beat. "I don't know if I'll be able to trust you again." he says seeing the disappointment in her eyes.

He turns his back on her trying to collect his emotions. He cannot afford to break down now. Maybe it's for the best that their ways part now, he's in pain anyway, a little more might kill him, but who cares right? Was he being an idiot right now? She was standing right there, right within his grasp and he was being an idiot by not giving her a second chance. How many chances has he gotten in his life and he's just willing to throw that away now?

"Trust," she mutters under her breath and he almost misses it as the conflict is his mind ramble on, "trust?" her voice becomes louder and he can feel his inside twist hoping she's not going to use her loud voice on him, "trust Oliver? Really you're going to talk to me about trust?"

He turns back to face her when he sees the determination in her eyes.

"Felicity," he starts but she's not having any of that.

"I'll tell you something about trust Oliver **_Queen_**!"

He feels like she just slapped him in the face. She knows who he is! How?

"Trust goes both ways Oliver. You cannot stand there and tell me about trust when you lied to me too!"

"Felicity,"

"No Oliver, don't you ' _Felicity_ ' me!" nearly yelling at him. The anger is evident in her eyes and he deserves it.

"You know, I was angry at first when I found out who you are. I immediately felt used by you, you trying to get close to me, feeling I was just another one of your millions of conquests, but then I started to think about the time we spent together and how I realised that you and the person they wrote about in the tabloids were two completely different people. I didn't want anything to do with you even though I knew I did you wrong by not telling you about my illness, but then just the thought of you, your eyes, your touch made the butterflies I felt that first time we met return and I knew I had to see you. I knew I had to make this right, because if anything, this illness has taught me that life is short and I couldn't bear the thought of leaving things like this between us."

He purses his lips together, focusing on her fire blazing eyes, but yet there's still so much love in those eyes, so much caring and he can feel the pain pinching is heart lose its grip bit by bit.

"It took a lot for me to come here Oliver and I expected you to be angry and hurt but you being a self-righteous ass was not one of the scenarios I had in mind."

"You're right."

She is still ready to argue her point when she suddenly stops at the words he uttered.

"I'm what?"

"I said you're right Felicity….and I'm sorry."

"So, now I'm right because I called you out on your crap and you feel trapped or I'm right because you know I'm really right?"

He can't help but laugh at the way she frowns and chews at her bottom lip and for the first time in four weeks he chuckles. This woman is truly going to be the end of him, but he'll die because of her any day….he does love her after all, but that confession will have to remain his for a while longer.

"You're right because you usually are Felicity and I'm sorry. I'm sorry Felicity….I….uhm….I just didn't want you to think any differently of me. When people know who I am, they judge me for who I was in my past and not the person I am now, and you're right, I should have told you. Trust is a two way street and we need to face the reality that it was broken, by both of us, but…." he moves closer to her taking both her hands in his own, gently rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles, "if you're willing we can start to rebuild that trust."

It doesn't take long for the scowl on her face to disappear and turn into the smile he thought he would never see again.

She nods her head at a speed he's never seen before and he gives her a relieved sigh followed by a chuckle at the cuteness displayed in front of him.

"Just a question though." he says and Felicity's eyes widen.

"How did you find out who I was?"

"Your mother came to see me." she says, relaxing a bit. "She told me that someone who cares a great deal about me brought it under her attention that I was sick and she pulled a few strings to get me into a specialised medical trial for cancer."

He doesn't say anything, but he feels confused by what she's saying.

"She said that all costs would be covered by her personally and gave me the number of the doctor….a Dr. Benjamin Isaacs."

"Did she say why?" he asks, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible.

"I thanked her and the QC board for looking after their employees, but she told me the gesture didn't have anything to do with QC, but everything to do with her son."

His eyes were as wide as saucers.

"After her visit I couldn't get that sentence out of my head and then I remembered her son's name is ' _Oliver_ ' and obviously things escalated from there, I remembered there was a reason why you looked familiar to me and then when I saw your pictures on Google I realised it was you."

He knows this conversation is heading in to ' _why did you leave your family?_ ' territory. He is not ready to face another emotional conversation with her just yet, so he directs the next question to her first.

"So what is the verdict from Dr. Isaacs? Can he help you?"

"He said they have had success with other advanced cancers before, but I'm the first Colon Cancer case. He's very optimistic though. I'm starting my first treatment tomorrow."

He feels so relieved and confused at the same time. There is hope for Felicity after all and his mother made it happen.

"Oliver?" she said questioningly.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a favour?"

"If it's you asking Felicity I'll do it." he answers without needing to think about it first.

She gives him a shy smile, biting her bottom lip again.

"Will you come with me tomorrow? To my doctor's appointment?"

He is flabbergasted by her request. Does she really want **_him_** there? Isn't Curtis her ' _go-to'_ guy when it comes to her health issues?

"Only if you want to, you don't need to feel forced at all, I don't want you to feel pressured in any way, you're free to do wha…."

"Felicity," he smiles at her, standing incredibly close to her as he gently lays his hand on her shoulder, "I'll be right there by your side for as long as you need me."

For the longest time they stay frozen in that same position, drowning in each other's eyes. All lies and time thieves removed from the equation, in a world where only they exist.


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15**

"Please tell me you spoke to him?" Curtis's voice echoes over the loud speaker in her car.

"Well hello to you too Curtis. I'm doing fine thank you for asking." she mocks him, rolling her eyes, trying to hide the laughter in her voice.

"Felicity, you know I do care about your wellbeing. That is exactly why I told you to speak to Oliver. So getting back to my first question….did you or did you not speak to Oliver?"

"Yes Curtis, I did talk to him. In fact I'm driving home from the club right now."

"And?"

She keeps quiet for a while and he can't handle the silence lingering.

"Felicity? Was it that bad?"

"Well it didn't go great."

"I'm so sorry Felicity, I really thought I gave you the right advice, but it seems I just made it worse."

"No Curtis, you were right. I needed to speak to him, even if it meant that he would never speak to me again, I needed to tell him what I was supposed to from the start, I needed to tell him the full truth and that's exactly what I did."

"At least then it's one less thing that you need to worry about."

"Yes, and I'm really happy about it too."

"So, what time do I need to pick you up tomorrow for your appointment?"

"Curtis, I appreciate you being there for me and your support, but you don't need to be there tomorrow."

"Felicity, I know you want to do this on your own but there's really no need. Your mother and I want to be there for you. We don't want you do go through this alone Felicity. This is a great opportunity for you, please don't shut us out."

"I'm not shutting you guys out….it's just….it's just that I don't want so many people there tomorrow and uhm…."

"Then it will only be me."

"Curtis….Oliver will be there." she says very quickly, afraid of her friend's reaction. She doesn't want him to feel like she's replaced him, it's just that Oliver makes her feel calm. There's something unexplained in the way that he's always been there, even before he knew about her illness, he just had a way to make her feel at ease with everything around her, the way he always manages to make her feel safe no matter what dangers may surround her."

"Not great huh?"

"First of all you didn't let me finish, what I wanted to say was that it didn't go great at first."

She can hear him chuckle.

So you're not mad?" she asks surprised by his reaction.

"Felicity, I want you to be happy, and from what I've seen how you've reacted to Oliver in this short time, being with him truly has transformed you."

Their conversation lasts for a few seconds more, but she knows that even though this trial is a gamble and there still is a chance she might die after all of this, at least this illness has brought her a chance of true happiness.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

It still feels surreal. The last thing he thought would happen this morning when he woke up was feeling a sense of hope again.

They had come to some sort of consensus about their ' _friendship_ ' and his mother had somehow surpassed his expectations by getting Felicity into Dr. Isaacs medical trial. It doesn't mean she is cured or that the road ahead will be easy, but she wants **_him_** there, front and center and he will be there. No more running, he will be there to support her, to carry her through, to love her….even though she has no idea about his true feelings, but at least they are at a place where they have the opportunity to work towards something, together.

Although his heart wants to burst from happiness, he feels his heart tightening thinking about his family. He threw a fit over his mother not wanting to help and left his sister with major disappointment yet again, and despite that his mother came through.

He hated that about himself.

He has to do something, he doesn't know what exactly, but he needs to start somewhere.

He takes out his cell phone and dials his sister's number. As the phone rings, he hopes she won't reject his call.

" _Hello?_ " the unsure sounding young voice answers.

"Thea….hi."

She doesn't answer him and it makes his stomach turn. He knows he needs to push from his side, if he wants to make amends. He understands that she owes him nothing, so everything will have to come from his side.

"I….I know you're angry and disappointed, but I….uhm….I was wondering if you will be available for breakfast tomorrow morning? Or coffee? I don't want to pressure you Thea I ju…."

" _Breakfast sounds good._ " her voice breaks through his explanation and a feeling of relief overpowers him and causes him to feel the tears sting at the back of his eyes.

"O….okay great. Tomorrow then."

" _Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye Ollie._ "

"Bye Thea." he doesn't want to say goodbye to her, but at least this is a start. He can still hear her breathing on the other side and he takes a chance. "Thea?"

" _Yeah?_ "

"I love you." he hears her sigh and then she hangs up.

He can't expect her to forgive and forget just then, but at least it's a step in the right direction.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

He's never been known for being on time, but today he makes sure he is early for his breakfast with his little sister. He settles at a table in their favourite restaurant looking over the harbour. They always used to go there together to get away from their parents and the pressure of being ' _Queens_ '. It was their hiding place, their place where they felt they could just be and today he hopes this could be a place where they reconnect.

He hadn't realised how much he's missed his little sister until he got home after work and thought about Felicity. They were moving forward slowly in their relationship but he didn't want to force her into anything. Taking things slow and doing things with a woman for the right reasons were never part of his agenda and he needed guidance. He could ask Lyla, but he needed someone who knew **_him_** , knew who he was even though he was trying to be a better version of himself.

He sits looking out over the blue waters, fidgeting with his fingers when he feels small fingers warming up his shoulder. He turns around and meets the weary eyes of his little sister.

She's grown up so much, but to him she will always be the little girl he swore to protect the first time he held her in his arms.

She takes a seat next to him, so they are close enough to each other, but can still enjoy the view the way they always do.

Without thinking, he takes her small hands lying on the table, in his and he feels the soft squeeze she gives his fingers. She's smiling but he can still see the weariness in her eyes, and he can't blame her, it's not as if he hasn't given her reason to not be skeptical of his sudden reaching out to her.

"I'm sorry Thea. I've been a lousy brother and I know I don't have a real good excuse, but I need you to understand that it was never anything you did or because of you. I couldn't move past certain things in my life and I've been dealing with it so poorly….I never meant to hurt you Thea."

"I know Ollie. It's just….how do I know….what's brought on this sudden change?"

"Her name is Felicity, Thea and you will absolutely love her." he explains without hiding his smile.

He tells her about Felicity during their breakfast. He finds himself talking nonstop about the beautiful blonde but he doesn't seem to care one bit.

"You're in love with her aren't you?" Thea asks after a while.

"Yes." he immediately responds and he can feel his heart swell every time he admits this.

"Wow, I never thought I'd see you feel this strongly about someone Ollie and I must say it's truly a testament of how far you've come."

"Well, I haven't really come that far Speedy. I acted so incredibly selfish when I found out about her illness, I didn't for one moment think about how she was feeling, I could only focus on my grief, my feelings of betrayal and broken trust. I feel ashamed about how I reacted and I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"Ollie, it's not about the past anymore. Let's take today as a new beginning and move forward from here. We need to put in the effort to rebuild our trust, and we **_will_** because love conquers all."

He doesn't even try to hide it, the tears fall freely over his face. The wisdom coming out of his little sister's mouth, the forgiveness she shows him and the unconditional love is enough to let the emotions flow.

"You know she asked me to go with her to her appointment today?"

"Wow! That's a huge step Ollie."

"Yeah." he responds but he keeps his eyes focused on the blue waters.

"You don't look too happy about it. I thought you guys resolved the issues you had."

"It's not that. It's just….I'm just scared that she asked me to do that because we talked about trust you know?"

"Ollie, don't sabotage the growth of this. I realise that you guys need to focus on rebuilding trust, but have you ever thought about the fact that she could have walked away after her first jump?"

The look of confusion reflecting on his face urges her to continue.

"She might have not told you about her illness, but she trusted you with her life big bro. She trusted you with everything she had, by agreeing to a partnership….I can tell you that it wasn't a choice that was made lightly. The moment she said yes to you Ollie, she entrusted her most valued possession into your hands….her life."

Her words shake him to the core. He never thought about it that way and it makes him feel even worse about the way he acted and for not trusting **_her_** enough to tell her who he was.

"Ollie, you need to focus on the future. I can see you are moving back to what happened, but I'm really hoping that this experience has taught you to look to the future….doing that you need to deal with it and then let go of the past."

"How did you get to be so clever?"

"I was born that way." she winks at him, her smile lighting up her whole face.

"You're right Speedy. Felicity has given me a sense of hope and even though I know that the time we have together is borrowed time, I really want to make her as happy as she makes me. I just wish I knew how to do that."

"Start with what you already know."

"Such as?"

"Well you said on her first jump she spoke about it being part of a ' _bucket list_ '. That can't be the only thing on her ' _bucket list_ ', so find out what the rest are."

"That's brilliant Speedy! Then I can try and fulfill the rest of the items on her list."

"Exactly!"

They spend a few more minutes together, catching up. They leave with a big hug, a sense of reconciliation between them, as he leaves to meet Felicity at Dr. Isaacs.


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

 _Why is it when you watch a clock time goes by incredibly slow?_

She sits wondering in the waiting room rolling her thumbs as she keeps looking at her wrist watch. Her appointment is only at 11, but she couldn't stand waiting around in her apartment waiting for the time to pass, so she arrives a half hour early to wait it out at the medical centre. There's still ten minutes to go to 11, before she will be called in, but it seems the closer to the time the more anxious she becomes.

She kind of hoped that Oliver would have been there when she arrived, but the more the thought circulated in her head, the more she knew it was unfair to expect something like that when they had agreed to meet at the medical centre five minutes before her appointment.

At the time of this arrangement she didn't think that she would be so scared to meet Dr. Isaacs in person. She's kind of relieved that she told Curtis and her mom not to come. They've been amazing in their support to her thus far, but she is currently struggling to keep her emotions at bay, and having them fuss over her would have been an explosion waiting to happen.

She looks down at her watch again and this time only two minutes have passed since she last looked, making her sigh loudly, of course catching the attention of the receptionist.

"Everything okay Miss Smoak?" she asks inquisitively.

Felicity clears her throat and forces a smile.

"Yes…yes thank you. I'm just waiting for someone to arrive." she replies, almost astonished that she finished that sentence without babbling, considering how nervous she is.

Just then the intercom rings and the receptionist buzzes the door open, revealing the person she's been waiting for.

She cannot help but let out a breath of relief when their eyes meet. His smile is blinding when he sees her and despite all the emotions currently at war inside of her, she lets it go for a moment and returns his smile.

He rushes over to sit on the empty seat beside her and without thinking twice, she launches her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. His strong arms envelop her and she can feel the tension leaving her body at his touch.

She feels the tears stinging at the back of her eyes, threatening to make their way down her cheeks, but she sucks in a deep breath of air, mixed with the familiar scent of Oliver. All the reasons why she convinced herself not to tell him about her illness in the beginning is suddenly gone, because right here, right now is what she's needed from the moment she found out that she is going to die, she's just so thankful that she has him with her now.

They break out of their hug and he looks at her cautiously.

"Are you okay?" he asks, his eyes roam over her tenderly to make sure she's okay.

"Well I am **_now_** that you're here." she replies and gives him a shy smile feeling the blush rise on her cheeks.

He responds in kind, but she can see he's not completely convinced. She entwines their fingers and makes a decision to keep her thoughts to herself for now, the last thing she wants is to break down in this waiting room, just before she meets the doctor, but Oliver can sense something's not entirely right.

He looks down at their joined hands for a minute and she can see he wants to say something, but it's like he's at war with himself whether or not to leave it alone.

"You know I'm not going anywhere right?" he says still looking down, almost like he's scared to look at her.

He looks up when she doesn't answer and she feels like her heart wants to jump out of her chest. His eyes are as calm as the ocean on a sunny summer's day and she wants to get lost in them. They make her feel calm, like she can take on anything in the world as long as he's there.

"I know." she whispers and he leaves the subject, not pushing anything.

They sit in silence for a while, their hands joined, both drawing strength from each other for what's about to come.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

"Miss Smoak?" the receptionist calls in the waiting room.

They are both startled at the sudden break in their little bubble.

"Dr. Isaacs will see you now." she continues when she gets their attention.

Their hands remain joined as they follow the receptionist to Dr. Isaacs office. She can feel her heart starting to pound again, but feeling Oliver squeezing her hand helps her to remember to concentrate on her breathing, helping her to keep her mind focused on the task at hand.

A grey haired man emerges from a room at the end of the hall way. He's about Oliver's height with a beard and glasses that brings back joyous memories of her grandfather.

"Miss Smoak, I'm Dr. David Isaacs, we spoke on the phone?" he introduces himself holding out his hand for her to shake, leaving her no choice but to leave the warmth of Oliver's touch.

As if he can read her mind he places his hand on her back as a show of support when she shakes the doctor's hand.

"I'm pleased to meet you Dr. Isaacs. This is my friend Oliver Queen." she gestures to Oliver.

"Ah yes, Oliver. It's so nice to see you again."

"Likewise, Dr. Isaacs." Oliver stretches out his unused hand to Dr. Isaacs to shake, the other hand still firmly placed on Felicity's back.

She's not sure for whose benefit Oliver is doing this gesture, but having him being so attentive to keep contact with her, makes her smile amidst the situation she's finding herself in.

They enter the office and take their seats on the opposite side of Dr. Isaacs's desk. Oliver moves his chair closer to Felicity's and drapes his arm around her shoulders.

There's a moment of silence as Dr. Isaacs works through some papers on his desk.

"Alright Miss Smoak. Like I told you over the phone, we have been experiencing great success with our new trial on stage 4 cancers, although we have never had a case like yours before."

She's heard this sentence before and although she had hope, a touch of doubt suddenly fills her heart. She tries not to show it and nods as Dr. Isaacs continues to speak.

"I have spoken to my colleagues in depth about this situation and they all feel very optimistic about your case."

"Should you decide to continue with this treatment, you must keep in mind that this is a trial. While we do feel very optimistic about your case and we have had success with other cases, there is in no way we can guarantee that it will work. The current success rate for this treatment is at 64%."

"That's really high." Oliver responds giving Felicity's shoulder a squeeze.

"Yes it is Oliver and we're very proud of these statistics."

Felicity keeps her eyes focused on Dr. Isaacs, trying very hard to keep her emotions in check.

"If Felicity decides to do the trial, what can we expect to happen doctor?" Oliver asks, when he looks at the blank expression on Felicity's face. She hasn't admitted anything to him, but he can only imagine how terrified **_she_** must feel, when **_he's_** feeling this anxious.

Dr. Isaacs looks at Felicity for a moment, calculating something in his head and then turns back to Oliver to address the question.

"The time ahead will be a difficult one." he starts, then focusing back on Felicity.

"Felicity, you have stage 4 cancer. With normal treatments I'm sure your doctor has informed you there is as little as a 5% chance of survival. So when I say that our treatment will not be a walk in the park, it's not because I want to scare you, it's because I want you to realise that we want to do everything in our power to help you beat this illness, but it's going to take time and a lot of effort. I can assure you that there will come times that you will want to give up, but all our staff here at the medical centre will be standing right behind you, cheering you on and encouraging you to the very end."

"What I can see today and from what we've discussed over the phone, you have a wonderful support system at home too, and just having that already makes the journey a bit easier."

"Will I get side-effects from the medication?" she asks.

"Unfortunately yes. The medication is not without its share of side-effects, but I can also add that each patient responds to it differently."

"How long…" she shakes her head trying to figure out how to rephrase the question. "If I start treatment, when will we be able to start seeing results?"

Dr. Isaacs nods his head in understanding of the deeper meaning to her question.

"When you were diagnosed, you were given an estimation of about six months to a year before the decease would take its toll right?"

Felicity feels her body go numb as her mind plays back the exact words delivered to her by Dr. McPherson.

"We will be able to see if the treatment is working within the first month Miss Smoak. So, to answer your real question, yes, if the treatment is favourable, the time given to you by your doctor will certainly be prolonged, as long as you keep to the treatment plan."

She releases the breath she's been holding since she asked the question and looks over to Oliver. There's so much hope displayed on his face and she decides to take it, to take the hope he's holding out to her, the hope he has in his heart that she can fight and beat this.

"Alright Dr. Isaacs, I'm willing to give this a shot. Where do I sign up?" she declares.


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17**

A comfortable silence exists while she nurses her mega cup of coffee admiring the various arrays of colour presented in the sunset. Never in a million years did she think this would become her life, that she would fall in love with this view, with this place. The place that brought new horizons to her life, despite the fact that she has a terminal illness, changed her life forever.

"What are you smiling about?" Oliver interrupts her thoughts.

She only now realises she's been grinning the whole time and it makes her heart flutter. She's happy. To anyone who hears her story she would seem completely crazy, but she's happy. Being right here, sharing a quiet moment with Oliver, being able to just be herself, not pretending or rushing to achieve another goal, it makes her happy.

"Oh, I'm just thinking about how life sometimes brings things your way and then it turns out to be nothing like you expected."

He looks at her curiously as his brow furrows.

"It's nothing bad Oliver. I just never thought I would be sitting here drinking coffee after free falling out of an airplane, watching the sun set. It feels like I'm living someone else's life. It's surreal."

He gives her a gentle smile, as their eyes meet and in that moment she can see all of his emotions displayed in his two wondrous blue orbs.

She puts her coffee cup down next to her and reaches for his hands, cocooning them in her own.

"Thank you for being there today. I don't think I would have been able to make it through if you weren't there."

"There's nowhere else I would rather have been today Felicity. Thank you for wanting me there."

The electricity between them has been palpable from the first moment they met, but there's been a shift ever since their talk the other day. They are more comfortable with each other. It's a strange phenomenon though, it's not like the attraction ever left, it's almost like they suppress it and when they forget about it for a moment, it suddenly makes its appearance again and it's so much more intense than the last time they experienced it.

They haven't had any other form of physical contact, other than hand holding. His eyes move their focus to Felicity chewing her bottom pink lipstick stained lip and it feels like they're taunting him to make a move.

He's grown used to her little habit. She does that when she feels nervous, and his heart races at the thought that she's trying to fight whatever urges Oliver is awakening within her.

Everything inside him is cheering him on, to just throw caution to the wind and kiss her, but he knows it would be wrong to take advantage of the situation right now. It's a fight between his heart and his mind, and both of them are making really strong cases.

He wants to do this right. He loves her and the last thing he wants is for her to feel like he's an opportunist taking advantage of her vulnerability. The old Oliver wouldn't have to think twice, but he knows he's better than that and she deserves better than that.

He clears his throat and looks back to the sunset, taking slow steady breaths to get his emotions back under control. He has to steer the conversation into a new direction, otherwise this situation is going to escalate and it's going to happen fast, because he doesn't know how long he can resist not telling her how he feels.

"Can you tell me a bit more about your ' _bucket list_ '?

He doesn't really want to have this morbid conversation now. It almost feels senseless, like he believes she's going to die, but it's exactly the opposite….he doesn't want her to die, he cannot wrap his mind around the fact that there **_could_** be an end to this.

"Oh wow, that was the last thing I expected you to ask about." she chuckles and it warms his heart to hear her sound so happy.

"Well, I figured since the first item led you to me, maybe if I knew the rest, I could help you fulfill them too." he takes a chance and looks back to her. She's so beautiful. The little pieces of her golden locks that came undone by the free falling wind gently shape her face. His brain already sends the command to pick up his hand and gently tuck her hair behind her ear, but he shuts down the command the moment he realises where his brain is going. This is way harder than he thought it would be, especially when she smiles at him. He's so consumed with love and affection for this woman it almost hurts.

"It's a long list, are you sure you have time? You know, you being so very busy and all." she teases.

"I'm sure I can make time for my favourite customer." he winks at her and his brain and heart go wild. He needs to focus!

She chuckles again and winks back. "Okay then Mr. Queen, I'll give you my ' _bucket list_ ', but I need you to promise me something."

"Miss Smoak, you keep asking me to make promises I'm not sure I want to make. I'm really having a hard time in keeping those promises."

"Okay, fair enough, but then you can make me a promise that you'll try to keep it?"

"A loophole! I like that. Fine, I'll promise I will try to keep the promise that you want me to make now."

"Promise me that you will try and not add pressure to fulfill everything on this list of mine. Most of these are things that are farfetched and probably things I won't be able to do in my condition anyway."

"Felicity…."

"No Oliver, it's my reality."

He closes his eyes and shakes his head in unbelief. "No, I don't want to think…."

"Oliver, I'm dying and yes for the first time since my diagnosis there's hope, but you need to come to terms with the fact that the trial won't work. I have made peace with this, so should you."

Her eyes are pleading and even though it pains him to think about it, she's right. He decides to agree with her, but in his heart he's holding on to hope, holding on to a miracle that she will beat this and there could be a future for them, a lifetime for them to share everything together. If he's going to be strong for her, holding on to **_them_** , is the only way he's going to get through this.

"Okay Felicity, you're right, but don't you dare for one second think I'm giving up on you."

She gently rubs the back of his hands still in hers and looks up to him with a smile.

"I don't want you to."

"Good." he replies matching her smile. "So, about that ' _bucket list_ ' Miss Smoak?"

"Right…." she starts. "I have ten items on my list. They aren't in any particular order, but they are definitely things that I want to experience one day in my life."

He waits patiently for her to continue, but instead she takes out her phone lodged in her jean pocket. She starts typing and within a few seconds his own phone vibrates in his pocket alerting him about an incoming e-mail.

He clicks on the icon and opens the e-mail received from Felicity and starts reading.

 ** _Felicity's Bucket List_**

 ** _1._** **** ** _Do something adventurous_**

 ** _2._** **** ** _Find a hobby other than technology_**

 ** _3._** **** ** _Fall in love_**

 ** _4._** **** ** _Learn to drive a motor cycle_**

 ** _5._** **** ** _Visit a foreign country_**

 ** _6._** **** ** _Learn to surf_**

 ** _7._** **** ** _Get a tattoo_**

 ** _8._** **** ** _Shark cage diving_**

 ** _9._** **** ** _Meet someone famous_**

 ** _10._** **** ** _?_**

"This is quite interesting." he acknowledges while he scans through the items on the list again. "But I think you missed one."

"No I didn't." she retorts.

"Yes you did Felicity. You left out number ten." he turns the phone so she can see the question marks displayed next to number ten.

"I left it out on purpose."

Oliver gives her a confused look. "Why would you do that?"

"I'm not ready to reveal that item to you yet and in my current situation, I don't think I will be able to reach that goal anyways."

He wants to fight her on this, push her until she tells him, but he decides to give her the space she needs. She's already shared more than he ever hoped for, and for now, working with the remaining seven items will keep him busy for a while.

He already has a million ideas swimming around in this mind of how to make all of them possible for her to experience, completely ignoring the promise he made a few moments earlier.

"Oliver?" she asks softly.

"Yes?" he answers grinning from ear to ear when he looks at her.

"While we're on the subject of things we want to achieve before we die, can I ask you a personal question?"

He feels the blood in his veins freeze at the possibility that the question might be about his family.

 _Please don't ask about my family, please don't ask about my family….._

He chants in his head, trying to keep his facial expression as neutral as possible.

"Why did you distance yourself from your family." she asks. There's no beating around the bush. The question is clear and direct and he has no place to hide.

He is faced with a choice. He can either lie to her and be the man he used to be, or he can tell her the truth and trust her the same way he wants her to trust him.

She can see it's a difficult subject for him, and she's ready to retract her question when he starts speaking.

"I guess it's guilt." he answers, pausing for a while. She squeezes his hand so he knows she represents a safe haven for him to run to. "I've always had a complicated relationship with my parents. Being born into a wealthy family, it sort of comes with certain expectations. Not just from the family but I guess the outside world too. When you researched me, I gather you found out a lot about who I used to be. The person I was…."

Felicity nods her head in acknowledgement, but she gives him a small smile.

"I didn't want to live up to those expectations. I wanted to be my own person. My parents weren't the ' _conventional_ ' type of parents. I knew they loved me, but they were so focused on success and opinions of others that the family life that was portrayed in magazines and newspaper articles was a complete sham. I later realised the more outrages my actions were, the more attention I got from them, and that's exactly what I wanted, attention, from them."

"Unfortunately, the attention wasn't just from them and even though it was negative, I found myself craving the attention from others too. I started believing I was this person who they wrote about. I completely lost sight of who I was."

"I knew I was being a terrible role model for my little sister, but I was so consumed with everything around me, that I didn't have any idea how to get out of that hole."

"When family vacations were arranged, I usually made other plans. I mean what would be the use of spending time with family that didn't really want to spend time with you. They would normally be busy on their laptops with work, or spend time networking with possible clients wherever we were, but there was something different in the way my father asked me to join them on the ski trip. It was almost like he wanted to mend fences, like he wanted to try and save our non-existing relationship, so I decided to join them on their trip."

"The day of my father's accident we had a terrible argument. He wanted me to start shadowing him at QC. He wanted me to know what the company was all about, but I was so focused on the fact that he wanted me to become him, that I flipped out. I accused him of being selfish, of being a dictator and a no good father. I left him alone on what was supposed to be a two-man trail and went drinking. I did what I do best, I ran. I ran away from responsibility, from being a real man. From the man my father knew I could be."

"That night when I got back to our cabin after getting completely wasted at the bar, my mother told me that my dad never came back from the skiing trail and that he was missing."

"Even in my drunken state I knew that it was my fault he was missing. It was a dangerous trail and I left him alone, thinking only about myself, as usual."

"First thing the next morning I got my ski's and went looking for him on my own. I searched for hours. My head was pounding from my hangover, but I needed to find my dad. I needed him to know how sorry I was. I needed him to come back, for my mother, for my sister and even for me. I needed him to know that I needed him."

There is a long moment of silence as Felicity observes Oliver. She can see the pain in his eyes. Pain that he's never dealt with and she wonders if he has ever told this story to anyone before.

"You're the first one." he says.

She looks at him questioningly.

"You wondered if I've ever told anyone this story….you're the first one. Everyone else knows the outlines, but it's the first time since his death that I am telling someone every single detail."

"You can trust me Oliver." she says, holding his hands a little tighter.

At the gesture, the dam wall breaks, tears flowing freely over his cheeks and she can feel the sting of pain in her chest, like their hearts are somehow connected and she can feel every single shred of pain he can.

"I found him….under a blanket of snow." he sobs. "He was frozen stiff curled up in a bundle against a rock. His leg was caught under a tree that fell, that's why he couldn't get back to the base. His hands were holding something against his heart….a picture of the four of us, his family."

"His last thoughts were of us, his wife and daughter and his biggest disappointment, me….I failed him Felicity, I failed my father. It's my fault he's dead, it's all my fault!" he cries.

She reaches for him and envelops his large frame with her tiny arms, trying to comfort him as he cries.

She has no idea what to say to him, but it becomes unbelievably clear why he reacted the way he did when he found out she didn't tell him about her illness.

"Is that the reason why you went to your mom to help me?" she asks softly, knowing the answer already, but she has to hear it from him.

"I couldn't bear the thought of losing you too Felicity. I know you said we can just be friends, but I couldn't just stand by and watch you die. You're too important to me." he places his hand against her cheek and gently swipes away the stray tear making its way from Felicity's eye.

"Thank you." she says softly, placing her small palm over his fingers on her face.

"There was no choice to make." he whispers leaning his forehead against hers.

He is content just staying like that; breathing in the same air as this magnificent creature. He doesn't know how, but she's found a way to make him live again, make him hope again. He has been granted a second chance, a way to redeem himself and even if it's the last thing he will ever do, he's going to make sure that every single item on that list of hers becomes reality.


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18**

Her stomach is in knots looking around the room she will be seeing a lot of in the foreseeable future. It doesn't necessary smell like a hospital but she doesn't know if it's the white bedding and pale curtains or just the fact that the beeping heart monitor that's attached to her, making the same monotonous sound for the last ten minutes, that's creeping her out more.

Today is her first treatment and the person she wanted there more than anything else in the world couldn't be there.

Oliver couldn't get off work. Turns out that being the heir to a multi-billion empire and withdrawing yourself from your family puts you into a ' _earn your living like everybody else_ ' category. She's sure Dig would have given him the day off, but the customers already booked their sessions in advanced and asked for Oliver specifically, so out of loyalty and obligation he decided to go into work, although she knows he wants to be with her very badly.

She's disappointed, but she has to make peace with it today and though she can hear her heart rate accelerating, her biggest cheerleader decides to take care of her today…Donna Smoak.

She loves her mom and though they don't necessarily have the conventional ' _mother-daughter relationship_ ', her mom would move heaven and earth to look after her and make sure she's taken care of. That's why her mom decided to move closer to Felicity's house…the apartment block right across from hers to be exact.

She wants to hyperventilate about the overbearingness of her mother, but in the same breath it's comforting to know that her mom wants the best for her, that her mom loves her.

Shortly after she was diagnosed with cancer and spending time with little Sara Diggle, she found herself thinking and even wanting to be able to have a little person who could call her ' _mom_ ' one day. Looking at her own mother, she only hoped that she could be half the mother that Donna Smoak, even with all her eccentricities, has always been to her…but for now, she's made peace with the fact that it's never going to happen. She can't bring herself to think passed each day, her focus needs to be on her health now, and the possibility that there still might be a chance that this treatment will not work scares her.

A nurse comes into the room and does a check of all her vitals. She's been lying with an IV feed in her arm, receiving some medication for possible nausea and a little something to help her calm down a bit…not that she can feel herself calming down right now.

"Sweetie, I got you a magazine to read if you feel up to it. Dr. Isaacs says you'll have to lie here for at least 90 minutes before we can take you home." her mother starts the conversation before even fully entering the room.

"Thank you mom." is all she answers. Her emotions are all over the place and even though her mom acts very brave at the moment, she's sure the magazine is more a distraction for her mother's benefit than her own.

Donna moves over to Felicity on the bed, careful not to be in the way of the nurse still doing cross checks. She doesn't say anything, but it's all displayed in her eyes. Her mother is terrified.

"Dr. Isaacs will be in shortly Miss Smoak. All your vitals look great, we can start the treatment now." the nurse says, giving Felicity's hand a little squeeze.

Felicity merely nods and the nurse takes that as her queue to leave, leaving them both with a deafening silence as they both work through the mass amounts of thoughts running through the minds.

It's a mere five minutes before Dr. Isaacs and the nurse returns. The nurse sets up the new plastic bag onto the IV already in Felicity's arm. She immediately feels the blood drown from her face realising what's about to happen.

"Alright Miss Smoak. This first cycle will take about an hour. However, I don't want you to get up for at least 30 minutes after we have removed the IV. It's just a precaution." Dr. Isaacs explains.

"Will she be sick immediately?" Donna asks.

"No, not immediately, but we have given your daughter some articles and other material to read about the side effects that can be expected from the treatment."

"Okay, but I'm looking after her and I just want to know what's going on." she explains.

"I understand that Miss Smoak. You're welcome to accompany the nurse to get the same material, so you can be up to speed." he suggests.

All Felicity can hear are the voices of her mother bombarding Dr. Isaacs with question after question and she can see that the man is getting a bit annoyed by this. The last thing she wants in this current situation is her mother stressing her out more.

"Miss Smoak, maybe it would be a good idea to rather wait for your daughter in the waiting area?" she senses Dr. Isaacs picking up on her sudden discomfort and thanks Google for someone suggesting this instead of her. She doesn't want to seem ungrateful towards her mother's presence.

"Oh." Donna replies and then there's a short space of silence. She can see the wheels of her mother's brain turning for a better response. "If I'm really really quiet, can I stay?"

Felicity wants to roll her eyes at the response, but when Dr. Isaacs chuckles it makes her feel more at ease.

"We don't really allow anyone in the room with the patients Miss Smoak, so I think it might be good to go with the nurse to get the information we talked about and visit the cafeteria for a nice cup of coffee. I'm sure you'll see that the time will fly by. You can come in again after the hour is passed." Dr. Isaacs's voice is commanding and she knows now that he's making up new rules as they go along…only for Donna Smoak and she cannot help but smile.

"I'll be okay mom. You take the magazine, it might be good for you to read it while you're waiting. I think I'll try to catch up on some lost sleep." she lies to keep her mother happy, there's absolutely no way that she'll be able to sleep with this needle in her arm and again wishes Oliver were there.

"Alright hon, as long as you're sure." her mother replies, her voice coated with concern, but she picks up her handbag on the nightstand and reaches for a blanket next to it.

"I brought you a blanket from home…thought it would make you feel more at ease having something familiar with you."

Tears sting at the back of her eyes, but she doesn't dare let them fall.

Her mother gives her a kiss on her forehead, tightly holding her hand, "I'll see you in an hour baby girl." and leaves without a second glance.

Felicity takes a deep breath, trying her utmost to calm her nerves when the door shuts, leaving her alone with the medical personnel.

"Okay Felicity, I'm opening the drip now. The emergency button is right here next to your bed. If you need any help, please press the button and we'll be here within seconds." Dr. Isaacs explains and gives her a faint smile.

"Thank you, I will." she says and prepares herself for what's to come.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

He can't get out of his gear fast enough. It's not that free falling is a slow thing anyways, but hanging in the sky, watching his watch every five minutes thinking about Felicity, makes him want to get to her even faster that falling out of a plane.

 ** _Went well. Heading home now with my mom. Feeling very tired. Missing you though_**

 ** _-Felicity_**

His phone buzzed right before the plane took off with this last customer for the day receiving a text from Felicity. He could breathe a little after that but he knows himself. There's nothing that will put him fully at ease than to see she's okay for himself.

He breaks possibly every traffic law there is and reaches her home within a few minutes. He's never been to her house before, and the thought thrills him, but scares him at the same time. He's fallen hard for this woman, he loves her, but he has no idea what to make of that.

He wants to tell her, but the risk is there that she'll think he's only saying that because she's dying and then he might lose her, it might make things awkward…the only way to make this work for now is to be what she wanted from the start – _a friend_.

He knocks on the door and is confused by the blonde woman who opens it. He first thinks it might be the wrong apartment and steps back from the door looking at the number displayed on the side of the wall, proving to him that it is in fact the right house.

"Hi, may I help you?" the blonde greets still standing on the inside of the door.

"Oh, yes, I'm looking for Felicity Smoak's apartment...is thi…" he starts only to be cut off by the stranger staring back at him.

"Then you're in the right place. I'm Felicity's mother."

And then it dawns on him. She must have stayed with Felicity. "Hi Mrs. Smoak, I'm Oliver…"

"Queen. Yes, I know who you are Mr. Queen, Felicity's told me so much about you." she interrupts him again, stretching forth her hand to greet him.

He chuckles at the picture in front of him. He doesn't know if he's seen anyone with a smile so huge. If her ears weren't in the way, the smile would probably go around her head.

"Please call me Oliver Mrs. Smoak. I am after all a friend of Felicity's." he takes her outstretched hand and shakes it.

"Then I must insist you call me Donna. And also, I'm not a missus, I'm a miss. After Felicity's dad left I changed my name back to my maiden name and in the process Felicity's too."

"Well it's great to meet you Donna. Is Felicity here?" he looks around when she lets him inside.

The inside of the house screams Felicity Smoak. Bright colours, open but yet cozy, a perfect reflection of who this woman is.

"Yes she is honey, but she's asleep. Dr. Isaacs said that it's one of the many side effects she can experience." Donna explains and gestures for Oliver to have a seat on the couch.

Oliver nods in response to the explanation, wondering if she's experienced any other symptoms too. Donna in return senses the underlying question and adds, "Dr. Isaacs said her vitals looked good after the treatment and that they are very happy with the way her body reacted. She hasn't experienced nausea or any other side effects as of yet, just the fatigue."

"That's good news." he says, but his throat is constricting his voice from coming out completely.

"Thank you for doing this for her Oliver. You barely know my baby, but I want to tell you how grateful I am that you're in her life and that you got her into this trial. I have not words to say thank you enough."

"I couldn't just leave her without hope. Your daughter is something else Donna." at the confession his face cannot hide the shy smile, displaying his feelings in all its glory. "She's very important to me."

She looks at him for a while, not a word is uttered for a few moments, but just like with Felicity, the instant communication is there. He can understand where Felicity gets a lot of her mannerisms from – their personalities might be very different, but he wonders if Felicity actually realises how much a like they are.

Their silence is broken when Donna's phone beeps and she gets up from her seat to check on her phone.

"Oliver, I'm sorry to do this to you, but do you think you can maybe stay here with Felicity for a few hours? They are short staffed at the Star Casino and my boss just asked me to help out with the late night shift."

"Sure." he says trying not to sound too excited about this arrangement. "It's no problem at all."

"I'll be back first thing in the morning to take over again."

"She'll be in good hands Donna." he assures her.

Donna nods and gathers her things from the counter and makes her way towards the door. She opens it ready to walk out when she stops and turns towards Oliver.

"You're in love with her aren't you?"

In an instant he's floored by the question, but he cannot deny it, although he doesn't say anything, she can see the answer in his eyes.

"She might not be willing to admit it to herself yet or anyone else for that matter, but I know my daughter Oliver, and from what I've seen, she's in love with you too." she smiles and leaves.

It takes a few moments before he registers where he is and closes the door while the words of Donna still swim around in his head.


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER 19**

 ***TRIGGER WARNING - THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS GRAPHIC DETAILS OF CANCER TREATMENT SIDE EFFECTS***

Her mind gradually surfaces from her deep slumber. She takes in a deep breath before she opens her eyes, smelling the familiar scent of home. It's dark in her room and it takes a moment for her eyes to adjust. Her house is completely silent as she stretches her arm to her bedside table to reach for her phone.

She reads the time as **_03:26_** , which means she's been sleeping for about 12 hours straight. The treatment must have taken quite the toll on her body if she's been out cold for that long.

A pinch of guilt floods her when she remembers that her mom is probably still in her house. Her mom promised that she wouldn't leave until she knew she was okay.

Felicity slowly sits up and maneuvers herself to the edge of the bed waiting for the blood to flow to all areas of her body before she risks standing up to search for her mother. She's a little disoriented, but it's manageable, at least she's not nauseated, that's a good sign right?

She walks out of her room into more darkness, except for a single bright light coming from her living room. She realises that it must be the television. Her mother is probably trying to keep herself awake, and she feels so bad for sleeping all this time. She knows it's not exactly something she could control, but still.

She rounds the corner walking into the living room and she smiles at the picture displayed in front of her. The television is on as she suspected, with a sleeping Oliver curled up on her couch cuddling what looks like her stuffed _Robin Hood Hello Kitty_ she bought at Comicon a while back. She went through a Robin Hood phase and _Hello Kitty_ dressed up as Robin Hood was just the most adorable thing she's ever seen…until now.

Her heart swells at the sight and for a moment she appreciates the peacefulness that is revealed all over his features. He truly looks at peace and she wishes in that moment that she could give that peace to him always, that when he wakes up that he never has to feel the guilt, the pressure of all the terrible things he's gone through in his life.

She watches him for a few more minutes without interruption. He's definitely the most beautiful man she's ever laid her eyes on. Except for his outward features, like his eyes, his smile, the mole just under his lip and not to even mention his rock hard body, but despite of all these features, his heart, that's what has her feeling so incredibly thankful to know this man.

In her admiration she shifts her stance causing the floor board to creak under her foot. At the sound Oliver jolts up from a sleeping position, having _Hello Kitty_ flying over the couch and him in a standing position staring at Felicity with eyes as big as saucers.

She stifles a laugh, because this is one of the funniest things she's seen in a while and also the most adorable. His hair is ruffled, which by the way is extremely sexy and he's looking at her with so much concern. The sight makes her heart melt to know that this incredible man has been sleeping in her home because he was worried about her. This man has opened up her heart in a way she never knew was possible…this man, Oliver Queen…it dawns on her and she is ready to admit it to herself…it's no longer just attraction, she's in love with Oliver Queen.

"Felicity?" he clears his throat to get rid of the sleepiness, "are you okay, is there anything wrong?" he moves closer to her, when he doesn't get a response out of her as quick as he would like.

She doesn't answer him; she's still in her own little world where realisation just hit. She only finds her way back to reality when he touches her hand and the familiar spark of electricity hits her like a bolt of lightning.

"Felicity!" he almost screams when he doesn't get a reaction from her.

"Yeah…I…I'm fine Oliver, I'm fine."

She can hear him sigh as relief floods him and in an instant the worry in his eyes are replaced by relief and pure affection.

He steps back when he realises how close he is to her awaiting the million questions to follow starting with why he was sleeping on her couch when she didn't even know he was in her house, but instead she surprises him when she gives him one of her beautiful smiles, making his knees go weak.

He has to sit down at the feeling using adrenaline wearing off as a very good excuse.

"So, care to tell me what you're doing here?" she asks joining him on the couch, but there's absolutely no judgement what so ever.

"I, uhm…" he tries to find his voice. Everything that happened from the moment he woke up finding her staring at him has thrown him for a loop and he's still trying to figure out what's going on. "I came by last night to check on you and you were already asleep." He grins replaying the scenes of the previous night in his mind, "I first thought I was at the wrong apartment when your mom opened the door."

She loudly groans at the thought of her mother being her usual overly happy self, meeting Oliver for the first time. "I can only imagine that it can only be described as quite the experience." her face turns a wild shade of red just thinking about the embarrassment.

"Oh it was." he laughs, "but even though your mother as her quirks, she loves you very much Felicity."

Felicity smiles at the words and she knows it's true. Her mother has always been there for her and even though sometimes overbearing, she knows it comes from a place of love.

"So where is my mother by the way?"

"She got a message late last night that they were short staffed at the casino and asked me to stay." he explains, but before she can answer, he quickly adds, "I hope that's okay, I didn't mean to intrude, I was just worried about…"

"It's okay Oliver." she interrupts him and places her hand on his knee, increasing his heart rate. She's sitting so close to him he's scared she will hear how fast his heart is beating.

"I'm happy you're here. It really sucked not having you at the treatment yesterday."

What is she doing? She is sitting so close to Oliver at this point. Every cell in her body is calling out to him. Is it because she just realised her true feelings for him or is it because this new found boldness is a side effect of the treatment. She doesn't exactly know, all she can know for sure at this moment is that she's in love with this man sitting on her couch and even though she told him they could only be friends her heart and her mind is screaming at her to take a chance.

"I'm sorry about that. I really tried to be there yesterday, and that's why I rushed over here as fast as I could because I needed to see for myself that you were okay, and then I fell asleep on your couch."

"Cuddling my _Robin Hood Hello Kitty_." she teases, making him stare down at their entwined hands hiding the embarrassment in his eyes.

She gently rubs his knuckles with her thumb and whispers, "I think it's adorable though."

He looks up meeting her pale blue eyes. He zooms in on her tongue peeking out from between her lips for a split second wetting her pale pink lips. He's so close to her and he knows there are boundaries that he should respect but his feelings for her have become too overwhelming to ignore.

He looks up into her eyes again and leans forward in the direction of her lips. He still thinks there's time to change his mind when Felicity closes the gap and their lips meet for the first time.

At first the kiss is chaste but it causes him to feel lightheaded, as if he's high on her and he has to have more. He places his hand behind her head, bringing her closer to him so he can deepen the kiss when he feels her hand on his chest and she's pushing him away.

She stares at him with big blue eyes, the expression on her face unreadable. She jumps up from the couch and nearly sprints out of the living room shutting her door with a loud thump.

He closes his eyes as regret spills over him for crossing the line. How could he be so stupid? He stays still for a moment, praying to hear some kind of a sound to know how deep in trouble he is and if there's any way to salvage their relationship, when he hears it…

Loud heaves coming from the direction of her shut door. He's relieved because it means that she didn't leave because of him, but instantly concerned when he realises that the side effects of the treatment is kicking in.

He's at war with himself whether or not to invade her personal space, but quickly decides that she can be angry with him after wards and kick him out. He made her a promise to be there for her and there's nothing that's going to keep him from staying true to his promise.

He slowly enters the room as the heaves become louder the closer he gets to the en-suite bathroom. He steps inside and finds her cradling the toilet, her body in spasms as the nausea takes over in full force.

He looks around the bathroom and finds a wash cloth in a neat stack in a little basket next to the bath and soaks it in some hot water.

He's not sure if she wants him there, but he tries to show her as much support as possible as he hunches next to her holding her hair and rubs her back.

When it seems that the worst has passed, she takes some toilet paper and wipes her mouth, blows her nose and she takes Oliver's hand as he helps her up from the floor.

In all of this she avoids his gaze. She walks over to brush her teeth and Oliver disappears into her bedroom with the wash cloth.

When she's done in the bathroom she walks into her dark room, finding Oliver standing waiting for her with a blanket in his hands and the duvet pulled back, ready for her to get in. The little light on the bedside table is on and her pillows are fluffed. She feels mortified that he had to witness that. That's not the way their first kiss was supposed to go and she can feel the tears stinging at the back of her eyes. This damn illness is messing up everything.

She gets into bed, still not looking at him. She makes herself comfortable as he wraps her up with the blanket.

He slowly takes a seat next to her, taking the soaked wash cloth and gently dabs it on her pale, sweaty skin. Only then she looks at him. There's so much love in those big blue eyes of his, but the frown on his face screams worry, and she feels guilty for being the one that put it there.

"I'm sorry." she says and as the words fall out of her mouth the tears that have been threatening to fall for a while run down her cheeks.

He places the wash cloth next to the bed again and wipes the tears with his thumb, not breaking eye contact for even a second.

"Hey…you don't need to apologise for anything okay?"

"But I…" she starts.

"Felicity…" he interrupts her from saying anything else. "I'm not going anywhere. I made you a promise and nothing is going change that. I…"

He desperately wants to tell her how he feels, but right now, she needs to concentrate on getting better and he doesn't want to add unnecessary pressure by telling her he loves her just in case she doesn't feel the same.

"…I'm not going anywhere." he says instead, bending down to kiss her softly on her forehead.

She closes her eyes at the contact.

"I'll be right down the hall if you need me okay. Get some rest." he gets up, heading out the door.

"Oliver."

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay with me? Here next to me?"

He's amazed by her request, but he keeps his face as neutral as possible, not showing his happy dance that's in full force on the inside.

He turns around and gets in on the other side while she holds open the duvet for him. She snuggles up to his chest and he wraps his arm around her body holding her as close as possible. He smiles when he feels her heart beat faster and faster, knowing that the kiss from before wasn't a mistake at all.

Donna was right, Felicity does feel something too. He's more determined than ever to make her ' _bucket list_ ' a reality, but even more, she has to survive this, because now that he knows there could be a future, he doesn't know how he'll be able to say goodbye if she doesn't survive this.


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER 20**

The day she agreed to do the treatment she knew what was waiting…although that's what she kept telling herself after she read the mountains of information that was given to her, but living through this is a whole new ball game.

Since her cancer is so advanced and she first refused normal cancer treatment, they had no other choice but to increase her treatment significantly. This means treatments three times a week for a month. Dr. Isaacs warned her that this would be a complete shock to her system, so after the month's treatment she will have to give her body some time to rest for at least a month to recuperate. They will then do excessive tests to determine whether or not the treatment made any noteworthy changes and if it did, she will then continue the same treatment regimen after her month of rest.

Three times a week doesn't seem so much when you read it on paper, but she's come to find out that it isn't a walk in the park.

Queen Consolidated was kind enough to give her a leave of absence for as much time as she needed, and seeing that the CEO of the company she works for arranged the treatment, it felt wonderful to know that she will at least still have a job to go back to when all this is over.

A whole schedule was set up between Oliver, Curtis and her mom for her treatment each week and even though she would have wanted Oliver to be there for all of them, she has to be realistic…also she can't expect Curtis and her mother to take a back seat when they've been there for her since day one.

Side-effects are grueling and every day is a surprise when she wakes up to figure out how it's going to go. Some days are good and some days are really bad, but through it all she's learned to keep her eye on the prize…the future…and she wants one with Oliver.

He's been absolutely amazing. Even though he has a lot of responsibility at the club, he still manages to drop by every day and make sure she's okay.

Tonight is different though. It's the first night that he can't come around after work. The club had to prepare for an inspection from the National Aviation Department early the next morning and it took much longer than anticipated. He still wanted to come over, but she told him to rather go home. She knew he was tired and the last thing she wants is for her putting extra pressure on him.

So here she is at home, as usual lying in her bed, trying to watch some kind of brain dead show on the new television screen Oliver mounted against the wall, to make life a bit easier for her. This way she doesn't have to go into the living room to watch television when she feels too sick to get out of bed.

Her phone buzzes next to her with a text from Oliver.

 ** _OQ:_** _Hey beautiful. Are you still awake?_

She smiles at the ' _beautiful_ '. He's been calling her that for the last two weeks now and it seems that he's sticking to it, not that she's complaining.

 ** _FS:_** _Hey! Yes, watching…actually I have no idea what I'm watching. How did the prep go?_

 ** _OQ:_** _LOL! All done for the day, and lucky me, Digg gave me the day off tomorrow._

 ** _FS:_** _That's great! Does this mean I get breakfast in bed?_

 ** _OQ:_** _Actually I wanted to know if you would be up to a picnic._

She looks at his message and although she really **_really_** wants to say yes, she has no idea how her body will react tomorrow. She contemplates what to answer when a new text comes through.

 ** _OQ:_** _There's no pressure, I just wanted to know if you're up to the prospect of one. You must be so tired of being cooped up in your apartment. How about you let me know when you wake up tomorrow? If you're not up to it I'll get us some movies or whatever you want to do tomorrow. Really no pressure, I promise._

 ** _FS:_** _Sounds like a plan. If my body cooperates, I'd love a picnic._

He doesn't respond immediately. She wonders if his heart is beating as fast as hers. She knows it's not the medication in her system…this is Oliver Queen and it's been like that ever since the first day she met the man.

 ** _OQ:_** _Alright then Miss Smoak. Praying hard tonight your body is up to some serious picnicking tomorrow._

 ** _FS:_** _:-D_

 ** _OQ:_** _Sweet dreams. I'll speak to you tomorrow then?_

 ** _FS:_** _Tomorrow xx_

 ** _OQ:_** _xo_

She goes to sleep with a huge smile on her face. Amidst the terrible side-effects, Oliver has been her anchor and she's so happy she made the choice to jump out of that plane.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

The next morning she lies in her bed staring at the ceiling. Normally it takes a while for the nausea to kick in and once it does she knows exactly how the day will turn out. This time however, after an hour, there's still nothing and she holds on to hope that she will be able to leave her bedroom and have a change of scenery. Butterflies make their presence known in her stomach when she thinks of spending the day with Oliver. Doing anything with Oliver is usually amazing, because just having him there with her is all she needs, but this is something different. It's almost like a date…since their first kiss went so horribly wrong, they haven't been outside her apartment except for the medical clinic and even then she normally feels horrible. She's just looking forward to having some much needed fresh air.

She reaches for her phone and sees a text waiting for her from Oliver.

 ** _OQ:_** _Morning beautiful! Let me know when you're awake. I'm still hoping that today will be a good day, so I'm already buying a few things for our picnic. If you're not up to it, I'll take it to the club – I'm sure they could use some cheering up with the inspection today. Please remember there's no pressure._

She can't wait to text him back.

 ** _FS:_** _Seems that hope and prayer paid off Mr. Queen. Feeling up to that picnic and don't you dare give anything away. What time can I expect you?_

 ** _OQ:_** _Great! I'm happy you're feeling a bit better today. I'll be there in an hour._

 ** _FS:_** _Can't wait!_

She gets out of bed and makes her way to her bathroom. A nice hot shower is just what she needs now.

When she's done with the shower, feeling refreshed and starts with her normal routine to get ready for her ' _date_ ' with Oliver. He didn't exactly call it that, but in her mind it's a date and she's going to enjoy every second of it.

She stands in front of her closet, considering what to wear. She wants to be comfortable, but also wear something nice….well anything is better than the way he's seen her these last two weeks.

A buzzing coming from her bed side table interrupts her elimination process.

 ** _OQ:_** _I forgot to tell you…wear pants and comfortable shoes - it's not a normal picnic. See you in a bit._

 ** _FS:_** _Okay….what do you have up your sleeve Mr. Queen?_

She smiles as she walks back to her closet to pick out her outfit. Today is going to be a great day indeed!

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

It's not long after the last text she hears a knock at the door. Immediately the butterflies in her stomach go wild, but it's an incredible feeling. She's never felt like this before…not with anyone.

She walks over to the front door, trying not to run, but the excitement is extremely overwhelming. She opens the door and her eyes are met by the familiar sky blue orbs she's come to love. His smile is blinding and for a moment she wonders if he's feeling the same excitement as her.

"Hey beautiful." he says, leaning forward he gives her the softest of kisses on her cheek.

There hasn't been any other mind-blowing physical contact except for the occasional snuggling, forehead and cheek kisses after their ' _first kiss_ ' which cannot actually be called that. She's thankful for what she's gotten but she hopes that at least another attempt at a first kiss will be in the cards for them today.

"These reminded me of you." he hands her a bunch of pink and white lilies, which matches the shade of the blush forming on her cheeks.

"Thank you." she says, still smiling, "they're beautiful."

He steps inside her apartment, when she steps into her kitchen to put the flowers in a vase.

"So…are you still up for today?" he asks, nervously swaying from his toes to his heels.

"Yeah." she smiles looking at him again from where's she's busy arranging the flowers in the vase. "Today is a good day and I'm actually quite excited."

"Good." he says, giving her a shy smile.

"Okay, well I'm done here, so I'm ready if you're ready." she moves towards him, taking a hold of her handbag lying on top of the counter.

"Uhm, Felicity?" he starts, looking somewhat nervous and she can't really pin point why.

"What's wrong?" she stares down at her clothes, fiddling with her hair, thinking something is out of place. "Is there something wrong with what I'm wearing, because I can change into something else, I'm just wearing this because you told me to wear pants, and I thoughts jeans were comfortable, but if it's something fancier you had in mind I can definitely do something fancier…"

He moves closer to her, placing his hand on her shoulder which stops the ramble.

"You look perfect." he says ever so softly that her stomach does a back flip. "I just don't think it will be the best idea to take your purse...there's not exactly space for it…"

When her brow furrows from pure confusion he gives a little chuckle and she feels like she can kiss him senseless right then and there. He's the most adorable thing she's ever come across, but she really wants this picnic and she might not get it if they start off with a make out session this early in the date.

"We're not precisely using normal transport today. But, you need to take a jacket, because it's nippy outside." he explains.

She looks at him curiously, but she smiles.

"Fine Mr. Queen, I don't know what you have planned, but I'm more than willing to go along with whatever it is."

She takes a few items out of her bag and stuffs them into her jean pockets. She disappears into her room and in a few short moments she returns with a black leather jacket.

"Right, I'm good to go." she winks at him and they leave her apartment for the adventure that's waiting outside.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

When Oliver told her that they were not making use of ' _normal_ ' transport he wasn't kidding. When she got outside of her apartment his Ducati was waiting for them. At first she had reservations, but it disappeared as quickly as the thought made it to her mind.

She remembered that one of the items on her ' _bucket list_ ' was learning to ride a motorbike…so she probably first had to ride **_on_** a motorbike in order to be able to control one.

She got on the bike behind Oliver and hearing his words ' _hold on to me tight Felicity_ ' made her knees weak, thankfully she was sitting otherwise her body might have caused major embarrassment.

So there she is, her arms wrapped tightly around Oliver's waist riding on a motorbike, taking in the beauty of the country side. They have been driving for about 90 minutes, but every minute has been incredible.

Her heart aches thinking about the fact that she might not have this again, but she decides to not think about possible ' _what ifs_ ' right now and just enjoy the present, because if that's all she has, at least it will be these memories that will sustain her in the hard times that lay ahead.

They finally come to a stop on a dirt road. Even though she can feel the change in the air with autumn approaching, the field is beautifully green with purple and yellow field flowers everywhere. It is simply breathtaking and with the little breeze in her hair, she breathes in the freshness of this beautiful day.

Oliver is the first one off the bike, but he leaves her sitting for a moment as he removes his helmet. Not entirely knowing what's going on she does the same, but she remains seated.

"Okay, so…you know that ' _bucket list_ ' you gave me?" he starts off slow and hesitant. "I wanted to help you fulfill the other parts on that list too…so I thought I'd teach you how to ride a motorbike…"

She can't believe her ears. Did he actually go and study that list so he could help her fulfill her desires? Who is this man?

When she doesn't respond, he quickly adds, "if you're too scared, we don't have to do anything, there's no pressure I just thought…"

"No…no Oliver that's not it, it's just…this is…this is amazing Oliver. Thank you." her eyes fill with tears and as she fights for them not to fall, he moves closer and kisses her gently on the forehead.

"You don't have to thank me Felicity." he says softly against her forehead, not moving for the longest time.

They both take a breath to work through the heaviness of the moment, when Oliver is the first one to break the silence.

He starts off by explaining and showing her which levers are for the accelerator and the breaks, as well as how the gears work and so on. Luckily she catches on quickly and it's not long before she knows what to do in theory.

He stands next to her, cautioning her not to press down on the accelerator too fast, otherwise the bike will jump forward and might throw her off in the process.

She takes a breath and starts the process as Oliver explained. She puts the bike into gear, flexes her fingers on both the levers on the bike's handles and starts pressing down slowly on the accelerator lever. The slow motion she was opting for is thrown out the window when her fingers twitch and she presses on the lever with full force. The bike jumps forward but Felicity clings to the machine for all she's worth as it moves forward at a faster speed that either of them anticipated, starting out with this lesson.

"Press down the brake!" Oliver yells running after her, but the bike doesn't slow down at all.

Pure fear overcomes Felicity and she starts to panic. She can hear Oliver yelling something but her mind isn't registering any of the words he's yelling from behind her. All she can focus on is the forward motion of the bike and nothing else…at least she's still **_on_** the bike.

In a way Oliver manages to catch up with the moving bike and jumps on the back taking over control of the levers. He doesn't stop the bike though, he places his hands over Felicity's and helps her manage the steering, which slows down the speed and steadies the bike.

Her heavy breathing calms down the moment she feels his hands over hers and his body pushing against her back. She starts to concentrate on what Oliver is instructing in her ear and after a few moments she's back in control.

They ride like that for a few moments and then Oliver removes his hands from hers on the handles, slowly wrapping his arms around her waist. He has complete confidence in her ability and that gives her the self-confidence she needs to complete this task.

He instructs her in the direction she needs to go and she drives them, on her own, all the way to a secluded spot next to a lake.

She brings the bike to a complete stop, her body shaking with the adrenaline coursing through her veins. She did it! She drove a bike and she did it on her own!

Oliver gets off the bike and helps her off before he sets up the kickstand to hold the bike upright.

She's amazed by the view. Large trees next to the lake, on a little hill overlooking the field they just drove through. If she thought the place they stopped for their bike lesson was breathtaking, it's nothing compared to where she's standing right now.

She takes off her helmet and her eyes focus on a picnic basket tied up with a rope in one of the nooks of the large tree they are standing in front of. She turns over to Oliver busying himself with taking out a few items from the trunk of the bike. What did she ever do to deserve this man? He must have dropped the basket off earlier because he knew they couldn't take the picnic basket on the bike. He's going through so much trouble for her and just so he could teach her how to ride a bike.

Is it possible that she could love him even more after this?

He sets up the blanket so they have a perfect view of both the lake and the field and unties the basket in the tree.

It's so serene and this whole moment is just perfect.

He packs out the delicious treats he'd packed for them and after they have eaten he sits back against the trunk of the tree. He opens his arms to her and she doesn't need a second invitation to snuggle next to him. Having his arms wrapped around her is something she's grown accustomed to. She feels safe there.

"I know you said that I don't need to thank you, but I feel that I want to." she says tracing meaningless patterns on his chest.

She can hear him sigh and she can't help but smile, she's come to see that he can be very dramatic when the occasion calls for it.

"I really appreciate you doing this for me Oliver. I'm sorry that I nearly crashed your bike though."

He chuckles giving her a soft kiss against her temple.

"Let's just say I've never been so happy about being able to run so fast, but even if you did crash the bike, your life and your safety is always my number one concern. I guess I didn't completely think the plan through."

"No, it was completely my fault. My fingers twitched and it set the whole problem in motion. I should have thought about the brakes but I just panicked. I'm sorry."

"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry about. I should have sat behind you to begin with, but you did a great job after you got the hang of it."

"I don't think I've ever heard you sound so scared like you did when you were running behind me." she gives a nervous laugh.

"Actually, it wasn't the first time. I was scared yes, but I knew in a way that I could still help you. I don't think I've ever been so scared like the day you passed out in the air…Felicity I don't know what I would have done if I didn't catch you in time."

She sits up straight and looks at him. Fear blatantly displayed on his features together with the familiar crease between his eyes.

She takes her thumb and gently swipes over the wrinkle, softly tracing her fingers down the side of his cheek. His stubble tickling the soft tips of her fingers in the process.

He closes his eyes at the feeling of her fingers against his face and she can see him relaxing against her as she continues the gesture.

"But you were and you did Oliver. You saved me…"

"For as long as I can Felicity, I'll always keep you safe…"

The atmosphere is thick with emotion. Their gaze locked. He circles her wrist with his fingers and starts to pull her closer to him, but as if in seconds he convinces himself not to do anything else he clears his throat, breaking them out of their deep stare.

"I have another surprise for you." he says quickly and moves away from her getting something else out of the basket.

She stares at him incredulously, following his every move until he's sitting next to her again.

"I uhm…spoke to Dr. Isaacs about you wanting a tattoo and he said that it was too dangerous at this point in the treatment for you to get one. He said you could get infected and there's a lot of other things that I won't get into right now, but I managed to get a way to give you a temporary tattoo…you can decide later if you want to get a real one, but this is for now." he grins at her, looking very chuffed with himself for being innovative.

"Wow, that's great!"

"Okay, so I have a few choices here, because I didn't know what exactly you had in mind when you thought about getting a tattoo."

He takes out three pieces of paper with sketches on them, a butterfly, a bow and arrow and a rose, and gives it to her.

"These are fake tattoos." she smiles, not really knowing what else she expected.

"Yeah." he smiles, "you can choose which one you want and I can help you put it on."

She takes her time looking at the sketches and then hands him her choice.

"The bow and arrow."

It's not a question really but she feels the need to explain her choice.

"To me it's the obvious choice. In order to shoot an arrow with a bow, you need to draw it back before it can go forward. It almost feels like my life and maybe it's a gesture of faith you know? Me being drawn back, by my sickness, before I can move forward…" she desperately wants to add ' _with you_ ', but she rather goes with, "to my future."

He stares at her, swallowing thickly, they can't get past the electrical emotional current still in the air.

"Where do you want it?"

"What?" she feels confused by the question, which she shouldn't be, but she's so focused on Oliver and her racing heart that she can't think clearly.

"The tattoo." he answers. "Where do you want it?"

"Oh," she laughs nervously, "here," she takes off her jacket revealing her brightly coloured tank top, and pulls down the piece of material revealing her bear shoulder, "on my shoulder please?"

He tries to stay calm and not look into her eyes, to keep his wits about himself, but it's frustratingly difficult.

He places the sketch over her shoulder. The tip of his fingers lightly touches her skin and it sends a current of lightning through his body. What is it with them and lightning, it feels like his body gets electrocuted every time he touches her, but it's a feeling his body craves, the more he experiences the feeling, the more he wants it.

He focuses on the tattoo and pushes down on the little dots of the sketch. When he's done he peels off the paper leaving behind the picture of the bow and arrow on her shoulder. He doesn't know why, but he blows on it and when his eyes lift up from the picture, he is met by total surprise reflected in hers as she stares at him.

They are inches away from each other. His hand is still firmly on her shoulder.

Her eyes move from his and down to his lips and without trying to convince herself not to, she presses her lips against his and he responds.

It's not chaste like the first time, this time it's filled with all the emotion felt in the air around them. She turns her body into his, without their lips breaking contact. He places his hands behind her head, anchoring her to him so he can deepen the kiss. In return she wraps her arms around his neck and the contact makes her body want to burn up with the fire ignited by the kiss.

His tongue swipes over the seam of her lips and she grants him access. Their tongues dance in unison and it's unlike anything either of them has ever experienced before.

When breath is no longer an option, they break the kiss, still lingering against each other's lips.

"Wow." she says breathlessly.

In return he kisses her again, this time soft and sweet releasing a small moan from her mouth. She can feel him smiling against her as he continues the kiss.

She needs to survive this, she wants this. She needs this life, a future and she needs it with this man…Oliver Queen.


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER 21**

He slowly sips the hot coffee out of the take away container as he stares out the window. His heart feels constricted and the uncertainty of the conversation that's about to happen is making him feel uneasy.

He thinks back to the events that led up to this moment…

 _Since their picnic, they have grown so much closer, but life had grown so much harder for the woman he loves. If the side-effects she was experiencing before the picnic were bad, they became way worse the more she went for treatment._

 _Good days had become a luxury for her, but he was there supporting her whichever way he could because he needed her to fight, he needed for her to understand that he wanted her to find a reason to fight, that maybe he could be a reason for her to fight._

 _He loved her and even though he hadn't actually admitted it to Felicity yet, everyone could see it. Donna and Thea had been encouraging him to tell Felicity, but he hadn't felt that the moment was right yet. There was so much going on and the last thing he wanted was to add something as big as that to the mixture when she might not be ready to hear it._

 _He'd noticed a few changes in her lately. At first he thought it was his imagination but then it started happening more frequently. Irritability, mood swings and lots of frustration – those were all part of the side-effects and it was completely understandable. With everything that she had been dealing with ever since she found out she was sick, it's a wonder these things hadn't surfaced earlier._

 _The fact that she was feeling sick the whole time made it difficult to try and help her fulfill the last remaining items on her 'bucket list'. Thankfully Thea gave him a beyond brilliant idea with one of their early morning coffee runs._

 _Since he'd been going over to Felicity's after work every night, it left little to no time to spend time with his sister. So she started surprising him by arriving with coffee every morning and then they'd jog together before he had to head out to work. He treasured their new found relationship and she became a confidant and surprisingly she had very good advice._

 _He never wanted to use his trust fund money because of what happened with his dad, but making Felicity's dreams come true, was a very good reason to start using it – it almost felt like atonement for what happened with his dad, like he was using the money for 'good'._

 _He had a quick chat with Dr. Isaacs during Felicity's treatment earlier the week and after the go ahead from her doctor the plan was a-go._

 _He was extremely excited and he couldn't wait to share the surprise with Felicity. He just wasn't sure if he should do it tonight, since it was her second last treatment before they would start with the tests to see if it worked._

 _He got ready for his last customer of the day, and couldn't wait for the last jump to be over so he could go and see his girl. His beautiful blonde girl – he stared into nothingness as he thought about the woman he loved when his phone rang. His heart nearly stopped when he saw Curtis's name appear on his screen. It was his turn to take Felicity to her treatment and she should have been home by now. Come to think of it, he hadn't received any message from her to inform him she was home like she always did._

 _"_ _Curtis? Is everything okay?" he hesitantly answered, not sure what to expect._

 _"_ _Hi Oliver. Actually…I know you have a hectic schedule but is there a way we could meet for a quick coffee?"_

 _"_ _I have a client that's arriving within the next five minutes, but what about after? Let's say in about two hours? Will you be able to make that?"_

 _"_ _Yes, I'm free for the rest of the day."_

 _"_ _Curtis? Is Felicity okay?"_

 _"_ _Yes, she's home safe, but I'm not sure if she's okay though. I don't want to worry you and maybe it's nothing, but I'd rather speak to you in person."_

 _"_ _I understand. I'll see you later."_

 _They ended the call and even though he tried to keep an open mind, all sorts of scenarios were playing out in his mind. There's nothing Oliver hated more than uncertainty and this was exactly what he was feeling._

 _The jump couldn't have gone quicker and before he knew it, he was on his way to Starbucks as arranged with Curtis._

As he stares out the window the scenarios keep on turning in his head and it makes him crazy not knowing what's going on. He's just about to phone Curtis, when his new friend walks through the door.

He takes a seat opposite Oliver, but he looks anything but happy.

"Hi Oliver, sorry I'm late, I had to handle a crisis at the lab and since Felicity's not there…let's just say I'm learning new things every day."

Oliver gives him a weak smile and pushes the vanilla latte forward to Curtis.

"Thank you, I need this today." he smiles back, taking a sip.

"So…tell me what's going on. It's been driving me crazy since you called."

"I know you spend way more time with Felicity than I do, that's why I rather wanted to speak to you instead of Donna…Felicity's been acting strange lately."

"Strange how?"

"Well, for one she's been way more irritable than normal and her mood swings quite literally give me whip lash, but I know it's part of the whole side-effects thing, that's why I haven't said anything or quite frankly react towards her when she's like that because I know Felicity, and this is not her."

Oliver only nods, thinking about how he's picked up on it as well, but he doesn't disclose anything yet.

"So, since last week, a new component has come into the mix. She's become very distant towards me. She barely talks to me and I'm not expecting her to talk the whole time, but the things we normally talk about and things she used to ask me to help her with…let's just say I found out last week that she called her assistant at QC to go and buy stuff for her that I normally do."

"Maybe she just feels like she's inconveniencing you Curtis, it doesn't mean that she's distant."

"True, but…you know that ' _rule_ '" he gestures the inverted commas next to his head with his index fingers, "about no one being allowed in the room with her, that it's actually a made up rule for her mom because she drives her crazy while she's in the room?"

"Yes?"

"Well, normally Felicity and I would work through some science geek magazines and things that keep her occupied during that time. So today, I went into the cafeteria like a I always do to get some coffee and sour worms and when I approach her room, the nurse tells me that Felicity requested me to stay in the waiting area."

The crease between Oliver's eyes deepens. He has no idea what to make of this information. This doesn't sound right. Curtis has been the one Felicity has confided in since the beginning. It makes no sense that she would push him away like that.

"Did she say anything on your way home?"

"No nothing. She was silent all the way home, and I also didn't push. When we stopped at her apartment and I tried to open the door for her to help her out and into her house, she pushed my arm away and told me she was fine, I could go home…and that's when I decided to call you, because I have no idea what I did for her to react this way."

"Okay, I hear what you're saying and you're right. This isn't like Felicity. Do you know if she's done anything like this towards Donna?"

"No, I haven't spoken to Donna about this. I wanted to speak to you first, because I can't really tell her what I told you now and not hurt her feelings about Felicity not wanting her in the room with her."

Oliver nods, thinking about the information he just received.

"Okay Curtis. Thank you for telling me. I've also been picking up small things, but nothing as major as what you've just told me, so I'll monitor the situation more closely and maybe also just give Donna a courtesy call tonight to find out if anything has happened to her."

"I'm worried about her Oliver. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't think it would be this bad."

"I know. I don't think we have any idea really what she's going through and what she needs to deal with. Maybe the thought that the treatment didn't work is weighing on her? I don't know, but all we can do is to continue showing her we are there to support her, we love her and that she's not alone."

"I agree. Please let me know what you find out."

They give each other a hug and Oliver heads for his car. He doesn't waste time and immediately dials Donna's number.

" _Hello?_ " she answers.

"Hi Donna, it's Oliver."

" _Oh, hi Oliver!_ " she yells over the phone and Oliver is relieved he isn't holding the headset to his ear.

The screeching sound dies down and immediately her voice turns serious.

" _Is my baby okay? Is anything wrong?_ "

"Yes, yes, everything's okay Donna, there's no problem."

" _That's wonderful news._ " he can hear the relief in her voice.

"Donna, why I'm calling…I…I wanted to know if you've picked up anything strange about Felicity's behaviour these last couple of weeks?"

" _How do you mean?_ "

"Well, has she been acting strange? Maybe out of character of some sorts?"

" _Actually I haven't spoken to Felicity in two weeks Oliver._ "

There's complete silence and Oliver's head spins with the information. It doesn't make sense. How could she not have spoken to her daughter in two weeks?

"How? Donna, how could you not have spoken to Felicity in two week when you have taken her to treatment twice these last two weeks?"

" _No I haven't._ "

"Then how did she get to the medical center on the days you were assigned?"

" _She called me last week and told me that you've made arrangements to take her on those days. I didn't question her, because I know she's fragile. It hurt me though, because it feels like she's pushing me away, but if you're what she needs right now, then I'm not going to stand in the way of that. I tried to phone her a few times, but she never answers my calls._ "

"Donna…I didn't take her to the treatment either…"


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER 22**

He stares out the car window. He's not sure how long he's been sitting in front of her house, but the pins and needles in his leg tells him it's been a while. He's still in shock after his phone call with Donna and right now he has no idea how to approach this situation. Felicity lied, not only to her mother but to him as well and to make matters worse, it's been going on for a while. The question of why keeps swimming over and over in his head and he's no closer to any answers than when he hung up the phone call with her mother.

Should he confront her? Should he give her space until she tells him on her own? It's all so complicated and dreadful really…he thought things were going well between them. Despite her discomfort and fighting this disease he thought she knew she wasn't alone, that her family and friends were there to support her…that he was there, but clearly he was living in a dream world and waking up to this new reality is making him feel anxious because he doesn't know how to handle it.

His thoughts are brought back to the present when his phone beeps showing a message from Felicity.

 ** _FS:_** _Are you staying outside tonight or are you going to join me for hot chocolate?_

The text throws him, how long has she known he was outside? Actually that little fact doesn't matter…what **_does_** matter is that he's forced to make a decision right now before he enters her house.

He gets out of the car, still struggling with the possible choices in his mind, but when he sees her front door wide open, clearly waiting for him he decides to leave the confrontation for now.

She most probably feels awful, since she had treatment today and luckily that was confirmed since Curtis was there with her. He'll examine her closely tonight. Maybe all of this happening isn't such a big deal and making a mountain of a mole hill is not exactly the right way to go about getting the truth from her. He'll leave her to talk to him.

He steps into her house hearing her scurrying around in her kitchen. He leans against the wall taking her in. She looks tired and worn out.

"Hey." he says softly, careful not to startle her while she's busy making the hot chocolate.

"Hi. So happy you found the front door." she says with a hint of sarcasm, but she doesn't make eye contact.

"I…uhm…I just wanted to get my thoughts under control, had a long day. Sorry, I hope I didn't upset you."

For the first time since he enters her house their eyes meet. She looks at him inquisitively but she doesn't answer or ask anything in return. Instead she hands him the mug of hot chocolate on her way to the couch with a mere, "maybe this will help."

He joins her on the couch and just like their previous shared nights he starts scrolling through the channels looking for something to watch. Normally she likes watching some sappy rom-com when she's feeling down after a treatment, so that's exactly what he searches for when he stops on a rerun of ' _The Proposal_ '.

"Just not anything sappy tonight," she interrupts him just before he can press play, "in fact no sappiness ever again."

He's confused by her sudden change in entertainment choice but says nothing of it. Before he can ask what she'd rather watch, she gives him her choice, "action and lots of it, that's what I want, anything but sappy." She's so straight to the point he almost can feel her disconnecting herself from him just with her word choice and tone of voice. The phrase isn't stated as a question or request, it's an order and he's not used to her being this way, even if she's frustrated or angry.

He merely nods, scrolling the channels again for the alternative of sappy rom-coms and stops on his favourite movie of all time.

"How about ' _Die Hard_ '?" he asks, wondering if she's going to veto his possible choice.

"Never heard of it." she says, her eyes not leaving the screen to look at him once.

"Well, it's got all the elements you're looking for, and it's really good, in fact after this one there's a few more to follow. So what do you say?"

"Sure, why not, as long as there's no sappy I can handle ' _Die Hard_ '."

When she says the name out loud he nearly cringes at his total carelessness of choosing a movie with such an on the nose description in a situation where death is at the top of their ' _do not talk about_ ' list, but looking at her, she doesn't react once. Her facial expression is unreadable and it worries him that he doesn't know what's going on in her head.

He decides to leave it at that, not wanting to make a big issue out of this and he presses play, taking his mug of hot chocolate between his hands and makes himself comfortable for some action packed John McClane time.

She doesn't sit close to him at all like she normally does, but after his decision of giving her some space he doesn't make a move closer to her either. He doesn't know if his own cowardliness is causing him to observe from the sideline but the last thing he wants right now is getting into any form of confrontation with her. It's late; they both had hellish days, and saving this conversation for later might be the better option right now.

He feels cold without her though, but he tries to concentrate on the movie.

About half way through Felicity gets up from the couch without a word and leaves for her bedroom. He's unsure of what to make of this. He stares behind her and decides to pause as he carefully listens for any possible sounds notifying him of her sudden departure.

Nothing.

He's about to get up and look for her when she reappears with a large pillow tucked under her one arm and a fluffy blanket under the other.

"Are you cold too?" she asks, but there's a sudden shyness in her eyes that he cannot explain. They've been together for a while now, not just as a possible couple but as friends too and he doesn't understand the motivation behind this sudden change.

"No." he says surprised that a sound actually came out of his mouth.

She sits back next to him like she did before, unfolding the blanket and before he can think of pressing play again, the pillow lands on his lap, followed by Felicity's head, cuddling with the blanket next to his body.

He tries not to sigh out loud when he immediately relaxes against her, enjoying the warmth radiating from her next to him.

He presses play letting the movie continue and stretches his arm along the top side of the couch, not sure if she wants more contact than she's already allowed herself to have at this point.

She sits up a little, looking around disgruntled when she pulls his arm off the couch and winds it around her waist. He can feel her breathing easing as she gets comfortable and he cannot hide his smile, because this, right here is all he wants, all he needs. He shakes his head in disbelief trying once again to convince himself that all the things her loved ones are so worried about is actually nothing.

He relaxes further into her as she laces their fingers together and there they remain until the end of the movie.

Her breathing is steady. She doesn't move and he knows she's fallen asleep. How she even managed to do that during a movie like ' _Die Hard_ ' is just surprising to him, but with all the medication in her system, she probably couldn't keep her eyes open.

For a few moments he stares down at her, taking in her features. She's so fragile, she's lost so much weight these last few months, the black circles under her eyes stand out like a sore thumb on her pale skin from the severe toll the treatment has taken on her, but despite that he cannot stop thinking how beautiful she still is to him. She looks so peaceful at this moment and he wishes he could tell her how much he loves her, but instead he takes her hand still entwined with his and places a feather light kiss on her fingers.

He gently lifts her off his lap so he can stand up and carries her to her bedroom. Once he tucks her in, he kisses her on her forehead and opts to leave.

When he turns to head for the door, she grabs a hold of his hand which makes him turn back around to face her again.

"Oliver, please stay with me?"

He smiles at the request and just like the previous few times, he gets in the bed next to her as she cuddles against his chest. In that moment, all is right with the world.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

He wakes up with the sound of Felicity vomiting in her bathroom. How didn't he hear her get out of bed?

He immediately makes his way to the bathroom, to rub her back and prepare a warm washcloth for her like her normally does. This isn't the first time he's been with her while she got sick, but when he tries to open the bathroom door, it's locked.

Why would she lock the door?

Suddenly his conversations with both Curtis and Donna hit him like a ton of bricks. Slowly but surely she's trying to distance herself from everyone and the fact that he's trying to convince him of anything else is foolishness…this is now his reality.

His phone rings, which forces him to shift his focus from what's busy happening. When he answers it's John asking him and Felicity to babysit Sara for an hour or two. There is an emergency and they can't get a hold of the girl who normally babysits Sara.

He agrees and decides to make this an outing. Maybe getting Felicity out of her house and spending some time with her biggest fan might help. If everything goes well he might even share his surprise too, but he'll see how it goes with Sara first.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

It doesn't take a lot of convincing to get Felicity to agree to babysit Sara, especially since he mentions that Sara asked for aunty 'Listity specifically.

The air is already getting colder outside as the seasons change, but that doesn't stop them from going to the park.

He observes from the distance as the toddler drags Felicity by the hand to the lake with ducks. The little girl is in complete awe by the quacking animals and squeals in delight every time they stretch their necks to gobble up the bread they throw into the water. He takes a few pictures on his phone sending it to John and Lyla.

Ever since he found out Felicity was sick, he promised himself that he would make more of an effort to take in the small moments and he's been doing that ever since the day he made that choice…taking pictures whenever he can, to capture these special little moments.

He gives them both a big smile as they turn around to head back to the bench he was guarding. It is close enough to the play area for them to leave Sara to do her thing while still being able to have an adult conversation.

The two year old suddenly breaks contact with Felicity's hand and starts running arms outstretched right to where Oliver is waiting for her. Once she reaches him he picks her up and spins her in the air, eliciting a barrel of giggles and squeals of enjoyment.

When he finally stops he gives her a big kiss on her cheek which she returns with the same zeal, but scrunching her nose after making contact with the prickly scruff on his face.

Oliver laughs at the picture, but then becomes aware of Felicity standing next to them. She has a small smile on her face, but so much sadness in her eyes.

Oliver knows he needs to talk to her about what's going on, but he can't do that with Sara hanging around them.

"Sara, are you up for playing a bit on your own?" he asks the little girl staring at him with her big brown eyes.

She doesn't look very happy at this suggestion and Oliver knows he'll have to do something to convince her.

"Okay, let's make a deal Miss Diggle. If you go and play over there for a bit, Felicity and I will take you for ice cream on our way home. How does that sound?"

"It's a deal uncle 'Liver." she says smiling holding out her hand for him to shake.

He tries to stifle his laugh because this has topped the list of the most adorable things Sara Diggle has done in the two years of her little life.

"You must shake my hand uncle 'Liver." she orders, "Daddy always says that when we make a deal you must shake hands otherwise it is all a voice."

"All a voice?" he asks confusion and amusement presented on his face.

"Yes, it means it doesn't count." she explains lifting her hands and shoulders, clearly annoyed by her uncle's lack in understanding.

"Oh, you mean null and void." he laughs and shakes her hand. "Well I guess we're having some ice cream then."

He puts her down, but before she runs off, she shouts out "you bet yo ass!"

Oliver is floored, did that really come out of the two year old's mouth? He's stunned and makes a mental note between his chuckles to mention this to John and Lyla. He wonders who uses that phrase in the Diggle household and laughs out loud imagining their expressions when he tells them.

He turns to Felicity, shaking her head with a genuine smile on her face this time.

"She's growing too fast." she says, almost a whisper.

"Yeah she is." he answers, staring at the little girl attempting to climb up some of the plastic stairs to go down the slide.

He gestures for Felicity to take a seat on the bench behind them. He so wants to hold her hand but the closeness of the previous night is long gone and he doesn't want to push, especially when he thinks of the conversation they should have now.

She doesn't look at him and it makes him wonder if she can feel the anxiety he's experiencing, so he breaks the silence.

"I spoke to Dr. Isaacs and…"

She cuts him off before he can say another word, "you did what?" she tries to control her voice, but he can see she's angry and her tone gets higher the more she speaks. "How dare you Oliver, how dare you speak to him without speaking to me first? What gives you the right? It's not like we're married and you can ask him about me whenever it pleases you. You have no right!"

He's completely confused, ever since she started her treatment he's been in regular contact with Dr. Isaacs, which she is well aware of, but she's never reacted like this before.

He takes a deep breath trying to keep himself calm about this outburst unfolding in front of him.

"Felicity, please calm down." he says, his voice neutral to try and defuse her rage but she's having none of it.

"Don't you tell me to calm down Oliver! You have no right speaking to Dr. Isaacs without my permission."

"You're right…I'm sorry."

She doesn't answer back, she just stares at him, daggers in her eyes as he tries to figure out what the hell is going on.

"Can you please just give me a chance to explain?"

"Fine."

"I didn't mean to go behind your back, I was meaning to surprise you but I didn't know if it would be safe to do what I had in mind after your treatment. That's why I spoke to Dr. Isaacs to get his opinion on the surprise."

She doesn't answer.

"I was thinking that since you don't have to go back to work till after all the treatment cycles are done, it would maybe be a good idea to take a trip somewhere."

He can see she's ready to say something again, but before she can he starts speaking again.

"Everything is sorted out, the medical kits, we'll be using a jet to fly to our destination so we'll get there faster and you don't need to worry about feeling uncomfortable during the flight and I've already spoken to some doctors at our destination, should you don't feel well, we can contact them personally. This was all okayed by Dr. Isaacs. So what do you say?"

"What makes you think that I don't want to go back to work for this month that we're waiting for my body to recuperate? I cannot just expect QC to give me indefinite sick leave just because I'm involved with a Queen." she spits out, clearly still very upset.

"That's actually not the case Felicity. QC is giving you the sick leave because you've been working for them for years now and never taken a sick day. Your leave has piled up Felicity. It has nothing to do with our relationship whatsoever." he explains praying that she'll understand and the anger will dissipate.

"That might be the case Oliver, but it still doesn't excuse you trying to make choices on my behalf."

He's so shocked by her words, he sits staring at her frozen.

"This trip you're planning is nothing more than another attempt to try and ' _make my dreams come true_ ' and has nothing to do with me ' _getting away_ '."

"What's wrong with me trying to help you fulfill things you've always wanted to do Felicity? I'm sorry but I don't understand why you're so angry?"

She shakes her head and gets up from the bench. He follows suit and they're eye to eye again.

"Why are you doing this in the first place Oliver? And don't tell me it's because you want to fulfill my ' _bucket list_ ' because quite frankly no one has ever tried to do anything for me without expecting something in return. So tell me Oliver, why are you doing this, what is it that you want?"

His mind is reeling, all possible responses other than how he really feels enter his brain like flash cards, but if he wants her to be honest with him then he'll have to show her the same courtesy.

"I love you." he says and it's much louder and fiercer than he intended. "I'm in love with you Felicity and as for something I want….you, I only want you and I only want you to be happy Felicity. That's why I'm doing this…I cannot imagine spending my life without you."

"Then you're an idiot Oliver. What kind of idiot falls in love with someone dying huh? There's no future for us Oliver and the sooner you accept that the sooner you can move on."

It's like a bucket of ice water she pours over him. He wants to argue with her but he's cut off by soft sobs next to him. They both focus their attention to the sound and spot Sara standing in the middle of the quarrel with tears streaming down her little brown cheeks. She's clearly distraught by what's happening and before he can comfort her Felicity picks her up in her arms.

She wipes the tears from her face and gives her a big hug. "I'm sorry sweetie. I shouldn't have yelled." she says as she tries to console the two year old.

"Why are you angry aunty 'Listity? Was I bad?" she asks in between sobs.

"No honey, not at all. I'm not feeling well that's all, I'm not angry at you okay?"

When the little girl nods in response Felicity puts her down again. She turns and picks up her purse, "I should go." she says with a furrowed brow.

"But ice cream aunty 'Listity." the small little voice says and this makes Felicity stop in her tracks.

"Sorry honey, maybe next time." she sadly winks at Sara, who starts to cry again.

Oliver picks Sara up in his arms and starts rubbing her back to comfort her.

"Felicity, please don't go." Oliver pleads but it's no use, she's made up her mind.

"I have to." she answers back and starts walking away, but suddenly she stops and turns back to him. "Oliver?"

"Yeah?" he answers quickly hoping that she changed her mind.

"I know you want to fix everyone's problems, but before you do that, maybe you should start with your own life."

Her voice is soft and a huge contrast from the loudness of getting her point across earlier. She looks down to her feet so he can't see the tears spill over her cheeks, but he doesn't miss it. Without a second glance she walks away, leaving him with a crying toddler in his arms and a shattered heart.


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER 23**

 _Felicity!_

 _Don't go baby girl I still need you!_

 _Felicity!_

 _Don't die, please don't leave me!_

 _Felicity!_

 _Felicity!_

 _I love you Felicity!_

 _Felicity!_

 _I can't imagine my life without you!_

 _Don't go!_

She wakes up with a scream. When she finally registers where she is, she's on her couch under the blanket Oliver left there after their movie night. She must have fallen asleep after getting home from their babysitting outing that turned into her breaking up with Oliver. It's cold outside, the first signs of fall approaching, but her hair is wet from the sweat of the nightmare. It's no surprise to her anymore, since this is a reoccurrence for the last three weeks. The only time she hasn't had one of these was when Oliver stayed over.

She sighs as she stretches herself out on the couch to gain her composure. She wipes her hands over her face and feels the remnants of the tears that must have fallen during the dream.

No one said that this journey is going to be easy, but if it only stayed with the side effects, that she could cope with, but now her mind is cooking up all these different scenarios of her friends and family not surviving without her and it scares her.

This morning Oliver confessed his love to her and all she wanted to do was tell him she feels the same but instead she saw the reality of a future slip away before her eyes and she knew by telling him what he wanted to hear was giving him hope for something that was never going to happen.

It is single-handedly the most difficult thing she's ever had to since she told her mom that she has cancer.

After a while she feels that she's tortured herself enough by giving over to her thoughts and needs some serious comfort. If she can't have a man thanks to this terrible disease it will not stop her from devouring a pint of her favourite mint choc chip calling out to her from the freezer.

Deciding that coffee and sugar are now the best form of comfort food, she puts on her very expensive coffee machine while she retrieves the ice cream from her freezer.

She's just about to put a spoonful in her mouth when there's a knock on the door. She freezes at the sound and stands unmoving in her kitchen, hoping that whoever it is will think she's either sleeping or not home and leave. The last thing she wants now is to talk to anyone…in fact she's forced herself not to talk to anyone in the last two weeks.

Just when she thinks her plan has worked, there's another knock. Who can it be?

"Felicity, I know you're home, please open the door."

Oliver, it's Oliver. From everyone in the ' _I don't want to talk to you list_ ' the person that's right on top of that list is standing outside her door. She has so many mixed emotions. Her heart is calling out to him but her head is telling her to stay put.

His knocking becomes persistent. "Felicity! Open the door please."

She sighs knowing that he's not going to give up and she has no other choice but to open the door and face Oliver Queen.

She moves slowly taking steady deep breaths as she tries to regulate the rhythm of her racing heart. She takes a moment before turning the knob, wondering if he's angry or if her heart is going to break with the look of disappointment on his face…she turns the knob and instead it's neither one of the looks she saw in her mind's eye…the blue orbs are bluer than normal and there's so much love reflecting in them that throws her emotions in a frenzy. She starts sobbing in the doorway and without wondering, Oliver wraps her in his strong arms as she cries.

They stand there in the doorway for a while, no one moving. He smells so incredible to her. His presence has become a sense of peace to her and feeling him holding her calms her down. He gently breaks away from her and brings his hand to her face. His warmth is unnerving and right there she wants to take back everything she said to him but she can't. If she loves him as much as she does right at this moment, she has to follow through.

"What are you doing here?" she asks.

"Can I come in?"

"Oliver, it's not a good idea."

"Why? Because you told me there's no future after I told you I love you?" she can hear the frustration in his voice but he keeps his cool.

She doesn't answer; in fact she doesn't know **_what_** to answer.

"Look, I'll get out of your hair and I'll leave if you want me to, but first you need to make me understand what's going on, because Felicity, this right here, this isn't you."

She knows he's right, but she's terrified if she lets him in it will be like last night, that she doesn't want him to leave again. Despite her better judgement she moves aside for him to come in and closes the door.

He wastes no time and sits down on the couch. He's obviously nervous but he hides it well. She sits next to him and for the first time since they've met it's slightly awkward.

"Tell me what's going on with you please?" he says, wanting to get to the bottom of this.

"I already told you, there's no future for us Oliver." she has no idea how she said that so quickly and with a straight face at that, her heart wants to break, but this is how it must be.

"Okay fine, two can play this game. Can you please explain to me why you would tell your mother I was taking you to the Medical Centre on the days she was supposed to do it?"

She can feel all the blood draining from her face. She feels sick and this time it has absolutely nothing to do with her actually **_being_** sick. How did he find out about that? Her mom wouldn't have told him out of her own, she wouldn't challenge Oliver on taking her for treatments, it's just not who she is.

"Before you say anything else you should know that Curtis and your mom have been speaking to me."

She gulps at the thought that they have been discussing her behind her back. She wants to be angry but she can't. She lied and now he's challenging her on everything she's said and done these last two weeks. There's no escape except for the truth.

"Okay…I…uhm…" she has no idea where to start.

"Just tell me…did you skip the treatments?"

"No, I never skipped any treatments. I…I made use of a taxi service because I knew I wouldn't be able to drive myself."

He gives a sigh of relief and it makes her heart hurt even more.

"Look Oliver, I didn't mean to lie, I just…I didn't…I have my reasons."

"I get that Felicity, but I think you owe it to me and everyone else to explain those reasons. Like I told you before, I will leave you alone as you asked, but I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on and saying that we don't have a future, when just last night you held on to me like you never wanted to let go, is not a reason."

His gaze softens as he gently adds; "I'll be making coffee over there," indicating to the kitchen, "so, when you're ready to tell me, you know where to find me."

She doesn't offer anything in response as he gets up to walk to the kitchen. She knows she owes them all an explanation but she has no idea how to even put her feelings into words.

After a few breathing exercises she finds some courage and walks over to the kitchen where Oliver is sitting on the counter drinking his cup of black coffee. She can see the concern in his eyes beyond the smile he gives her when he shifts his attention to her entering the room.

She pours herself a cup too and hops on the counter on the opposite side of him. She stares at him, knowing he won't say a word, so it's up to her to start and get this over with.

"I'm sorry I lied." she starts. She can see that he's not planning on interrupting her until she's said everything she needs to say.

"I'm scared." she confesses for the first time to anyone. "I've been having dreams…more like nightmares really…about dying, about leaving my mom, Curtis…and you."

"My mom…I'm all she has. What's going to happen to her when I'm gone? Who's going to look after her, will she cope without me? I'm scared she's not going to be able to deal with my death and I don't want that for her. I'd rather she get used to not having me around than…"

"And Curtis?" he interrupts, not wanting to hear the actual words leave her lips.

"Curtis…my sweet Curtis." She smiles thinking of her friend. "Do you know that since I've been home sick he's phoned me every single day to find out whether or not the procedures he's implementing are correct? He doesn't trust himself at all and I know it takes time to grow into a new professional position but what if he doesn't make it? What if QC decides he's not good enough and he gets fired? Then he will be without a job and it will be my fault. So by pushing him away he's learning to stand on his own two feet and not rely on me being there."

"Fine." he says but it's not convincing. "I don't understand why you're pushing me away Felicity?"

"Your dad."

He looks confused but he lets her explain.

"You hit rock bottom after your dad's death and even though you're speaking to Thea again, you still haven't recovered from the guilt. To me I've almost felt like I was your second chance, a chance to do things differently, things you couldn't do right with your dad. Now you say you love me and I can't help wondering if you really **_do_** love me or if it's mere words to get me to stay because I'm your little project."

She can see the hurt in his eyes, but he asked for honesty and that's what she's giving him.

"I can't have you feel like you failed again. I can't have you feel the guilt that you couldn't save me and fall into that dark pit again. I won't be the cause of you hitting rock bottom again Oliver, I won't!" she's determined for him to see this situation from her point of view. "I'm dying...I've accepted it, maybe it's time you did too." she gulps back the tears and sips on her coffee to try and hide the emotion on her face.

He stares at her for a while, his expression unreadable and it's driving her crazy that she doesn't know what he's thinking.

"Oliver, please say something." she prods him for a response.

"Okay, let me get this straight." he starts, his voice gentle without judgement. "You're pushing everyone away because you've made up your mind that you're going to die without finding out if the treatment even worked?"

"Who says it worked?" she counters.

"Felicity who says it didn't? You will only have the results in a week and you're making life choices without thinking this through."

"Look, I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but what are you going to do when you find out that the treatment **_did_** work and you pushed away everyone you care about because you were scared?"

"Love." she says ever so softly that he can barely hear her.

"Excuse me?" he responds with his cute furrowed brow.

"Everyone I love. I don't just care about those people Oliver, I love them."

She can see the moment the words dawn on him, but his voice is stuck in his throat.

"Yes Oliver, I love you. I think I've loved you from the start, but I…"

"No you can Felicity." he interrupts her as he jumps off the counter and walks to her sitting on the opposite side of the kitchen.

He takes the mug from her hand and places it next to her. When he looks up at her, the tears she's been trying to keep back spill over her cheeks. He uses his thumb to wipe them away and that breaks the wall, she sobs and he pulls her close to his chest and he lets her cry, whispering softly in her ears that it's going to be okay.

She pulls back and immediately focuses her attention at the big wet mark on his shirt and lightly touches it with her fingers.

"Your shirt." she says between sobs.

He covers her hand on his shirt with his own and gently places a soft kiss to her forehead and whispers, "it's nothing."

"Felicity." he says and she finally looks at him with those beautiful eyes of hers. Those eyes that captivated him from the moment he saw them. "I love you," he says but before she can argue he continues, "and not just because you're my second chance, because you are, but because you really make me happy. I knew there was something there the moment I met you…there was just something about you." he smiles recalling the day they met.

"I know this is hard, but I'm begging you…please, please don't give up now…please don't let go."

His words are so raw and her heart shatters in a million pieces. She wants this, she wants him but is love stronger than fear?

"It is." he says and she realises that she just said it out loud.

"You're not alone Felicity. We love you and we don't want you to go through this alone. Please…please say you won't give up?" his eyes are pleading and despite her fear she presses her lips to his. It's hard and honest. Her arms curl around his neck as she pulls him closer to her. Their mouths in perfect harmony, as the kiss deepens.

When they break away for breath, they keep their foreheads pressed to each other as they breathe each other in and lips still lingering, not wanting to let go just yet.

"I love you Oliver." he closes his eyes at the sound of the words he's been longing to hear.

"I want to fight to live." she says breaking their contact but fixing her eyes on his. "I'm going to fight this. As long as I have breath, I'm going to fight this."

"No," he says gently kissing her. "We're going to fight this…together."


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER 24**

He finds himself staring at the two familiar wooden front doors of his childhood home. Once again he's at war with himself whether or not to knock and face what's on the other side or turn around and run like he always does. He knows what he should do, but if you have been running for so long in one specific direction, doing a complete 180 is terrifying.

 _I know you want to fix everyone's problems, but before you do that, maybe you should start with your own life._

He still doesn't know if she meant the words or not, but he knows for a fact that it is the truth. He's been trying to fix Felicity, to fix everyone else around him, but he's failed miserably at facing his own demons head on. He's pushed it to the side, but it doesn't matter how much he keeps focusing on other things, they are still there and it haunts in the moments he least expects it.

He picks up his hand making a fist, takes a deep breath when his skin comes in contact with the wooden door and he knocks.

He waits a while before a friendly face opens the door.

"Mr Oliver!" Raisa cries in her thick Russian accent and embraces him.

In all technical aspects Raisa was a mother to him growing up. She always saw the man he could be despite all the questionable choices he made.

"Hey Raisa, it's so good to see you." he says as they break apart from their hug.

She moves aside so he can enter. He stands around taking in the magnificence of the mansion. To a stranger it would look like a museum, with the beautiful interior, the ancient artefacts and astonishingly beautiful art, but to him it would always just be the house he grew up in and called home until a few months ago.

"Is my mother home Raisa?" he feels slightly awkward at the question, but this is no longer his home.

"Yes Mr Oliver, she's in her office. Would you like me to call her for you?"

"No thank you Raisa, I know the way." he winks at her. She smiles at him as she nods in agreement, gently squeezing his arm before he leaves for the office.

It's relatively dark in the house, but he can see the office door slightly ajar, revealing a small soft light, showing his mother is definitely still busy working or whatever else takes up her time these days.

He can hear his heart beating in his ears the closer he gets to the room, but Felicity's words echoes louder, cheering him on to continue, to see this through.

He reaches the door, but he decides not to knock. For a moment he just stands in the opening looking at his mother behind her desk. Moira Queen is a fearless woman, but being his mom he knows exactly how she looks without the ' _Moira Queen - Matriarch_ ' mask she lets everyone else see.

She's still as beautiful as ever but she's accumulated a few extra lines on her face. She's gotten older, but there are lines that are deeper, emotional lines, lines that made their existence after he left or was it before…he's not sure. He can't remember the last time he actually paid this close attention to his mother. The bags under her eyes are accentuated against her pale skin. She looks tired, but not just the normal kind of tired, she looks exhausted.

He flinches as the surge of guilt enters his heart. All this time he's been so focused on his own pain, he never for one second realised the actual impact on his mother…or maybe he did and just didn't care. He feels so ashamed of his actions.

He can't stop himself as he sighs, but the sound comes out much louder than anticipated, catching the attention of his mom. She immediately places her mask back on, her body stiffening when he enters the room.

"Oliver? What are you doing here?" she asks. He can hear she's trying hard to sound concerned but defensive at the same time. It must be hard to be on your guard the whole time.

"Hey mom. I'm sorry to come by so late, I just…I…I needed to talk to you and I didn't want to wait."

She gets up from behind her desk and approaches him. "Is Felicity okay?" the concern in her eyes more vivid than a few moments ago.

"Yes, Felicity is fine," he starts to appease her, "well, she's rather as well as can be expected for someone in her situation, but Felicity's not the reason I'm here mom."

She looks confused, but he takes her by the arm and leads her to one of the couches in the far corner of her office.

"Can we maybe just sit down for a second and talk?" his legs feel like jelly and he can feel his heart beating erratically. He reminds himself to take deep steady breaths as they both sit down. Her full attention is on him…he takes his mother's hand in his own and strangely enough it's a source of comfort, of strength.

"Someone very close to me recently told me that I have the habit of trying to fix everyone's problems except my own. I've heard those words before but there was something different this time. This time I realised that I had run enough and that I had to face my demons." he starts. His mother doesn't respond, but she listens intently, willing him to continue.

"I messed up mom. I screwed up big time and because of my selfish actions it left Thea and I without a father…you without a husband," he squeezes her hand as hard as he can, "and a family company with employees that has made it what it is with their blood, sweat and tears without a leader…for that I will always be so incredibly sorry."

Silent tears roll down his face. He's full of emotion, regret, guilt, it all comes crashing down on him, but he has to push forward. He has to finish what he came to say right now otherwise he will find another excuse to run again.

"I know I disappointed him…I disappointed you, but I'm trying mom, I'm trying to be the son that you guys always believed I could be. I'm trying to be better…so you can be proud of me."

This time she's the one squeezing his hand and rubbing them in the familiar way he can remember when he was a little boy. She might not have been with him 24/7, but when she was, she was a good mother. He never doubted her love for him.

Her eyes are shining with unshed tears. "Oh my beautiful boy." It's like a dam wall breaks and she launches herself at him, throwing her arms around her son's neck pulling him closer to her chest. She cradles his head as she sways him back and forth like he was her little baby boy again.

"You were never a disappointment Oliver, never." she whispers still continuing the same swaying motion. "Your father loved you so very much, and I do too son, that will never ever change."

They finally break apart but their hands are still entwined.

"Oliver, your father just wanted to help you find your way. You got lost and that's all he wanted to do. He wanted to help you."

"But I let him down mom."

"No you didn't Oliver. Your father loved you." she takes a breath. "When you love someone Oliver, especially the love between a parent and a child, it's something that is unwavering. It doesn't matter what happens, that love will remain and it will overcome anything. Maybe one day in the future, you will know and experience that kind of love, then you will think back to this conversation and know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Yes, you made mistakes, but don't focus on the mistakes Oliver, focus on the future and not repeating those mistakes." her eyes focus on him and it's filled with determination, "what happened to your father is not your fault. You need to let the guilt go. You cannot move forward if you don't let it go."

He realises she's right. Finally those words make sense. He cannot expect to be a whole person if he's holding on to things of the past. He needs to be whole, not just for himself but for Felicity, for his family.

"For what it's worth…I forgive you Oliver."

That's all he needed to conclude this chapter in his life and he hugs his mother.

"I love you mom." he finally declares after so much wasted time.

"I love you so much my baby." she whispers back.

For the first time in so long he feels like his life is on the right track again. Although he's made peace with his family, there's still a long road to mend the fences again, but this is a good start at least.

He's determined to make a success out of his life. No longer is he Oliver Queen the estranged heir to the Queen empire, he is now Oliver Queen, the whole man his father always hoped he would be.


	25. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER 25**

Fighting a terminal illness like cancer isn't just a once-off choice, it's an everyday choice, a choice that you make the moment you open your eyes after being asleep, every time you throw up, every time your head says yes but your body says no. It's a continuous choice to keep fighting, to push past every single negative circumstance in your life, to try and concentrate on the positive, friends, family, love…

She sits in front of her vanity, doing her make-up. It's become a relatively long routine, not just because she doesn't have the physical strength sometimes, but camouflaging the almost black circles under her eyes to blend in with the rest of her pale skin takes forever.

Lately she forgone make-up completely, being home most of the time didn't require looking like a flower and mostly because she just didn't feel like fussing over herself. Tonight however is an exception.

After her melt down in the park, which she still cringes just thinking about what happened, when she said some very awful things to Oliver. Some of it might have been true, but still…. Anyways, he took what she said to heart and finally took a step to reach out to his family. The prodigal son had returned and tonight they will be celebrating his homecoming. Tonight will also be the first time that she will be meeting with Moira Queen as her son's girlfriend and not the HOD of the Applied Sciences Division of QC.

Her stomach does a back flip. She loves Oliver and she knows he loves her too, but never in a million years when she joined QC did she ever think she would be in a situation where she would be casually dinging with the Queen family…' _casually_ ' might not be the right word for this dinner, but at least she knows what she means.

She smiles at herself in the mirror to see if the tiredness on her face looks a little less visible with all the make-up. When she's happy with what she sees, she takes her hair brush and starts working on her hairdo for the night.

She brushes the unruly blonde curls on her head trying to get them in some kind of order to fasten them with the hairband into her signature ponytail, but as soon as the brush leaves her head it takes with it strands of her blonde locks.

She looks down at the brush in disbelief. First her mind tries to analyse what just happened, but she already knows. She looks back in the mirror to the spot her brush came in contact with and thankfully no bald spots appear.

She writes it off immediately as that time of the year where she sheds some hair, for her own sanity, but deep down she knows the truth.

She takes the brush again and starts with a similar motion on the other side of her head, but this time the hairs that remain on the brush are twice as much.

She looks back into the mirror and thankfully also no bald spots, but the amount of hair that she brushed out of her head was too much to back up the shedding explanation. How did she think she can fool herself? This is her, she's Felicity Smoak. You can't outsmart a genius, even if that genius is you…that's just stupid and completely absurd.

She pulls the excess hair out of her brush into her hands as she sits and stares at it. Her mind is blank. All she can concentrate on is the blonde hair in her hands and the terrible pang of pain making itself known in her chest.

She vaguely registers the sound of front door opening as Oliver enters her home after his shift.

"Hey Beautiful! I'm home!" he calls walking through the apartment heading towards her bedroom. "Felic…." he interrupts himself when he walks into the room looking at the scene playing off in front of him. She's staring at her hands, breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating as silent tears roll down her cheeks.

After their talk, he's been more sensitive about giving her space when she needs it. He's very careful not to push, because she's extremely vulnerable and he doesn't want to do or say anything that will upset her unnecessarily.

He slowly approaches her and silently sits down on the bed behind her. He can now see the hair in her hands and it doesn't take him long to connect the dots. He can feel his breath catch in his throat. How does he make this better for her?

He gently places his hand on her shoulder, as a sign of support. She doesn't startle, which tells him that she's aware of her surroundings.

"I'm losing my hair." she acknowledges, but not looking away from her hands.

"I know. I saw. I'm so sorry." he says giving her a little squeeze on her shoulder, what else can he do?

"I knew this was bound to happen sometime, but I guess I was hoping that after the excessive treatment and the time that passed, I might be one of the lucky ones and miss it you know?"

She looks up at him and their eyes lock. From the beginning of their relationship there's been this connection with their eyes. Their eyes always continue the story where words run out. They find comfort there…strength and that's all she needs right now. No words, no touches, just the honesty that she's not alone and she finds it in his eyes.

When he feels the time is right he brings his hand to her face and gently wipes away the stray tears still lingering on her cheek.

"Do you rather want to stay home tonight?" he asks cautiously.

"No." she says. "I need to do this. I can't hide because I'm losing my hair, and besides, tonight is very important to you and I want to be there for you."

He smiles at her determined explanation. This woman is really something else. What did he do right do deserve her?

"Okay, if you're sure."

"I am." she smiles back winking at him. "Now get in that shower mister, we don't want to be late." she playfully slaps him on his butt while he walks past her, secretly reveling in her naughty pleasure of touching is very well endowed asset.

When he disappears behind the closed bathroom door she focusses her attention back to her reflection in the mirror. She takes a breath. This is reality. There's nothing she can do about this, so she might as well accept this and make the best of it.

She carefully uses her fingers as a brush and pins her curls in a messy up-do. It doesn't look too bad and thankfully no extra hair has left her head yet.

She knows she won't be able to keep this look for much longer, but that will be tomorrow's challenge. Tonight she first needs to survive the Queen family dinner.


	26. Chapter 26

**CHAPTER 26**

"Mr. Oliver! Welcome back!"

They are greeted by a short black haired woman with a thick Russian accent as she embraces Oliver.

"Raisa, it's so good to be back officially." he answers giving her a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

When they finally break apart he turns his attention to Felicity, draping his arm around her shoulders.

"Raisa, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend Felicity….Felicity, this is Raisa. She's been our housekeeper since I can remember, she practically raised me." he says with a smile as wide as the Grand Canyon.

Felicity returns Raisa's smile and reaches out her hand for her to shake, but the older woman envelopes her in a tight hug.

"It's wonderful to finally meet you Miss Felicity."

Felicity is thrown by the sudden affection of this stranger, but she relaxes into the hug…this is Oliver's family after all. He's been so incredibly wonderful in supporting her, the least she can do is get to know this side of him better.

"I guess you're the person to thank for this incredible man then." she says smiling at Raisa when she releases Felicity from their hug.

"I think I had a little something to do with that too."

Their conversation is interrupted when they are joined by Moira Queen, looking as beautiful as ever.

Felicity immediately feels like an idiot. How did she ever think that making such a comment would be even remotely okay?

"Oh, I'm so sorry Mrs. Queen, I didn't mean to imply that you are a bad mother, or ever were a bad mother or that you didn't raise your own children…" she bites her bottom lip so hard he could taste blood and shakes her head in complete embarrassment. Why couldn't there just be a hole to sink into when her brain and mouth didn't get along.

"It's quite alright Felicity, I'm extremely grateful for Raisa, we wouldn't have been able to do anything without this woman, and please Felicity, call me Moira, no need for such formalities."

Felicity merely nods, she doesn't trust her mouth right now.

"So, how about that dinner? I'm sure you are all starved." Moira says and heads for what Felicity can only assume is the direction of the dining room.

She looks over at Oliver and he is trying to hide the massive grin on his face and stifle his laugh. She pokes him in the ribs with her elbow and gives him her version of a death glare.

"Why didn't you stop me?" she scream whispers at him.

He starts to laugh out loud and she can't help but break the serious expression on her face and join in. He's been so ' _light_ ' tonight and she loves that, it reminds her of when they just met…they both could do with some fun and relaxation and just **_being_** is such a welcome change to the stress the last couple of weeks.

"It's okay, but just so you know Mr. Queen, I'm not forgetting this." she kisses him on the cheek, winks and follows Raisa down the hall.

Oliver practically runs after her, his smile turned into frown, "what do you mean?" he asks nervously.

"Oh nothing serious honey…" she moves closer to him standing on her tiptoes, her lips ghosting over his.

He swallows hard as his eyes are fixed on her luscious red lips. Just when it looks like she's going in for the kiss, she pulls back leaving him hanging. She walks away looking back at him over her shoulder with an evil grin.

"Oh it's on!" he says and it makes her giggle.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

What she thinks will be an uptight family dinner, turns out to be far more casual than she ever imagined especially when she first saw the perfectly laid table when they enter the dining room.

This is the first time that she meets Thea and she can see why Oliver is so crazy about his little sister. She's positively delightful and they click right away. There is a comfortable atmosphere, filled with delicious food, laughter and light conversation. Stories of Oliver's childhood and the playful banter between the Queen siblings makes the night even more perfect.

She takes a moment to stare at Oliver while he's busy talking and it makes her heart flutter. She's so happy that he decided to patch things up with his family…at least he will have them if something were to happen to her.

After dinner, they move to the family room, or rather the Queen's version of a family room, and Felicity cannot help the content sigh escape from her lips when she sinks into the couch. Oliver sits next to her and he drapes his arm around her shoulder causing her to lean against his hard toned chest.

She suddenly feels very tired. She doesn't get out much these days and when she does it's for short periods, so this has been the longest she's been out of the house for a while.

Lying against Oliver, she feels like she can close her eyes and sleep, but she's suddenly reminded where she is when she hears Moira making an observation about Oliver.

"Don't you think you should consider a haircut Oliver? And your beard…you look like a cave man."

"Oh come on mom, don't over exaggerate, my beard is barely longer than a five o'clock shadow, and as for my hair, I like it this way, so no, there won't be any haircut."

"If you really want to, I can help you out Ollie. I still have the hair clipper and I can cut it for you like I used to." Thea suggests from the sideline.

"No thank you Speedy, no haircut."

"But…" his mother starts again, but Oliver interrupts her before the conversation can escalate.

"How about some Irish coffee ladies?" he starts and gives Felicity a kiss on her forehead when he gets up from the couch.

"Yes, that sounds wonderful." Moira agrees.

"Mmmm, I can do with Irish coffee." Felicity says re-positioning herself on the now empty couch which leaves her cold without Oliver's body heat.

"Just normal coffee for you." he playfully winks, ignoring her huff of annoyance as he leaves the room with Thea not far behind.

She suddenly focuses her attention on Moira's inquisitive gaze. "I'm not allowed alcohol while on the trial." she explains trying to force a smile.

"There must be many things that you had to give up."

"Yes, it hasn't exactly been a walk in the park, but I have an amazing support system." Felicity says.

"I hear from Dr. Isaacs that they expect the test results to be made available next week."

The thought almost makes her hyperventilate. She's kind of on the fence about receiving the results. Oliver has told her numerous times to not freak out until they get there, but she's terrified that her worst fears will be revealed on those tests, that the time she spent with these treatments were all for nothing and that her time with her loved ones will once again be limited to a couple of months.

"Yes." is all she manages to answer.

"Felicity, are you alright? You seem a bit flushed." Moira observes.

"I just feel a bit tired." Felicity answers and gets up from the couch. "Moira, would you please excuse me, I think I just need to splash some water on my face."

"But of course dear. The powder room is just down the hall, please take your time." Moira smiles, but Felicity can see the concern in the woman's eyes.

The fact that Moira Queen could be worried about her warms her heart. She always pictured Moira as this ruthless woman in the way she held herself and conducted business, but this person sitting in front of her is kind and generous. We all have our masks, she guesses and makes her way to the powder room.

When she enters the powder room she silently laughs when the thought about having a GPS to navigate her way through the room enters her mind. It's huge and so beautiful.

She stands in front of the mirror, taking in her reflection and finds that she **_does_** look a bit pale, no wonder Moira was worried.

She notices a few strands of hair out of place and tries to adjust it, but when she pulls out one of the hairpins, the whole bundle of hair pinned comes out with it. Her heart nearly fails right there and then. It's getting worse and this time it leaves a bald spot right on the side of her head.

She takes in a deep breath and decides to carefully take out all of her remaining pins. She manages to get them out without losing more hair for the most part, but she realises she needs to make that choice she's been dreading since this afternoon. The choice that she pushed away right to the back of her mind, that's silently been taunting her.

She carefully uses her fingers and rearranges her hair over the bald spots and reattaches the hairpins. The style isn't exactly what she had in mind but it will have to do for now.

She splashes some cold water over her face and touches up her make up to give her a bit of colour. She takes a last look in the mirror, followed by another deep breath and rejoins the family for their coffee.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Oliver can read her like a book, which causes the evening to end far quicker than she anticipated.

They all walk over to the door saying their goodbyes.

First up for her is Thea.

The young woman envelops her into a tight hug. She's much stronger than she thinks and she nearly squeezes the life out of her, causing her to giggle.

"It was so nice to finally meet you Thea. Maybe you can come by for a cup of coffee if you feel up to it after your run with Oliver?"

"I'd like that very much." Thea smiles from ear to ear.

"Thea, may I ask you for a favour?" she asks in a very soft voice so no one can hear.

"Sure, anything for you."

"Could I maybe borrow your hair clipper? I was thinking maybe I could try and convince Oliver to cut his hair if I volunteer to do it for him."

She can see that Thea knows there's more to the story than Felicity is willing to disclose, but she doesn't push.

"Anytime, I'll go get it for you." she answers and gives her hand a squeeze before she runs up the stairs.

Felicity turns her attention to Moira and Oliver still in an affectionate hug. It once again brings warmth to her heart to see the man she loves reunited with his family after so much heartache.

"Thank you for everything Moira." Felicity says when mother and son break apart.

"It was lovely to have you in my home Felicity. I can see why my son is so smitten with you."

Felicity blushes when she feels Oliver's eyes on her. "I'm the lucky one." she smiles looking straight at him and she is, without him she would have lost hope a long time ago.

"But, I didn't just mean for tonight Moira…thank you for helping me getting into the trial. You will never really understand how much it means to me."

Surprisingly Moira pulls her closer for a hug too. "Look after yourself Felicity and I do hope the results are positive."

Felicity smiles at her, squeezing her hand when they break out of their hug. She turns back to Thea, who slips the hair clipper in her purse without anyone seeing.

Now that she has the tools, will she have enough courage to see it through?


	27. Chapter 27

**CHAPTER 27**

Since her mini meltdown Oliver very rarely spends the nights at his own apartment. It suits her that way though, the nightmares are much less frequent when she knows he's there during the night. Although she would love to have him with her during the day too, he still is very adamant about earning his own salary, even though his family has been reunited and a large trust fund is there for his use.

Since the moment she opens her eyes, knowing the hair clipper is in her bag burns her thoughts, but for some reason she chooses to ignore it. Every time she touches her head the image of the clipper comes back with a vengeance and she just pushes into her little storage box in the back of her mind.

This goes on for the duration of the day when finally she realises that a genius trying to fool a genius just makes you a fool or rather a moron. She decides to gather as much courage as possible and takes out the clipper of her bag. She walks into the bathroom and takes the elastic band out of her hair letting the golden locks fall over her shoulders. The thought of knowing this might be the last time she will feel that in a while makes her shiver.

She plugs in the hair clipper and decides to test a small piece on the front of her head that's left a big bald spot. She turns it on and the sound of the clipper makes her heart race. She wants to close her eyes, but realises she might cut off more than just her hair if she does something as stupid as this. She takes a deep breath and carefully brings it closer to her head. The clipper meets her hair and the last strands of hair that make up this specific spot now lie on the bathroom floor.

She takes a moment just staring at the hair. Tears form in her eyes, but the moment to give into her emotions are cut short when her phone starts to ring.

At first she wants to ignore it, but since her little breakdown an unspoken arrangement was made that she would answer her phone at all times, so her loved ones wouldn't expect the worst.

She swallows thickly and quickly moves into her bedroom to find her ringing phone on her nightstand. She's surprised when the number on the screen shows ' _Queen Consolidated_ '. Curtis isn't at the office today, so who on earth would phone **_her_** from Queen Consolidated?

"Hello?" she skeptically answers.

" _Felicity? Hi, it's Moira Queen, I am sorry to bother you, is now a good time to talk_?"

She's thrown by the voice on the other side. Dinner went really well and she thought they got off to a good start, but never did she ever think they are on a friendly telephone call basis.

"Oh, hi Moira." she tries to hide the surprise in her voice, "is everything okay?"

" _Yes, yes dear, nothing to worry yourself about."_

"That's good to hear." she says as she tries to figure out the meaning of this phone call, "if you're looking for Oliver he'll only be back later tonight."

" _No my dear, I am speaking to the right person._ " she answers and it confuses Felicity even more. Her lips form her usual ' _o_ ' but no sound makes an escape.

" _First, I want to thank you for coming to dinner last night. I know you are not feeling well and that you're tired all the time, but I want you to know how much it means to me that you put your own feelings aside for the sake of my son. Last night meant a lot for our family and I think in a way it's because of you._ "

She doesn't know how to respond to her statement. Yes she played a role in getting Oliver to make peace with what happened to his father, but it didn't exactly happen in a healthy way.

"I love your son Moira, and I only want the best for him." she decides to say.

" _And I can see why he's so taken with you dear. The way he looks at you…it's the same way Robert used to look at me…._ "

"I'm sorry Moira…I can't imagine…"

" _It's quite alright dear, some days are easier than others._ "

The thought that Oliver or her mother or Curtis might have this conversation with someone one day brings her attention to a familiar ache in her chest.

" _Felicity, the main reason for my call though, is that I would like you to accompany me to Central City this weekend. I am meeting with a possible investor in expanding our Applied Sciences Division and Walter Steele had a lot of positive things to tell me about how you handled the Kord Industries Project despite your illness. I believe you showed a lot of fresh innovative ideas and it would be a wonderful_ _privilege_ _if you would agree to join me for the meeting._ "

Felicity is thrown for a six. When Moira starts talking again, she realises that she's been rendered speechless and hasn't made a peep since Moira's invitation.

" _I understand you might not be feeling up to traveling, that's why I consulted with Dr. Isaacs before I decided to give you a call. We'll be flying with the Queen Consolidated Jet, which will cut our travelling time in half. I will make sure that you're comfortable in flight and that you have everything you need. The hotel we'll be staying at is right around the corner from where we'll be meeting the investor, so you really don't need to worry about anything._ "

Does Dr. Isaacs consult with everyone except her?

"Wow Moira, this is….wow!"

" _And of course Oliver and Thea will be joining us. Although the motive behind the trip is business related I thought it might be a good time for us all to spend some family time together._ "

Family? Did she actually include her as family?

"Moira, this is an incredible honour. Thank you for considering me. I would love to go." she's amazed by how quickly she said yes to this, knowing that she might soon be known as the _former_ Head of Applied Sciences.

" _Then it's settled._ " Moira sounds positively happy, another word she never thought she would use to describe the CEO of Queen Consolidated. " _I will make the final arrangements with Oliver and then we'll see you tomorrow._ "

"That sounds wonderful. Thank you Moira."

" _Take care of yourself Felicity. Goodbye._ "

"Goodbye Moira."

She puts her phone back on her nightstand. The news hasn't fully sunk in yet, and then she catches her reflection in the mirror of her vanity. She's pale, dark circles under her eyes and a huge bald spot on the right of her head where she just tested the clipper. She immediately wants to phone Moira and tell her she's changed her mind. How will an investor take anything she says seriously when she looks like this?

Her mother's words ' _you can do anything you put that genius mind to_ ' rings in her head. Despite all the challenges she's had to face in the past, she's pushed passed it, she's made her own destiny and she will not let a terminal illness withhold her from continuing to do that. She's strong and even if she needs to go to that meeting without hair, that's what she's going to do.

With new found determination, she stands up from her bed and walks back into the bathroom. She plugs in the clipper and brings it to her head. The small edges of the clipper meet her hair. She drags it over her head, but then clipper stalls.

She soon realises the clipper is entangled in her hair and that's the reason why it stopped working. She tries to pull it loose, but her hair is like vines around the clipper and will not let it go.

Out of pure frustration she finds a scissors and starts to cut away the hair around the clipper, but still nothing. It's at the back of her head, she can't see anything except for the base of the clipper proudly posing on the top of her head and a mess of hair everywhere.

"So now you hold on to your roots. I see you evil hair, I see you!" she yells at her hair in the mirror.

She's irritated with herself. She should have known to rather cut her hair shorter than attempting to shave it at the length it is on her own. She looks like a character out of a horror movie. All she needs is fake blood and she would probably win best dressed for a Halloween costume competition.

She decides to take a break when she feels like she wants to faint. Since she can't introduce alcohol into the situation, caffeine will have to do.

She unplugs the clipper, letting the cord dangle beside her face and drag behind her as she walks to the kitchen to make herself a very strong, much needed cup of coffee.

She brings the hot liquid to her mouth expecting it to soothe her, but what she doesn't expect is the front door to open revealing her handsome boyfriend…home early.

His blue eyes meet hers but the moment he takes in her appearance his wide smile changes into a confused frown within seconds. The look on his face is priceless and so incredibly adorable. She can just imagine what he's seeing and the thought makes her burst out in a laughing fit. She laughs and laughs. She's sick and losing her hair but she cannot stop laughing. At this point she decides that laughing is better than crying and even though tears are streaming down her face, she continues to laugh till everything hurts.

Oliver is astounded by what he sees. He doesn't move an inch, merely standing on the other side of the counter with a grin on his face until Felicity calms down from her laughing fit.

"Do you know you're the most adorable thing in my life?" she says as she wipes the tears from her eyes.

"Well, I want to say the same, but I can only decide once you tell me about your new look." he jokes.

"Ugh, it's such a long story." she says, subconsciously playing with the cord hanging from her head.

"How about you give me the short version then?"

"Last night at dinner, I asked Thea if I could borrow her hair clipper to persuade you to cut yours…" he gives her a look silently telling her he's not cutting his hair. "I know you don't want to cut your hair, it was just the motivation to get your sister to give me the clipper without a hundred questions how it really was for me."

He nods in understanding. His eyes are suddenly sad, but he lets her speak.

"The hair loss started getting worse while we were at your mother's house and I realised that I was just postponing the inevitable….anyways, I wanted to do it on my own, because I couldn't handle the pitied looks at a hair salon….as you can see it worked out great, I look like Smeagol!" she gestures to her hair and pouts her lips.

"Well even with that look, you'll always be _my precious_!" he says imitating Gollum's voice.

He moves around the counter as she chuckles at his antics and he gives her a soft kiss against her temple.

"Do you want me to call your mom to come and help you?" he asks, stroking her cheek, capturing the remains of the fallen tears.

"No, please don't. It's already hard for me as it is, and even though I know she means well, my mom will be too emotional and I don't think I can handle that right now."

"Okay."

"Since you're home though…maybe you can help me…if you want to, no pressure, I understand if it's too much for you, I just ne…"

He cuts her off with a lingering kiss. Her eyes flutter closed as she relishes the feeling of his lips against hers. He cradles her face between his hands and gently strokes her cheeks again.

"I'd love to help you." he whispers against her lips and her stomach does a backflip when she feels his hot breath ghost against her face.

He smiles at her when he sees the pink shade of blush against her cheeks and the sparkle in her eyes, almost completely removing the black circles under her eyes.

"You're the most adorable thing in my life too Felicity." the words make her smile and sigh all at the same time. There's no end to his charm, he just knows what to do and when to do it and she just hopes she'll be able to share many more of these little moments with him.

He picks up one of the kitchen chairs and follows her into the bathroom. She takes a seat and gives him the scissors, so he can see how he can rescue the clipper from her evil hair. He works so gently, trying his best not to hurt her, but his precision saves the clipper and the nation rejoices.

"My hero." she says as he kisses her on her neck. His scruff tickles her and her whole body responds with goose bumps.

"Are you ready?" he asks, meeting her eyes in the mirror.

She doesn't answer, but he takes her nod as confirmation and starts shaving her head.

He slides the clippers over her head. Bit by bit the blonde locks fall to the ground, when finally he's done. She stares at her reflection in the mirror, almost not recognising herself. A stray tear rolls down her cheek, but he's there to catch it.

He comes around and stands in front of her blocking her sight to the mirror. He has a big smile on his face. Love streaming out of his eyes as he captures her gaze.

"You are and will always be the most beautiful girl in the world to me Felicity Smoak. With or without hair, it's your heart, who you are that has made me fall harder than I've ever fallen for anyone in my life." he bends down, holding on to her knees to hold his balance, "you, my love are so incredibly brave and I love you with my whole heart." he gives her a chaste kiss but she can feel this all the way to her toes as she finally lets a sob escape her lips.

He pulls her up from the chair and holds her tight against him, letting her cry, letting the new reality set in.

After a while they break apart and she smiles at him. It's a genuine smile and she knows that as long as he's there, he's with her, she'll be okay.

"So I thought in supporting you, I might shave my hair too."

"No!" she whines. "I love your hair like this." she runs her fingers through the hairs on his neck as she pulls him closer for a kiss. "I don't want you to shave your hair Oliver, it helps me fall asleep at night and also very importantly this that you've got going over here is super sexy." she smiles, but her face blushes bright pink again.

"Okay, I'll make you a deal. I won't shave off everything, but it will be short enough to look like a solidarity cut, I'll leave enough for you to play with, for medical reasons." he winks.

"Deal." she says and kisses him on the cheek.

She leaves him in the bathroom and stands in front of her cupboard staring at her clothes. So what do you pack for a weekend in Central City?


	28. Chapter 28

**CHAPTER 28**

"Thank you." he says as he takes the box from the delivery man and closes the door. He places the box on the kitchen counter and his heart starts to race as he focuses on the sound of Felicity scurrying around in the bedroom.

He itches to open the box. He brings his fingers to lift the top square, but he's stopped in his tracks as Felicity rounds the corner with her loud voice, "Oliver Queen! Have you packed yet? Your mother's driver will be here in half an hour and I'm telling you mister, those clothes sure as hell are not going to make their way into your suitcase on their own." she pokes him on his chest and he cannot help the smile on his face.

She looks absolutely adorable and he knows she's nervous about this trip. When she becomes bossy that's code for ' _I'm nervous_ ' and quite synonym to her incessant babbling. He places his hands on her shoulders to calm her a little and then she spots it.

"What's that?" she points to the big box on the counter.

He's been practising this explanation since he made the phone call but now his insides turn and the nerves overtake him. His throat goes dry and suddenly he forgets every word he planned to say.

"Oliver? What's wrong? What's in the box?" she asks again when he doesn't answer and this time there's a hint of anxiety in her voice.

"It's nothing bad." he soothes, "please just promise you won't get mad okay?"

"Why? What did you do?"

"Felicity." he pleads.

"Fine." she relents, but he can see she's not happy about this arrangement.

"Last night when you shaved your head, I thought you were very brave, but I also realised that it put tremendous pressure on you suddenly too." he explains and he can see in her eyes he's hit it right on the head.

"I know I said last night that your hair in no way makes you who you are….and I meant it, but I also know that meeting someone for the first time is daunting enough, not even saying that that person is a possible investor. I realise for you, that's a big thing because all you want out of this meeting, is someone to focus on your mind and expertise at that moment and not stare at you because you have no hair."

He suddenly realises how he just explained that and she comes off as extremely shallow.

"Ugh…" he gives a frustrated sigh, "I'm sorry that didn't exactly paint a very flattering picture of you, I didn't mean for you to sound shallow at all I'm just trying…."

She takes his hand into hers and interrupts him, with a small smile, "it's okay Oliver…I get what you're saying."

"Coming to that conclusion I wanted to make things a bit easier for you this weekend so I phoned the number of one of the contact persons in the manual Dr. Isaacs gave you when you started with your treatment. I know it was a long shot, but I got through to the manager and she agreed to meet you when we come back from our trip next week. They specialise in wigs made of actual human hair. It looks much more natural than the synthetic stuff."

Tears start to make the blue in her eyes even bluer.

"I explained to her about our trip today and that you only shaved your hair last night, so obviously you haven't had a chance to make preparations for the weekend. She graciously agreed to send you a few synthetic wigs so you have some prototypes to try on and see what you like, and also said she'll put a few extra items in the box should the wigs not work for you...like scarfs and beanies and…"

"Oh Oliver!" she sobs as she crashes her body into his. She wraps her arms around his neck and he pulls her close in a tight hug. "How can I be mad when you're just…so wonderful."

"I know the last time you were upset and very angry that I spoke to Dr. Isaacs behind your back and I just don't want you to feel like I did the same now."

She breaks the hug and stares at him. A look of shame displayed quite vividly on her face. "Oliver, I'm so sorry. I was upset and I just used that as an excuse to push you away because of my own insecurities. I'm really sorry that you feel like you need to tip toe around me. I am very thankful for what you are doing and your support means so much to me."

"I'm not tip toeing around you Felicity. I understand this is a lot for you to handle…I just…I love you, you know." he says, his heart constricted in his chest with all he feels for her. There's nothing he wouldn't do for her.

"I know." she says and pecks him on the lips as she wraps her arms around his neck bringing him closer yet again. She gently drags her hand palms over the fluffiness of his new hairstyle and it makes him smile.

"You like the new hair then?" he asks, staring at the content look on her face as he revels in the feel of her body pressed against his.

"It's growing on me." she smiles as he brings down his lips on hers. "The other hair was….sexy, but this, this makes you look all ninja-y."

He laughs at her depiction. "Felicity there's no such word."

"My IQ is much higher than your Mr. Queen, so I say there is now…" she laughs and closes the gap again.

He brings her even closer as the kiss becomes deeper. Their tongues sway in a dance, releasing a soft moan from her. The kiss last a few moments more when she slowly ends it, pecking him once, twice and just when he's ready for the third time she stops before their lips meet, "your bag needs clothes in them Mr. Queen." she whispers and leaves him wanting when she moves passed him to the box on the counter.

This woman will be the end of him.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

No hiccups on the flight to Central City. Before they boarded the plane, he gave his mother and Thea a heads-up about Felicity shaving her hair so they wouldn't stare. The last thing Felicity needs is feeling self-conscious. He wants her to be herself at this meeting. Giving her a little bit of her confidence back is a step in the right direction.

He lies on their bed looking at her as she does her make up in the hotel room. On the flight, Thea and his mom helped Felicity decide which wig style was the best suited for her. Despite her natural hair colour being dark brown, she once again opted for blonde. The style of the wig is shorter than what she initially had…a curly long bob, ending just slightly under her chin. They decided that this style is much more natural since she had natural curls. People will think she just cut her hair.

After taking in her full appearance in the floor length mirror, he can see a sense of relief in her body language. For the first time in so long, she looks….happy.

There's a knock on the door that brings him back to reality and quickly focusing on his sister entering and making a huge fuss about how stunning Felicity looks. The black pencil skirt accentuates her small waist and the high heels…they just do things to him.

"Ollie, doesn't she look gorgeous?" she asks in a high pitched voice, he's sure the dogs all the way back home could hear her too.

He gets off the bed and walks directly to Felicity, trying hard to ignore his sister and her questioning glare. He places both his hands on her shoulder and before she can even say anything he dips her, supporting her back with his arm and kisses her passionately.

He's well aware that he's probably smudged her lipstick but he doesn't care. This woman in his arms is the best thing that's ever happened to him and she does in fact look absolutely gorgeous.

"Ollie!" Thea yells, "You're going to mess up her make up."

He grins at the woman in his arms as her eyes flutter open with the sound of Thea's voice. He doesn't help her to stand yet. They remain in that position as their eyes lock. A fierce shade of red covers her cheeks and once again he appreciates how beautiful she is when she blushes. Although she has make up on he can still see the traces of the tiredness on her face but when she blushes, all the traces of the tiredness disappears and he only sees **_his_** Felicity, his beautiful, strong and very brave Felicity.

He gently helps her to her feet and waits till she has her full balance before he lets go.

"Felicity Smoak, you're making my brother turn into a huge sap!" Thea jokingly scolds looking at the heart eyes in her brother's eyes.

"Aren't I lucky then?" Felicity answers, not once breaking eye contact with Oliver.

Thea can only shake her head as she makes herself comfortable on the couch in the living room of their hotel suite.

"So, where's mom?" Oliver finally acknowledges Thea, leading Felicity to the other couch.

"She said she'll meet us here in five minutes, something about a crisis at QC that she had to handle first."

Oliver moves closer to Felicity on the couch and entwines their fingers on her lap. He gives her a gentle kiss against her temple, careful not to mess up anything else at the risk of Thea yelling at him again.

"You two are positively gross, you know that?"

Felicity huffs a laugh, a hint of blush playing over her cheeks again and Oliver couldn't care less, the heart eyes not going anywhere.

"So?" Thea clears her throat, "did you tell her?"

Oliver glares at Thea and if looks could kill.

"Tell me what?" Felicity asks confused, turning her body to face him.

"Thank you Speedy, it was meant as a surprise."

"Oh sorry, forgot I said anything." she apologises, but it doesn't sway Felicity.

"Tell me what Oliver? Come on, you can't do that, you know how much I hate mysteries." she whines.

Oliver sighs and gives Thea another death glare but the younger Queen only smiles apologetically and shrugs her shoulders.

"When I heard we were coming to Central City, I recognised there was another item on your ' _bucket list_ ' that we haven't touched yet…so I arranged for that to change today." he explains.

"Really?!" she asks excitedly.

"Yes really." he answers, smiling at the excitement displayed on her face.

"Oliver, this is incredible. Who? Who is it?"

"Oh no you don't. **_That,_** beautiful, will remain a secret until the exact time you meet this person."

"Come on Oliver, pleeeeaaaseee?" she sings.

"Nope, not happening. If you want to be disappointed, you can be disappointed with Thea, because if it wasn't for **_her_** , you wouldn't even have known there was a mystery to be solved."

"Hey!" Thea says in response, receiving an evil grin from her older brother.

"Yes Speedy, two can play this game." she narrows her eyes at him, but he only laughs as he gets up from the couch to open the door for his mother.


	29. Chapter 29

**CHAPTER 29**

This whole trip feels surreal. From the goodie box Oliver arranged for her to the flight on the QC Jet, spending time and getting to know Moira and Thea a bit better….she's so happy right now.

Moira and Thea were so attentive from the moment they stepped onto the plane. She knows Oliver probably told them about her shaving her head because they acted like they didn't even notice, not until she told them about the wigs Oliver organised for her. She appreciates the gesture though and it makes her love Oliver even more. He's been so supportive and it's not just in the big things, it's the littlest of the little things that he thinks of and he's spot on every single time.

He's also extremely strict and mindful so she doesn't get carried away with all the delicious food and getting wrapped up in the excitement. Unfortunately she still has a terminal illness, and even though she agreed to come on this trip she still needs to be wise in her decision making. Nap times and bed times are built into the trip schedule and come hell or high water he will enforce that schedule because….he's just **_that_** awesome!

Today just once again proved that he's even more amazing than she already knew he was….despite everything going on he still wants her to experience every item on that ' _bucket list_ ' of hers and it makes her feel so thankful to have him in her life. She has no idea how or what she did to deserve this man, all she knows is that she will treasure him for as long as she has breath.

Of course another highlight of this trip is getting to see the Star Labs building in Central City.

The view from their hotel room window overlooks the magnificence of this piece of architecture, that is Star Labs and although she's in awe of this beautiful building she's burning to get on the inside.

She's completely ecstatic when they leave the hotel room and she's informed that their meeting with the investor will take place inside of Star Labs. They have a Science Convention for the weekend and seeing that Moira wants to pitch a few ideas for the QC's Applied Sciences Division, she thought it would add a nice touch to meet at the Science Convention.

She's dressed to the nines and she loves her new look. Despite all the emotional trauma of her shaving her hair off, the wig definitely makes her feel confident and she's ready for this meeting. At least she can concentrate on what's being said in the meeting instead of worrying how the strangers will react to her not having hair.

Oliver leads her across the road, holding her hand tightly in his own. They enter the building and are immediately greeted by Star Labs personnel giving them VIP passes. These passes will get them access to any part of the building and of course she wants to do a little happy dance at this thought.

As soon as they enter the large hall, her mouth opens in awe of all the brilliance, the experiments displayed. She would totally loose herself in there, but when she feels Oliver gently tugging at her hand, she understands that she needs to concentrate on why they were here in the first place.

"What?" she asks when she sees him smile.

"You're cute." he answers and gives her hand a squeeze. "I've never actually seen you in this part of your life you know."

"Yeah, that's right. You know about my job, but **_we_** only really started after I got so sick and couldn't really go into work anymore."

"It's nice though. I can see how passionate you are about these gadget-y things. It explains why you love your job so much **_and_** why you didn't even think twice before accepting the invitation to go on this trip." he winks at her and she blushes, but it's the truth.

Sitting home feeling sick all the time, it kind of made her feel like she wasn't able to do the things she loved anymore, made her feel useless. When Moira phoned, she knew she was taking a huge risk, but being her, feeling like herself again, it's definitely worth it.

They enter the elevator at the far end of the hall. They stop on the seventh floor and when the elevator doors open, it's a large open plan room leading to another large room with a huge sign reading ' _Boardroom_ '.

A short brown haired woman stands up from one of the comfortable looking chairs and Moira goes into CEO mode….now this is the woman she knows.

"Tina, it's so lovely to see you again. Thank you for meeting us here." Moira and the short woman exchange cheek kisses. She doesn't really know if the pleasantries are fake, but this is a mystery to figure out another day.

Her stomach starts to do a few tumbles when Moira turns around to introduce Tina to them.

"Tina, I'd like for you to meet my family." she says with a smile and starts pointing to each member as she introduces them. "This is Thea, my daughter; Oliver, my son and Miss Felicity Smoak, the head of our Applied Sciences Department at Queen Consolidated. Everyone, this is Dr. Tina McGee from Mercury Labs here in Central City."

Felicity shakes the outstretched hand of the lady in front of her and smiles. It's like Oliver can feel her anxiety and he holds her hand even tighter. "It's a pleasure to meet you Dr. McGee." she says, hoping that the shiver in her voice is well hidden.

"Likewise Miss Smoak." the woman answers and returns her smile.

"We're just waiting for the rest of the party, but in the meantime please help yourselves to some coffee and something to eat." Tina gestures to the counter filled with all sorts of delicious looking pastries and a little coffee stand to the side.

She can feel Oliver's eyes on her and she doesn't even need to look at him to know how he's already warning her to take it easy. She can't help the smile forming at her lips and tries to hide it so he doesn't realise she's on to his sergeant major persona.

Although it all looks very enticing, she decides to heed Oliver's unspoken warning and pours herself a glass of water instead. She walks over to one of the couches in the middle of the room and sits down waiting for Oliver to join her.

While waiting, she takes out her phone and starts scrolling through her emails, when a tall man enters through the door. He's young, dark haired and when she looks closer she recognises him. It's Dr. Raymond Palmer! He is the CEO of Palmer Technologies. He's done amazing things in their line of work and genius too.

She sees him greeting Tina and she introduces him to the rest of the people standing close by. Could this be the mystery guest Oliver organised for her?

She immediately decides against this thought when Oliver is by her side within split seconds, sitting extremely close to her on the couch as if he wants to hide her from this new person. She bites her lip to stifle the giggle forming at the back of her throat, at the thought that Oliver Queen could actually be worried that Dr. Palmer could make a move on her.

She reassuringly places her hand on his knee, drawing random patterns with her fingers, when Dr. Palmer walks in their direction and stops in front of her with an outstretched hand.

"Good morning, I don't believe we've met yet. I'm Ray Palmer." he smiles, oblivious to the little territorial growl Oliver is making next to her.

"Yes Dr. Palmer, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Felicity Smoak." she smiles and shakes his hand, quickly noticing an important item on his left ring finger. She wonders if Oliver missed this little fact.

"Pleasure is all mine, and please call me Ray."

Without an invitation he makes himself comfortable on the couch opposite to theirs and silently enjoys his muffin and coffee.

She looks over to Oliver and instead of seeing daggers pointed at the man opposite to them, he keeps on checking his watch and the door….he's waiting for the mystery guest no doubt and right now she couldn't care less about whatever just happened with Ray, she's excited to meet this person Oliver arranged for her.

A few more minutes pass, and then the elevator dings. Her eyes are fixed on the door and when he walks through she has to contain her emotions. She wants to jump up and scream like a teenage girl meeting her favourite band member for the first time….Dr. Harrison Wells….

She grabs Oliver's arms and tightens her hold the moment he walks into the room. She doesn't realise that she's lodged her finger nails into his arm, when Oliver tells her to breathe with the biggest grin on his face.

"You arranged Dr. Wells as my surprise?" she asks in a whisper, careful not to draw attention to them too quickly.

"Yes. Do you like your surprise?"

"Do I like my surprise? Do I **_like_** my surprise? Oliver what kind of a question is that? Are you freaking kidding me right now? If we weren't in a room filled with very important people…and your mother, I would be kissing you senseless right now!" she says, the whisper growing a bit louder at the end making him chuckle at her excitement.

"Mmmm, promises promises Miss Smoak." he teases.

"Oh don't you worry, this is a promise I intend to keep, you will be very well rewarded Mr. Queen, very well indeed." she winks at him while standing up, preparing herself to meet one of her idols.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Making her happy makes him happy. When Dr. Wells agreed to join the meeting, he knew this would make Felicity's day. She deserves all the happiness in the world and he will do anything and everything to make it happen.

He watches her as she meets Dr. Wells and the way she interacts with him makes his heart melt. He almost feels like he's missed out on this side of her completely. He's seen her excited before, but the way she lights up about tech and science is something else entirely.

She gives him a quick goodbye kiss on the cheek and joins the others when they walk into the boardroom for their meeting, leaving him and Thea behind. He can see she's nervous again, but he knows his girl has got this. She'll be fine.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

They wait for more than an hour when the boardroom door finally opens. He instantly becomes a bit growly when he sees Ray Palmer deep in conversation with Felicity. He saw the wedding band on his finger earlier, but there's something primal that kicks in when he sees him interact with her….maybe he's insecure about Ray actually understanding this side of Felicity, but when he sees them interact all he wants to do is bash his head in.

He stands up, trying to remember his manners and when Felicity sees him, she gives him a big smile, quickly says something to Ray and hurries over to him as she envelops him in a tight hug.

"I presume it all went well then?" he smiles at the feel of her body pressed against his.

"Better than well. They loved my ideas Oliver and I think your mom got her investor."

He softly kisses her forehead. "I had no doubt you could do it. I'm so proud of you."

She looks up at him. Her eyes are filled with the familiar sparkle he's come to love and lately got so little chance to see. His heart skips a beat and he knows he's not waiting a second longer.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

They say their goodbyes and to indulge Felicity they take their time to walk through the Science exhibit. He's once again fascinated about her knowledge and love for everything displayed. He gets a huge kick out of her trying to explain things he has no idea about. He lets her talk though, he loves the sound of her voice, of her happy voice and stores this moment deep in his heart.

After the exhibit they go back to their hotel room where he makes sure she naps for at least 90 minutes before them heading to the beach for some fresh air and alone time before dinner with his mother and Thea.

They sit on one of the benches overlooking the ocean and he drapes his arm around her shoulders. The sunset is beautiful and reminds him of their first jump together. He already knew back then there was something special about this woman. He holds her a bit tighter and the crisp fall air makes her snuggle closer against him for warmth.

"Thank you for today." she says looking at the waves crashing on the shore.

"I'd do anything for you Felicity."

"I know, and I love you all the more for it."

"Felicity…" he says, breaking their cuddle and turning his body to face hers. Her eyes are so incredibly blue and for a moment he just wants to get lost in them. "….today, seeing you so excited about a part of your life I had absolutely no part of I realised something. I realised that there is probably many more things I don't know about you and that I probably will never understand everything the way that say Ray Palmer will understand you."

The happiness on her face turns to a frown and he can kick himself right about now, because his sentence is giving her a whole other idea and it's not what he means.

"Wha….what are you saying Oliver?" she asks with a shaky voice.

"Oh no, no Felicity….I'm sorry, I've never really been good with words….this…it came out wrong."

She's still confused, but the frown eases a bit and he takes a deep breath to start again.

"What I'm trying to say…you have so many facets of your life that I haven't had the privilege of getting to know and even though I'm not as smart as Ray Palmer in understanding all those facets, I really want to try Felicity. I want to know every part of you….on the inside and the outside and I don't want to wait another second to do it."

He gets up from the bench, takes both her hands in his and kneels in front of her.

"I love you with every fibre of my being, I love you and I want to spend every second of my life with you by my side. I know this might sound rushed, but I can't wait any longer to ask you this….Felicity Smoak, will you marry me?"


	30. Chapter 30

**CHAPTER 30**

There's so much hope and determination reflecting in his eyes as the words leave his mouth. It feels like the ocean is right in her ears and she can barely make out her thoughts. What is he thinking? Why would he go and ruin this perfect day by asking her a question that he knows she can't give him the answer he wants? The answer she so desperately wants to give but….she can't.

"I…" she tries to speak but for probably the first time in her life her mouth is not running away with the thoughts in her head….maybe because her brain has malfunctioned.

"Felicity? Will you marry me?" he says confused by the fact she hasn't answered yet.

"Oliver, I….I…." she tries again and in that moment she can see herself crushing his heart. His eyes close and he takes a deep breath.

Great! Now he's going to hate her.

"Oliver, honey, please just sit down for a moment." she gently coaxes, helping him to stand up and sit down next to her.

When he's seated next to her, she takes his hands in hers and looks him straight in the eye. He tries to look away, but they can't afford distance right now, she needs him to look at her. She can't have him thinking she doesn't love him because she doesn't want to marry him….she does but there is no way that marriage could ever be in the cards for them, even if she wants it so badly.

"I love you so very much. I need you to look at me and tell me you know that." she says with so much determination it scares her.

He nods and finally looks at her, but she can see he's crushed, he's hurt and she hates herself for being the reason behind that look in his eyes.

"I ca…." she tries to continue.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." he finally speaks and cuts her off.

"Oliver, please."

He doesn't say another word. It's like he's denial and he doesn't want to accept what's happening.

She gently strokes the back of his hand with her thumb, soothing him for the words of reality that's about to hit him.

"It's not that I don't love you….because I do, more than anyone I've ever loved in my entire life, but this…" she gestures between them, "us…I'm dying Oliver and we don't even know if the treatment worked. You're planning a future with someone who might not have a future and as much as I wish that wasn't the case…it's reality, it's **_our_** reality."

He stares at her silently, inspecting her. When he looks at her this way, it feels like she's standing naked in front of him, like every wall she's trying to put up comes crumbling down and all that's left is her – he sees **_her_**.

"This right here today is a perfect example of what I told you that day in the park. I was scared that day, but there were a few things said that day that still remain the truth. I love you for wanting to try and make my dreams come true….today with Dr. Wells…that was simply incredible. Everything you do for me I know you do out of love, but I'm afraid that you're trying to make up for the mistakes you made with your dad and that even with this proposal, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. I'm not saying that you don't love me, but maybe your atonement for what happened with your father is stronger than your love for me."

She feels like she just inflicted a world of pain on herself by saying that last part, why is she pushing him away when all he wants to do is be with her? Does she really believe that his love for her isn't as strong as his guilt?

"You're right." he answers, but she can barely hear the words coming out of his mouth.

She loves being right, but right now, more than anything she wishes she was wrong.

"You're right that our reality differs from a lot of people's…our reality is in some ways a lot harder and yes, you have a terminal illness of which we have no clue yet as to whether the treatment worked or not. You're right in the fact that my mistakes with my father have made me see things differently and made me want to do things differently with you….but there's one thing that you are absolutely so wrong about Felicity and that is how much I love you."

"This decision wasn't just made in the spur of the moment. I have been dreaming of a future with you since the first day I met you Felicity, but it's just become so much more clearer to me these last couple of weeks. Every moment I spend with you, I learn something new, I fall deeper and harder and every moment I am away from you, I dream of being with you. If that makes me a fool because of **_our_** reality, then I'd happily wear that jacket, because it's true."

She's speechless by his words, which she realises has become way more often with him around, because she's never at a loss of words. She wants to run away from her insecurities and dive head first into the unknown, but there's so many factors he's not considering.

"I have thought of every possible scenario of our future….the good and yes even the bad and in none of them I'm not willing to risk everything and waste time because of fear….fear that all of this… ** _you_** will be ripped away from me in a single moment. I have weighed those options Felicity, I have and despite the possible heartbreak that might await me, I don't want to lose another second without knowing I have linked myself to you in every way possible."

"Oliver…." she says, as a single tear falls from her blue eyes.

"If there's anything that my guilt over my dad has taught me, it's that we're not promised tomorrow. I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning, or in a few months knowing that we had the chance and we never took it….so Felicity, I know you're scared, I know we don't know what's going to happen, but right here, right now, here on this beach in Central City I want you to know that it doesn't matter what those results will tell us this week, I want to marry you, I want to be your husband, I want to care for you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health…." his voice breaks on the last word and his own tears start falling freely, "…for better or for worse, till the day that either one of us gives our last breath."

He adjusts their entwined hands and she can feel so much warmth and love radiating from him.

"Felicity, will you marry me?"

Her heart screams _YES!_ but logic is telling her to say no, that he'll get hurt even more if she gives in to her desires. She's a genius and making decisions have always been about weighing the facts, moving her emotions aside, because emotions makes us weak, it clouds our judgement.

She thinks back to the first day she met him. The day she was scared out of her mind of jumping out of a freaking plane, but she did it. She did it because she wanted to yes, but he was there, she was safe and she felt like nothing would hurt her, because **_he_** was there…

 _'_ _We're going to fight this…together.'_

 _'_ _I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning, or in a few months knowing that we had the chance and we never took it.'_

And he's right, he's always been right and for once, logic might not be the way to make this decision….

"Yes." she gulps when the word gets stuck in her throat, "yes Oliver, I am willing to take a chance, I'm willing to leap again and I know we'll be okay because you're there. Yes, I'll marry you." she answers with conviction and a watery smile.

He pulls her in for a hug and the moment their bodies connect she feels at peace. She didn't just make this decision based on the beautiful speech, she knows in her heart that she loves this man and that he loves her…no matter what the future holds, she's going to live in the present and right now it can be as Oliver Queen's fiancé and not the woman with cancer.

"I love you so much." he whispers in her ear and then starts kissing her on every spot he can find on her face, making her giggle because of his scruff tickling her face.

"I love you too Oliver, so so much." she answers when he finally releases her.

She trances the outlines of his face with the tips of her fingers, taking him in. This incredible man in front of her, she has so much love for him. His eyes are soft. The love and joy oozes out of his blue orbs and her heart melts for the umpteenth time looking at him. She would be very happy and content to just stare at him forever.

He leans in and kisses her softly on the lips. It's so intimate, her breath hitches at the contact. They stay like that on the bench, soft kisses and touches, lost in each other, savouring the beginning of this new season, before they have to head back to reality and face the treatment results.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

The weekend in Central City ended off on a high note.

She has no idea who is more excited about this new development…her mother or Thea. She's probably sure that they both received the same set of vocal chords, because the decibel level of the screams of joy when they found out about the engagement probably could have been heard all the way to the southern tip of Africa…those poor dogs.

They agreed that they would keep the good news out of the press for now. Having Oliver being reunited with the family was the topic the press could concentrate on and since Felicity didn't have a ring yet, no one would suspect anything. She isn't ready for that amount of attention yet. There are still some major events that have to take place this week and having the press hound her about her engagement is definitely not at the top of list of things she wants to deal with.

One of the many qualities she adores about her fiancé is the fact that he has learned when to push and when to give her space. This morning is one of those times. He took the day off work, because he doesn't want her to face the results on her own.

She wakes up with the smell of delicious food hanging in her apartment. She needs to take a deep breath because the moment she starts to enjoy the smell she feels the nausea making its presence known. She tries to sit up in the bed and take a healthy gulp of the lemon infused water on the nightstand and concentrates on her breathing until she can feel the nausea subside.

She's about to get up and ask Oliver if he needs help, but just as she tries to get out of bed, her very handsome fiancé enters the room with a small tray of food, in only his sweatpants. She doesn't even care about the food at that moment, because all she can stare at is his rock hard abs and very toned upper body.

He can see her staring and a huge grin appears on his face, making him even more yummy.

"I hope you like the food this much too." he teases.

"I doubt it, but I'm sure it will come in as a close second." she teases back and of course the blush on her cheeks give away the fact that she's not a flirt master, unlike the Greek god standing in front of her.

He gives her a gentle kiss against her forehead and helps her sit back in the bed. Once she's comfortable, he puts the tray on her lap.

"I know you're nervous, but you need to eat something. I didn't make a lot of food, but try and see how much you can eat okay."

She nods looking over the toast and scrambled eggs on her plate and her favourite coffee cup.

"I'm going for a quick run, unless you need me to stay with you?"

She knows by now not to lie to spare his feelings, and he knows she needs some space right now to get her thoughts organised before their appointment with Dr. Isaacs, that's why he's giving her the option.

"No, I'm fine." she answers and gives him her best smile.

He leans down, kissing her on the corner of her mouth, grabs a t-shirt and heads out the door.

She takes her time and finishes at least three quarters of the food on her plate, showers and by the time Oliver arrives home, she's almost ready to head out.

She can hear him in the shower. She knows today is going to be hard, the uncertainty of the results makes her stomach turn, but the person in the shower is her rock. He's the one who has been there all this time and she knows that no matter the outcome, as long as he's there she'll be okay.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

The wait for Dr. Isaacs is almost worse than the run up to today. She fidgets with her fingers while trying to concentrate on anything else but what's about to happen, but nothing is distracting her.

She suddenly feels warms hands envelop hers and he slowly but meticulously strokes his fingers over hers. She's mesmerised by this action and the feel of his warm hands connected to hers. She has no idea how long she stares at their fingers, but she's brought back to reality with a call of her name.

"Miss Smoak?" the receptionist calls.

When she looks up, she blushes. She feels like a teenager caught in something questionable, but she giggles when Oliver releases a breathy chuckle next to her almost as if he has read her mind.

"Dr. Isaacs will see you now." the receptionists continues and shows them into the office.

They are both greeted by Dr. Isaacs. He looks calm and collected and for a moment she feels hope. He would look bothered if the results were negative right?

They sit down and without asking, Oliver moves his chair right next to hers and drapes his arm around her shoulders. It's comforting but it does nothing for her racing heart.

"Felicity, you look well. Tell me, how are you feeling?" Dr. Isaacs asks, making notes in her medical file.

"Not much different I must say Doctor, but I'm trying to do normal things again, like visit with family and friends, taking short trips and even sit behind my computer for a few moments a day. I feel like myself when I try and do those things and not concentrate on how sick I feel sometimes." she explains and he nods.

"When we first took you in for the trial, I told you that you're the first case that we're doing with respect to your severity and type of cancer. Now, normally the treatment would be spread out over a few months, but we had to consider your diagnoses and that's why we had to treat you aggressively this last month."

"Yes, I understand." she says, her heartbeat increasing with every word the older man speaks.

"Irrespective of what the result show, I would like to continue the treatment starting next week. I know it's a little earlier than we initially discussed, but I have spoken to my other colleagues and they all agree that you are a favourable candidate and that starting so soon again won't be dangerous for you."

She has no idea what to make of this statement. Can't he just tell her yes or no and then give her all the options later?

"Okay." she says. "Doctor, I don't want to sound irritable or rude, but the waiting is just…I can't take it anymore. Could you please get to the point? Did the treatment work or not?"

She can feel Oliver's arm around her tighten, but right now she couldn't care less about sounding forceful or not. She needs to know and he needs to put her out of her misery, right now.

"I understand." he says and he turns a few pages in her medical file. "When we start with the process there has to be at least a 47% change in the growth of the cancer for it to make a difference and for it to be classified as successful." he explains further.

She looks at Oliver and he gives her a smile, but she knows he is feeling what she's feeling. She feels his left hand cover hers and he gently strokes her ring finger. There's no ring, but to him it's a way of telling her, he's here, he'll always be here.

"Your results only showed a 23% change. I'm sorry Felicity but this round of treatment was unsuccessful."


	31. Chapter 31

**CHAPTER 31**

He feels his body go numb just as the words reach his ears. If **_he's_** feeling panicky right now, how is **_she_** feeling? He tries to look at her but her facial expression remains closed and pensive, but he knows her better. He knows her thoughts are spiralling in her head at a million miles per second and right now he can't do anything to make it better.

Dr. Isaacs discusses the way forward and the treatment options he wants to start next week and it suddenly feels like someone hit a fast forward button because when he starts paying attention to his surroundings again, the appointment is over.

Felicity greets Dr. Isaacs and they head for the clinic doors. She looks calm, but he knows there's a war waging inside her. She has a smile on her face but it's strained.

He opens the car door for her to get in and quickly makes his way over to the driver's side. After he puts on his seat belt his hands tighten around the steering wheel. She must have noticed his white knuckles, when he feels a small hand on his thigh.

He risks looking at her, but he's blown away by how calm she seems. Suddenly he's unsure if he really knows what's going on in that beautiful mind of hers or if she's putting up her best act to soothe him.

"I'm a bit tired." she says, her voice is calm and steady. "Would you mind letting Gina Dickens know I'll reschedule our appointment for the wig?"

He nods in response. He doesn't trust his voice and the last thing he wants to do is upset her more. He takes her hand still lying on his thigh and holds it for a while. He can feel her pulse in her wrist and he needs to take a deep breath when the thought enters his mind that feeling her like this, being with her, hearing her voice is all on borrowed time. Nothing he can do, no amount of money or strings his family name can pull will take away this disease.

He gives her hand a final squeeze before he lets it go to drive them back to her house. Her hand remains on his thigh all the way until they reach her house.

The drive home was silent and when they enter her house, she only gives him a kiss on the cheek and he knows to give her the space she needs to work through the news and her own emotions.

He takes a seat on the sofa, pulling Felicity's ever present blanket over him. He can't hold her right now, something he longs to do, but smelling her on the blanket is oddly comforting. He's not sure if he should let anyone know what's going on, but he decides to at least let Donna know. She can be a bit much sometimes but Felicity is still her daughter and she deserves to know what's going on.

He lies down on the couch clutching Felicity's blanket and very soon he's overcome by darkness as he falls asleep.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

A knock on the door wakes him. It takes him a while to figure out where he is and when he looks at his phone, he sees at least 90 minutes has gone by since he fell asleep.

He opens the door and finds a distraught Donna on the other side. She immediately embraces him and he holds on to her, the numb feeling returning to his own body.

"Where is she?" Donna asks when she breaks the hug.

"She's sleeping." he answers and gestures for her to come inside.

"Oliver…" she starts and stops in the middle of the lounge looking at him with tears in her eyes. "I know she probably doesn't want me here, but I have…I need to see her. Please? I need to see my baby girl and make sure she's okay." she sobs, barely getting out the last few words.

Oliver moves closer and envelops her in another hug. He holds her tight as she cries.

"Okay. I understand. I will be right here if you need me."

She gives him a grateful smile and disappears behind the bedroom door.

He decides to make some coffee. Felicity always believes that caffeine is the cure to everything; maybe she's right and at least by busying himself with something other than thinking about their current situation will help him breathe a little easier.

It takes a while to get the coffee machine running and getting the cups ready, when Donna joins him in the kitchen, taking a seat on one of the bar stools at the counter. She looks relieved, almost calm and he knows he'll probably be in trouble with his fiancé for letting her into the bedroom, but seeing Donna, he's happy to take that shot.

Without a word he pours her a cup of coffee. He places it on the counter for her to drink when he hears more footsteps heading his way.

Her hair is a mess and her eyes are red from crying, but she's smiling at him. His brain is telling him to still be careful about what to say and how to handle her, but she's having none of it. She walks straight towards him and swings her arms around his neck, her fingers playing with the hair on the back of his neck. He gently brings his hands to her waist, still a little unsure of how to act right now and looks into her eyes. She smiles, not once looking away and then it hits him…everything hits him so hard and the tears he's been fighting since Dr. Isaacs broke the news wells up in his eyes and he can't stop them from escaping and falling down his face.

A soft sob escapes his lips and she soothes every emotion by pressing her lips on his. He drinks in her presence as she kisses him, a promise that everything is going to be alright. Her arms leave his neck and she cups his face, forcing him to look at her when she whispers, "it's okay, I'm right here."

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

They spend some time with Donna, talking about trivial things when the conversation suddenly turns towards the wedding. He almost freezes at the change in subject but Felicity continues to indulge her mother and continue the conversation.

It isn't long after this Donna decides to call it a night and with much more peace than she arrived, she leaves giving them both a long hug goodbye.

Felicity closes the door and when she turns around to face him sitting on the couch, her smile fades and her expression turns serious. His heart skips a beat, thinking that the big talk is about to happen…everything that he feared will now be discussed in detail and who knows, maybe after receiving the news she's changed her mind about getting married and she doesn't know how to break the news to him.

She takes a seat next to him and takes his hands in hers. She looks at him and all he can see is love. His heart wants to break at this moment; he doesn't want to lose her.

"Oliver, we need to talk." she begins and his heart tightens in his chest.

He merely nods, not saying a word.

"Today was eye opening for me…it was really hard to hear the news and it felt like after all the treatment and hope and pep talks, it was basically for nothing."

He wants to tell her she's wrong, but he can't. How can he give her hope when he himself has not come to terms with what actually happened today. He feels raw, but he knows they can't give up, but how do you convince someone not to give up when there are so much emotions bottled up inside yourself?

"But while I was trying to come to terms with what's happening, I realised today more than ever that you were right. We're not promised tomorrow and in my case there might not even be a tomorrow but I'm tired Oliver…I'm so tired of waking up every day and wondering if today will be my last…I'm tired of making decisions based on ' _what ifs_ ' and I'm tired of trying to do this on my own and spare the people I love."

"My whole life I've felt alone, I've had to fend for myself, work my butt off to get where I am and I pushed people away in the process because I was scared, but no more. You, my mom and everyone else have been here all along, and even though in a way I've given over a bit of what I feel, I'm done hiding. I need to live for the **_now_**. I don't want to die and know that my time spent with you was only with a part of me."

"I told you that I would marry you and Oliver I still do. After today even more so than the day you asked me. I'm sorry that I pushed you away today. This is hard for me, but I only realised when my mother showed up in my room that all of this is just as hard on you guys too and I'm sorry."

"Felicity…" he whispers, more tears joining the conversation.

"Oliver, I love you so so much and if I get to live two weeks or a month or even a year, every day that I am still alive I want it to be with you. I want to give you me, the real me, all of me. So, if you're still willing and will still have me, wi…"

"How can you even ask me that? Of course I still want you. Nothing has changed for me Felicity. I told you that it didn't matter what today's results would reveal. I love you and I want to marry you, no matter what." he quickly adds and pulls her in for a hug. She holds on so tight it's like she's afraid he will disappear. "It's okay beautiful, I'm not going anywhere."

She gives a sigh of relief and looks at him again. "Okay, if we're going to do this, we need to make another appointment with Gina…and Oliver?"

"Yeah?" he smiles at the mischievous way she says his name.

"Your fiancé needs a ring."


	32. Chapter 32

**CHAPTER 32**

It is her second week of the new treatment cycle and since she got engaged Donna practically begged Dr. Isaacs to allow her in the room with Felicity, because when else are they going to discuss wedding ideas?

She pages through one of the millions of wedding magazines her mother brought along to her appointment and while Donna is going on about pink feathers and glitter her attention falls on the shining diamond on her ring finger.

She smiles when she thinks about how happy the presence of that ring on her finger makes her. After she told Oliver they needed to make it official he was delirious with happiness until she told him that she was okay with them doing a press release too. He was really worried about how that would affect her handling the stress of the treatment, but as soon as she explained that people would be seeing her wear the ring and she would rather make a statement than rectify any gossip he was on board.

The next day Oliver contacted his mother for the number of the Queen Family jeweller, but his mother flat-out refused to give him the number saying that he should be using a piece from the vault. They were invited for dinner that evening and it was right there that Moira gave her the engagement ring that Robert gave her.

It was too much and Felicity didn't want to accept it. Especially since it was an heirloom and Moira was still alive. It didn't feel right to taking the ring. Moira however insisted, but it was only after Moira told them how she and Robert had to overcome many obstacles on their journey to getting married and how the ring symbolised strength her in their marriage, she accepted the gift. _"It's staying in the family after all."_ Moira had said and that made the realisation of what's happening even more genuine. She is marrying Oliver Queen!

They did a press release, but they only disclosed that they were now engaged and that no wedding date has been set yet. No mention of Felicity's illness was made and they also didn't deliberate on why they hadn't set a date yet, since her undergoing treatment would be the main reason for that. Oliver was happy with how QC's PR Department handled everything, but the thing he hated and worried him the most was that Felicity had now come into the spotlight and was followed regularly by nosy photographers trying to steal a shot for their next possible sensation.

Felicity didn't care that much. Other than the occasional grocery shopping and treatments at the clinic she was home most of the time.

"Felicity? Did you hear what I said?" Donna interrupts her daydream.

"Yeah…no…sorry mom, I was lost in thought there for a minute." she decides to be honest.

"I saw you were in your own little world there for a moment. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, everything's fine mom, just thinking about the last couple of weeks and how things have really changed since the day I was diagnosed with this illness. Time waits for no one; I mean it's almost the middle of November. Where has the time gone?"

Her mother is quiet for a moment and then takes a hold of her hand, "I'm just thankful that I still have you with me baby."

Felicity squeezes her mom's hand and smiles. "Me too mom, me too."

Before Donna can start rambling about more wedding ideas that are way beyond extravagant, the nurse enters to take out the IV.

"Miss Smoak?" she addresses Donna, "Dr. Isaacs requested that you please wait outside in the waiting area please. He needs to do a few tests on your daughter, just normal procedure."

"Oh sure." Donna says and gathers all her belongings and the bridal magazines lying on Felicity's hospital bed. "I'll be right outside if you need me hon." she gives Felicity a kiss on the forehead and leaves the room.

The nurse finishes up as Dr. Isaacs enters and he's carrying with him a file which looks very much like the one her results from the previous treatment were in.

He takes a seat next to Felicity, waiting for the nurse to leave, before either of them speaks.

"So soon?" Felicity says, knowing exactly what this conversation is about.

At the beginning of the week she requested Dr. Isaacs to do preliminary testing on her, to see if the treatment cycle is making any kind of change. He was reluctant to do it at first, but Felicity can be very convincing.

"Yes Felicity. I got the results back this morning."

"It's bad isn't it?" she asks, but she's calm, strangely so.

"I'm so sorry Felicity. It's even worse than the first cycle. It didn't even reach 7%." the man says, he looks defeated and without thinking Felicity places her hand on top of his.

"It's okay Doctor. You have done so much for me and I need you to know that this is not your fault. Sometimes bad things happen and there's nothing you can do to change it."

He takes a breath when he looks her straight in the eyes and she can see the disappointment reflecting there, disappointment that he couldn't save her.

"One should think if you've been in this profession for so long it becomes easier to relay this type of news, but I can tell you that it's not the case."

She tries to organise her thoughts, taking deep steady breaths. "What are my options?"

"You have one of two options Felicity. Option number one will be to continue with the treatment cycle, we'll do some more tests after and depending on the outcome we'll continue as we are now."

"Alright, what are the chances that the results that you took now would increase if I continue?"

"They are very slim Felicity…but there's always a chance for a miracle."

She nods and smiles at the doctor trying to stay optimistic for her sake, "and the second option?"

"You can stop the treatment. You will have to come in every second week for a checkup and some tests so we can see how the cells are growing. We can give you medication to help with the pain, but that will eventually not be enough anymore. Since the cancer is spreading even more, you will become bed ridden in time and…." he can't bring himself to say it.

"Okay I understand. Thank you Doctor."

"Felicity, please know there's no pressure to make a choice right now. We can go on with the treatment however long you decide." he quickly adds.

"I know…but for my own sanity I will have to make a choice. I will let you know tomorrow."

He nods and gets up from his seat, squeezing her hand one last time before he heads for the door.

"Oh Doctor?" Felicity says before he opens the door and looks at her. "Please keep this between us until I've made my decision?"

"Yes of course Felicity." he gives her a sad smile and leaves.

She's left with her mind reeling as all the information dawns on her. She's sad, but oddly she's not devastated. She knew the possibility was there that the treatment wouldn't work and she made peace with it. Despite all of this, she's still happy and she wants to live the last remaining part of her life holding on to that happiness with her friends and family…with Oliver.

The thought of him makes her miss him and she decides to ask her mom to drop her at Verdant instead of her house. He's probably busy, but she needs to see him.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

She enters the waiting area of Verdant and it's quiet. They must all be in the air. She misses it. It's a thrill being up there and the pure adrenaline that courses through your veins when you jump out of that plane makes every part worth it. The view, the whole experience is exhilarating, but the best part of skydiving for her will always be her time spent with Oliver. She has fond memories of them together; her first jump being right at the top of that list…that's where it all began and look at her now, now she's marrying this guy, this man that changed everything in her life.

She smiles to herself thinking about all the times they were here, spending time choreographing their routines, laughs, arguments, coffee dates…she will cherish every moment.

"Felicity?" she hasn't heard that English accent in a while.

"Abby! Hi!" she greets back cheerfully.

"How are you feeling?" Abby asks and hugs her.

"Oh, I'm okay thank you." she replies, but she's feeling quite the opposite.

"It's so great to see you."

"It's wonderful to see you too Abby. It's been ages.

"Well it's not like you're ignoring us on purpose now is it?" she jokes, "I presume you're looking for Oliver?"

"Yes I am actually. Is he in the air?"

"Yes unfortunately he just went up so it will be a while. It's been quite the day over here. Some reality princess decided to celebrate her birthday with her friends by doing skydiving and the worst part is that it's being filmed for the show, so we have to be on our best behaviour and not show how irritated we are with what's going on around here today."

She can't help but laugh out loud at the dramatic way this pure blood English redhead just described the events of today.

"I'll keep my mouth shut for now, because it's good publicity for the club, but the moment they are gone, they will hear me!"

"I'm sure they will Abby." Felicity tries to calm down from the laugh fit.

"Are you sure you're okay Felicity?" Abby's dramatised anger turns to concern.

"I'm just tired; I came here directly from the clinic after treatment. You know what, I think I'll make use of that recliner in Oliver's office and take a nap. Will you please let him know I'm here when he's back safely on the ground?"

"Sure." she says, "if you need anything, you know where to find me."

"Thank you Abby." Felicity smiles and heads for Oliver's office.

Thankfully Oliver's office is warm and before they even became a couple he used to spend a lot of nights here, not wanting to go home. As a result everything is available from blankets and pillows to a mini fridge containing various snacks. She isn't hungry at all, but she can definitely feel the toll of the treatment kick in.

She makes herself comfortable on the recliner and drapes the blanket over her body so she's snuggled warm and ready for a nap before Oliver gets back. Before she closes her eyes she spots a familiar item on Oliver's desk. It's her _Robin Hood Hello Kitty_! When did this get here? Her heart tightens in her chest at the thought that he must have brought it to work for him to be ' _close_ ' to her. She quickly gets up to retrieve it and cuddle against it, feeling ' _close_ ' to Oliver this way too. She really loves this man she thinks as she slowly falls asleep.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

She wakes up with the sound of what can only be described as teenage girls giggling. She looks at her phone and she sees that she's been sleeping for about 50 minutes. It's longer than she thought she would, but her body needs the rest so she's not complaining.

She feels groggy from the sleep and decides to help herself to some coffee. The caffeine will help boost her so she can give Oliver all the attention he deserves, she's here to visit him after all, otherwise she would have gone straight home.

She opens the door, peeking out into the hallway to make sure no one sees her. Since there are people running around with cameras she really doesn't have the energy to deal with that right now. She can see the two giggling teenagers on one of the couches in the waiting area, but only they aren't teenagers, they are in their mid-twenties.

"I'm telling you Helena, if it wasn't her birthday today, I would have totally gotten him to be my instructor." one of the girls says, flipping her long brown windblown hair over shoulder.

"Yeah, he's really sexy…well at least your instructor wasn't a woman. I thought I was going to get some action today." Helena sighs causing her friend to start her giggle quest again.

Felicity cringes at the sound. These are grown women right?

She slowly moves towards the urn and coffee stand behind the giggling bunch, luckily they don't notice her as they continue with their deep ' _meaningful'_ conversation.

"I hope Isabel is happy though. She's had this on her list for a long time and now we finally did it. Although I don't think she would have actually jumped out of a plane without him being the main reason. We have an airfield right around the corner from us but she insisted we come here. She's had her sights on him since high school."

"Not that he showed any interest then either." Helena quipped.

"Oh come on Helena, he's just playing hard to get."

"I doubt it Susan, he's engaged you know."

"Yes I know Helena, but I can recall that a little detail like that didn't stop him before. Besides, he's engaged not married." Susan devilishly winks at Helena.

Felicity can feel her blood boil. How dare they speak about him this way? He's not the same person he used to be.

"He was never this serious about someone Susan and you know it. They look very happy and he couldn't stop talking about her today."

"Looks can be deceiving and most of the time when a man talks to much he has something to hide. I don't think this relationship is going to last very long. They haven't even set a date and what does that tell you about them taking the next step?"

"Not setting a date doesn't say anything."

"It does when your fiancé is dying."

Felicity has to keep herself from gasping out loud. How do they know that?

"What do you mean dying?" Helena asks curiously.

"I have my sources and let's just say that the pretty little blonde, who is definitely not Oliver Queen's type, spends a lot of time at a medical clinic that does trials for cancer patients. And by a lot I mean **_a lot_**." she says accentuating the last words.

"It doesn't mean she's dying Susan. She could be helping out as a volunteer."

"While being an executive at Oliver's family company; which by the way she hasn't been to for over three months. I'm telling you, she's dying and the only reason that hunk of a man is staying with her is out of obligation. I mean have you seen how pasty she looks? Who would want to marry that?"

Felicity holds on to the counter. Oliver was right. These people are inspecting her, are studying her like a lab rat and as a result they've pieced together what they've been trying to hide.

She looks up at the commotion outside. A tall leggy woman, who she can only imagine as the Isabel the two friends were talking about earlier, has draped herself over her fiancé and she can spot a fake laugh a mile away. Oliver is funny but he's not **_that_** funny. She can feel the jealousy rise up in her heart when they step into the waiting area.

"Oh Oliver!" she hears the woman say as she swats Oliver over the chest and giggles.

They stop and his eyes find hers immediately.

"Hi beautiful." he says with a blinding smile.

Susan grabs a hold of her chest and dramatically gasps as if he's talking to her, since Felicity is standing right behind them. "Thank you Oli…" she starts, but Felicity has had enough of this.

"Hey honey." she greets back before Susan can finish her sentence.

He untangles himself from Isabel and heads towards her. He immediately cups her face with his big hands and kisses her. It's chaste, but the electricity is off the charts. His lips leave hers and although he's ice cold from the free fall, she instantly misses him that close. He looks at her eyes and smiles, rubbing his nose against hers, giving her little Eskimo kisses, which makes her laugh.

She's suddenly very aware of their audience but she couldn't care less. Being with him right now sets her mind at ease. They might try to figure out who Oliver is and why he's marrying her, but the only thing she needs to know and is absolute certain of is the truth…he loves her and she loves him and she is marrying Oliver Queen!


	33. Chapter 33

**CHAPTER 33**

Her lips still tingle from the kiss and she feels the blush deepen on her cheeks when she meets his intensive gaze. She knows him well enough to know he's examining her, trying to figure out if something is wrong.

"This is a nice surprise." he says with a hint of a smile, but his eyes are still roaming over her body, studying her.

"I just really missed you, so I thought I'd pop in and see if you have time for a coffee at our spot?"

He doesn't say anything. He leans down and kisses her on her forehead. His hand leaves her shoulder and he gently links it with hers, while turning to the curious set of women staring at them.

"Okay ladies, I need to prepare your photos and DVD and I'll have it back in a few minutes. In the meantime make yourselves comfortable and please make use of the refreshments set out for you. If you need anything Abby is right around the corner, I'm sure she'll be happy to assist."

With that he starts walking in the direction of his office their hands still linked when Felicity stops.

"I'm busy making coffee, see you in a bit."

"Oh noooo Miss Smoak," he grins, giving her a kiss on the cheek, "you're coming with me." he winks at her, playfully pulling her towards his office.

She gives a little yelp at the extent of the pull and laughs, happily following her fiancé.

They reach the office and the first thing Oliver sees is the _Robin Hood Hello Kitty_ still lying on the recliner Felicity took her nap on.

"I'm sorry, I should have asked but I…"

"I think it's sweet," she interrupts him, standing on her tip toes to kiss his cheek, "and I love you all the more for it."

He smiles at her words and takes a seat behind his desk, busying himself with getting the photos and DVD package ready of the jump.

When he's set everything in motion on his computer he turns his chair to face her sitting on the other side of the desk.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, and believe me I am, but I know you Felicity. There's something wrong isn't there?" he says and she can see he's struggling not to show his emotions.

"I really missed you today and that's why I'm here." she doesn't want to have this conversation now, but she knows she can't lie to him either. "But yes, there is something that happened today, but…I really don't want to talk about this now. When I talk to you I want your full attention."

"Felicity…." he starts and she can visibly see the concern reflected in his eyes.

"I'm not saying we're not going to talk about it. I was serious about the coffee in our spot. So how about you finish up here and I go make us each a nice cup of coffee and we can have a talk in our spot?" she proposes.

"Are you sure you're okay with outside though? It's really cold."

"I have a heater I can snuggle up to." she winks at him encouraging a laugh from her handsome husband to be.

"Fine, I'll bring a blanket for me then." he teases as she walks out the door.

She shakes her head laughing. She's so happy. Despite everything, she's really happy.

She can hear women talking again and regardless of her better judgement she stops at the corner and listens again.

"This formation jumping looks like so much fun." Helena says.

"Well our club is definitely of the best in the country. The trophies in the display case will testify to that." she hears Abby answer.

With Abby there she knows the girls won't gossip about her, so she decides to get back to her original task and make the coffee. Her presence in the room is barely noticed by the guests and she prefers it that way.

"I see the last couples division won was four years ago. It's just the group division that's doing anything for your club." Susan remarks.

"Yes that's true. We actually had an incredible couple this year, but after an unfortunate event they had to withdraw from the competition. I must say, in my opinion I think this couple would have been better than the group." Abby explains.

"How so?" Helena asks.

"For starters, when you're in the air you need to have comms in order to communicate, but these two were so in sync. It's unlike anything I've ever seen before. At first I thought people were making it up, until I saw it for myself. They have this way….they just look at each other and they know what the other person is thinking. They moved perfectly together, it's really something incredible to witness."

"So why did they stop?" Isabel asks from the side of the room, looking through the photo albums on the coffee table.

"Personal reasons…" Abby says, and Felicity is thankful that she doesn't say anything more to clarify the real reasons. "But I hope that one day they will have another chance to show the country how amazing they are." she finishes and looks at Felicity.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who Abby's is talking about when the redhead looks straight at Felicity and suddenly the other three pairs of eyes are directed to her as well, but she focuses on Abby and gives her a grateful smile.

Felicity is almost a little shocked at the way Abby described her and Oliver. She always thought Abby was jealous about her relationship with Oliver, but listening to her saying all these wonderful things makes her feel like she can maybe regard this woman as a friend.

She's saved yet again by Oliver walking into the room with the blanket draped over his shoulders, totally oblivious to what just happened a few seconds ago. He first walks over to Felicity placing a kiss right behind her ear that makes her shiver and he laughs knowing exactly what the effect of that kiss would cause.

He then walks over to Isabel and hands her the package containing the photos and DVD.

"This is everything of today's jump." he says. "I really hope you had a great day today ladies."

"Yes it was wonderful thank you Oliver." Susan says slowly sneaking up towards him, but Isabel is faster, hooking her arms with Oliver's.

"We should really do this again don't you think?" Isabel says.

"Sure," Oliver says, "and you're welcome to make an appointment with Abby." he unhooks his arm from Isabel's, "but right now, I want to spend some time with the love my life. Please excuse me ladies. Travel safely."

He walks over to Felicity waiting at the closed door with their coffee in hand and opens it for her. She so badly wants to turn around and stick out her tongue to the vultures who dare to flirt with her fiancé while she's in the same damn room, but let the record show she doesn't.

They take a seat on the bench at their favourite spot. They haven't been here together since her first appointment with Dr. Isaacs and this thought alone makes her realise even more how much she's missed this place.

Oliver wraps the blanket around both of them and she snuggles closer to him while taking tiny sips from her mug of coffee. The sunset is beautiful and even though it's cold and winter, the displays on the horizon is still as breathtaking as the first time she's witnessed it from this angle.

She can feel him fidget next to her and she knows he's waiting for her to tell him what's going on. She wants to enjoy this moment with him a little longer, but she can't be cruel and drag this out knowing he is probably going through a million different scenarios in his head.

"Okay." she says and she feels him relax a bit next to her when she turns herself towards him so she can look at him while she tells him what happened.

"On Monday I requested Dr. Isaacs to do preliminary tests to see if the treatment is actually working….and I got the results today."

He doesn't answer, he merely looks at her and the concern turns to fear and the only thing she wants to do is take it away from him. She's grown used to having him in her life and although she really tried to push him away she can't do it anymore, but this look, this is what she wanted to protect him from and now it's too late and she's much too weak to let him go now.

"The preliminary test showed a 7% improvement and even though we're only two weeks in, Dr. Isaacs said the chances of the end result being better than the 23% from the last cycle is very slim."

She links her unoccupied hand with his and squeezes it.

"I basically have two options right now. I can either continue with treatment, hope that by some miracle something happens, or I can stop. If I decide to stop they will give me medication to help to control the pain and I would have to go in for a check-up every two weeks."

Oliver takes in a shaky breath and exhales, trying to calm his emotions as he attempts to comprehend what Felicity is telling him.

"I realise this is a shock. Believe me, I have no words either, but I think I know what I want to do…."

"You want to stop don't you?" he says. He looks defeated and she squeezes his hand a little harder.

"Yes." she answers.

"You're giving up." he states and she can feel her heart break in a million pieces looking at him.

"No! No, I'm not giving up, but Oliver…" she takes a deep breath as she tries to organise her thoughts. She needs to explain her decision in the right way so he can understand what she's feeling, so he can understand why.

"Today when I was lying on that hospital bed listening to my mom go over some ideas she and Thea had discussed, I couldn't help thinking that this is **_my_** wedding and how much I hate that I'm feeling too tired and weak to arrange a day that should be one of the happiest days of my life." she takes another deep breath.

"Oliver, the only reason I started this treatment was because there was a chance that it could work and continuing with it just for the sake of doing it, is not a good enough reason for me anymore."

"I want to feel like me, like myself when I marry you and not wake up the morning of our wedding day wondering if I'm going to be sick or not. I want to be able to give you a wedding night both us has dreamed about…"

"Felicity I don't care about that." he interrupts quickly.

"I know you don't, but I do! The day I promise to be yours I want to be able to give you me…in every sense of the word Oliver and I want to be able to enjoy it."

She puts her mug down on the ground and turns her whole body facing him. She leans her forehead against his breathing him in, but she can't stop the tears from falling before she continues.

"I know this is hard for you to accept and I wish I could protect you from this heartache honey, but I can't. This is our reality, but I need you to know that I love you and that for every moment I still have breath in these lungs I want to make memories with you. I want you to have something you can hold on to when I'm not there anymore. I want you to remember **_me_** , the real me. That's why I need to do this."

His tears mix with hers and in this moment she knows that he understands and although this is hard he accepts her choice.

She kisses him, tasting the saltiness of their mixed tears, but it's not just a comforting kiss, this is a promise, a promise that she's going to keep on fighting for as long as she can.

They finally break apart and for a moment they are consoled by each other's eyes; their happy place, their place of peace.

When she feels her heartbeat steady, she brings up the next part of her ' _to discuss_ ' list.

"So….since we've been waiting to hear what happens with the treatment to finally set a date, I guess it's safe to say we can set one now?" she nervously starts the conversation.

"I'd marry you tomorrow if that's what you wanted." he immediately answers earning a big smile from her.

"Yeah, the feeling is mutual honey….although I don't think either of our families would be too happy about that."

He laughs at the thought of the temper tantrums he would have to face. "We could always immigrate where they can't find us." he jokes. "What did you have in mind?" he asks.

Time is not on their side, but he doesn't have the courage to say it out loud.

"How about ringing in the new year as husband and wife? December 31st?"

"That's in less than six weeks. Will you be able to do that?"

"I'm sure with the help of my mom and Thea we'll be able to pull it off." she answers and winks.

"Okay."

"Okay?" she asks excitedly.

"Yes, I'm on board." he smiles.

She throws her arms around his neck and squeals with delight.

"You have just made me the luckiest girl in the whole world Oliver Queen! I'm so incredibly happy!"

"No," he says softly, "I'm the lucky one Felicity."


	34. Chapter 34

**CHAPTER 34**

The smell of omelettes wakes her and when she checks her phone it's an hour later than when her alarm was supposed to go off. It's Oliver's day off and actually the day he's supposed to take her to treatment, but today will be the day when they inform Dr. Isaacs that she's not continuing with the trial.

She can hear the howling of the wind outside and she wishes she could just stay in bed, curled up next to Oliver and spend the day snuggling together, but today is important and even though she dreads what is coming, it has to be done.

She gets out of bed, puts on her fluffy nightgown and follows the smell of the omelettes being made in the kitchen.

For a moment she stands to the side observing Oliver behind the stove. He's always been sexy to her, but standing there with a pan in his hand, being all domestic makes the sexiness increase a hundred fold.

"I thought you were still sleeping." he says not even looking in her direction.

His hair might be growing back to the length she loves, but for some reason he still reminds her of a ninja.

"Why didn't you wake me? I must have pressed the off button and I can't even remember doing that." she says walking towards the counter.

"I deactivated the alarm. Since you only have to be at the clinic a later today I thought it was a good idea to just have you wake up on your own. Yesterday was an emotional day and even though you've decided not to continue with the treatment you still need your rest Felicity and on that I'm not willing to compromise." he finally turns towards her sporting a deep frown between his eyes.

She brings her hand to her forehead and jokingly salutes him, "sir, yes sir!" which at least makes him smile for a moment.

He puts down the pan on the stove after slipping the omelette in one of the plates and moves to the coffee machine. She sees this as a perfect opportunity to get close to him and wraps her arms around his waist resting her head against his back. She can feel the tension in his body dissipate the moment she does this.

"Good morning fiancé." she says sweetly, holding her position, feeling him sigh.

He breaks her hands apart and turns his body so he can face her. His eyes soften and he gently kisses her. "Good morning beautiful." he greets back in the tone he only reserves for her.

He sighs again, and when she frowns at his sudden change in demeanour she places her hand lightly on his cheek, gently tracing her fingers over his scruff, knowing his thoughts are at war inside his head.

"Hey…it's gonna be alright honey. Everything's gonna be fine."

He looks down towards her eyes and she can see the tears welling up in his big blues again. "You don't know that." he says, his voice barely over a whisper as he tries so hard not to let the tears spill.

"You're right, I don't know that for sure, but I do know that it doesn't matter what happens, our love is strong enough to overcome anything." she tries to soothe.

"I don't want to let you go Felicity. I don't think I can handle losing you." he finally caves as a sob leaves his lips and tears soon follow flowing down his cheeks.

She has no words. There's nothing she can say that will make this better. All she can do is be here and comfort him in the same way he has done for her numerous times. She wraps her arms around him as he lays his head on her shoulder. She cradles his head allowing him to cry and she speaks soothing words into his ear.

After a while he calms down and she places the softest of kisses against his forehead. He gives her a watery smile as she wipes away the remaining tears on his face.

There isn't anything any of them can say to make this better, but she's determined to live her life, starting with their wedding. Once she's sure he's feeling a bit calmer she changes the subject to something exciting.

She touches his face one last time to make sure he's okay then she takes over from him and starts making their coffee while he finishes the rest of their breakfast.

"So Mr. Queen, any ideas where you'll be taking your new wife for our honeymoon?"

"Isn't that supposed to be a surprise?" he asks curiously, failing to hide his smile.

"I suppose it is, but whatever you are planning I think you should probably just talk to Dr. Isaacs first." she responds, feeling like she failed this attempt to turn the mood around. They are right back at facing facts again.

"I already have a few ideas, but you're right. After today's appointment I'll talk to him and get his opinion." he sounds a bit more like himself now.

She places the coffee on the counter and waits for Oliver to finish dishing up and sit next to her. They mostly sit in a comfortable silence eating breakfast when he puts down his knife and fork and turns to her.

"I'm sorry that I'm making this harder on you. I know it's your choice but I'm having an incredibly hard time to accept that this is your future…that there's absolutely nothing I can do to help you. I feel so powerless."

"Oliver, hey, hey look at me." she prompts taking both his hands into her own. "I know this is hard and don't think that it escaped me that you didn't sleep a wink last night mister!" she tries to joke. "But honey we can't change the possible outcome of this. You have done so much for me and Oliver you have changed my life in a way that I didn't even think was possible. I didn't think I would be sitting here with my fiance the day I was diagnosed with this illness, but here I am. But I am sick and it's reality." he sighs working through her words. "Oliver, reality or not, we cannot let this stop us from living our lives. I choose to plan for our future. I choose to believe that I am at least going to have some sort of future with you and by that I'm not saying we should ignore the facts, I just want us to **_live_**. And when it comes to the hard parts we'll deal with it like we've always done, but let's enjoy our time together…no regrets okay?"

He nods his head in approval and takes a deep breath, "no regrets."

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

She feels so much lighter since she made the decision to stop the treatment. She braced herself for her mother's reaction to the news but her reaction blew her away. She could see her mother was sad, but the support that sprouted from that was unbelievable and almost out of character from the eccentric woman she's known all her life. Their main focus became the wedding and she's incredibly grateful for this distraction.

She decided to go back to work too. Since she's becoming a Queen, she needed her colleagues and employees to see that she is invested in this company and that she loves her job just as much as the first day she started working there.

On Oliver's insistence she only works three days a week and only half days so she can give her body enough rest as well. He keeps on reminding her that he's not willing to compromise on the fact that she needs her rest despite the new changes happening in their lives.

Although she rolls her eyes at him every time he would say something like that, she is grateful for his insistence on this matter. Stopping treatment didn't necessarily mean that all the side effects stopped immediately. It took a while, but within the first two weeks before her first checkup she already felt a huge difference in her body. She still grows tired, but the nausea is gone and surprisingly the pain is much less too.

Oliver doesn't miss one checkup and they were happy with the fact that the cancer cells either increased by a very small percentage or stayed the same, so the medication she is using is sufficient and no major changes has to be made.

Planning the wedding on the other hand is a whole other story. She has her hands full between the bizarre ideas of her mother and her very opinionated future sister in law. Strangely enough Moira is the chilled one and her new hiding place from her ' _wedding planners_ '. The only request from Moira was to have the wedding at the Queen Manor and quite frankly she didn't have a problem with that request at all. It is an intimate setting and far away from unwanted prying eyes.

They decide on a small ceremony with 80 of their closest friends and family. They also added a few important colleagues from Queen Consolidated and the Star City elite, since it is the Queen's first born getting married. The amount of guests is relatively small considering the elaborate parties that's been held at the Queen Manor.

The weeks fly passed between Thanksgiving celebrations and Hanukkah with her mom. They had a huge celebration at Oliver's loft prompting another long discussion from her mom about why they were staying in Felicity's small one bedroom apartment when Oliver's loft had so much more space.

It does make sense though and after another discussion at home they decided that Felicity would move into the loft before the wedding which will become their primary residence. Donna would move into Felicity's apartment for free. Felicity feels that she owes her mom at least this and by giving her the apartment she has peace of mind that her mother has a roof over her head and doesn't need to worry about making rent every month.

So here she is on Christmas Eve at the Queen Manor staring at the Christmas tree's twinkling lights while everyone is scurrying around to get dinner ready. Raisa insisted that she stay away from the dining room and the kitchen, much to Oliver's delight and she'll probably have to endure the teasing for a long time after this.

"Are we winning with the seating chart?" Thea asks almost jumping on the couch next to her.

"I hate this part." Felicity grumbles reverting her attention back to the tablet on her lap.

"It's not **_that_** bad." Thea mocks her and places her hand on Felicity's bald head, patting it.

She decided to forego the wig tonight. Since it is just family she wants to be as comfortable as possible.

"Felicity! Your hair is growing back!" Thea exclaims making Felicity laugh at the high pitch.

"Yeah, it's already two centimetres an…"

"It's blonde!" Thea interrupts inspecting the fine hairs on Felicity's head.

"I know right? They say that sometimes after treatment hair changes. Some people who had straight hair suddenly have curly hair and a lot of other strange things, but what is really curious though is how fast my hair is growing. I didn't expect it to grow so fast."

"It's incredible Felicity. How are you feeling though?"

"Except for the tiredness I'm actually feeling quite good. The pain is much less and I'm thankful for that and I'm just…I feel like myself again you know?"

Thea nods in understanding and leans forward to give Felicity a hug. "Next week this time you'll be my sister for real and I'm so happy you're feeling better." Thea says still holding on to Felicity.

"Me too Thea." Felicity responds placing a kiss on Thea's temple when they break the hug.

"You get back to the seating chart while I go and assist with the last couple of things in the dining room. I just wanted to check if you were okay."

"Thanks Thea. You're awesome, although I think you would be more awesome if you took over the seating chart."

"No chance sis. Your wedding remember?" Thea winks and leaves the room laughing.

She has to give it to Thea, she is very crafty when it suits her. This whole time she couldn't help herself arranging the wedding, but when it comes to the bad parts, now all of a sudden it's **_her_** wedding.

Felicity laughingly shakes her head and looks down at her tablet moaning to herself. She has to focus otherwise she's never going to be able to get this chart organised before the wedding.

When the doorbell rings she whispers a soft "oh thank God," and jumps up to open the door. At this point she doesn't care that things work differently here, as long as she doesn't need to stare at the names on her tablet anymore, she'll talk to whatever stranger is at the door.

"I'll get it!" she yells on her way to the door and opens it.

"Dr. Isaacs?" she says surprised seeing the older man standing outside the door. Did Moira invite him to the dinner? Why is he here?

"Good evening Felicity. My apologies for interrupting your family on Christmas Eve, but I had to speak to you about an urgent matter." he explains.

He is pale and looks conflicted carrying what seems to be her medical file.

"Felicity, we have a problem."


	35. Chapter 35

**CHAPTER 35**

"What sort of problem?" Oliver asks.

She doesn't even notice he is behind her until his voice hits her ears.

"If it's not too much of an inconvenience, I would rather discuss this inside?"

"Oh yes, of course Dr. Isaacs, please come in." Felicity moves away from the door, feeling very foolish about her sudden lack in manners leaving the older man standing outside in the cold.

He follows Oliver into the living room and Felicity quickly joins them after closing the door.

Oliver gestures for Dr. Isaacs to sit down, but Oliver waits for Felicity to enter the room. She sits on one of the couches as close as possible to Dr. Isaacs and Oliver takes a seat next to her on the couch's arm rest. She can hear her heart beating erratically in her chest and almost like Oliver can hear it too, he places his arm around her shoulder, prepared for anything.

"Okay Doctor. What exactly is this problem you have that you had to come here on Christmas Eve?"

Oliver wastes no time in getting this conversation started. He's clearly as confused as she is and right now she doesn't trust herself to say anything. She's trying to keep her body from shaking. What if the cells are increasing at a rapid pace and they missed it? Will she still be able to marry Oliver next week?

"Once again, I do apologise for intruding on your family time Oliver, but I think after I tell you what's going on you will understand." Dr. Isaacs explains.

"We employed a few interns at the Clinic and my colleagues and I were discussing certain cases we could like to use as training for the interns. Obviously because Felicity's case is unlike anything we've ever had at the clinic, and she so graciously agreed that we could use her information for training purposes, we decided to build a case file from her trial and ongoing treatment."

"I started reviewing the tests we did last week and I found a very strange occurrence in her blood work."

Felicity feels Oliver's body tighten next to her and she knows he's merely reflecting what she's feeling on the inside. She tries to concentrate on her breathing as she waits for Dr. Isaacs to continue.

"Since you decided to stop the trial, the cancer cells increased with small margins, between zero and 3%. This is the reason why we haven't increased the dosage on your medication as I explained to you the last time you came for the tests."

"However, with the tests done last week the margin of the cancer growth is now in a minus."

Both Felicity and Oliver's facial expressions and utter confusion reflected in their eyes urges Dr. Isaacs to explain further.

"The minus percentages mean that instead of your cancer cells increasing, they are busy dying."

"How? How is this possible?" she manages to say.

"I don't know Felicity. Neither I nor my colleagues at the clinic have ever seen anything like this. I mean I have seen cancer cells dying but definitely not in the way your body is acting right now."

"I phoned a close friend of mine in Switzerland and asked him to look over your file. He's an oncology professor at one of the universities there. I received a call from him a few hours ago and it seems like although this is a strange occurrence, he had a case similar to yours about four years ago."

"The patient also had terminal cancer, although it wasn't colon cancer, but they started him on an aggressive trial treatment, more or less the same as yours. After the first treatment there was an even smaller improvement rate than yours and they decided to stop the treatment. About six months later, he started showing tremendous improvement and when they started doing tests he was already half way to remission. His body had a delayed reaction to the treatment."

"So what are you saying Doctor? Are you saying that Felicity's body is having the same delayed reaction to the treatment as the patient in Switzerland?" Oliver asks, relaxing a bit next to her.

"It's possible Oliver, but there's also another explanation….a few days ago we realised that some of our blood samples were contaminated. We don't know exactly how it happened, but contamination might also be the reason for an inaccurate test result." Dr. Isaacs explains.

"Okay." Felicity says, taking a deep breath so she can clear her head and ready herself for what she's about to ask. "How do we determine which option it is? Because at this point speculating is really not the route I want to go."

"I do understand Felicity." Dr. Isaacs answers. "We need to take some more blood samples, which I am happy to do for you right now. We will have to test it again tonight and then hopefully we will have the answers we are looking for."

"Doctor, not that I don't appreciate what you're doing for me, but don't you have to be with your family too? It's Christmas Eve and you're here with us, which hardly seems fair to you." Felicity argues.

"Not to worry dear, my wife is currently with our children and grandchildren, but she understands why I need to do this. I owe the Queen family so much, Robert helped me set up my first clinic and helping you, helping this family is the least I can do for everything that man has done for me."

She places her hand on Oliver's knee gently stroking her fingers over the material of his jeans.

"I will get the tests started at the lab and then join them before the grand kids have to go to bed, but if this could be good news, I'm sure they would all want me to make this Christmas miracle happen." he smiles and she can feel the tears sting behind her eyes.

Dr. Isaacs takes the blood samples and carefully places them in his medical carrier box.

"Doctor, I realise this might sound untimely, but do you have an idea when we'll know the test results?" Oliver asks, sporting his familiar worried frown on his forehead.

"I will have it by tomorrow afternoon. I just have Christmas lunch with my family, but afterwards I will collect the results and bring it by so you don't have to wait too long for the news."

"Thank you Doctor….for everything." Felicity smiles and squeezes the old man's hand.

"This, my dear, is no trouble at all." he smiles back, following Oliver to the front door.

She remains in her seat. Her legs feel like lead and she's in total shock as her mind tries to comprehend what just happened.

She feels his gentle touch as he places his hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I…I don't really know." she says softly when he sits next to her, pulling her closer to his side. "I'm scared to hope again you know? Every time I've started to build this wall of hope something happens and it all comes crashing down around me. How do I listen to these facts and tell my heart to not hope? How do I do that and not set myself up for disappointment again?"

He places a soft kiss against her temple, leaving his lips to linger there as he whispers, "I know the feeling beautiful….but a very intelligent, very hot woman once told me that we cannot let what happens stop us from living our lives. When it comes to the hard parts we'll deal with it like we always do, together." he gently strokes her cheek, his lips still against her temple he places soft kisses there between breaths. "For now, let's enjoy tonight. Let's enjoy our time with our family and when the results come, we will take it from there okay?"

She wordlessly nods her head and purposefully presses her temple against his lips seeking out more of his kisses. The gesture makes him laugh and that's all she needs to hear at this moment.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Her eyes slowly flicker open as she takes in her blurry unfamiliar surroundings. She's on a couch in the Queen Manor's living room.

She can remember not being able to sleep and scared of waking Oliver she went down to the kitchen to make her a cup of tea and then making herself comfortable on the couch hoping that working on the seating chart would make her sleepy.

She does however not remember bringing a blanket and a pillow downstairs, so how did these end up here?

She turns her body in the direction of the Christmas tree and smells the familiar woodsy scent she's gotten used to the last couple of months. It's him…her body cannot help but react to the mere thought of him and suddenly her stomach turns as the butterflies create utter havoc.

She looks down and sees him lying on the floor next to the couch, under a thin blanket. She smiles at the sight and wants to lean down to kiss him awake.

She balances her body on the couch as she places her hand on the carpet moving herself closer so his lips, careful not to fall on him. When she's ready to lower her lips to his, he reaches up towards her back and pulls her on top of him. He kisses her fiercely and she opens up for him instantly as his tongue strokes against hers.

He turns them and gently places her head on the carpet, his fingers slowly and gently tracing the outlines of her body down to her waist, kneading her hip bone. She gasps into his mouth when she feels the contact, only encouraging him to continue.

Her fingers find the strands of hair on the back of his neck and she cannot help herself from slipping her fingers through his deliciously sexy hair.

They continue like this for a while, when suddenly Oliver slows down the pace, turning their kisses from fierce and passionate to slow and languid.

She can feel her body calming down somewhat as his hands move away from her thighs moving up to her neck and her shoulder. She wants to stay here forever, but she wonders what caused this sudden turnaround and opens her eyes finding him staring back at her with those blue orbs she can so easily get lost in.

"I thought you were still asleep." she asks smiling into his continued kisses.

"No, I was just listening to you breathing." he answers back and it feels like he rips her heart right from her chest uttering those words.

He can sense the change in her kisses and he stops. His lips travel to her forehead, her nose and then the corner of her mouth before he moves his body next to hers, still able to keep their eyes connected.

"I've been doing that since I moved in with you. It relaxes me…to hear you breathe. I know you're still here…with me." he confesses causing the tears to roll down her cheeks freely. He catches them with his thumb gently stroking her cheek in the process.

When she trusts herself enough not to break down after the new found information, she leans forward and places a chaste kiss on his lips, draws back and fixes her eyes on his.

"So how did you end up down here?"

"I woke up hearing the wind howl and realised I was alone in that very big bed. I came to look for you and found you asleep on the couch clasping your tablet. I knew you probably struggled to sleep so I didn't want to disturb you and carry you back to bed, so I got you a blanket and a pillow and decided to join you in case you needed me…although I think after yesterday's visit from Dr. Isaacs I needed you more."

"I love you." she says, no other words needed right now.

"I love you too." he answers and pecks her on the lips. He stretches towards the little table behind him reaching for her glasses and hands it to her. She smiles gratefully when she can finally see.

"Merry Christmas beautiful." he smiles and deliberately leans over her to reach for something under the Christmas tree. His full weight is on her and he wiggles trying to get closer to whatever he's reaching for. The whole situation makes her laugh and she guesses that's exactly what he was going for when he rolls back with a huge grin on his face.

She looks as the small wrapped box in his hand and instantly knows where this is going. "Oliver Jonas Queen, we said no gifts!" she playfully scolds but it doesn't faze him in the least.

"I know what we said, but I saw this and immediately thought of you." he helps her to sit up and hands her the wrapped box.

She carefully unwraps it and opens the lid.

"Oh Oliver! This is absolutely stunning." she exclaims seeing a rose gold diamond crusted arrow bracelet.

"I thought since you chose the bow and arrow as your fake tattoo that day on our picnic and you can't get a real one for a while that this would be a consolation prize…that it will remind you to fight."

She places her hand on his cheek and smiles at him. "This…you and me, is more than enough reason for me to keep on fighting." she pulls him closer connecting their foreheads, "thank you for the bracelet honey, it's really beautiful."

They pull back and Oliver has a very satisfied smile on his face which quickly turns to curiosity when Felicity gets up from the floor and searches for something under the tree.

"And now it's your turn." she quirkily announces sitting back down next to him, also handing him a wrapped box.

"My, my Miss Smoak, it seems you've become quite the little hypocrite," he teases, "lucky for you, you're incredibly cute and I'd like to keep you." he winks as he opens the box.

He takes out the content and laughs. "Felicity, if you wanted me to get new socks you should have just said so." he starts counting the pairs in his hands, "six pairs? You really went all out didn't you?"

"Okay wise ass!" she quips, "I didn't know you were buying me anything, this was more of a way for me trying to be cute…."

"I'm just teasing you. I love it, thank you." he laughs kissing her cheek. "But why six?"

"Actually there's more to the socks than meets the eye. You'll see that on each pair there's some or other character embroided on it."

He takes the socks out of the box, inspecting them carefully to understand what she means. On each pair there's a different picture. A parachute, a motorcycle, a tree, cups of coffee, a bow and arrow but he turns the last pair around frowning.

"Each pair represents something that we've experienced together. It's a pair for each day of this week, starting today, before our wedding, to keep your feet warm and toasty." she explains winking at him.

He smiles understanding the gesture. "And the last pair?"

"It's the socks you'll be wearing at our wedding."

 **** ** _Olicity_**

 ** _31/12/2017_**

"Olicity? Beautiful, I didn't gather you for someone who likes ship names." he continues with the teasing. She loves this side of Oliver….she adores it actually, seeing him so light and free, she wishes their life didn't have to be so complicated so she could see him like this more often.

"And I didn't gather you for someone who actually knows the reference ' _ship_ '" she teases back and his eyes go wide when he realises she's caught him there.

"Fair enough." he lifts his hands in surrender and they both burst out laughing.

"So, are you willing to wear those on the day you will be giving up having an opinion ever again, when you become shackled to the old ball and chain?"

His face becomes serious again. "Felicity, I would gladly be shackled to you for eternity if it means I never have to say goodbye to you."

She sighs as their lips link again. She really wants this news to be positive…she needs this news to be positive.


	36. Chapter 36

**CHAPTER 36**

"Hey!" Thea complains when she rounds the corner and finds them next to the Christmas tree with wrapping paper scattered around them. "You already opened presents?"

Felicity stifles her laugh. Thea can be so dramatic at times and right now she looks like a toddler who is about to through a temper tantrum because she doesn't get her way.

"Good morning to you too Speedy…oh and merry Christmas." Oliver answers, the amusement in his tone can clearly be heard.

"Merry Christmas Thea." Felicity chips in when finally Moira also joins them in the living room.

"Merry Christmas everyone!" she cheerfully greets, ignoring her youngest who's pouty face hasn't changed yet.

Felicity suddenly feels her cheeks turn a bright red when she sees Moira looking at the bedding on the couch and realises that a few moments ago anyone could have walked in on their hot make out session on the carpet.

"I gather you didn't get much sleep last night." Moira sympathetically asks Felicity, but the question doesn't disperse the images her brain has already concocted and definitely not minimising the blush on her cheeks.

"I just couldn't get my brain to shut up." she manages to say trying very hard not to fist pump the air because there were about a hundred very inappropriate responses going through her mind just now.

"I'm sorry to hear that Felicity. Hopefully by the end of the day you'll be able to put your mind at rest when we get the results back."

Felicity smiles and nods in response. She's still taken aback by the kindness Moira has shown her and it's a breath of fresh air amidst everything going on in her life. She's heard so many terrible stories about mothers in law that turn out to be monsters making their lives absolute hell but she thinks she's hit the jackpot. Not just with her new family, but she's marrying the sweetest, most amazing man ever to walk the planet. She's a real lucky girl.

"Okay, so what about the presents?" Thea finally breaks her silence.

"No presents remember Thea?" Oliver says, trying very hard not to laugh at her still pouty face. "How old are you again? Three?"

She sticks out her tongue in response, but at least she laughs.

"Now what would you two call the boxes lying next to you. Looks like presents to me."

"Fair enough, but I don't really think you can call it **_Christmas_** presents." Oliver begins to explain. "It's more of a private matter between the two of us and neither of us thought of a better hiding spot than under the tree."

"Great minds honey, great minds." Felicity joins the conversation and gives him a quick peck on his cheek.

"Fine!" Thea relents and plops down on one of the couches. "So what's for breakfast?"

"Actually missy, don't make yourself too comfortable on that couch. Since we are having Christmas lunch I gave Raisa the morning off, so breakfast is our responsibility." Moira explains.

"No problem mom, I'll take care of it." Oliver answers and gradually stands up from the floor reaching for Felicity to help her up as well. "What are you ladies in the mood for?"

"Ooh! Waffles!" Thea doesn't even think twice before she excitedly jumps up from the couch.

"Great I'll help." Felicity says and in an instant Thea and Oliver look at each other. She can clearly see they are having a silent conversation and she can only guess what it's about.

"It's okay," Thea suddenly says, "we've got it handled."

"But…but what about the dishes?"

"Dishwasher remember?" Thea explains, "and besides I know mom has something for you."

"Oh yes of course." Moira answers, "I guess now is as good a time as any."

Clearly Oliver is as confused as she is but he goes with it. He gives her a quick kiss and moves over to Thea, playfully winding his arm around her neck and bending her down so he can ruffle her hair. Felicity laughs at the antics. It's so refreshing seeing everyone at ease and happy for a change.

"Felicity, I do have something to give to you, so while these two whip us up some breakfast, would you mind joining me in my study?"

"Sure." she replies following Moira as the siblings jokingly make their way to the kitchen.

"It's so wonderful to hear laughter in my house again. I can't begin to explain to you how happy hearing those two laughing together makes me." Moira says while entering the study.

She gestures for Felicity to take a seat as she makes her way towards the wall safe.

"It's all because of you Felicity and there's no way I will be able to thank you enough."

"Oh Moira, it's very flattering that you think that I'm the reason but I really can't take credit for it. Oliver loves you and he loves Thea, he always has….he just needed a bit of encouragement to make the right choice he's known in his heart from the start."

"I know, but if it wasn't for you giving him the encouragement who knows how long it would have taken him to finally make that decision."

Maybe she should just accept the compliment and move on. She pushed Oliver away and that was what brought him to the impasse, it was **_her_** fear that drove him back to his family, how can she accept their thanks?

"All I want to say is thank you. I realise you have your own thoughts on this matter, but I just need you to know that I am grateful for whatever role you played to bring my family back together."

Felicity decides not to argue and smiles at Moira. She will take it and leave it there. Whatever may have happened is in the past. She's here now, their family is back together and she's marrying the love of her life in less than a week.

Moira retrieves what looks like a jewellery box out of the safe and joins her on the leather couch.

"I realise that this might not be something you would have picked out for yourself, so I need you to understand that I will not be offended in the least if you don't like it."

Felicity's heart starts to thump in her chest. She hates it when people start a sentence like this. How on earth will she be able to tell this woman if she doesn't like whatever is inside this box? No pressure at all….

"By order of your maid of honour," Felicity laughs as Moira rolls her eyes, she can just imagine that **_order_** is the correct word to describe Thea taking her duties very seriously, "each of us is responsible for a ' _something_ ' to prepare for your wedding day and mine is ' _something new'_. So in light of this I spoke to your dress designer and our family jeweller because I didn't want to give you something you could only use once, I really wanted to make you something special for your wedding day."

She hands Felicity the box. Felicity carefully opens the lid and on the inside is a stunning piece of jewellery attached to a dusty pink ribbon. It's shiny and compliments the exact colours of their wedding. Her breath catches at the beauty of it and she cannot take her eyes off this beautiful piece of jewellery in the box.

"It's nine carat rose gold and diamonds. The ribbon is fastened to it for now so you can wear it as a belt around your dress. Your designer assured me the measurements were correct and that it will perfectly fit the pattern of your dress if you do decide to wear it."

"Oh Moira!" Felicity gasps and launches herself at her future mother in law. "This is absolutely perfect and it's exquisite. I haven't seen anything like it. I'll wear it with so much pride. Thank you."

"I'm so happy you like it Felicity. The diamonds were part of a set of loose diamonds that Robert inherited from his great grandmother but we haven't found a reason to utilise it yet. So when I was given this ' _assignment_ ' I immediately thought of using them. It's sort of my way of welcoming you into our family. I didn't exactly know if it is the type of thing you would like though."

"So it's an heirloom? It's absolutely stunning…it's perfect Moira."

"After the wedding you can take the ribbon off and you can use it as a broach or a hair piece or whatever you desire."

Felicity's heart nearly stops when she once again realises that she's been given an heirloom. Heirlooms are passed on from generation to generation. She's made peace with the fact that she will never have children, but if the results are positive…could there be hope?

So much for concentrating on the present…if she's honest with herself she's already picked out the names of their children…children she might never be able to have.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Christmas lunch was incredible, but right now they are all so tired after eating that they end up in front of the television, not able to move a muscle.

Felicity is curled up on Oliver's lap and somewhere between _It's a wonderful life_ and _The Holiday_ she falls asleep. The lack of sleep the night before and the overeating doesn't make it difficult for her to join Peter Pan in Never Land at all.

She has no idea how long she's out, but a soft brush against her cheek and the whisper of her name brings her back to reality.

"Felicity. Felicity honey, you have to wake up."

She slowly opens her eyes and connects with the baby blues looking back at her.

"Dr. Isaacs is here with the results."

She doesn't need more encouragement. Her heart starts racing and her body is instantly responsive.

She sits up and immediately wants to run to wherever the Doctor is waiting when Oliver halts her with his hand on her arm.

She turns towards him and even though he's trying to be brave she can see the concern in his eyes so clearly.

"Hey, I know you're anxious to get out there but just…just wait a minute okay." he urges, his hand still firmly on her arm.

She relaxes next to him, but she's silent.

"I need you to know that whatever happens, whatever the results turn out to be, I love you no matter what. I'm not going anywhere…right here with you, this is where I want to be. For better or worse."

"I love you." she says and she wonders if he hears it if she could barely get the sound out of her mouth.

He leans forward and gives her a kiss on her forehead. They get up and make their way to the living room where Dr. Isaacs is waiting for them.

They greet Dr. Isaacs and wish him a merry Christmas, when Moira and Thea join the conversation too. Oliver's attention is on Felicity though. He doesn't leave her hand for a second as they wait for Dr. Isaacs to speak.

"So I have good news and bad news." Dr. Isaacs starts.

The last thing she has strength for now is games, but she goes along with it.

"Bad news first please." she answers hesitantly and she feels Oliver's grip on her hand tighten.

"The bad news is that you will have to postpone your honeymoon with at least two to three weeks."

Her heart sinks. Does this mean that the anomaly was as a result of contamination and it's too high risk for her to go anywhere now? The facial expressions of everyone around her become sombre and she can tell they are all thinking the same thing.

"And the good news Doctor?" Moira asks.

"Well, the good news is that it seems your body has definitely shown a delay in the response to the treatment. Your cancer cells are dying and at an astonishingly fast rate too I might add."

She hears static, white noise. She expects to wake up any second and be told that it's a dream. She only registers the voices when she feels the tears running down her cheeks. She doesn't even realise she's crying. It feels like an out of body experience. Is this really true? Is she getting better?

"How fast is fast Doctor?" she hears Oliver ask.

"From our calculations, the average margin per week is almost 43%. If this continues…Felicity, you could be in full remission within the next three weeks."

How? How is this possible?

She's gone from terminally ill with six months to a year to live to this?

It feels unreal; it feels…she has no words as to how it feels.

Oliver envelops her in his arms and feeling his warm wet tears against the side of her face she realises he's crying too.

She doesn't want to let go of him. Does this mean she's going to have the future she's always dreamed about? A future with him and not have this nightmare hang over their heads?

They let go from their hug for just a moment as Oliver addresses Dr. Isaacs again.

"This is...I have no words Doctor. It feels like a dream."

"I know Oliver, it's indeed a Christmas miracle!" he excitedly announces.

"Okay, so what now?" Oliver asks with a smile as blinding as the sun.

"You can still continue with the wedding, but I'd like Felicity to come in at least twice a week so we can do tests to see how she's progressing. I realise you have a honeymoon planned, but I'm sure with your connections you'll be able to postpone for at least two weeks. If our calculations are correct and her body keeps on reacting the way it is now, then you two will be able to go on your holiday knowing Felicity is very nearly cured or in full remission. Will you be able to do that?"

"In a heartbeat." Oliver says, "nothing is more important right now than getting her better."

"I thought you'd say that." Dr. Isaacs smiles. "Well, I'm happy I was able to bring some good news to your family today. I best be getting back to mine. Merry Christmas to you all."

They all greet Dr. Isaacs as Moira walks him to the door.

Thea cannot contain her happiness anymore and attack hugs Felicity the moment her mother is out of the room. The tears fall freely as they take in the amazing news they just received.

Miracles do still happen…she's a **_living_** testimony of that fact.


	37. Chapter 37

**CHAPTER 37**

It's the morning of December 31st. It's her wedding day and in the distance she can hear faint voices downstairs and the moving of furniture as the Queen Manor is being transformed into the wedding venue they have spent the last few weeks planning this big event around.

The day starts off with spoiling, first with breakfast in bed served by Raisa, followed by a long relaxing bath in one of the guest suites she's gotten comfortable in, reserved specifically for her bridal preparations.

Sitting at the vanity in her fluffy robe, she takes in the image staring back at her through the mirror. The dark black circles under her eyes are almost completely gone. The redness of her cheeks is back and the long blonde hair cascading over her shoulders is an image she hasn't seen in months.

It's strange seeing the long blonde hair again, especially since she's grown used to her bald head and short curly hair of the wig for quite some time now. She's sure Oliver will be surprised as well, she just hopes he'll like it, seeing that she hasn't seen him in two days.

Not seeing each other isn't something they exactly planned, but with all the last minute preparations for the wedding and her moving into his apartment, which Oliver and Dig decided they would handle on her behalf, they became so busy and before they knew it, they were in two different buildings; Oliver in _their_ apartment and her under the watchful eye of Colonel Thea Queen.

 _Their_ apartment – it still seems strange thinking about things as **_theirs_** now and although it's been challenging not waking up next to him these last two days, by the end of the night they will never willingly be separated again. They will be husband and wife!

The excitement of this realisation brings her attention to the butterflies in her stomach as she plays with the blonde locks between her fingers.

She wanted to do something different with her hair for their wedding. It's not that she didn't like the wig she was wearing, she just needed something special for her special day. She made an appointment with Gina to discuss if this could be made possible, maybe an updo wig, anything that was different from what she normally wears.

Of course when Felicity arrived at the appointment Gina completely freaked out at the news of Felicity getting better and almost did a back flip when she saw how Felicity's hair was already growing out and blonde for that matter. Gina assured her that she had the perfect solution for her wedding hair and it wasn't long after that, Felicity was scheduled for an appointment at _Fab Hair Studio_ with world renowned hair stylist Linda Fernandez.

Linda was so excited to meet Felicity, especially after speaking to Gina on the phone. What Felicity thought was the styling of a new wig, turned out to be no wig at all. Linda created a new product that is going to revolutionise hair extensions as we know it and Felicity didn't mind one bit having to be the guinea pig for this product. If she didn't have to wear a wig again, she would be as happy as a pig in mud.

So here she is. You can barely see where the extensions were attached to her own hair. She loves her new look because she looks, in the words of Linda, _fabulous baby!_

She smiles at herself, recollecting the events of the last few days and it makes the excitement even more palpable.

"Aunty 'listity!" she hears the three year old calling, evidently very confused about the amount of doors in one hallway.

"I'm here Sara, follow my voice honey!" Felicity calls back, when the door to her room opens with quite a bit of force and the cutie pie comes running straight for her, her little arms stretched out for a hug.

After the hug, Felicity's attention immediately moves to Sara's hair and the dusty pink bows carefully styled between her natural curls.

"Look at your hair! You look so pretty!" Felicity fusses, putting Sara right into princess fairy mode, twirling in the middle of the floor so Felicity can have a full three sixty degree angle of her hair.

She's extremely adorable and Felicity makes a mental note to ask the photographer to take some pictures of Sara twirling in her flower girl dress.

Once Sara is done twirling the little drama queen does a small curtsy and walks back to Felicity, who playfully picks her up and places her on the vanity so they are eye level.

"So, what have you been doing today?" she asks the toddler who is gently tangling her chubby little fingers through the new blonde locks.

"We had bweakfast with uncle 'liver." the tone of her little voice slightly increases as she gets to the end of the sentence. Something new Felicity notices is that Sara is suddenly substituting her _'r's'_ for ' _w's_ '. It's not on every word though. Must be something she must have acquired from her friends at the new kindergarten she's been attending twice a week.

"Oooh, uncle Oliver's breakfasts are the best." Felicity agrees. "What did he make you?"

"We had pancakes with fwuit and sywup. I like the sywup ones but mommy says Sara can only have one."

"That must have sucked. I also like the syrup ones."

Sara nods her head in agreement, "but daddy says I must listen to mommy because the baby makes mommy grwumpy."

Baby? Is Lyla pregnant?!

"Baby?" Felicity asks innocently.

"Yes, the baby in mommy's tummy silly!" Sara jokes, still stroking Felicity's hair.

John and Lyla probably decided not to announce it yet with everything going on, so she decides not to press further. They will announce it when they are ready.

"So cutie, does uncle Oliver like your hair?"

"Yes, but daddy says he has hearts in his eyes."

"Hea…"

"Sara Diggle!" a stern voice interrupts Felicity before she can ask the next question.

The little girl immediately drops Felicity's hair sitting up straight where Felicity has placed her on the vanity and her little eyes become as big as saucers. She obviously knows that voice. The familiar voice of her mother clearly spelling out ' _you are in big trouble young lady_ '.

"What have I told you about running off like that?" Lyla asks, coming into the room.

Sara holds out her arms so Felicity can put her down on the ground. She immediately moves over to her mother.

"I'm sowwy mommy. I wanted to show aunty 'listity my hair." Sara looks down at the ground, pouting her lips.

This little girl is very crafty. She knows exactly how to play her parents and Felicity has to hold her laugh otherwise it might complicate this situation.

"It's okay honey." Lyla says sighing at the sight of her three year old and bends down to Sara's level. "There's a lot of strangers in this house today okay, so please don't do that again. If I lose you, where am I going to find another Sara?"

"From the internet?" she asks innocently.

"The internet?" Lyla asks confused, probably thinking that they will have to have the ' _where do babies come from_ ' conversation earlier than expected if her daughter thinks you can order babies off the internet.

"Yes! Uncle 'liver says aunty 'listity can find anything on the internet."

This little statement makes them both laugh as Lyla hugs her little girl, telling her she's not angry anymore.

"I'm sorry about that Felicity. I hope she didn't bother you."

"She's no bother at all. She's my favourite." Felicity answers winking at Sara as the toddler attempts to do the same ending with both her eyes closing at the same time.

"Speaking of hair. Yours looks stunning! Is it a wig?"

"Actually no, it is a wedding gift from the company that made my original wig. It's human hair extensions and now I don't have to wear wigs anymore. I got it done yesterday."

"So I gather Oliver hasn't seen it yet?"

"No he hasn't. I just hope he likes it."

"Felicity, you could wear a garbage bag and that man will still look at you as if you hung the moon."

Felicity can feel the blush on her cheeks thinking about how intense their gazes can get at times.

"And by the looks of it, you're sporting heart eyes too."

' _hearts in his eyes_ '

"Oh heart eyes!" Felicity exclaims, putting two and two together now.

"I have known Oliver Queen for a while now and he's changed quite a bit, but one thing is for sure…he will never be able to change the way he looks at you."

Felicity's far off gaze is quickly interrupted when the Colonel and the hair-and makeup team start to bundle in the room.

"Come on Sara, let's leave aunty Felicity alone, while she gets ready." Lyla instructs the toddler, who is mesmerised by the equipment being packed out in the room.

She runs over to Felicity and kisses her cheek. "See ya later!" she yells as the runs to catch up with her mom already halfway out the door.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

"Knock knock." Felicity looks over at the bedroom door seeing her mom peeking through.

"Come in mom. Thea's just zipping me up." Felicity says with a smile as she takes in her appearance in the floor length mirror in the guest suite.

"Oh honey!" Donna exclaims, "you look absolutely beautiful!"

Felicity spins around meeting her mother's outstretched arms, "I can't believe my baby is getting married!" squeezing her daughter tighter.

"Yeah, it's kind of surreal for me too." Felicity softly says still embracing her mom.

"Now, now ladies, no smudging our make up today okay?" Thea instructs, but she can hear the strictness of her voice has some sort of crack in it. They are all feeling a little emotional today, with good cause. There's so much promise in today. Not just is she marrying the love of her life, she's also on the verge of being in remission after she thought she would never have a future. She tries to take a deep breath, pushing back the forming tears in her eyes and focuses on Moira also joining them in the room.

"Oh my, Felicity! You look simply radiant!" Moira compliments squeezing her hand and giving Donna a side hug.

Her two mothers have become relatively close and she's thankful for it. They are two very different women but the thing she admires from them the most is that they both are strong and she's learned so much from both of them.

"I think you all look absolutely beautiful too." Felicity compliments the three ladies now standing in a semi-circle around her.

"Since everyone is here now, I think we can start with the gifts?" Thea proposes looking over to Moira and Donna who nod in response.

"Okay, I'll start." Donna says as she takes the gift bag from Thea. "Honey, my gift to you for today is ' ** _something old_** '. Before your grandma Amelia died, she gave me the garter that she wore on her wedding day in the hopes that I would do the same on my wedding day. I didn't exactly have a traditional wedding, since it was a spur of the moment thing at a Vegas chapel, but I kept this safe, hoping that one day I could pass it on to you on your wedding day." Donna hands Felicity the gift bag and Felicity retrieves the garter. It fits in perfectly with the rest of the wedding colours as well and the little detail on the garter resembles her earrings.

"Mom!" is all Felicity manages to say embracing her mother, trying very hard to fight the tears forming again. "This is so special. Thank you."

"It's my pleasure baby girl. And who knows, maybe one day you'll be able to pass it on to your daughter too." her mom's eyes are swimming in tears and she can no longer keep the tears from spilling.

"I hope so too mom." she embraces her again.

Thea sees that it's inevitable - neither one of them is leaving this room without smudged makeup and starts handing out tissues.

Donna helps Felicity sit down on the bed while she slides on the garter up to her thigh and Thea hands Moira the jewellery box containing the rose gold and diamond belt.

Once the belt is removed from the box, Felicity straightens her dress and turns so Moira can fit the belt around her waist and fasten in, making sure the ribbon falls perfectly with the back of Felicity's dress.

"Okay, so we have ' ** _something old_** ' and ' ** _something new_** ' covered. You took care of the ' ** _something blue_** ' and I got you ' ** _something borrowed_** '." Thea says and hands Felicity a small jewellery box containing two hair pins.

"Oh Thea!" Felicity gasps as she gently takes them out of the box, inspecting the detail on them much closer.

"It's not real stones or anything like the rest of the gifts, but there's a lot of sentimental value to those pins." Thea explains, earning a sympathetic smile from everyone standing in the room. "My dad had a rule that he would never be away from home at long periods of time but there was one time when he couldn't help it. QC was in the middle of huge negotiations on a project and it caused it him to be away from home almost the whole month, only seeing us for a day or two in between trips." Felicity sees Moira fiddling with her fingers thinking of her late husband and without a second thought she links her arm with Moira's as a sign of comfort.

"I hated that he was away for so long, but when he came back from his last trip to San Francisco he handed me these little pins." Thea smiles at the memory. "Apparently he was on his way to a meeting when next to the side of the road he saw a street vendor selling costume jewellery. He said the pins immediately drew his attention, making him think of me. It was beautiful yet bold and he couldn't help but stop and buy it for me."

"He was late for his meeting that day but he said that he didn't care because we would always be his first priority, he always thought of us when he wasn't with us. It was the least expensive gift he's ever bought me but this gift to me held the most value, because I knew, no matter where he was he would always think of me, think of our family."

If Donna's story didn't bring them to tears, Thea's sure did.

"I wanted you to wear it today because I know he would have loved you Felicity, just as much as we do….and in some way you wearing these, I know he's here with us today, sharing in the joy."

Felicity gently leaves Moira's arm and embraces her sister. No need for legal titles or papers, this is what Thea Queen has become to her….a sister.

Felicity sits down behind the vanity again as Thea inserts the pins carefully into Felicity's hair.

A quick touch up of everyone's makeup and Felicity takes a last glance in the mirror.

"I'm ready." she says with a broad smile on her face.

"Okay then sis, let's get you hitched!"


	38. Chapter 38

**CHAPTER 38**

He ties the shoe laces of his shoe and traces his fingertips over the embroided words on his socks. The same socks Felicity gave him on Christmas to keep his feet toasty warm….if she only really knew how much he loves her and how much he's wanted this day to arrive and it's finally here. They made it. They are getting married today. The thought makes his heart skip a beat. There was a time he didn't think they would ever get to this day, but as he listens to the hustle and bustle down stairs the excitement stirs in his stomach, making him aware of the butterflies that have been passive right up until this moment.

With a broad grin on his face he gets up from the bed in his old bedroom. In a way it's fitting that he's getting ready in his childhood home. Even though he hasn't been living at home for a while now, being here today is almost like a sendoff – a goodbye, the one he didn't have the guts to do properly when he moved out a few months ago.

He stands in front of the floor length mirror and fastens his suspenders, ensuring they are secure. He also checks his _'OJQ'_ engraved cuff-links his dad gave him for his 21st birthday. A pinch of nostalgia overwhelms him. He misses his dad, especially today and he can't help but wonder how his mom and Thea are coping.

"You ready?" Diggle asks, walking into the bedroom with a bottle of Scotch and two tumblers, placing them on the desk.

"Almost." Oliver answers as he puts on his jacket and turns to John who is filling the tumblers with Scotch.

"Nervous?" he asks handing him one of the tumblers.

"No, just anxious to see her. It's been a long two days and….I just really can't wait to see her." he gives a shy smile thinking of his wife to be.

Diggle nods in understanding and raises his tumbler. "To you and your lovely wife to be. May your story be one for the history books."

Oliver smiles and clinks his tumbler against John's, then takes a generous sip of the brown liquid.

"Sorry to interrupt you ladies," Lyla walks in in the middle of their bromance moment, "but Thea gave me the signal, they are ready for you."

Oliver feels like he can roll his eyes right now, he loves his baby sister but she can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. Although he wants to give her a piece of his mind, he decides that nothing is going to ruin this day, not even his bossy little sister.

After Lyla pins the buttonholes to his and John's jackets he takes one last look in the mirror, straightening his bow tie and takes a deep breath.

"Let's get this show on the road." he says and starts walking towards the door, pausing for a moment when he reaches John. "Do you have the rings?" he asks making John snicker.

"Of course I do." he answers with a reassuring smile and once Oliver is out of ear shot he mumbles under his breath, "not nervous my ass." earning a swat against his arm from his chuckling wife.

Oliver walks towards the staircase and just as he's about to descend he sees his mother standing at the bottom of the stairs fiddling with her wedding ring. The familiar pang in his chest returns and he wishes he could give her the person she's longing for right now, even if it is just for a little while.

When he reaches his mom he immediately hugs her. "Mom, you look incredible." he whispers hugging her even tighter when he can feel how her fingers grasp his jacket.

After a long hug, they finally pull apart and he can see the tears shining in his mother's eyes. She's trying her best not to let them spill, probably to preserve her make up. "Thank you sweetheart, you look very dashing yourself." she answers with a sad smile, straightening his jacket so that all the possible creases she just created are not visible anymore.

"I wish he was here today mom." he finally admits out loud and can feel the lump forming at the back of his throat.

"I know, I do too, but you know honey, he would be so incredibly proud of you, because ** _I_** am so incredibly proud of you."

"Thank you mom. I love you." he confesses and gives his mom a kiss on her cheek, bringing her closer for another hug.

"And I love you sweetheart. How about we get you married huh?" she whispers in his ear giving him another squeeze before she lets him go.

He holds out his arm for her and she takes it as they make their way to the ballroom.

When they enter the ballroom they are welcomed by the soft music played by a string quartet. The off white tiffany chairs are packed in neat rows and already filled with their guests. He watches as John and Lyla walk down the red carpet to the front and John has a quick word with the officiant waiting in the front. He walks his mother down the aisle and takes his place next to John.

He looks over the hall and takes in the reaction of all the guests. His attention is caught by the wedding coordinator standing at the entrance of the ballroom, who gives him the signal that they are about to begin. He can feel John's hand on his shoulder and he makes sure to take deep regular breaths as he prepares himself for what's about to happen.

Just before the music starts, the officiant requests the guests to remain seated when the bride makes her way down the aisle.

The string quartet starts to play _Pachelbel's Canon in D Major_. A few moments pass when the music starts to pick up and Sara enters in her princess dress, as she described to Oliver on various occasions, with the basket of dusty pink and white rose petals. She starts walking down the aisle throwing the flower petals on the red carpet in a very meticulous manner, and he can't help but chuckle at the lines that form on her little forehead in the huge concentration of this important task. Once she reaches the front she attempts to wink at Oliver, but both her eyes close making both Oliver and her dad laugh. Lyla intercepts her from the first row and she willingly takes her seat next to her mother completely engrossed with the remaining flower petals in her basket.

Thea is the next one to walk down the aisle. The moment his eyes lock with Thea he once again realises much to his amazement how his sister has matured into a remarkable young woman. She looks radiant in her dusty pink dress and although she sometimes makes his life really difficult he couldn't love her any more than the way he loves his sister at this moment. She keeps his gaze until she reaches the front and he can see her eyes swimming in tears. He walks forward and gives her a quick hug and a kiss on her forehead. He knows it's probably not the right thing to do as far as etiquette goes but he decides it's his wedding and he couldn't care less about what people think.

Once they break their hug he moves back to his position and his breath is taken away when he sees **_her_**.

The long blonde locks cascade down her shoulders as she graciously walks down the aisle towards him. Blue meets blue and in this moment he realises that she's not just walking towards him, she's walking towards their future.

He's in awe at her breathtaking beauty. There's nothing that can compare to how much love he finds in her eyes while she moves towards him. His heart swells with emotion and he struggles to keep his emotions at bay.

Once they reach the front Donna gives Felicity a kiss on her cheek and Oliver kisses Donna once she places Felicity's hand in his. It feels so good seeing her again, feeling her touch again, "you look….perfect." he says feeling his breath catch in his throat when he takes her hand in his. "Let's never be without each other for so long again." he suggests with a whisper to her while they walk the last few steps towards the officiant.

"Deal." she whispers back and smiles up at him.

All he wants to do is kiss her luscious lips and never ever let her go again, but for now he has to behave. He has a lifetime of kissing her awaiting him, and of course the most important kiss waiting for after the ' _I do's'_.

Once they reach the front he has trouble keeping his eyes and attention on the officiant. He can't stop looking at her. She's like a magnet and he only registers every fifth word spoken by the officiant. He can almost hear the teasing from John and Lyla about how his heart eyes totally took over his concentration but he doesn't care. He has the most beautiful woman next to him and he has no idea how he ever got to deserve this.

"Would you please give each other your right hand." he hears the officiant saying and with that his attention is now on Felicity turning to Thea to hand over her bouquet.

He takes Felicity's right hand in his and looks back at the officiant willing himself to pay attention before he messes up this important part of the ceremony.

"The couple has prepared their own vows for today. So Oliver, let's start with you?" the officiant suggests.

Oliver nods in response and takes a deep breath as he tries to get rid of the lump forming in his throat before he speaks, but it's near to impossible.

"Felicity, before I met you I had this idea of how my life should be. I was ridden with guilt of the man I'd become, of the choices I made, but the day you walked into my life you changed everything. You showed me that I was capable of being the person that everyone was always able to see. You showed me how to love unconditionally and to be willing to receive love in return. Felicity you have turned my life upside down and right now I feel like I have won the world because you are standing right here choosing **_me_** with all my faults and failures. I promise you that I will continue to work at being the man that you deserve, the man that you've always managed to see and believe in….I, Oliver Jonas Queen, choose you Felicity Meghan Smoak to be my lawfully wedded wife. I promise to remain right by your side, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer till the day I give my last breath. I love you beautiful."

Tears stream down his beautiful bride's face, but it isn't sadness, the love still continues to shine out of her eyes and he feels like the luckiest man alive. This moment will forever be embedded in his brain as one of the best memories of his life.

Thea hands Felicity a Kleenex and she carefully dabs it on her face making sure she doesn't smudge her make up.

"Felicity, when you're ready." the officiant prompts.

She takes a deep breath and he can see her swallow thickly as she tries to get her emotions under control before she speaks.

"Oliver, I've always worked very hard for everything in my life, because I knew that if I wanted to achieve something I wouldn't get it unless I worked for it. For this reason I did everything alone because I was scared that I would be let down. When I met you my first instinct was to push you away, I didn't want to make myself vulnerable because I was scared, but you pushed passed every single wall I've ever managed to put up and you showed me that it was okay to trust, that it was okay to trust you…and I did, I fell and I fell hard and it's been the best decision I've ever made in my entire life. I can't promise you that our life will be smooth sailing or that it will be easy, but I do know that whatever life throws our way, good or bad, I want it all as long as I have you and we are together….I, Felicity Meghan Smoak, choose you Oliver Jonas Queen to be my lawfully wedded husband. I promise to remain right by your side, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer till the day I give my last breath. I love you so much."

"May we please have the rings." the officiant asks looking over at John who then in return retrieves the rings from his jacket pocket and hands it over to the bridal couple.

Oliver takes Felicity's wedding band and places it on her finger next to her engagement ring and Felicity does the same with his as they both recite, ' _with this ring I thee wed_ '.

Once the rings are on their fingers, their hands remain entwined, neither of them wanting to let the other go.

"By the power vested in me by the laws of our country, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Oliver, you may now kiss your lovely bride."

He doesn't need to be told twice. He gently takes a moment to just look at her, tracing the outline of her face, earning a shy smile from his blonde beauty before he moves closer and gives her the sweetest of kisses. They are in front of an audience after all and if he loses himself to his emotions he might have to send Sara to therapy. His lips linger for a moment as he memorises her taste, her scent in this exact moment but it's cut short when the officiant starts to speak again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Queen."

They turn around with their fingers entwined and face their guests. The applause is deafening but all he can think about is he is holding the hand of his **_wife_**. She's his wife! He just married the love of his life and now that she's **_his_** , he's never letting her go.


	39. Chapter 39

**CHAPTER 39**

She can't stop smiling, her body is filled with adrenaline from the beautiful ceremony and then the romantic photo shoot with her husband. Although she knows this is her day she does feel a little vain because she can't stop staring at the sparkling diamonds on her ring finger. She constantly has to remind herself to look into people's eyes when she talks to them, but her ring finger steals away her attention and once she sets her eyes on her wedding ring she once again becomes conscious about the fact, she's actually married! She's Mrs. Oliver Queen and her whole body screams happiness and unfathomable joy.

"I don't think I've ever seen so many buttons on one dress before." Thea complains while she fastens the buttons on the back of Felicity's second dress. "Good luck to my brother for getting you out of this tonight, it's definitely not going to be a quick thing."

Felicity doesn't need to say a word, the instant blush on her cheeks is a dead giveaway as to how her mind interpreted Thea's words, much to her sister in law's chagrin, because the younger Queen immediately realises the implication of her words and shivers in disgust.

"No! Felicity no, that's not what I meant! Ewwww gross! The less I know about you two the better." she closes her eyes and shivers again, quickly attends to the last of the buttons and finishes the task at hand as she uncomfortably looks at Felicity in the floor length mirror. "Anything else I can do for you?" she swiftly asks but Felicity can see this young girl is ready to bolt and she tries everything in her power not to laugh at the dramatics.

"No thank you Thea, I'll be fine. You go ahead." Felicity slowly and calmly answers and within seconds Thea is out the door.

Felicity chuckles when she steps away from the mirror and gathers her shoes for the second part of her evening. She loves heels and adored the heels she wore for the ceremony and photo shoot, but she knew her feet might not make it if she had to walk around in them the whole day. When she decided on a second dress she got the cutest flats with ribbons she thought would go perfectly with the new dress and reception.

She sits on the bed and starts strapping the ribbon of the flats around her leg when she hears a soft knock on the bedroom door.

"Felicity? Beautiful, can I come in?" she hears her husband ask. Her heart skips a beat, how does he have that effect on her?

"You can come in Oliver." she calls tying the last knot on the ribbon. Once he's inside she gets up from the bed and straightens her dress.

His mouth instantly falls open at the sight of her and she can't help the love she feels when she once again realises that this man in front of her is her **_husband_**.

"You can close your mouth honey." she teases, but the intensity of his stare suddenly makes her heart flutter and she's immediately aware of his close proximity and the desire for him she's been trying to keep at bay for the last few months.

"You're so beautiful." he whispers moving closer to her and her breath catches in her throat when he places his strong but gentle hand on her shoulder, tracing his fingertips down her arm. Her body immediately betrays her when goose bumps form all over.

"Do we really need to go down stairs?" his voice is strained and hoarse and it makes it all the more difficult to keep self-control around him.

His lips are lingering over hers, not touching, teasing her as she feels his hot breath cascade over her skin, but she knows if she gives in now the evening will be over. There's no way she would be able to gather enough strength to leave him and go back to the reception once she's given herself to him. She takes a shaky, but deep breath to get all her emotions and desires under control and then gives him a quick but sweet kiss, stepping away from him and pretends to adjust something on her dress in front of the mirror.

"As much as I would love to start our honeymoon now, we've planned so long for this day. I just want to enjoy the reception and celebration with our family and friends because Mr. Queen," she moves back to him tracing her fingers down the lapels of his tux jacket, "I'm planning on **_this_** " gesturing between the two of them, "lasting forever." and pulls him in for a long breathtaking kiss that makes his breath hitch once she lets go.

She gives him a seductive wink and starts heading towards the bedroom door. She knows he's not very happy with her decision, but because he loves her, he'll endure the party, because it's important to her.

"Yes dear." he nearly groans.

She's caught off guard by his sudden submissive tone and of course the word choice doesn't escape her either.

"Oliver Queen, are you sassing me?" she turns to face him again, a hint of a smile at the corner of her lips as she playfully chastises.

"No dear." he seriously answers, but she can see how he's struggling to stifle his laugh.

"Very well then, let's go." she instructs and they head downstairs hand in hand to meet Thea waiting for them at the entrance of the marquee tent they erected on the Queen Manor grounds for the reception.

"Finally!" Thea jokes. "I was about to send a search party for you two."

Oliver rolls his eyes at his baby sister and she knows he's trying very hard not to tell her off. Felicity tightens the hold on his hand, but he doesn't look at her, he only gently swipes his thumb over her knuckles.

"I'm going to give Curtis the sign that you're ready for him." she says moving into the marquee. "Oh and you two?" she turns back to them smiling, "please enjoy the rest of your evening. This is all for you." she winks and heads inside again.

"You know she's just teasing you right?" she chuckles as she asks her husband.

"Yes I know, she just rattles my cage sometimes, but I guess that's the whole point of having a little sister right?"

"I wouldn't know, but just try to enjoy this part please."

"Hey," he turns towards her cupping her face. "I love every moment I am with you. This day has been incredible so far beautiful and seeing you smiling and happy, that's all I want because it makes me happy too. I love you Mrs. Queen."

"I love you too Mr. Queen." she smiles back and gently presses her lips against his.

"Ladies and gentlemen, would you please stand with me as we welcome our newlyweds, Mr. and Mrs. Queen." Curtis announces and the guests applaud when her husband leads them to their table in the magnificently decorated venue.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

When they said that the planning of the wedding is as just as much part of the journey as your wedding day, she didn't completely understand, but here she is, at the end of their special day. The time went by so fast; weeks of planning and within a few hours all that's left is the memories. She wouldn't trade it for anything though. So far this has been one of the best days of her life.

The reception was amazing, from the speeches to the food. Everyone of their guest seemed to have a great time.

One of the best surprises of the night was when Curtis announced their first dance and Oliver _I-don't-dance_ Queen stood up and stretched out his hand to her to lead her to the dance floor. They didn't discuss their first dance because she just assumed there wouldn't be one, but then he pulled her closer as he wrapped his arms around her waist and she draped her arms around his neck as he whispered, "I only dance with you."

Tears filled her eyes when ' _White_ ' by Tim Halperin started playing and the words reflected every emotion they felt between them. This will definitely be filed away in her head and her heart as one of her favourite and most treasured memories of their life together.

It was over way to soon, but then other traditions followed; the cutting of their wedding cake. A champagne sponge cake with strawberry buttercream filling, covered with champagne and milky bar fondant. After tasting a piece of heaven she immediately told Thea to make sure that some of the left over cake should be sent home with them.

It then became time for the throwing of the bouquet and none other than the mother of the bride, caught the beautiful flowers. It was like the flowers were thrown directly at her and Felicity chortled when her mother gave a high pitching shriek once she comprehended she had caught the bouquet.

Not long after Oliver had to throw the garter. Luckily for her, Thea thought ahead and once Oliver had slipped the netted _something old gift_ off her leg, it was replaced by a store bought garter so Felicity didn't have to part with her mother's gift.

Oliver threw the garter and SCPD Chief Quinton Lance caught it.

As tradition would have it, the chief and her mother had to dance together and they seemed to hit it off instantly. After the dance the two were inseparable. Felicity put on an Oscar winning act pretending to be grossed out, but in truth she couldn't have been happier about this. Her mother deserved all the happiness she could find especially after the life she's had.

Felicity smiles at the memories as the cold winter air gently blows through her golden locks.

"Here you go Mrs. Queen." Oliver hands her a glass of champagne and takes a seat next to her on the lawn outside of the Queen manor. "What are you smiling about?" he asks draping his arm around her shoulders.

"I'm just thinking about how perfect this day has been. How immensely privileged and blessed I am to have you, to have this life."

He doesn't answer, but his smile says all there is to say and he seals it with a kiss. It's soft and controlled and filled with so much love.

It's short lived though as the crowd around them start to chant, _'10, 9, 8..._ '. She smiles at the excitement enfolding from their guests and joins in, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!" they simultaneously shout as the live band starts to play and the fireworks erupt in the sky.

Oliver leans in and kisses her. This time there's not a hint of softness, it's passionate, full of emotion and need as his tongue begs for entrance at the seam of her lips. She opens to him immediately and reciprocates the same feelings in return.

They finally part when they are both desperate for air, lips still lingering he softly whispers, "to forever beautiful." and gives her a soft peck.

"To new beginnings." she answers in kind. "Oliver?" she whispers and he opens his eyes looking straight into her blue orbs searching for the question, "take me home."


	40. Chapter 40

**CHAPTER 40**

"Are you sure you don't rather want to stay in a hotel tonight? You know you can still change your mind right?" he mentions as he helps her into the limo.

She smiles when she sees the blankets on the seat. This man of hers knows her so well. It's freezing outside and the lack of layers of clothing she has on definitely extenuates the cold on her body as the goose bumps keep coming with every burst of the wind blowing inside the vehicle.

She doesn't answer him yet. She waits until they are both inside the limo and he helps her wrap the blanket around her small frame and she is snuggled against his warm body. Once she can feel the limo moving she kisses his jaw and sighs as she makes herself comfortable against him again.

"I know it's probably a tradition that married couples spend their first night in a hotel and we've been all about traditions tonight, but I like the thought of us going home. Spending our first night as husband and wife in our home and besides, I haven't even seen what you've done to my stuff." her shy smile quickly turning to concern when she utters the last part and he chuckles placing a quick kiss where her frown is forming on her forehead.

"No need to worry beautiful, we packed everything according to your strict instructions and Lyla managed to pack your clothes and other stuff into the cupboards I emptied for you, so you can rearrange it to how you like it once you have time."

She smiles and then nods in response. It still feels unreal thinking that she's a married woman. She's been so used to having her own space and even with Oliver staying over at her apartment it was still **_her_** space. Now, it's **_their_** space. She loves him, but it's definitely going to be a bit of an adjustment actually living with him for real this time.

Soon the limo comes to a stop. The drive feels way shorter than she anticipated and then she feels him kiss the crown of her head, his thumb gently brushing over her arm.

"Felicity, wake up beautiful, we're home."

She must have dozed off. She only realises now how tired she is after the eventful day she's had. Even though she's well on her way to remission, she's taken a nap every day, but there was no such luxury on her wedding day.

Oliver helps her out of the limo and thanks the chauffeur before draping his arm around her blanket covered shoulders walking towards the elevator. Once they reach the door of the loft he takes out the keys and opens the door, but when she wants to walk through it he takes her hand and leads her back outside.

"Seeing that we're all about traditions tonight, I really want to do this right." he smiles at her with a mischievous glint in his eyes and then scoops her up in his arms.

She gives a little yelp as she quickly tries to regain her balance by folding her arms around his neck as he carries her bridal style over the threshold of their home.

He doesn't put her down immediately though. Once they're inside he pushes the door closed with his foot and stares into her eyes. It feels like her stomach is part of a cheer leading squad with all the flips going on as his eyes bore into hers.

"Welcome home beautiful." he nearly whispers, his eyes on her lips when she starts to gnaw on her bottom lip. He smiles and gently presses his nose against hers giving her a few Eskimo kisses, but even though the movement is incredibly innocent, her breath hitches at his still intense gaze.

He finally puts her down and once she's on her feet again she takes in the view of her home.

Rose petals form a path from the front door and then up the stairs leading to the bedroom she can only assume and the thought suddenly causes a knot to form in the pit of her stomach.

"Lyla." Oliver answers the unspoken question when he sees Felicity's attention on the rose petal covered floor. "She and Thea came back during the reception to bring back your overnight bag."

"And the cake?"

"And the cake." he chuckles moving closer to her. "Hey," he places both his hands on her shoulders as he looks into her eyes again, "are you okay?"

"Yeah." she lies because the knot in her stomach isn't going away, in fact it's becoming worse, she just hopes he can't see it in her reaction. "I uhm….I forgot to drink my medication with our main course tonight." she realises, and hopes he'll accept that as a good enough excuse for her sudden silent behaviour.

"Felicity, you know how important it is to keep to your medication times." he chastises and walks towards the fridge to get her a bottle of water while she retrieves the medication from the little pill boxes Lyla placed on the kitchen counter.

"I know Oliver, and it's not like I did it on purpose you know. I was too busy getting married to you, so it kind of slipped my mind." she rolls her eyes taking the bottle of water from him. The last thing she wants on their wedding night is an argument about pills.

"Hey," he places his hand on her shoulder and gently traces his thumb over her bare skin. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you did this on purpose…it's just…you're doing so much better and I don't want anything to jeopardise you making a full recovery okay. We still have a honeymoon to go on." he playfully winks.

"I know honey and I promise you I won't ever do anything that will endanger my recovery, but you need to lighten up a bit please. I'm a big girl and I know that you do all of this from a place of love, but can you ease up a bit on the whole General Queen thing?"

He chuckles when he moves towards her lips giving her a quick peck. "Okay."

"Good." she says as she chuckles at the moment too, "and now I need a shower."

"Okay, I'll meet you up there. I think Thea made sure to put everything you need in the bathroom too, so just yell if there's anything else you need."

She smiles walking up to their bedroom, the knot still very much present.

She's been looking forward to this night since forever. They haven't been intimate yet and she's had this fantasy in her head of how it is going to play out, but her nerves are shot right now. Oliver isn't exactly inexperienced in this department…what if she disappoints him? What if she isn't what he's used too and she ruins their wedding night because of her inexperience?

She decides to light the candles in the room to calm her nerves but it has the opposite effect with the feel of romance in the air. The knot in her stomach is now accompanied by a slight tinge of nausea.

Maybe a shower will help and then it dawns on her…the millions of buttons on her dress…she's not getting out of this dress on her own.

So much for her plan; him waiting on their bed as she slips on her new sexy little red number, then leaning against the door frame of the bathroom, making his breath hitch at the view. Yeah, that's definitely not happening tonight.

She can hear him approaching the bedroom and she nervously looks around the room for something to do. Just before he enters she nonchalantly leans against her vanity now in their bedroom, looking as guilty as sin, nervously gnawing her bottom lip.

He gives her a questioning look when he enters, and she can almost pin point the moment he realises what's really going on with her, because he places the water on the night stand next to the bed and walks towards her.

He keeps his distance though and the nerves are now joined by guilt, because he feels like he's making her uncomfortable.

He clears his throat. "Felicity, you know from my side there's no expectations right?"

She opens her mouth to say something but there's nothing. She probably looks like a freaking gold fish to him right now.

"What I mean is," he shakes his head and she blushes, "there's no pressure for tonight. Not that I don't want to, because I do, but your health is my first priority and seeing that it's been a hectic day, I can clearly understand that you're tired and just want to take a shower and get into bed…to sleep that is." he closes his eyes and she starts to laugh.

"I thought **_I_** am normally the one that babbles when I'm nervous?"

"I guess you've rubbed off on me…" he gives her a smile and then he becomes serious again, "but I mean it, there's no pressure."

She feels as if the weight of the world has just been lifted off her shoulders and she can breathe again.

"Thank you." she responds shyly. "Would you mind unbuttoning me so I can get out of this dress?"

"Yeah sure." he says and she turns her back to him.

She's extremely relieved by his words, but it's quickly forgotten. The moment she feels his fingers touch her skin, it feels like the first day they met. A surge of electricity thrums through her body and the nerves of a moment ago are instantly replaced by need…a need for him.

He slowly gathers her long blonde locks and brushes it to the side so it can hang over her shoulders and open up the view for him to work. His fingertips touch her skin and she can feel a shiver run though her, but she stays as still as possible not giving away the effect he has on her body.

She can feel his fingers meticulously unbutton every single button on her dress and she feels like she's going to explode as the need forming in her belly increases. After a few seconds, what feels like an eternity to her, he stalls. All the buttons are undone. She can feel it but neither one of them move.

She feels her heartbeat increasing and her breathing becoming heavier with every second passing, they both remain completely still….but then he makes the first move. He's testing the waters and she knows him well enough to know that if she decides to take that shower right now he would not pursue anything further, that's one of the many things she loves about him, he's a gentleman in that way.

His middle finger starts to draw a line on her spine, from where the buttons on her dress end up towards her neck. She feels like she's internally going to combust with all the different feelings she's experiencing just by his touch. If this is how it is now, how is she going to survive the rest of the night?

His fingers trace from her neck towards her shoulders and they stop when they reach the cupped sleeves of her dress. He waits a while, but she remains as still as she's been the whole time, waiting to see what he's going to do next. He probably takes this as a sign when he pushes his fingers under the material of the sleeve and gently pushes it down her shoulder.

She can feel the goose bumps forming as his skin touches hers.

Once the sleeve is loosely hanging off her arm, he moves to her other shoulder doing exactly the same. Her dress lies loosely around her curves and her smallest movement makes the dress slide off her body and puddle at her feet.

She can't stand not seeing him anymore, although the heat of his breath against her back makes the desire for him grow even more, she needs to see him, she needs to see his eyes.

She turns and faces him. She's gloriously naked except for her **_something blue_** ; white lace panties spelling out _Mrs. Queen_ in blue sequences. She can see his eyes move directly towards those words and when their eyes meet again, the blue orbs reflect something else….she can see the same desire for her in the dilated pupils looking back at her.

She takes this opportunity to wrap her arms around his neck, winding her fingers through his sexy hair, when she feels her confidence returning. He closes his eyes at the feeling and she can see as he gulps to maintain his control.

She doesn't realise she's biting on her lower lip again until his thumb gently removes it from beneath her teeth and then traces the outlines of her lips. He brings his lips closer to hers and gives her a soft kiss. It's slow and soft and she opens up to him as his tongue seeks entrance into her mouth. After a few moments his tongue traces the exact line on her lips as his thumb.

She feels as if her whole body is on fire as he continues to explore her lips, nipping, kissing, while his fingers trace her jawline and neck, familiarising themselves with areas of her body he's never dared to touch until now.

She can feel her chest heaving as his lips move towards her ear. His scruff tickling against her soft skin and the feeling makes her giggle. Her response encourages him and he does it again, but this time the tickling encourages her as her own hands start to explore his body as well.

Her fingers move over his chiselled chest tracing the lines of his abs. She can feel his body react to her touch. Their connection is surreal and right now she doesn't care about his former conquests, he is hers and she is his and that's all that matters right now.

He moves back to her lips and gives her a final kiss before taking in her eyes again.

"I love you." he whispers, staring at her with hooded eyes.

"And I love you." she whispers back, her lips falling on his with a passion she never knew she had.

It's just them right now as he lowers her onto their bed. There is nothing to lose, nothing for either of them to prove, because the love they share is epic. Tonight two become one.


	41. Chapter 41

**CHAPTER 41**

"Wow!" she exclaims lying on her back breathless, "that was…" she swallows thickly trying to catch her breath, "I don't even have words…that was amazing!"

He watches her next to him with a wide grin spread on his face.

"Wipe that smug smile off your face Mr. Queen." she teases, turning her body to his.

"I love making you speechless, it's like my ultimate goal." he chuckles.

"You do, do you?" she moves closer placing her lips on his gently nipping his bottom lip.

"Mmmhmmm." he responds tracing his fingers over her bare back, placing a line of soft kisses from her neck to her shoulder.

"Ugh." she sighs reluctantly moving away from him.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't believe I have to get up right now. I've really been spoiled with all the staying in bed for as long as we want this last week."

He pulls her back in his arms, pressing her naked body against his, "who says you have to get up?"

"My my General Queen." she teases, not moving from where he has her pinned. "Are you slipping in your responsibilities or is it all the sex that has fried your brain?"

He laughs enthusiastically because for the life of him he can truly say he has no idea what she's talking about.

"My appointment with Dr. Isaacs remember?"

"Oh right." he says and she can see the reality seep in just for a moment. "Do you want me to come with?"

"Nope, all under control and besides I have a few errands to run after."

"Like what?"

"Well since you're not telling me where we're flying to and trying your best not to divulge any important information besides the fact that it's hot, I have a few things I need to go and buy before we get on that plane tomorrow."

He gives her a coy smile, secret still intact.

"Oh come on, can't you give me just a little hint?" she asks him, pouting her lips and batting her eyes, hoping that it will make him cave.

He laughs once more giving her a peck on her pouted lips.

"Alright, I will tell you that you can mark another item off your ' _bucket list_ '. We're flying to a foreign country."

"Really?!" she exclaims and her eyes light up.

"Yeah really, but that's all you're getting until we land."

"I'll take it." she says with a smile kissing him causing her own toes to curl. When she finally breaks the kiss, out of breath again, she forces herself to get out of bed, earning a whine from her husband.

"Sorry honey, but I need to go, otherwise I'm going to be really late."

"So that's a no in me joining you in the shower then?"

"Definitely if you keep on looking at me like that." she teases.

"Fiiiiiiiine!" he drags out the word, making her laugh again, but then adds, "I promise I'll make it up to you though."

She gets out of bed and sprints to the bathroom to take that shower hearing him call after her, "I'm holding you to that Mrs. Queen!"

She loves being so light with him, just being. They've gone through so much to get to this point, she just hopes that the positive streak can continue and not overshadow their long awaited honeymoon.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

"Dr. Isaacs!" she greets the older man giving him a big hug. "It's so good to see you."

He smiles gesturing for her to sit down.

"You look well rested." he notes sitting on the opposite side of his desk.

She cannot hide the blush knowing _that_ alone probably answered his question when he smiles and nods opening her medical file in front of him.

"I got your blood results back and we're still on track. The cells aren't deteriorating as fast as a few weeks ago but it's definitely coming down. I think it's safe to say you're on the brink of remission although it's not fully there yet."

"Don't be alarmed though." he quickly adds when he can see her brown furrow. "Everything looks fine. All this means is that you continue with your medication as prescribed and check in with the doctors we arranged with on your honeymoon."

"So you foresaw this then?"

"It was a possibility yes. I already gave Oliver the information and contact information for when you arrive at your destination. They will just do a routine checkup and send the blood results to us. I'll notify you immediately if there's anything important you need to know okay? There's really no need to worry."

"Okay." she answers taking a shaky breath.

"Unless there's something else that's bothering you?"

She looks startled, as if she's just been caught doing something she's not supposed to.

"Felicity? Is there something else troubling you?"

"I…it's not something bad or…actually I don't know what to make of it."

"You know you can ask me anything."

"I know, I just…I don't want to leave this cloud I'm on right now."

"Felicity I realise you've been through a lot, but out of experience, I think it would be wise to rather talk to me now and we find a solution if necessary than leaving it until it's too late."

She nods in response, knowing he's right and she sighs.

"I don't really know if it's anything really worth worrying about, but I've been experiencing abdominal pains again and even sometimes levels of nausea and dizziness. It's not as bad as during the treatment, but it's there and I can't help but wonder you know…in the back of my mind there's always this possibility that it's back. I've mainly kept this quiet because I am scared that if I say it out loud it will make all this happiness disappear." she admits and the tears sting behind her eyes again. Why is she back here?

Dr. Isaacs takes her words into consideration and ponders on it for a while. "From your admission I gather that you haven't told Oliver either?"

"I just…he's so excited about this trip and I don't want anything to ruin it. I know I shouldn't be keeping this from him, but I also know him. I know the moment he finds out he'll start to worry and he'll either cancel this trip or it will bother him the whole time we're away and I don't want that for him. He's been through so much as well and I just want him to relax a bit, enjoy this time we have together."

Dr. Isaacs nods again. He folds his arms and places them on the desk looking at her.

"From what I've seen in your blood work there's nothing you have to worry about. The pains and nausea you've been experiencing could only be as a result of the medication you are still using. However, to stay on the safe side, monitor it. Maybe keep a journal of the times you experience it and also to the degree of severity. If it becomes more frequent let me know then I will ask the doctors to do a more comprehensive blood test when you check in."

"Okay, that sounds like a good idea. Thank you so much."

He walks around his desk and envelops her in a big hug, soothing her nerves when he gently strokes her back.

"Go and enjoy your holiday. Everything will be okay, I promise."

"Thank you Dr. Isaacs…for everything." she says with a smile and leaves the office.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

She walks through the front door and is greeted by the wonderful smell of Oliver's cooking. His concentration is taken up by whatever he's busy with and she quietly makes her way to the kitchen wrapping her arms around his body, pressing her lips against his back.

"Honey! I'm home!" she sings behind him.

"I've missed you." he puts the spoon down on the counter turning in her arms to give her a long lingering kiss.

"Mmmmm." she moans against his lips, "I've missed you too."

Their lips break apart, but she stays in his arms. "This smells heavenly. I've forgotten how much I've missed home cooked food."

"Well I figured since we've been eating take out since the wedding we were kind of due."

"True." she chuckles.

"So how did your appointment with Dr. Isaacs go?"

"No need for any worry. The cells are definitely deteriorating but I'm not fully in remission yet. Apparently he's already arranged with you about checkups when we're wherever we're going?"

"Yes he did." he says examining her reaction carefully.

"I'm okay honey, there's no need for panic okay, so let's just not focus on this now and enjoy our time tonight with our friends and our honeymoon we've been waiting so long for."

He nods placing a kiss on the crown of her head and pulling her to him for a hug.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, better than okay." she assures him.

They break apart from their hug and she smiles, "I better go and pack before the Diggles arrive." and winks at him when she leaves him in the kitchen making her way up stairs.

The moment she enters their bedroom, she closes the door and sits down on their bed. Her hands immediately press down on her stomach, trying to ease the pain she's been trying to hide. She starts to work through the pain with deep breaths until it dissipates. It's not completely gone but's it's not as strong as it was.

Once she records the abdominal pain and severity as Dr. Isaacs proposed on her phone, she decides to take a shower before she packs to try and relax her muscles after the tense day. First it was Dr. Isaacs and then a shopping spree for a few lingerie and swimsuit items for their trip. Her body must definitely be feeling the shock after almost two weeks of lying in bed doing nothing but eating and making love.

She tries everything in her power to concentrate on anything but the gnawing thoughts in the back of her head. Luckily it helps when the excitement sets in when she starts to pack for her honeymoon. Focusing her mind on the now, on her husband…that's all she can do right now from going crazy.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Their dinner with the Diggles as always was a blast. Their friends finally announced the news that Lyla is pregnant. Felicity gave an Oscar awarding performance pretending to be really surprised, but truly she is so happy for their friends. In fact she is a bit jealous. With her body taking forever to achieve remission, she wonders if she will ever be able to experience the feeling she's been craving ever since she met Oliver Queen…finding out she's pregnant, being able to share that with their friends, holding that little bundle in her arms, seeing the joy in her husband's eyes…but right now she's getting a bit ahead of herself. One step at a time right?

 _"_ _Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. We've begun our_ _descend_ _to South Africa."_


	42. Chapter 42

**CHAPTER 42**

She has always wanted to visit the African continent and coming to South Africa is truly a dream come true. Not that all honeymoons are not memorable but this is way beyond what she expected.

"So I gather from that face that you're happy?" he asks with a smirk displayed on his face.

"Happy? Oliver, that is the understatement of the year and that's saying something since it's only January and the year has only begun but I doubt there's anything that will actually beat this feeling, not that marrying you wasn't a good feeling but this is just so incredible and I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am, which you can probably tell because I'm babbling and why haven't you stopped me yet!?" she asks out of breath staring at him laughing at her, obviously fascinated by her babble.

"I love hearing you babble. It means you're happy and I love making you happy." he answers, his smile hasn't faded one inch as he leans in to give her a quick kiss.

"So, what are you planning? What are we going to do, how long are we staying?" she starts to ramble down all the questions in her head all at once.

"Okay just hold on there my beautiful bride. Don't think now that you know where we are that all the surprises are going to be spoiled just because you asked."

She pouts and it makes him chuckle.

"And by the way, that face isn't going to make me cave either Mrs. Queen."

She sighs and looks at him; her facial expression becomes serious as she squints her eyes.

"So what then Oliver? Are you actually expecting me to be happy to just go with the flow? You know I hate mysteries, how can you torture me like this….and on our honeymoon no less!"

"I wasn't planning on keeping you in the dark, but I'm definitely not going to give away everything beautiful. I know you hate the part of not knowing, but I love surprising you and seeing your face light up, like just now….that makes you complaining, worth it." he chuckles when she softens her gaze.

"What I am willing to do though, is to compromise." he states and he can see he's got her attention.

"I'm listening Mr. Queen."

"You can ask one question per day. Anything you want to know and I will answer you, but then you have to promise to go with the flow until you can ask your next question."

She thinks about it for a bit, clearly weighing the pro's and con's in her mind and then she stretches out her hand, "deal. I accept the terms and conditions of your proposal Mr. Queen."

He shakes her hand in return and then kisses her to seal the deal.

"So, do you want to ask the question now or wait till we get off the plane?"

"Okay, I'll ask it now. How long are we going to be in South Africa?"

"Two weeks."

"This is sooooo awesome!" she shrieks excitedly, clapping her hands together. If she wasn't sitting she probably would have done a happy dance, so jumping up and down in her seat will have to do for now.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Once they clear Customs they are met by a man from a shuttle service holding a board reading _Queen_. They walk up to the man and Oliver introduces himself to the man holding the board and in return the driver introduces himself as Kendrick Matabela.

Kendrick helps them to load their luggage into the shuttle bus and after a few minutes they are well on their way to the hotel.

The drive isn't long, but it's the strangest feeling driving on the left side of the road. Johannesburg also seems like any other city….it feels normal and much different to what she anticipated, not that she thought there would **_actually_** be wild animals walking in the streets, but the city looks well developed and not like a third world country at all.

They drive through the gates of a place called Emperors Palace and the bus stops right in front of what she can only assume is the hotel they will be staying at, _Peermont D'Oreale Grande_. In front of the entrance is a beautiful water feature with a golden statue of a horse and a depiction of an emperor that draws her attention.

Kendrick once again assists them with their luggage and loads it onto the baggage cart where the baggage handler takes over and escorts her into the hotel lobby. Oliver makes a few arrangements with Kendrick and soon after joins her to check in at reception.

She's mesmerised with the beautiful art work against the walls and intricate detail of the ceiling, she doesn't even notice when Oliver is done at the reception desk. Everything is beautiful and she has to constantly remind herself to close her mouth and not drool.

"Like what you're seeing so far?" he whispers behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

She turns around looking at him, feeling the tears sting at the back of her eyes. It's all suddenly very overwhelming. This is only day one!

He moves closer and places a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I think we should get you upstairs so you can take a nap. There's enough time to explore later. Your health is still my first priority."

She nods, taking his outstretched hand as they follow the baggage handler to their room. He's probably right. She's probably feeling so emotional because she's tired. She's never really experienced jet lag to this extend, so a hot shower and then a nap will definitely be welcome right about now.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

She has no idea how long she slept, but she wakes up to her favourite pair of blue eyes staring at her. To many people waking up to your spouse staring at you might be seen as creepy but to her it's a feeling of safety….a feeling that she's loved and treasured by her favourite person in the whole world.

"Hey." he says softly brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"Hey. What time is it?" she asks with a sleep laden voice, attempting to sit up straight.

"About ten."

"In the morning?!" her eyes shoot open, sleep long forgotten. "I slept the whole day?!"

He laughs, "no, in the evening, but Felicity sleep is good. I know you want to experience everything and I promise you there will be time but you need to think of your body too."

"We missed dinner?"

"Technically yes, but we can always order room service?" he looks at her tenderly. She doesn't know exactly what he's looking for, but his gaze is so tender and his lips so inviting, she instantly places her lips against his. It feels like she hasn't **_really_** kissed him in forever.

The heat builds between them and soon all thoughts of dinner and oversleeping is forgotten, leaving them in a bundle of tangled limbs, hard breaths and moans.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

"I hope our room is sound proof." she mutters feeling the blush forming on her cheeks as she traces meaningless patters on his perfectly sculpted torso, making him chuckle in return as he places a kiss on the crown of her head.

"Oliver?"

"Yeah?"

"I really appreciate you doing all this." she starts and sits up against him so she can look into his beautiful blues. "Making my dreams come true….loving me. I….I just really love you." she finishes, not knowing what to say as the threatening tears from earlier start falling freely.

"Hey." he catches some of the drops with his thumb, but she sees confusion and even a glint of worry reflecting in his eyes. "I love you too beautiful." kissing her softly.

"Are you sure everything is okay with you? I know this might be the man in me not entirely understanding why woman cry all the time, but you've really been very emotional today."

She chews on his words for a while, tracing back her steps from the day and he's right. She hasn't been feeling like herself lately and maybe the fact that she has been experiencing the pain again with other symptoms is just getting to her, but she's definitely not spoiling this honeymoon and his excitement with sharing that information.

"I'm fine." she replies, "I think all the excitement and being here, realising that I'm experiencing things I didn't think I was going to be able to experience is just a bit overwhelming. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable."

"No, no beautiful, you crying doesn't make me feel uncomfortable at all. I just want to know you're okay." he brushes his thumb against her cheek, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah sure."

"Please tell me if you're not okay. It doesn't matter if you feel like you're going to hurt my feelings….Felicity, you're my wife now and I promised on the day of our wedding that I will take care of you. You're my responsibility and I hope you know that means that you're my first priority, above anything else."

She nods in response, taking her thumb to try and wipe away the crease forming on his forehead, eliciting a small smile on his lips.

"Are you hungry?"

"A little bit yeah. Maybe getting some room service isn't such a bad idea after all."

She stares after him when he leaves the bed to get the room service menu, feeling the guilt simmer in the pit of her stomach. Maybe she shouldn't feel guilty right now. Dr. Isaacs said that she should monitor it. It's not like she's lying to him, she's just withholding information, but isn't that the same as lying? She decides to see how it goes before her next doctor's appointment in a week and depending on the results, she'll then have no choice but to tell Oliver what's been going on. For now, she's going to enjoy her honeymoon.


	43. Chapter 43

**CHAPTER 43**

The next morning she wakes up refreshed and ready for the adventures and surprises ahead.

After a quick shower they go and explore the hotel. The design and art inside marvels her even more now that she's awake to appreciate the extent of it. Once the exploration comes to an end they sit down for a buffet breakfast in the garden restaurant of the hotel. Even at nine in the morning it's already very humid and she immediately reminds herself that she's in Africa now. High temperatures are probably to be expected especially when it's in the height of the summer season.

The swimming pool with the fountain in the middle looks very inviting and it takes a lot of persuasion from her husband for her not to take a dip in the crystal blue water calling her name. Apparently they have only a few more moments to finish breakfast before Kendrick will collect them to take them to the airport again.

She has a lot of questions but decides to see how the day plays out first before she prematurely asks a dumb question that could have been spent wiser.

She foregoes the urge for the swim but only after Oliver promises that they will definitely take a dip in the water on their last night before heading home to the States. At least now she knows they will be coming back to this magnificent place, but for now there's so much more to look forward to as they embark on the next part of their African honeymoon adventure.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Once Kendrick drops them off at the airport they pass through the security check point at the Domestic departures. He doesn't drop a hint of any kind. All she knows is they are flying with South African Airlink, but not knowing the different airlines that information doesn't help her at all.

They follow the information boards to find their gate number, but when they get there, there are no other passengers to board the plane but them.

She looks around confused, when a young lady approaches them. They are greeted by the air hostess who scans their boarding passes and passports and shows them the way through the gate to board the plane.

She comes face to face with a jet and then suddenly it dawns on her that this could be the reason why they are the only passengers.

Oliver helps her up the stairs where they are greeted by another two air hostesses named Michelle and Thandi. They help them to their seats and she can barely contain her excitement about what's busy happening.

She's just about to ask her day's question when the pilot emerges from the cockpit. He greets them both and she can see the silent communication between him and Oliver. The pilot doesn't disclose any information and once Oliver is safely strapped in next to her with a smug smile on his face she decides to leave her question. She loves seeing him this excited, although it's killing her not to know what's going on, she takes a breath and makes a choice to enjoy the ride. It's with the love of her life after all.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

The flight goes by fairly quickly and just over an hour later they land. Not sitting at the window she can only see glimpses of trees and bush and her heart skips a beat. Can it be? Are they in the Kruger National Park?

She tries her best to contain her excitement, but once the door is open and she reads the banner ' _The Kruger National Park Welcomes The Queens_ ' she nearly freaks. She jumps up and down on the stairs, squealing in delight making Oliver laugh out loud, which by the way is one of her favourite sounds ever, she's decided a long time ago.

Their luggage is loaded in a mini bus as they are escorted to their home for what she hopes is more than just one night.

"Okay, I need to ask, how long are we staying here?"

"Four nights."

She claps her hands joyfully, but then her attention is drawn to a herd of Impala outside the window. This whole experience is a dream come true.

They soon stop at a wooden lodge called _The Rhino Post Lodge_. When they get out of the car she can hear the sound of water rushing which she assumes to be a river.

She's in awe of their beautiful surroundings, deep in the heart of the Kruger National Park. They check in at the reception desk and the receptionist, Esther, shows them to their room.

Their suite is completely secluded from the rest of the lodge. It's minimalistic and rustic, a wooden log cabin, but what more do you need when you are on honeymoon in nature, with a bedroom overlooking the Mutlumuvi River.

The riverbed is known to be a very active watering hole for the wild animals in the area and the prospect of sipping cocktails on their deck watching the wild animals is enough to excite her without knowing what other surprises her husband has up his sleeve.

She spends some time to unpack their belongings while Oliver familiarises both of them, with the rules and regulations of the Lodge and the Park by reading it out loud.

Once they are settled they relax on their deck until Oliver instructs her to get ready and tells her to take a jacket. At first she thinks he's completely out of his mind. It's the middle of summer, why would she need a jacket, but without complaint she takes one and follows him outside.

They are met by Thendani. He is a game ranger and he helps her onto an open Safari vehicle.

Knowing his wife, Oliver turns to her smiling as he takes her hand in his, "we're going on a sunset game drive…" he informs her, "hence the jacket. They say it can get pretty cold out here once the sun sets."

Her mouth forms a little ' _o_ ' as she comprehends the instruction. He cannot help the chuckle.

"Is the surprise element too much for you to handle beautiful? I can see you've been trying to indulge me in my quest to surprise you, oddly sticking to our one question a day arrangement, but I haven't heard anything else out of your mouth."

"To be honest, I'm kind of enjoying it." she confesses with a shy smile and the red on her cheeks start to make their presence known. "But don't think this gives you permission to keep things from me in every situation now Mr. Queen, this is a one time thing." she quickly adds.

He kisses her lingering against her lips enjoying the taste for a while. "I wouldn't dare keep any secrets from you Mrs. Queen."

She smiles, but it's half hearted and the thought makes her chest tighten. She has to tell him, even if she doesn't know the reason, she can't keep her condition from him any longer. No matter how she tries to convince herself it's for his benefit, she can't enjoy this honeymoon knowing she's keeping this secret from her husband. She just has to find the right time.

Their sunset game drive proves to be more than she ever envisions. They spot various animals, including a lion that must have been hurt in a fight and then decide to head back to the lodge. On their way back, a little added surprise awaits them when they come across a pack of Wild Dogs that just caught a Springbuck. It is way passed gruesome but one of the most awesome experiences she's ever had in her life.

Sundowners on the deck are next in line. Listening to the Hippo's snort in the river as she lays against Oliver's chest, content with no words needed is the perfect ending to their day.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

The next day starts with a sunrise game drive where they see a cheetah, a pack of lions with three lion cubs, various buck, a group of warthogs, elephants and a rhino. Thendani instructs them to switch off their location services on their cell phones when taking pictures due to the high level of poaching experienced in the park. It saddens her that humans can take something so beautiful and ruin it for the next generations to come. She can't fathom that if they ever decide to have children that they will not be able to experience the wonder of these animals like they have the past few days.

They return home and take some time to relax after testing out the outdoor shower first, which ended up in taking **_way_** more time than expected, not that either of them are complaining.

After an early lunch and a quick nap they are whisked away to a clearing not far from the airport where they arrived. A group of hot air balloons are spread out across the clearing.

She gives Oliver a questioning but excited look and he gives her the answer she needs only by winking accompanied by a broad smile.

It turns out today is a good day for a hot air balloon ride. The wind picks up mere moments before they get into the basket, making it more wonky than usual when they start to ascend. She never gets airsick but right now the nausea that's been coming and going the whole morning is threatening to be more than just barely below the surface.

She tries to keep it together for as long as possible but the moment Oliver tells her to look down at a group of giraffes on the ground her body starts to go into shock.

She can feel the blood drain from her head and the world starts to spin. She takes deep calculated breaths to control the nausea, but the look on Oliver's face tells her that she looks as bad as she feels.

He helps her sit down and hands her a bottle of water. She can only take small sips to help her from throwing up in the hot air balloon's basket.

With Oliver's insistence the pilot cuts the trip short and lands in the safest possible clearing. They are soon met by Emergency services putting Felicity on a stretcher and connecting her to an IV and oxygen mask while peppering Oliver with questions, he doesn't have answers to.

She can hear the worry and confusion in his voice as he tries to answer the paramedic's questions to the best of his ability. She takes a deep breath and once she's satisfied that the nausea is somewhat under control she takes Oliver's hand to get his attention where after she takes off the oxygen mask.

"Felicity? Are you okay?" he bends down so he can look her in the eye.

"I'm okay, I'm okay." she squeezes his hand to somewhat provide some sort of comfort to him, but she can see the intense emotion in his deep blue orbs and she knows it's her fault. She put it there.

The paramedics turns his attention back to her now, "Ma'am how are you feeling?"

"I'm alright. I'll be alright." she responds slowly, her mouth dry and throat scratchy.

"Have you experienced something like this before today?"

"Yes." she answers now looking at Oliver, "frequently for the last week."


	44. Chapter 44

**CHAPTER 44**

The drive back to the lodge is the worst kind of torture. The silence in the atmosphere is so thick you can cut it with a knife. No one says a word and she doesn't dare look at Oliver. Even if she did, his gaze is transfixed on the bush flying by the window of the ambulance, he wouldn't even notice her.

Once they reach the lodge Oliver makes sure Felicity is comfortable and helps the paramedics to get her settled in their room, but then he disappears again to where she can only guess is to have a final chat with the paramedics about her condition.

She knows she was wrong to keep this from him and no matter how she wants to justify her actions there's just no way that ' _sorry_ ' is going to make this all go away.

Her brain tries to whip up every possible scenario and response to his potential questions but she's in no way prepared for when he finally walks through the door of their room. He completely ignores her and stares at the river from their patio.

She can feel her heartbeat increasing and she knows she has no other alternative. She needs to do this ' _band aid style'_. Face this head on and bear the consequences of her actions. All of this is happening because of her choices, so she needs to woman up and take it, hopefully the solution will come to her while she's ripping off this proverbial band aid.

"Oliver," she softly says his name and attempts to get off the bed to join him on the patio.

"Felicity, please stay in bed." he nearly bites off, still not looking at her.

At least she knows he's angry now. She has something to work with.

"Look Oliver, I'm really sorry. I didn't intend to lie to you….I just didn't want you to worry until…."

"But you did Felicity. You lied! And not just once apparently, numerous times **_and_** straight to my face!"

He turns around and his face is a mixture of anger and disappointment and that breaks her heart. The anger she can handle, but disappointment, especially when she's the cause….that's a whole other ball game.

"How are we supposed to build a life, make our marriage work when you keep on reverting back to doing things on your own? What else have you been keeping from me?"

"Okay Oliver I know you're upset, but I think you're being a bit unfair right now."

"Unfair? Unfair?! Felicity, unfair is when you're on your honeymoon with your wife, supposedly in remission from Colon cancer, just to find out that she's been lying to you about not actually being in remission and nearly passing out in a hot air balloon kilometres from the ground. Unfair is having to handle a situation that you have no control over or could even prepare for because you are completely blindsided due to your wife keeping vital information from you. You want to talk unfair Felicity…. ** _that_** my dear wife, is unfair!"

She has no words. He's right. His anger is warranted and all **_she_** has is ' _sorry_ '.

"You're right. I'm so so sorry Oliver."

He looks at her with an emotion she hasn't seen before.

"I can't be here right now." he admits and walks towards their door.

"Please don't go Oliver." his actions sparking a fear she's buried for years or has she?

"I'll come back Felicity, but right now I need space….away from you."

He leaves before she can say anything else and she stares at the closed door feeling the soft tears make their way down her cheeks.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Her heart is in a million pieces and she has no more tears to cry. It's been hours since he left and she knows she needs to give him his space but couldn't he just send her a sign that he's okay? She's worried out of her mind as her imagination concocts every worst case scenario known to mankind. He is alone, in a Game reserve where wild animals roam freely. This isn't a zoo! Wild animals are wild and unpredictable and even though she loves these animals she loves her husband more despite the fact that she messed up their honeymoon.

"Well done Felicity! Your first fight as a couple and not just anywhere…on your honeymoon for goodness sake! What a great wife you are turning out to be." she mumbles to herself.

She decides to move her pity party out of bed. Watching the ceiling isn't helping her find a solution, it's making everything worse. She puts on her bathing suit and takes out a bottle of iced water from the mini fridge in their room. She puts on the motor and gets into their private Jacuzzi on the patio. Maybe the bubbles and the relaxing view will help open her mind and find a solution to this colossal mess she's created.

After a few minutes she sighs in frustration. There's really nothing she can do to make this better. She has no other choice but to ride this wave, if only they can talk this out.

She hears the door open and she remains as still as possible, turning on her super hearing to figure out what's happening inside their room. She hears the closet door opening and closing and rustling of clothes.

Her already bruised heart nearly stops beating when her thoughts introduce a new possibility. He's packing and leaving her here all alone. She can feel the tears sting behind her now dried out eyes as she keeps listening for his movements.

She hears the fridge door open and close and mere seconds after he turns the corner in his swimming trunks carrying a bottle of iced water and wordlessly joins her in the Jacuzzi.

She is instantly relieved but in the same breath absolutely terrified about the conversation looming between them. At least she knows he is safe and that gives this very dark cloud a bit of a silver lining.

He stares out into the distance, still not saying anything and she decides to remain quiet too. When he's ready to talk, she'll be here and answer anything he asks. This is the only way to work through it….honesty….the irony hasn't escaped her.

"I'm sorry I left." he finally breaks the silence but he still doesn't look at her.

She's not sure if she should answer or not so she remains silent, looking at him from the corner of her eye.

"We're quite the pair huh?" he jokes and she can't help it but look at him curiously, waiting for an explanation when he gives her a sad smile. "I run and you go solo. We're so used to our default ways of doing things that we don't realise how much we're actually messing each other up." he explains.

"Oliver, I'm really sorry. I was going to tell you."

"That's not the point Felicity. Whether you were going to tell me or not, you kept this from me. This information wasn't something like buying a puppy without telling me, this is your life, your health. I get why you didn't tell me, really I do, but it doesn't change the fact that I could have handled things differently today if I knew."

"Felicity, the day we got married I made you a promise that I would take care of you and by keeping things from me, you make me fail at that promise."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are and I want you to know that I'm sorry too."

"What for? It's not like you caused our first fight as a married couple and to make this even more interesting as only I can….on our honeymoon." she tries to lighten the mood but he's still dead serious.

"For leaving when I should have stayed and worked this out with you. Just like you I also have a default. When things get too much, I run and I realised that little fact about fifteen minutes after walking out of our bedroom door."

"So where did you go?"

He shyly smiles at her and admits, "nowhere."

"Nowhere? But you were gone for hours?"

"I sat in front of our bedroom door until I heard you switch on the Jacuzzi. I couldn't bear coming in immediately, so I waited until I thought you had settled."

"So you sat outside our door for hours? Why?"

"My stupid pride. I stormed out of here wanting to prove a point and once I got outside I realised what an incredible idiot I am, but then I felt so guilty I didn't know how to face you."

"Yeah, you are definitely right….we're quite the pair." she laughs shaking her head.

"Felicity," he takes her hand and wraps it between his two strong palms, earnestly looking at her. "I need you to know that I'm never going to leave you. I am fully committed to you and to our marriage and it doesn't matter how angry I might get, or disappointed, I'm here to stay okay?"

She gives him a watery smile and nods in acknowledgement.

"But beautiful, we can't keep doing what we're doing. We need to start trusting each other if we want our marriage to work. Even if it means moving out of our comfort zones. Are you willing to do that?"

"Yes." she says without having to think twice. "Yes I am and I'm so so sorry."

"It's okay." he says and pulls her closer to him, giving her a kiss on the crown of her head, "we're going to be okay."

She lays her head against his shoulder and gives a sigh of relief.

"So, at least we survived our first fight as a married couple."

"Yeah, so we did." he responds and stares out in the distance again. "But you know what they say about fights right?"

"No, what?" she curiously asks.

"After each fight there's an opportunity for make-up sex." he explains a-matter-of-factly.

"Really now?"

"Mmmhmmm."

"Well then Mr Queen, what on earth are we waiting for?"


	45. Chapter 45

**CHAPTER 45**

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asks for what feels like the hundredth time as he packs their suitcases looking concerned at his wife lying on their bed.

"Oliver, come here please?" she calls him closer waving her finger and then pats her hand on the open spot next to her instructing him to sit down.

Once he's settled next to her she gently brushes her thumb to flatten out his creased brow. The worried look in his eyes is incredibly vivid and she can feel her heart melt at the thought that even though she wishes he would stop worrying, his concern is for **_her_**. Except for her mother she's never experienced this kind of devotion and for the umpteenth time she is so incredibly thankful for this man….her husband.

"Honey…" she continues to gently drag her fingers through his short cropped hair. "I know you're worried and I know that no amount of words will change that quality about you, but Oliver I need you to please ease up a bit."

The crease between his eyes returns but the tension in his shoulders somehow relaxes.

"Look, I know that this is uncharted territory and what makes it worse is that we don't know what's going on, but I need some room to breathe. You can't keep me wrapped in cotton wool honey and I know it's frustrating but could we maybe work on a compromise?"

He doesn't look very happy, but she knows she has his attention.

"I promise to tell you immediately when I'm not feeling well, no matter how insignificant it feels to me, but you need to promise to ease up on the over protectiveness and at least let us enjoy our honeymoon during the times I'm feeling like myself again. Can you do that for me?"

He sighs, but then he nods in agreement. She knows he isn't one hundred percent for this arrangement but the fact that he's agreeing to it means he's willing to try. He gives her half a smile and softly kisses her forehead.

His lips linger against her skin for a moment when she breaks the contact to look into his eyes. Her fingers trace the wrinkles of the crease between his eyes again and at the contact he closes his eyes. "We're going to get through this….together okay?" she whispers to make sure she doesn't break the intimacy of this moment.

"Together." he finally acknowledges and places a chaste kiss against her lips.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

"So, Mrs. Queen, are you ready for the next part of our adventure?" he asks enthusiastically taking her hand as she settles into her seat on the private jet.

"Yeah, you bet I am." she answers and leans in for a quick kiss.

She feels a bit nervous. They agreed on the compromise about an hour before boarding the plane in the Kruger National Park, but it almost feels like she has to walk on egg shells because she doesn't want anything to upset him and have him go back to being his overprotective self again.

"Are you okay?" he then asks, because apparently she needs serious lessons in controlling her body language. He reads her like a book!

She wants to say yes, but when he looks at her, she remembers that she made a promise to him too, so she can't really expect him to keep his end of the bargain when she doesn't do the same.

"Actually, I'm a bit nervous."

He does that cute head tilt of his when he's confused and she wants to jump his bones right there and then, but instead she tries to finish the conversation so she can have some peace of mind.

"I know we decided on a compromise but I'm just a bit nervous that you're not really going to keep to your end and if I ask too many questions, you're going to read stuff into the situation and I'm sorry I know I shouldn't feel that way, but it's just really har…."

He cuts her off with a searing kiss that makes her ears ring and leaves her gasping for air. When she opens her eyes to look at her husband he gives her smug smile, incredibly proud of himself that after all this time he still has that effect on his wife.

"Beautiful, you have nothing to worry about. Although I don't know if I can ever stop worrying about you, I made you a promise and I'm trusting you to keep yours. So, as far as I'm concerned we're on our honeymoon and we're back to having all the adventures that I planned. We're not skipping anything, I promise, but we will postpone a few things when you're not feeling well. Deal?"

She gives a huge sigh of relief. This is what she wanted from the start, so she's happy with this arrangement.

"Deal." she replies, shaking his hand to seal the deal. She gives a high pitched yelp when he pulls her onto his lap, straddling him in his plane seat. He stares at her lovingly and captures her lips in a soft kiss. It doesn't take long before her tongue enters his mouth and he angels her head to deepen the kiss.

There's something extremely freeing about having everything out in the open. Not just sexually, but there is a shift in their relationship, a deeper connection somehow.

His hands roam from her shoulders making their way methodically to her glorious behind. She starts to nip on the skin of his jawline, down to his neck.

"So, since I haven't asked my daily questions in a while," she says in between kisses, her hands now moving underneath his t-shirt, "does that mean I get to ask two questions today?" her fingers caressing the skin underneath his shirt and her lips moving back to his, kissing him harder as the need inside her core for him increases.

He huffs a laugh but doesn't break from his own ministrations as his fingers find their way underneath her short summer dress. "The rule was one question a day my love," he moves his lips to suck on her collar bone, "it's not my fault you didn't use your daily quota."

"You have a point there Mr. Queen, but since you're so good at compromising, maybe we can have a compromise about this too?" she keeps kissing and nibbling and touching.

"I'm open to negotiating Mrs. Queen, what did you have in mind?" he bites down on her collar bone, immediately licking the spot eliciting a moan from his wife's mouth.

"Mmmmm, that feels so good."

He laughs, "seems negotiations are moving more in my favour Mrs. Queen?"

"Okay, I'll ask one question today, but since we're being super adventurous, how about you take me right here right now? How is that for negotiation?"

First he looks astounded by the suggestion, but he loves seeing his wife excited about things like this, especially after everything she's been through and he doesn't need to be asked twice to make love to her. He picks up the phone on the side of his seat and tells the air hostess to keep the door closed till further notice.

"Well then Mrs. Queen, seems that bringing you to the wild turned out to be one of the best decisions I've ever made."

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

They fly directly to their new destination. This time there's no shuttle to collect them, so Oliver has to put his international driving skills to the test….driving on the left side of the road.

He gives Felicity the coordinates of their destination so she can navigate, luckily she's been very chilled about the surprise factors, so she enters the coordinates without researching their destination and he loves that his wife is at least trying to keep her curiosity at bay.

After about 40 minutes, they reach their destination at the Protea Mariott Hotel Durban Edward. The hotel is right on the Durban beach front, overlooking the Golden Mile as the locals refer to the strip on North Beach.

Once they check in, he quickly helps Felicity unpack and opens the doors to the balcony with a perfect scenery – a full view of the beach front. The view of the blue ocean is extremely calming and he can see that even though it's midday his wife looks tired.

"Beautiful, how about we order some room service while we watch a movie and then we can maybe take a nap before dinner tonight?" he suggest without sounding like he's worrying over her again.

"Now that is a perfect idea." she smiles at him and looks back at their incredible view. "Did you have anything specific in mind for dinner tonight?"

"Actually I did. It's a bit of a surprise, but I will say that it's on the beach, so you can wear something comfortable." he explains not to give too much information away.

"Okay, thank you for the heads up. I'll order the room service then you can choose the movie." she heads back inside giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

"You're really feeling very generous today aren't you? I should compromise more often." he jokes referring to him choosing the movie.

"I think compromising makes you extra sexy." she teases sitting at the desk paging through the room service menu giggling.

He loves his wife so much. He just wishes he could do something to make her feel better or at least figure out what's going on. This wandering in the dark is really frustrating for him, he can only imagine how **_she_** must be feeling.

They settle on the bed with their lunch and the last Die Hard movie Felicity hasn't seen yet. After about half way through she snuggles closer to him and it doesn't take long before she falls asleep completely. He feels so fortunate, so blessed that this is his life - pure bliss of just being himself, no pretence, nothing to prove and sharing every moment of it….with her.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

After their nap he gently wakes her up with some soft kisses starting in her neck. She smiles but keeps her eyes closed, revelling in the feel of the touch of his lips against her skin.

The more conscious her body becomes, the less passive she becomes and soon her arms entangle his neck bringing his lips down to hers. Their tongues entangle and soon the kisses become more fierce, harder and hotter as their bodies cry out for more of each other.

Their make out session is interrupted by Oliver's alarm on his phone though and she groans when she realises his intent to break up this little wake up session.

"How about I tell you we can definitely finish this when we get back from dinner?" he tries to negotiate.

"Do we really have to go to dinner? I'm hungry but not so much for food." she laments, still trying her hardest to keep him on top of her.

"We probably don't have to, but I really want to take you to this place." he explains, laughing at the way she pouts her lips when she stops kissing him.

"Okay." she relents and winks at him before rolling out underneath him to get off the bed. "I'm going to go take a shower now and I think it's best if you just stay right here okay, because a girl can only practice so much self-control when she has a husband looking like you.

He huffs another laugh, but he knows she's right - if he joins her now then they won't be going to dinner at all. His self-control is also hanging by a thread.

She tempts him some more by taking off every piece of clothing in front of him and all he can do is stare and gulp at the sight. She walks back over to where he is perched on the edge of the bed and gives him a long, deep, searing kiss. Once she breaks for breath, she gives him another wink and disappears into the bathroom to take that shower.

He remains on the bed watching as she disappears and tries his best not to curse out loud for postponing his desires till much later.

They walk circles around each other in the hotel room, knowing that any kind of contact might cause an explosion. The sexual tension is tangible and he wonders if he can't just postpone dinner when his stomach does a back flip looking at his wife reappear in the dressing room door.

She's a vision in green and dinner is the furthest thing from his mind right now. All he can think about is kissing her sun kissed shoulders and removing that dress from her body, slowly, taking his time.

" ** _Too_** comfortable?" she asks concerned when he keeps staring without a word.

He clears his throat before his voice gives him away. "No, no, you look perfect." he responds reminding himself to breathe and concentrate on at least having a good dinner before ravishing his wife once they are back in their room.

"So Mrs. Queen, let's go get you some dinner."


	46. Chapter 46

**CHAPTER 46**

"Welcome to Moyo." the hostess friendly greets them at the entrance of the restaurant.

"Thank you." Oliver replies with a smile. "We have a reservation under Queen, party of two."

"Oh yes, Mr. Queen, Claire," she waves one of the waitresses closer, "will show you to your dining area. Please enjoy your evening with us."

They follow Claire and for a moment it looks to Felicity as if they are leaving the restaurant again when they walk through the whole dining area towards the beach. She leads them down the stairs to an area right on the beach. The dining area on the beach is laid out with five fire congas, two couches, a huge carpet like blanket over the sand covered with scatter cushions and a small dining table in the middle.

"Mr. Queen, I trust everything is to your liking. The menus are on the table. I will be back within a few minutes to take your order. Should you need me earlier, please just press the button on the device on the table and I'll be right with you." Claire explains and Oliver nods with a thank you, leaving the honeymooners to their starlight beach dinner.

"If I'd known we would be sitting on the floor, I definitely would have worn something longer than this." Felicity indicates to her knee length summer dress."

"This is very private and there's a throw blanket you can put over your legs if you feel too exposed. I didn't want you to dress into anything else because you really look incredible tonight." he softly kisses her shoulder taking in her scent before helping her to sit down on the cushions on the floor next to the table.

Felicity takes a moment to take in her surroundings for the first time. "Oh Oliver, this is beautiful and so romantic. How did you hear about this place?"

"I spoke to one of the Rangers at the National Park about wanting to take you to experience true African cuisine when we are here in Durban and he suggested this place. Apparently they have quite a few of them across the country, but he said this one was by far the most romantic. He told me about the secluded dining area and I thought that it would be a great idea for us to have a romantic night but still be on our own."

"You made the right choice honey. Good job." she winked at him, gently tracing patterns with her fingers on his hand.

"I'm happy you like it. He said this spot is special to him because this is where he proposed to his wife."

"It's perfect." she gives him a soft smile. "Soooooo." she coyly turns her head. " I haven't had a chance to ask my question of the day."

"Well, you **_were_** very busy today Mrs. Queen." he teases.

She blushes fiercely at the thought. "I really don't know what came over me today. Not that I'm apologising for wanting you, because I always want you, but today there was something so different. It was like every time I laid my eyes on you I had this need to climb you like a tree." she explains but the more she explains herself, the deeper the blush develops.

He can't help the smirk forming on his face, but he feels the same way about her.

"So what's your question?" he prompts to give her some space to breathe.

"I was thinking about what you said on our flight to South Africa…you know that you were planning to tick off some more items on my ' _bucket list'_? So I was wondering if you'll be ticking off **_all_** the remaining items on this trip or just one?"

"Now now Felicity, that was two questions." he looks at her sceptically, knowing full well his wife is a genius and that she most probably is going to get the answer she wants because she'll get him on a technicality.

Before he can answer, they are interrupted by Claire coming to take their orders. They both quickly try to go through the menu and both order something to drink and their main meals, since the room service proved to be much more than they anticipated.

Felicity keeps staring at him as Claire leaves, waiting for the answer to her question and readying herself for a good debate in case he challenges her on the supposed double question.

"Just because you look so beautiful tonight, I'll give in and answer that interesting worded question." he keeps on teasing. "We'll be ticking off two of the remaining items on your list."

"That's awesome Oliver! So what are we doing here in Durban?" she asks inquisitively.

"You might be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, but don't push it." he jokingly warns.

"Well I had to try."

"Wouldn't be you if you didn't."

"So then it's all of them." she settles deeper into the cushion stack Oliver made for her.

"Actually there's one item left." he corrects her and she frowns. "Item number ten….you never told me what it is."

It dawns on her. She's wanted to tell him so many times but every time something either happens or she just forgets. She doesn't even know if she wants to tell him anymore. It's silly really, trivial and probably not important. He won't be able to do anything about it anyways, so why add it to the list?

He can see the war going on inside her head, so he gently places his hand over hers lying on the table. "Beautiful?" he softly says and when she looks at him with doubt in her eyes, he knows he needs to take the pressure away from her. He needs to be her safe haven now. "You don't need to tell me unless you want to. There's absolutely no pressure. If this is something you need to keep to yourself for now, then I have no problem with it. Just know, that when you're ready….I'll be right here, ready to listen."

A tear escapes and he can see the doubt disappear slowly as she takes in his words.

They start to make small talk as they wait for their food. The salty smell of the ocean right in front of them, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore adds to the perfect peace they feel spending time together.

He is just about to tell her about his Skype call with Thea today when another lady from the restaurant appears with a basket carrying tins and what looks like paint brushes.

"Good evening." she greets. "My name is Agnes and I'm one of the face painters here. Our hostess said you are looking for some African experiences, so can I interest you in some face paint ma'am?"

"Oh my gosh," Felicity exclaims, "that sounds awesome!" and Agnes smiles at the invitation, placing her basket on the table and kneeling before Felicity so she can reach her face.

She takes out her paint brush and white paint, carefully making small little dots around Felicity's right brow, over the bridge of her nose and then stopping on her left cheek just under her eye. Once the dots are completed, she takes a finer brush and starts adding little flowers to some of the dots. It now looks like a flower path on Felicity's face and it's so delicate and beautiful.

Once Agnes is done, Oliver takes out some money to tip her even though it's a complimentary feature of the restaurant.

"Thank you Agnes, it's absolutely beautiful." Felicity compliments taking a quick look in the mirror of her compact.

"It's my pleasure ma'am. Please enjoy your stay here in our country." she greets them and then disappears right before their food arrives.

"And? What do you think?" she asks Oliver when he remains quiet, only staring at her.

"I didn't think anything would ever be able to describe your beauty, but it's almost as if with that simple piece of art it's captured every facet of who you are. Simplicity, delicate, beauty….that's what I see when I look at you Felicity."

She's completely thrown by his description that she doesn't even notice the waiters placing their food on the table. It's only when Oliver thanks them, she realises what's happening around her, but she's still at a loss for words. What did she ever do to deserve this man?

They finish their dinner mostly in silence, but there's nothing awkward about it. Once they are done, Claire returns with a group of waiters to clear the table and take their dessert orders.

Craving to be closer to her, Oliver gets up and sits down behind Felicity, so the back of her body now comfortably rests against his chest as they take in the sound of the crashing waves and blinking lights over the water mass in front of them.

"Legacy." Felicity says and breaks the silence. There's no explanation whatsoever and it confuses him.

As if she can feel his confusion without looking at him, "I want to leave a legacy." Felicity explains, "Item number ten – I want to leave a legacy."

At first he stays silent, thinking about her revelation. "Then you can tick that one off your list too…you are doing an amazing job at QC and I can promise you that you're inspiring a lot of people, especially young women."

He can feel her holding her breath, like she's scared of saying something. Doesn't she realise what he's saying is true?

"No, you don't understand." she says softly and turns her body so she can face him. Her face is serious but there's sadness in her eyes. "I'm not talking about professionally Oliver."

"Beautiful, I realise that most of the time you've already figured it all out in that amazing mind of yours, but you'll have to get me on your page please so I can understand too?"

She giggles at his explanation and kisses the crease between his eyes away. "I want the opportunity to have someone that I can teach about all the things in life, you know, things that I've learned. Challenge them to take the chances I never took. Teach them to love and not be afraid to be loved in return." She's silent for a while and waits for him to say something, but when he doesn't, she takes the leap and says it out loud, "I want to be a mom."


	47. Chapter 47

**CHAPTER 47**

"Okay Felicity, are you ready for this?"

"Not really Riley!" she yells at the extremely tanned blonde man next to her as she tries to balance her body on the surf board.

"I promise I'm not leaving your side okay."

"Smile for the camera honey!" Oliver prompts turning on his **_'Go-Pro'_** ready to film every part of his wife's surfing lesson.

"Not helping Oliver!" she yells back over the rushing sound of the waves, which only makes him laugh at the look she gives him.

After a few minutes practising in the shallows, Riley takes Felicity out to the deeper water to catch a few waves.

Oliver doesn't really consider himself as an expert surfer, but he's ready with this **_'Go-Pro'_** so Felicity doesn't forget any moment of this experience. He just hopes he doesn't spot a shark with it or gets bumped into a concussion because of his inexperience.

He can see Felicity is nervous, but despite that she's laughing and enjoying herself and that's all he wants for her, he wants to see her happy.

The morning started off very early, since they already had to be at the beach by 6:30. He woke her up with some soft kisses at 5:00, hoping she wouldn't have a spell of nausea as the previous few mornings or that she would still be upset about their conversation the previous night at Moyo.

He didn't say much after her revelation about being a mom. In actual effect it caught him off guard completely and he had no idea what to say without sounding insensitive. That was clearly something that was important to her, but he knew that right now it wasn't something that could happen even if he wanted it to.

He held her tight, whispering "I know, you do, I want that too." in her ear and it seemed to appease her. He knew the conversation would eventually come up again, but for the moment he felt like it was handled.

He quickly ordered breakfast while she was in the shower, making sure to get something with high protein and not to rich, since they still couldn't figure out what made her nauseous or what the actual cause was.

They sat on their balcony eating their breakfast, watching the sun rise over the waters. It was surreal. It reminded him of the sunset dive he always took and the same dive he took Felicity on her first time. There was something about the colours of the sun that calmed him, but also now made him feel so much love for the woman sitting on the other side of the table. She was his everything, and all he wanted to do was make her happy, see her happy.

Since both the items left on the ' _bucket list'_ were ocean related, she knew they were going to be in the water today, so it was no shock when Oliver gave her half a body suit to wear over her bikini.

He could see the excitement in her eyes, he just hoped that all the strange symptoms of late would play along today….at least long enough for her to enjoy the adventure.

So seeing her ready to take her first wave is as exciting for him as for her. He feels like he accomplished his goal today and she amazed the hell out of him. She crushed that wave when she took it and as she is ready to come back to the back line, Riley joins him in cheering for her, making her smile widen, which of course made his heart skip a beat. She did it! His girl did it!

She rides a few more waves - this time without so much instruction from Riley. She knows which waves to wait for and which to chase. She's really getting the hang of it and he can positively check off _'learning to surf'_ from her ' _bucket list'_.

After the last wave he can see she's getting tired and although she's enjoying herself, he did promise to take care of her, so he calls her over and they swim out to shore. She takes her towel and makes herself comfortable on the sand while Oliver thanks Riley and goes to the nearest spaza shop to buy them each a bottle of water.

When he reaches Felicity again, she's shivering. He's not sure if it's the adrenaline that is working its way out of her body or if it's more strange symptoms but his first reaction is to throw her over his shoulder and run back to the hotel to get her help.

Before he can do that, she looks at him and her words from the day before ring in his ears. So he takes a breath and kneels before her to find out how he can help.

"Just hold me please." she manages between the clatter of her teeth and he obliges.

He takes his towel and wraps it around her too for more warmth, hands her the bottle of water and makes himself comfortable behind her so her body is pressed right against his chest and envelopes her with his arms.

Every now and then he softly kisses her temple or the top of her head, to have her know that he's right there, he's not going anywhere.

After about fifteen minutes he can feel her body relax against his, she stops shivering and she rests her head against his shoulder looking out over the clear blue ocean.

As far as the eye can see there are people on the beach. Sunbathers, surfers, kids playing in the sand, splashing water….

"Are you okay?" he softly asks in her ear.

She nods without a word, but he can't miss the tear falling down her cheek. He knows he maybe shouldn't push, but sometimes with Felicity a push isn't a bad thing. So he moves her upright and turns her so she can look at him.

"Please talk to me?"

"I know we kind of settled the issue last night, but ever since I said it out loud, I really need to talk about it and I need to hear how you really feel about it….and don't just tell me that you want it too because that's not an answer….I need you to talk to me, tell me how you're feeling.

He knew this was coming, he just didn't think it would be this soon.

"Okay," he says in the softest voice possible, "let's talk."

He takes her hands in his and smiles reassuringly at her. "Beautiful, I know that for every woman there comes a time when there is a desire to become a mother. It's natural and it's okay for you to feel this way, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it."

"Thinking about the prospect of having children with you, makes me so happy Felicity. I know everything with us has happened so fast, but I love you and being able to be a father, learning things with you as a mother, it makes me excited for our future."

"But beautiful, right now….right now we don't know what's going on with you. We have no idea if it's the cancer that's returning, we don't know if it's still side effects from the treatment, we don't know. Right now to be honest I just don't want to speculate because it drives me crazy and I much rather want to spend time with you and enjoy our honeymoon."

"We have to be at the doctor later today to do the blood tests, which we most probably will get the results from within a week, but until then, can I ask that we maybe put this on hold?"

She nods, tears streaming down her face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to put you on the spot. I just….my emotions are everywhere. It feels like I don't know what to think anymore or how to handle it. I feel like such a nut job."

"No Felicity you didn't and honey, you're not a nut job at all. I don't want you to think that. You've been through so much and the fact that you're still standing…Felicity you're amazing and we're going to get through this."

"Okay, so we put this on hold until we know what's going on." she takes a shaky breath, trying to centre herself and get her emotions under control.

"Oliver?"

"Yeah?"

"What if I can never have children."

"Honey, there are a lot of other routes we can take….and if those don't work, then I'll be happy with just having you for the rest of my life."

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

"Mrs. Queen, welcome to the Kingsway Clinic." Nurse Watson greets when they walk into the Clinic doors. "Dr. Isaacs arranged for your blood samples, but before we can proceed, could you please fill in these forms so we can add you to our database?"

"Yes sure, thank you so much." Felicity takes the clipboard with the form and takes a seat.

It feels like an exam. History of her family, her past treatments, medication and her whole pedigree must be completed. When she's finally done she hands the forms back to the lady at reception and takes a seat next to Oliver again.

He entwines their fingers trying to calm the nerves for both of them. He just hopes that the blood tests come back with some answers. Not knowing is eating at him.

After a few minutes, Nurse Watson calls them to follow her and she leads them to one of the examination rooms. Felicity sits down on one of the seats in the corner and waits for them to take the blood.

"Mrs. Queen, I see you didn't indicate when your last period was." Nurse Watson states going through her form.

"It's because I have no idea." Felicity answers, earning a frown from the nurse. "I haven't kept record of my period since I started with my cancer treatment and I haven't had a period since then, so that's why I actually have no idea when my last period was or supposed to have been for that matter."

"Oh okay, I understand." the nurse replies and makes a few notes on Felicity's form.

"Is there something wrong? I mean, that's not normally the kind of question Dr. Isaacs asks me."

"No problem Mrs. Queen. It's just standard procedure especially with new patients and we want to be thorough since Dr. Isaacs is quite far away and we don't want you to have to come back again and throw a spanner in your honeymoon works you know?" the nurse explains and winks at Felicity to make sure she's at ease.

Sensing his wife's concern Oliver comes to her aid taking a stand behind her gently touching her shoulder. "Thank you Nurse Watson, we appreciate all you guys are doing for us." Oliver thanks her as she gets everything together to take Felicity's blood.

After the process Nurse Watson informs them that Dr. Isaacs will contact them within a week with the results. They then leave the hospital after thanking Nurse Watson and the rest of the hospital staff.

"Ready for the next part of our adventure Mrs. Queen?" Oliver asks as he starts the car to head back to the hotel.

"Yeah." she gives him a small smile and he immediately knows that nothing will be one hundred percent okay until they get the results back of those tests.


	48. Chapter 48

**CHAPTER 48**

"Oh Oliver! This is incredible!" Felicity exclaims when they enter the little Bed and Breakfast they will be staying at for the next two nights. "Are you saving the best for last on this trip honey?"

She looks out the window at the incredible view and then quickly adds, "not that any of the stuff we did before was any less amazing but Oliver! This view! This view is just so…."

"Incredible?" he teases hugging her from behind making her laugh.

"Yes, incredible!" she turns around and gives him a splendid smile. "But seriously, this is amazing and so so beautiful."

"Well I'm very happy you like it. I was kind of wondering if you'll like it. It's a very small town so we'll also have a chance to get to see where the locals hang out."

"Oh yay! That sounds great honey." she gives him a quick kiss and starts unpacking. "So do you think I can ask my question now?"

"It's your questions beautiful, you can ask it whenever you want." he winks pouring her an iced tea.

"Will there only be sharks when we do the shark cage diving?"

"The guide said that they normally see other wild life as well, but it all depends on what the weather is like."

"So are we going tomorrow?" she asks taking the iced tea from him.

"Nah ah!" he jokes, "one question a day."

"Fiiiiiine!" she relents, taking in the scenery sipping on her iced tea – at least for the moment not thinking about what's causing the gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

"This is quite a large group." Felicity observes standing in line.

"According to what I've learned this is still ' _red season_ ' here in South Africa. It will continue like this until their schools start for the new year." responds before the lady at the ticket office waves him closer, "good morning, Oliver Queen, two tickets?"

"Welcome to De Kelders Drip Caves Mr. Queen. Here are your tickets. I hope you enjoy your day with us."

He takes the tickets and thanks the lady, taking Felicity's hand and then joins the group for the tour.

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to De Kelders Drip Caves. My name is Lesego and I'll be your guide for today. The Drip Caves were formed at the contact of the Table Mountain sandstone and Bredasdorp limestone. The entrance to the cave is determined by the sea as that determines the water table. We'll be exploring five caves today. Please make sure to drink lots of water and make me aware if anyone might be feeling light headed. You're welcome to take photographs and to ask as many questions as you like, but most of all, please enjoy yourselves."

It sounds incredibly interesting, but the mention of light headedness makes Felicity a bit nervous. The last thing she needs on this trip is to pass out again.

"We'll take it as we go okay beautiful?" Oliver mentions, feeling the concern radiating off her body. "Remember our deal, you tell me immediately when you're not feeling well okay?"

"I promise." she smiles and squeezes his hand as they follow the group.

Lesego takes them through each of the caves giving them many interesting facts, like currently about a million litres of mineral water flows through the caves daily supplying the local area with drinking water.

The views inside the caves are magnificent. They take a million pictures but a picture just cannot describe the beauty they see with the naked eye.

They even take a few pictures inside the pools and surprisingly Felicity feels fine. Except for the nausea spell the morning no other strange symptoms intrude on their day which she is thankful for. Maybe the symptoms are easing up a bit? Maybe the news won't be as bad as she's preparing herself for?

The tour ends when high tide comes in, since the entrance of the caves are determined by the level of the sea and they head back to their B&B for some dinner on the terrace and then an early night, because tomorrow they will be diving with the sharks baby!

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

They take their time with breakfast since they are only booked for the lunch run. It takes some time for Felicity to feel better after a bit of a dizzy spell and the usual nausea. Even though she feels better, Oliver is still a bit worried about the nausea though. He's read a lot about people getting sea sick on these boats and while Felicity is already battling with it almost every morning and other random times, she might not enjoy anything about today's adventure if it hits her.

She started taking motion-sickness medication the night before as prescribed by the pharmacist in Durban and she takes another one before breakfast to make sure it gets into her blood stream well ahead of time. As a safety precaution she makes sure to pack a few extra bottles of iced water as well as a towel they can wet and some paper bags should the sea sickness rear its head. Once they are sure they have everything they need they head out to meet Marine Dynamics at the bay's dock.

The weather is perfect. There's a light breeze and the water is clear.

They meet the crew and their guide Kyla gives them a few safety instructions and pointers regarding what to expect before boarding the boat.

Even though it is the height of South African summer and heading towards the hottest time of the day, the wind on the open sea isn't a joke and Felicity quickly grabs her jacket to fight off the goose bumps forming all over her body.

They stand and watch as the crew gets out the bait and starts fitting the rest of the guests with their wet suits and masks for the cage diving.

The water is extremely calm and till now the lemon infused water is helping keeping the tinge of nausea at bay, which of course helps keep her husband breathing in the process. She takes another sip of her water when suddenly a pod of Bottlenose dolphins make their appearance. The sight nearly takes her breath away. She's only seen this sight on National Geographic Wild, so experiencing it first hand is something else.

After they watch the dolphins enjoy the calm waters, they are graced with some African penguins as well. She was quite surprised to see them though. Weren't penguins supposed to be in ice and snow? You learn something new every day.

Oliver gets a few nice shots of the dolphins playing, the penguins and some Cape fur seals joining the party not so long after.

They are on the boat for about an hour when they spot their first great white. They call him ' _Droopy_ '. It's a small male juvenile shark missing the top of his dorsal fin. He caused quite a show for the first few cages under water and some magnificent stunts above water too. After a while he disappeared into the deep unfortunately before their turn to go down in the cages.

While they were getting ready for their turn, several copper sharks joined them providing loads of entertainment for everyone on board. It takes quite a while before they are ready to go down and no sight of any other great whites. Now obviously seeing any shark in a cage should be frightening and makes her knees tremble, but after not seeing any great whites for a while she sort of makes peace with the fact that today wouldn't be her day to see a great white up close and personal.

Her heart starts to beat extremely fast stepping into the cage but Oliver taking her hand in his grounds her and she takes a big breath before they lower the cage into the water. The cool water covers her body and then she has to blink a few times. In the distance she spots a shadow and at first she thinks it's one of the copper sharks, but as the shadow comes closer the harder she squeezes Oliver's hand.

Just before the cage the shark turns and gives them an incredible view. It is a great white shark and she doesn't know if it is because she didn't see ' _Droopy_ ' right in front of her, but this shark is definitely bigger. Also, this shark isn't missing part of his dorsal fin and then it's confirmed – this is not ' _Droopy_ '.

She fears the shark can hear her loud thumping heart, but seeing this creature so incredibly close is exhilarating. She wants to reach out and touch him when he swims right next to the cage again, but she changes her mind last minute. She has no words to describe how full her heart is. She takes some time to turn to Oliver and he's mirroring exactly what she's feeling. If it isn't for the mask his smile would most probably go right around his head and she can't help but laugh.

They finally get out of the cage and the first thing they do after they get their masks off is hug. Her heart is still thumping at a million miles per second, but feeling her husband's arms around her gives her a sense of safety.

"Oh my gosh you two! You were so lucky today!" Kyla exclaims rushing towards them. "That shark you two saw we haven't seen in three months. We thought he retreated after Gansbaai was invaded by orca's preying on the great whites in this area."

"Oh wow really?!" Felicity exclaimed.

"Is he bigger than ' _Droopy_ '?" Oliver asks excited that he also saw what she saw.

"Yes, he's about 3.4 meters in length. We call him ' _Mini Nemo_ '. I'm so happy you guys got such an incredible view." Kyla says, shaking each of their hands. "You should come over to the stern, he's giving quite the show over there right now."

Kyla is right, ' _Mini Nemo_ ' is indeed a little show off, but it made for some stunning photos.

They don't have him around for much longer when the time of the trip comes to an end. On their way back to shore they are surprised with some seagulls, mullet and horse mackerel to end off a perfect trip.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

Not feeling like going home after the shark cage diving, they decide to have a cup of coffee and a piece of cake at De Seemans Taphuis, a local favourite little restaurant overlooking the bay.

It feels like they are surrounded by 360 degrees of beauty. Everywhere they look there are just so much incredible sights.

Just when their coffee arrives, she's ready to sink her teeth into the delicious piece of carrot cake on her plate when Oliver's phone pings. At first they both look at each other stunned, since no one knows Oliver's South African number except…..

 ** _Dr. Isaacs:_** _Hi Oliver, I'm sorry to bother you, but I have Felicity's results. We need to Skype urgently._


	49. Chapter 49

**CHAPTER 49**

The words knock the wind straight out of her sails. Every possible worst case scenario goes through her mind. Her eyes are fixated on that little word _'urgent'_ and her ears are ringing. She doesn't even notice Oliver trying to call her back to reality until he touches her cheek with his scorching hand.

She looks up into his eyes and she can see the exact same feelings displayed in those big blue pools. This time she has nothing to grab a hold of. Normally he's the calm one but right now, there's only fear revealed in his eyes.

They wordlessly pay the waitress for their untouched coffee and take the cake as a take away, not that she thinks she's even going to want to have any cake after Dr. Isaacs breaks the news, or maybe the cake is just the thing she will need to fulfil her desire for stress eating after this unwanted phone call.

Once they enter their room, Oliver sets up the dining room table and draws the curtains to make the room a bit darker for their Skype call while Felicity does her magic with the slow internet they have come to know on their visit here in South Africa.

They both take a seat and Felicity presses the green button to call with a very shaky hand, listening to the ringing sound as they wait for Dr. Isaacs to answer. Oliver drapes his arm around her shoulders as a sign of comfort, but she scoots closer to him so that his whole body almost covers her now. Whatever the news is, at least she knows they have each other.

"Hello you two!" Dr. Isaacs greets cheerfully once he answers the call and Felicity finds it hard to answer trying to find a rhythm in her breathing.

"Hello Dr. Isaacs." Oliver greets for the both of them. "We tried to phone as quickly as we could." he explains.

"No problem, the day has only started over here, so I had more than enough to keep me busy while waiting for you. I must apologise for my cryptic message, but as I stated, it is quite urgent."

"We understand. Please go ahead." Oliver once again answers when he sees Felicity's eyes solely transfixed on the older man's image on the screen.

"Well, as you know we did quite a few tests and I…."

"Dr. Isaacs?" Felicity interrupts him.

"Yes dear?" he patiently answers.

"I don't mean to sound rude and I'm sorry that I interrupted you, but could I please ask a favour."

"Anytime Felicity, what is it that you want to ask?"

"Could you please leave the explanations and options till later? I just want to know what's wrong….I need to get that out in the open so I can breathe and know exactly what I'm dealing with. So please Doctor? Can you do that for me?" she nearly pleads, her eyes filled with tears and it almost breaks the older man's heart.

"Of course Felicity." he softly says in a way comforting to the young woman looking back at him. He takes out his papers, runs through a few things with this finger and looks back at them. "Felicity, I am very grateful to say that what you have been experiencing my dear is not the return of cancer. You are fully in remission and I have all the tests to prove it. I have checked and double checked and then checked again, so you can trust me when I say, you are clean."

She gasps for air as the news hits her hears. The tears building up earlier spill over the rims of her eyes without any apology. She sighs in relief and then looks to Oliver who is looking at her with so much joy. He brings her in for a hug and places soft kisses against her head and her temple and when she finally breaks the hug he kisses her on the lips. She can feel the relief in his body as well.

They sit back in their chairs again, apologising for the public display of affection while Dr. Isaacs smiles at them, but then she realises that she still has symptoms and Dr. Isaacs said he wanted to speak to them **_urgently_.** So if it isn't cancer, what on earth could be that urgent, that he couldn't wait four more days with the results?

"While this is incredible news, I can't help but think that you are about to burst our bubble. If this wasn't cancer, why am I experiencing these symptoms?"

Oliver slides closer to her again, feeling the same kind of nerves she is. Can things not just be easy for them for a change?

"I know you've been sending me your reports on the nausea and the dizzy spells, but may I ask, have you been experiencing any other symptoms?"

"I'm not entirely sure if it's a symptom, but lately I've been feeling very emotional and tired. Oliver says that he thinks it's because wondering what's going on with me might be wearing me down. Also I've been having mild cramps, almost like menstrual cramps, but I think that's because my body might finally be going back to normal and is getting ready for my period?"

"Anything else?" he asks when he sees her chew on her lower lip.

"I don't think it's a symptom, because have you seen my husband? I mean of course you've seen my husband he's next to me on your screen and you must probably never have looked at him the way I do, but oh my gosh! When I look at him it drives me crazy! It could be that he's just so incredibly hot or it's because we're on honeymoon, but I just want to have sex…. .time!"

When she realises what her mouth just spout out she looks over at Oliver and the man is actually blushing. She immediately takes that as an indicator that she shared way more than she should have. It's like someone waves a magic wand because within seconds she's as red as a lobster. Her cheeks are actually burning from the blush and all she wants to do is slide underneath the dining room table and disappear.

She hears a small chuckle from Dr. Isaacs, "I'm sure it's a very natural and healthy thing Felicity."

"Kill me now." she mumbles sliding down her chair a little covering her face with her hands. She doesn't care if he can still see her, as long as she doesn't need to see him.

"Believe me Felicity, all of these are symptoms in some or other way and explains your condition."

"My condition? Do I have another condition?" she asks worriedly.

"Yes, in a matter of speaking….when we received your blood test results there was a bit of an anomaly with your hormone levels. I had it checked and it seems that your body is producing much more progesterone than it should normally." Dr. Isaacs explains.

She looks at the older man and her mind has already figured out the mystery, but her brain keeps telling her that she's out of her mind – there's no way she could be right, so she waits for him to actually say it out loud.

"Yes Felicity….you're pregnant."

It is out in the open. The words have been spoken and she almost feels like she's on Survivor and they have just put out her torch.

"I? Wha? Pre? How? Huh?" comes out all at once as she tries to figure out how this could all be possible.

She takes a look at Oliver next to her and her husband's face has gone as white as a ghost. He stares at the screen without any word, almost looking like a goldfish moving his lips but without any sound. He reaches for a bottle of water and nearly downs it in one go.

Yup….shock has set in in the Queen household….the _urgent_ : definitely **_not_** what they expected.

She finally manages to clear her throat and look at Dr. Isaacs on the screen without wanting to pull her hair out because of all the questions. "How? How is this even possible?"

"I realise this is a shock for you two. I must say that this is also the absolute last thing I expected when your test results came back, bu…."

"And you're sure." Oliver states drily, there's absolutely no question in his voice.

"Weeeeell….let's say about 98 percent sure."

When both Oliver and Felicity look up with tons of question marks in their eyes, Dr. Isaacs knows he will have to elaborate on his answer.

"Okay, I'm going to explain to you exactly what we found then you can understand why I've given you the answer I have….when I saw your progesterone levels, I first thought it might be something else, it might be a delayed reaction to your medication as we had before since the medication can have an effect on hormones too. You haven't been the most straight forward case, so anything was possible. Then as I worked through all the tests the Kingsway Clinic did, I saw that they did a routine pregnancy test. The Nurse made a note that you didn't know when your last period was, and although I knew the reason for that I was very happy they did the test, because it clearly showed a positive for pregnancy."

"Wow!" Felicity whispers as she shakes her head in disbelief. "This is just….I'm sorry Dr. Isaacs, I just….I just don't have the words right now." she apologises to Dr. Isaacs who assures her that he completely understands her reaction.

Finally Oliver regains his voice, "do you know how far along the pregnancy is?"

"I can't give a specific prediction just from the test results, but I **_can_** say however that Felicity's more than four weeks along."

"I know this is a lot for you two to take in, so I'm going to finish up this conversation so you two can talk. Felicity, from what I've seen on your itinerary that Oliver gave me, is that you will be leaving Gansbaai tomorrow. I will send you the number of a close friend of mine who is a Fertility Specialist at the Panorama Medi-Clinic in Cape Town. His name is Dr. David Slabbert and I've told him about your unique situation. He's willing to see you tomorrow in between his other patients so we can be hundred percent sure about this pregnancy and rule out any false positives. He's expecting your call, so will you be willing to go and see him?"

Felicity looks to Oliver for some guidance and Oliver immediately answers, "Yes, this is important and I think the sooner we can establish exactly what's going on, we will all breathe a little easier. Thank you Dr. Isaacs."

"I will send the number to your phone then you can give him a call." he responds and then smiles, "I know you didn't expect this, but this is a miracle Felicity. You've been my miracle patient all this time and I'm so happy for the two of you."

"Thank you Doctor….for everything." she can feel the tears sting at the back of her eyes and her throat close as reality starts to set in.

They end their conversation with Dr. Isaacs and once the lid of the laptop is closed they stare at each other in complete silence for what feels like forever. Neither one knows how to put into words what just happened or how they are feeling. Neither one knows how to begin this conversation; both are still in a state of shock.

Oliver finally gets up from his chair, "I uhm…I'm going to make some coffee…can you…can you even drink coffee?" he shakes his head looking at Felicity, realising exactly what his words are implying and then he bursts out laughing. He knows this isn't a laughing matter, but he's almost hysterical as he laughs and laughs and he just cannot stop, feeling the built up stress leave his body.

Felicity catches on real quick, getting up to hug him and there the two of them stand in the middle of their room in the B&B laughing at the top of their lungs. Eventually Felicity's laugh triggers the stinging tears sitting shallow in her eyes. The tears have now joined in the fun. No tears of sadness about the news this time…this time her heart is filled with joy and happiness…the kind she never thought she would have a chance to experience.


	50. Chapter 50

**CHAPTER 50**

It's a silent drive from their villa in Camps Bay to the hospital in Panorama. The sound of the GPS barking orders at Oliver on how to drive is drowned out by her very loud thoughts. Her nerves causes a dip in her stomach, making her instantly nauseous and this time she's sure it's not the baby…or prospective baby…

What if she's not really pregnant? What if there's something else wrong with her? Those questions keep swimming around in her mind and even though they decided not to get excited or jump the gun until today's appointment, she just can't help it. How do you not get excited about something you want, something you never thought you'd have? It's just near impossible and she knows even though Oliver means well and he tries to keep **_her_** calm, he's dealing with the same insecurities.

All she wants now is the truth. She needs to know for real and she thinks that might be the reason why Oliver also didn't hesitate on the earliest possible appointment with Dr. Slabbert. They won't be able to enjoy the rest of their trip with the uncertainty hanging over their heads.

Oliver parks the car in the closest parking bay and runs around to open the passenger door for his wife. Once he is sure everything is locked, he takes her hand, gently brushing her fingers with his thumb as they proceed to Dr. Slabbert's room.

The receptionist is very friendly and professional, handing Felicity yet another form to complete. If it **_does_** turn out she's pregnant she should probably get used to filling out all these forms.

"Good afternoon, my name is Sister Desireè. I'm the nurse on call here at Dr. Slabbert's rooms today. He's requested me to take a blood sample from you Mrs. Queen. He said he discussed this with you over the phone yesterday?"

"Good afternoon, yes he did. Where do you need me to go?" Felicity enquires.

"Wonderful. Could you please follow me Mrs. Queen, it will be quick, I promise."

Once the blood sample has been taken Felicity joins Oliver again in the waiting room, patiently awaiting the good doctor.

After sitting for a while a tall, dark haired man comes out to meet them. He must be in his mid fourties and she wonders how exactly he and Dr. Isaacs know each other. He introduces himself as Dr. Slabbert and invites them into his office, indicating to them to each take a seat on the opposite side of his desk.

"Dr. Slabbert, we are so thankful that you are willing to see us on short notice." Oliver immediately starts the conversation.

"It's my pleasure Mr. Queen. Dr. Isaacs is a dear friend and colleague and I'll do anything to help him. It seems that your situation though is one for the medical books Mrs. Queen. I've been quite intrigued by everything you've experienced and still experiencing for that matter. You're definitely an anomaly in the medical community."

Felicity doesn't answer, only giving him a knowing smile and nod. Right now she can't really trust herself to say anything that won't make her sound like an emotional wreck.

"I can imagine you must be very anxious to see if the tests were positive. I'm going to be running a few tests of my own, so would you mind giving me a urine sample as well Mrs. Queen? We would like to rule out any possibilities of chemical pregnancies, ectopic pregnancies and the like that might give a false positive."

"Okay, I can do that, yes….yes." she acknowledges but then a frown forms, "Apologies Doctor, but won't you be able to do an ultrasound too?" she asks.

"I am going to do an ultrasound yes, but because we're not sure about the exact amount of weeks you might be pregnant, I want to make sure of everything before we do the sonar. With most pregnancies you won't be able to see the gestational sac before at least the fifth week, so if it's too early, an ultrasound may also not be able to establish a positive pregnancy."

"Oh, I understand." Felicity accepts and follows Dr. Slabbert to his examination room.

"The rest room is right through that door Mrs. Queen. Once you're done, please knock on the door on the other side of the room and Sister Desireè will come and collect it from you. You can then get dressed in one of the gowns in the closet and make yourself comfortable on the bed. Your husband and I will join you once you're ready for us.

Felicity thanks the Doctor and proceeds to do as he instructed. Once she's dressed and ready on the bed she waits a while before Dr. Slabbert knocks on the door asking permission to enter.

Oliver takes his position on her left while Dr. Slabbert starts prepping his high tech instruments for the ultrasound. From what she's seen on TV, during an ultrasound everyone has to try and figure out what's going on on this small little screen on the ultrasound machine, but not with this Doctor. He's got a huge flat screen TV mounted against the wall and everything is a hundred times bigger than on the little screen next to her.

As they wait there's a knock on the door and Sister Desireè enters with what looks like test results. Dr. Slabbert quickly goes through them and then turns to face her and Oliver.

"Your HCG levels have gone up significantly, which gives us another positive for pregnancy. This has now been confirmed by your urine sample as well as your blood test. According to these levels you are definitely more than four weeks Mrs. Queen, so I'm going to do an ultrasound now so we can get a little more information."

Both Oliver and Felicity nod and Felicity seeks out Oliver's hand for support as Dr. Slabbert covers the ultrasound wand with a condom.

"Are you ready Mrs. Queen?"

"Yeah."

Once Dr. Slabbert is satisfied that he has entered the wand deep enough he starts moving it around inside Felicity making notes on the ultrasound machine.

"Alright, there are no problems and no embryos attached to your ovaries Mrs. Queen, so this is not an ectopic pregnancy. As you can see here…." he highlights a small little dot on the screen which they can see clearly on the big screen against the wall, "this is your womb and that area there is the gestational sac." he continues to explain. "Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Queen, you're going to be parents." he finally announces.

"Oh wow! This is….oh wow!" Oliver says, kissing Felicity on the top of her head.

"We're going to be parents Oliver." Felicity softly cries, not taking her eyes off the image in front of her for a second. "This is so amazing." she tries to take the reality in, but it feels completely unreal.

"Do we know how far along my wife is Doctor or is it still too early to determine?"

"It is a bit tricky, especially since we don't know when she was supposed to have her last menstrual cycle, but from the HCG levels from the blood test and the measurement of the sac, I would say she's about seven weeks pregnant."

Felicity sits and tries to do the math, thinking back when they did all the specifics in Sex-Ed and it sounds more or less correct, dating back to their wedding night as a possible day of conception.

"You will be able to get a more accurate reading a little further along your pregnancy when your OB-GYN will be able to measure the baby, but I think this is more or less an indication to help you plan." he continues to explain.

"Thank you Doctor. This is incredible! Thank you so much." Felicity says, soft tears framing her face.

"It's an honour Mrs. Queen. You can get dressed now and then you can join us in my office so we can discuss a few things."

Her mind is completely overwhelmed. She's going to be a mother. She's going to have a family with the love of her life. Her life hasn't been easy, but meeting Oliver, having this little miracle has made every trial she's had to endure worth it.

She joins Oliver and Dr. Slabbert back in his office and he hands her a prescription for vitamins she should start taking immediately.

"Before you go, there is another issue we should discuss about the pregnancy. While I am very excited and overjoyed for both of you, your pregnancy falls in the high risk pregnancy criteria." he explains, "Your body has taken some hard knocks this last year and although you are currently in remission, your body is still adjusting. It also takes a while for the medication that you were on to get out of your system and your body to start functioning normally."

"Now, I have spoken to Dr. Isaacs about this and he agrees that we should treat the pregnancy as high risk, especially in the first trimester since there are a lot of things that could go wrong. After the first trimester you can discuss it with your OB-GYN and Dr. Isaacs and then you can decide the way forward."

"I understand Dr. Slabbert and I think both myself and Oliver will want to do everything to ensure the success of this pregnancy." Oliver nods in agreement. "What will we have to do though?"

"To start with, you will have to take things very easy. I know you are on your honeymoon and I'm not sure what your husband has planned for the rest of your time here in South Africa, but I would suggest nothing very active. Walking is fine, but moderately please."

"Done." Oliver announces. "What else?"

"Here is a list of foods you should steer clear of. You can drink coffee but not more than two cups a day. It is preferred that you rather drink decaf, but it's your preference."

Felicity takes the list and goes through some of the items, nodding as she reads.

"Then this is going to be a bummer for you newlyweds. Although sex isn't a problem in normal pregnancies, it is a problem in high risk pregnancies because your uterus contracts during an orgasm, so unfortunately you will have to refrain from intercourse for at least the first trimester."

She's not sure who is more shocked by his words, but they both keep a straight face.

"After how many weeks does the first trimester end?" she asks inquisitively.

"After week twelve."

They both nod in understanding, then conclude their appointment, once again thanking Dr. Slabbert for his time and leave the rooms to head to the hospital pharmacy for Felicity's prescription.

Oliver once again opens the passenger car door for Felicity and gets in on the driver's side. He turns the key in the ignition but he doesn't move.

"I still can't believe we're going to be parents." he says ever so softly.

"Yeah." Felicity turns to him and takes his hands in hers. "Are you okay with this? I know it's fast and there are so many things that will be changing and now our honeymoon is ruined." she continues to babble when he stops her with a kiss.

"Beautiful….this is a miracle and being able to experience this with you is the second best thing that's ever happened me. Nothing can ruin this honeymoon. This just about made this honeymoon for me."

"Second best thing?"

He huffs out a laugh, "that's all you got from all I just said?"

"Well it kinda stood out."

He laughs again at the seriousness displayed all over his wife's face. "Yes, the second best thing. The best thing that's ever happened to me is you and that will be truth until the day I die."

"Oh Oliver," she cups his face and kisses him sweetly, tears falling not long after. "Hormones." she whispers when he wipes them away with his thumb.

"I have everything I will ever need as long as I have you. Kids are a bonus my love, but you, you're my first prize Felicity."

"I love you."

"I love you too Beautiful….and guess what?"

She looks confused at his question.

"All ten items on your ' _bucket list_ ' are now checked off."

And it's true – now she can leave a legacy, because she's going to be a mom!


	51. Chapter 51

**CHAPTER 51**

The upside about finding out the news about Felicity's pregnancy when they did, is that it falls perfectly in the 'relaxing portion' of their honeymoon. He knew they would be busy for the first two weeks away and made sure that the last week would be all leisure and chill so they could recuperate from all the adventures before they head back home. Little did he know when he planned this last part of their trip that Felicity had to keep physical activity to a minimum.

The downside about this part of their trip is that the plans he had for them have now flown out the window, because sex was out of the question until after Felicity's first trimester.

Their villa has the most amazing view of Camps Bay and the ocean. Waking up every morning to the blonde curls spread all over his pillow on the one side and the ocean on the other side, he sometimes wishes they could just stay in their little bubble, but he knows that reality is waiting on the other side of the equator. It's not that he doesn't want to go back home, he's just really enjoyed having his wife all to himself these last couple of weeks, but there are lots of new adventures awaiting them once they get back home and that at least soothes the disappointment of having to leave their little piece of heaven soon.

He sighs staring at the view of the ocean from their villa and takes a dive into the swimming pool. Swimming laps these last couple of days has become his way of easing some of the pent up sexual tension. His initial idea of the swimming pool when he first planned his honeymoon was definitely not exercise, at least not in the literal sense, but right now the swimming pool has become his saviour.

After what has become his normal routine he takes a break, leaning his arms on the outer rim of the pool, enjoying the view. He left Felicity inside the villa, snuggled under a blanket, in the middle of the South African summer, taking a nap. He should probably get used to not understanding hormones now already since it's only the beginning and from what he's heard, it only gets worse.

He shakes his head thinking about his wife. He's really thankful for her and he can only imagine that this must be hard on her too. At least they haven't been locked up in the villa the whole time.

They went up to Table Mountain at sunset. At first the cable car ride proved to be a bit much for Felicity which made him wonder yet again how on earth she did skydiving with such ease. The view from the top of the mountain, overlooking the Cape Peninsula and the twinkling lights of the mother city below was a sight to behold. He can definitely understand why Table Mountain is listed as one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

Sticking to at least one activity a day to minimise Felicity's physical activity, they also visited the Victoria & Alfred Waterfront and some other places like Hout Bay and Chapmans Peak. This plan at least made it easier for Felicity to nap as often as her body needed and also didn't add to any pressure should the morning sickness last the whole day.

He hears the water stir and swiftly turns around only to find his wife carefully enter the cool blue water. He gulps at the sight of her. Her one piece swim suit takes his breath away, but then again, his wife can wear a garbage bag and she will still take his breath away.

"I thought I'd join you." she smiles dipping her body a little deeper to get used to the temperature of the water.

"You're welcome to any time. How are you feeling?" he tries to make small talk staying in his corner. This is a bad idea, her being in the water is not helping his situation at all.

"Much better thank you. Thank you for being so patient with me. I know this is a lot for you to handle and adapt to as well."

She moves closer to his position and his heartbeat starts to speed up.

"Nice swim suit." he finally says, trying to hide the strain in his voice, "is it new?"

She finally reaches him and links her arms around his neck giving him a little peck on the cheek.

"Yes, I bought a few new things before our honeymoon. I thought this one is a bit more on the safe side you know, seeing as I'm trying my best not to…you know…seduce you and all with our current situation."

He swallows thickly, knowing that however pure her intentions it's definitely not working.

"Mmmhmmm." is all he manages, his voice high pitched as he tries to keep control.

She doesn't break contact, but turns her body in such a manner so she can see the view he's been admiring the last view minutes.

"It's really beautiful here." she acknowledges, "Don't you ever think how nice it would be to just be on holiday forever?"

He gives a soft chuckle, "yes, actually I have, but I'm afraid you would not survive being on holiday forever. You will drive me nuts."

She looks shocked at his revelation, "Felicity you can't sit still. Even with this week where we're supposed to do as little as possible you want to move, so I'm afraid my dear wonderful wife that you'll get bored very quickly."

"Oh really?" she grins mischievously and starts tickling him. He enjoys the laughter they share but it doesn't take long before he has her arms locked in his grip and then his resolve slips.

Within seconds his lips are on hers, completely devouring her mouth. Felicity doesn't need a second invitation as she wraps her legs around his waist pushing his back against the corner of the swimming pool. His hands roam down to her sides, feeling the exposed flesh not covered by her swim suit and she mewls into his mouth at the contact of his fingers against her skin.

The kisses continue heating up, the built up tension seeking release as they continue to touch, bite and delight in the feel of each other. Oliver's hands move down to her butt gripping her firmly. She pushes herself up against him and when he feels her moving her hips and moaning into his mouth again, reality hits him like a pile of rocks. What are they doing?!

His brain is shouting at him to stop, where everything else is in the moment and wants nothing to do with logic. He moves one hand up her body feeling her exposed skin again, near to her stomach and he knows he has to stop. This is not about not wanting his wife, this is about the safety of his wife **_and_** child, and if Felicity's hormones are in overdrive **_he_** has to be the one thinking clearly now, even if it's damn near impossible.

He grips her hips and stops her movement, gradually slowing and then stopping the kissing. It takes all of his strength to stop. Once he opens his eyes to look at Felicity, he can see the shear disappointment on her face. He brings his hands to frame her face.

"We can't do this." he says softly looking straight into her eyes.

She sighs, breaking eye contact, "I know."

He pulls her head up again so he can make sure they are connected when he speaks, "Beautiful, you know that I love you and that right now it's taking all of my will power not to take you right here in this pool, but we have a little baby to think about now. So I need you to understand right now that me stopping is not about you. I think you're the sexiest woman to ever roam the earth, but for your sake and our child's….we need to do what the doctor said…." he closes his eyes, desperately trying to make himself feel better too, "doesn't matter how hard it is."

"But you seem to have handled this very well?" she suddenly confesses.

He gives a nervous laugh, "I'm happy it's come over that way. These last few days have been hell Felicity."

She blushes as he continues. "Seeing you in only a towel after your shower, lying in our bed with you snuggled up against me, being around you the whole time, smelling your scent and not being able to do anything that I planned for this week has been a very different kind of hell Felicity I assure you."

"But? How did you manage to stay so calm?"

"How many times have you seen me swim in a day?"

"Two maybe three times…." then it dawns on her and her mouth forms the familiar little _'o'_.

"Mmmhmmm." is all he answers shaking his head in acknowledgement to her revelation.

"Oh wow honey, I'm so sorry it's been this hard for you." she sighs, "what are we going to do to survive these last few days?"

"I would say join me in the pool, but I think that will be the worst idea in the history of bad ideas, seeing that the pool with you in it makes things even worse. So how about we take a walk on the beach every afternoon for the rest of the week huh? That way we both get exercise and at least the activity isn't too strenuous for you. What do you think?"

"Sounds like a good idea." she smiles and turns to get out of the pool. Once she's covered in her towel she turns to Oliver still firmly stationed in the corner of the pool not moving an inch, but staring at her like she's lunch. "Oliver? Are you getting out?"

"In a minute...I think I need a few extra laps."

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

They walk on the beach every afternoon as decided and it seems to help. Oliver still makes sure he gets his laps in at least two to three times a day, but after their little incident, things are much better to handle. They are more careful to not place each other in compromising positions.

Sitting on what they have dubbed their ' _Olicity bench_ ' they admire the sunset and the serenity of their last day in Camps Bay. Their honeymoon has come to an end and they both feel it fitting to spend their last few moments in a place that they have come to find peace and happiness.

Although it's not holiday time in South Africa anymore, the buzz of activity on the beach, people walking their dogs, joggers, kids playing in the sand, while their parents sit and take in the peace of the rolling waves, makes it feel like a constant holiday atmosphere.

"I can't believe we're leaving tomorrow." she comments staring out over the water.

"Yes, time sure went by fast. I hope at least that this was a trip to remember?"

She turns to him with excitement splashed all over her face, "Oh Oliver! This has been the most wonderful experience of my life. It was truly a dream come true and an amazing start to our journey together as husband and wife. I love you so much. I don't have words to describe how happy you make me."

He leans forward and kisses her. It's chaste but it's filled with promise and gratefulness.

"I love you too." he whispers against her mouth and presses his forehead against hers, just taking in the quietness of the moment.

"You know what I want to do for our last night?"

He doesn't answer, waiting for her to reveal her plans first before he says anything.

"I want to do a pregnancy announcement."

"Felicity, I thought we said we're going to wait until we get the all clear after twelve weeks?" he answers confused.

"No, not a public announcement. I want to write something on the sand as an announcement that we can use when we formally announce. That way we know that that picture carries incredible significance and it represents the place we found out about our little miracle." she explains.

"Okay! Let's do it." he answers enthusiastically and jumps up, "I'll go and get us a stick or something to write with in the sand. Why don't you find a nice spot where we can write?"

She nods and moves closer to the water where it's easier to write.

Once Oliver joins her, they write **_'O + F + ?'_** and covers it with a heart.

"Are you happy?" he enquires.

"Yes, very." she gives him a beaming smile as he takes out his phone to take a picture of what will become their actual pregnancy announcement.

He drapes his arm over her shoulders and draws her closer to him so she can rest her head on his shoulder. They stand and stare at the scribble in the sand for quite a while and he places the softest kiss on her head.

"Thank you." she says breaking the silence.

"For what?" he asks inquisitively.

She turns to face him, "for giving me a family. For making my dreams come true."

"You never have to thank me beautiful. You changed my life for the better Felicity, I'm the one who should say thank you."

He covers her body with his arms as the takes a step in front of him leaning her body against his chest. His one hand finds its place on her flat stomach, knowing their little legacy is growing inside mommy, his wife, his Felicity. Tomorrow they will leave South Africa and embark on their new journey as parents.


	52. Chapter 52

**CHAPTER 52**

"How do you expect me to keep the pregnancy a secret when I'm working from home every day Oliver?"

She applies the rest of her mascara looking at him in her mirror while he's sitting on their bed. She's clearly frustrated with him and she's not even trying to hide it.

"I have a job, just in case you forgot. Everyone at QC knows I'm in remission thanks to your mother who was just **_so_** eager to announce it to everyone, so how would you like me to explain that I'm working from home?"

"Felicity, I'm just trying to help yo…"

"Well you're not! You're making it worse and you're making me feel like I have to choose between my child and my career and I'm telling you Oliver, I'm not doing it. You hear me? I'm not!"

She finally turns to him, tears streaming down her face forming a black line from the freshly applied mascara and it breaks his heart. She had one of the worst spells of morning sickness right from the moment she opened her eyes this morning and all he's been trying to do is make it easier for her by suggesting to work from home. He knows her hormones are in overdrive, so he normally just waits out the tongue lashing and once she feels better they can calmly discuss the situation.

He gets up from the bed and wraps his arms around his crying wife, as she sobs into his chest. "Shh, it's going to be alright Beautiful. We'll figure this out okay?" he rubs calming circles on her back until she's calmed down a bit.

"I'm sorry. I know you're only trying to help and I'm being all bitchy here." he nods as she continues to explain herself, "I'm just so frustrated with the whole thing. I would love to work from home when I'm not feeling well, but I don't know what excuse to give without anyone starting rumours that I'm having an affair or something stupid when they have no idea what's really going on with me."

"Hey," he softly frames her face with his hands so she can look at him, "I know this is hard and I'm sorry if I'm making this worse, this is just…all really new to me too and you've always been my first priority Felicity, so me wanting you to stay isn't because I want you to choose anything, it's me trying to protect you…you know since I'm the husband and all." he jokes and at least it earns him a small smile from her.

"Why don't we sit down a while huh?" he leads her over to their bed and makes her comfortable against the propped up pillows against the headboard. He hands her a glass of lemon infused water, which is all that remotely helps to fend off the nausea and makes sure she's comfortable tracing small patters on her knee with this finger, before he starts speaking again.

"What about we come up with a plan to at least get you to a place where you feel comfortable to stay home to work or even come home earlier? Do you think we can maybe try to figure something out?"

She nods in agreement, her eyes still filled with unshed tears.

"Okay, I know we said that we weren't going to tell anyone about the pregnancy before we get the all clear after twelve weeks, but what if we told only one person?"

She looks at him questioningly not even trying to hide the frown forming on her forehead. "Please just don't say your mom." she immediately answers.

He's quite shocked at her response and then she tries to backpedal, "it's not that I don't love your mom, that's not what this is about. I just…if we tell your mom first then my mom…"

He places his hand over hers and stops her before she runs into a direction she can't get out of. "I wasn't going to suggest my mom, but I'm so happy about you being thrilled to tell her she's going to become a grandmother." he tightly closes his eyes after the words leave his mouth, fully aware that sarcasm is definitely not going to make her mood any better.

He sighs out loud, wiping is face with both hands and takes a deep breath. "Sorry, that was uncalled for." he apologises and she looks just like a kicked puppy looking back at him. Damn these hormones!

"I was going to suggest Curtis." He reveals.

"Curtis?!" she yells in complete confusion. "Why Curtis? He's not even family Oliver!"

"Felicity." he warns and she immediately stops talking.

"Sorry, go ahead." she waves her hand for him to continue.

"Curtis might not be family but he's a very close friend. He looked after you while you were sick and he's an excellent secret keeper. You were able to confide in him about the cancer diagnosis and he supported you by not telling anyone. He is the perfect person to cover for you when you're feeling sick and need to stay home or go home earlier. And didn't you tell me he was working with you on that new Star Labs project?"

Felicity chews her bottom lip, weighing out the validity of the information Oliver just gave.

"You're right. Curtis is the best person and he'll be very supportive too. So let's go with your plan then."

He smiles. He's extremely relieved. Arguing with a genius is really hard work.

"Okay, I really have to go now. I have that meeting with the board in an hour, so I can't stay in bed any longer."

Oliver doesn't argue, he helps her up from the bed and heads down stairs while she finishes getting ready.

When she reaches the bottom of the stairs, ready to leave for work he hands her a small cooler bag.

"What's this?" she asks amused.

"I packed you a few snacks, some iced lemon infused water bottles and a healthy lunch."

She wraps her arms around his neck giving him a soft kiss. "Thank you for always wanting the best for me and taking care of me and _Legacy_."

He responds with a smile and looks down shyly. "I love you." she whispers and he looks up into her eyes again. "I love you too beautiful."

She takes her purse and cooler bag and heads for the door.

"Felicity," he calls from the spot she left him, "I know you're strong and you're capable of amazing things, but Beautiful, please don't overdo it?" he pleads.

"I promise." she brightly smiles and leaves for QC.

XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX

"That felt more like an interrogation than a board meeting." Curtis announces stepping into Felicity's office once he closes the door.

"Tell me about it." she plops down in her chair behind her desk feeling worn out after an hour of trying to make people understand that you have to spend money in order to make money. "How do they expect us to continue with this project if they don't give us the funding for it? Are they crazy?!"

"Was that a rhetorical question because I would love to answer?" Curtis replies rolling his eyes as he takes a seat on the opposite side of Felicity's desk.

"Anyway, we'll have to go through the budget again and see where we can cut more costs, because I don't see how they're going to budge with this one. It's not like I really need this right now." she continues to speak taking out one of the iced bottles of water from the mini fridge in her office.

She presses the cold bottle against her face and her chest, seeking a bit of relief from the tinge of nausea that's never left since she woke up this morning.

"Are you okay?" Curtis asks concerned when she sits back down in her chair thirstily drinking from the bottle.

She puts back the cap on the bottle placing it on a coaster on her desk, folds her arms and looks at her friend and colleague worriedly staring back at her from the opposite side of her desk.

"Well Curtis, to be perfectly honest, yes and no."

His confused expression makes her realise that she shouldn't stretch this conversation out. The last time he asked her if she was okay, she told him she had cancer, no doubt those thoughts are probably swarming back into his mind.

"It's nothing bad okay, so you can breathe." she explains and he relaxes a little. "There's something I need to tell you, but first you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone about this. Not anyone Curtis, you hear me? Anyone."

"Yes, yes, sure I promise."

"I'm pregnant."

At first he looks like he thinks she's making a joke but when her face remains serious, it dawns on him that she's telling the truth and he jumps up from his seat screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Are you serious!" he yells, "This is incredible!"

"Curtis!" she whisper yells back for him to calm down before the whole of QC including her mother in law knows about the news. "Shut up, will you?!"

He calms down a little realising how loud he was, "what part of don't tell anyone about this did you **_not_** understand?" she grits her teeth scolding him.

"Oh yeah, sorry Felicity, but this is just…wow!" he sits back down in his seat. "Does Oliver know?"

"Yes he knows and yes it's a miracle really. We found out while we were on honeymoon. But I'm serious Curtis, you can't tell anyone. We haven't even told our families yet."

"So I'm the first one who knows?" he asks smiling from ear to ear.

"Yes, apart from me and Oliver and the doctors." she explains. "Look Curtis, my pregnancy is deemed high risk okay and we don't want to formally announce until after the first trimester."

"High risk?"

"Yes. Because my body is in remission and I had extensive treatment right before the pregnancy the doctor just wants to monitor me closely, but obviously there are certain things that I have to do to make sure that I don't put the baby in jeopardy."

"I understand."

"Now, that's where you come in. I need someone to be able to cover for me if I'm not feeling well and need to leave earlier or come in later or decide to work from home. The morning sickness especially is really bad and sometimes my body just doesn't want to co-operate."

"Why not tell your mother in law? I mean, I'm honoured you chose me, but don't you think she'll be able to pull more strings than I can?"

"Curtis, I love Moira and I appreciate everything she's done for me, but right now I love being in this bubble where it's just me, the baby and Oliver you know? Once the news is out, there will probably be a hundred people giving me advise on what to do and what not to do and I'm just not ready to face that right now….We chose you because we know we can trust you and because you are my friend."

His smile is blinding. "In that case, it will be my pleasure momma Queen."

She immediately frowns, "don't call me that. It's bad enough that you call your own mother that and besides momma Queen is Moira not me."

"Fine." he relents, "I'll work on another nick name then."

"That's great Curtis thank you." she says waiting for him to move, but he's deep in thought still plastered on the chair on the opposite side of her desk.

"Uhm Curtis?"

"Yeah?"

"While you're working on that nickname…can you maybe do it while organising a budget for the project please?"

"Hormones?"

"Don't push it." she warns while he reluctantly and very cautiously leaves her office to do as she instructed.

She gives a small chuckle when he closes the door and gently rubs her flat stomach. "Well _Legacy_ , I wonder if your Uncle Curtis has just bitten off more than he can chew."


End file.
